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View Full Version : WE DON'T HAVE IT! (voicemail rant)


MystyGlyttyr
09-15-2006, 02:37 PM
The newspaper I work at is apparently an anomoly among businesses. That is because of the simple fact that we do not have voice mail.

Now, this isn't as insane as it initially sounds. We're THE major paper in our area and our readership spans an area with four different states. We regularly get stories pulled by the Associated Press and our photography department wins awards on what seems like a weekly basis. That being said, we are a (IMO, as a conservative libertarian, but that's a debate for another day) somewhat liberally biased paper located in the Bible belt. Not in the stories themselves so much, fortunately, but it clearly comes through on the opinion page. So naturally, we are CONSTANTLY being called and hounded and screamed at for the opinion articles.

Another fun bit is that we have at least one alleged cult (I covered my ass) in the area and they tend to respond negatively to ANYTHING we print that isn't "CURSED BE THY SINNERS DROWN THINESELVES IN BLOOD" or whatever it is they believe.

Also: Whenever the reporters write ANY kind of negative story regarding any politician (and I'm talking anything...if we mention in sentence ten of paragraph six on page 14C that the guy once jaywalked), then his/her camp goes mental and calls constantly.

And there's always the fun times of the "letters to the editor" page. This is a rant for a later day.

And then you factor in the rest of day-to-day minutae of life at the newspaper...people calling in leads, getting appointments for interviews, informing us the north end of the city is on fire, trying to convince us to write a front-page story about their son who's leaving for Iraq (now, I rabidly support the troops, lady, but your son is one of 20 people getting on that plane to go JUST FROM THIS CITY, so he's just not that special), etc. And the usual dim-witted calls of "Ummm...do you know what date America was founded?" (Yes, but I'm not telling you. Call the library or better yet, go back to school!)

All that adds up to a CRAPLOAD of calls during the day. There's about 20 reporters, clerks and secretaries in the newsroom to handle phone calls from an area of around 100,000 people. And having discussed the largest plans available with our sinkhole of a local phone company, there isn't a voicemail box they can offer us that wouldn't be full within twenty minutes. Financially, it would make no sense for us to pay for something we couldn't use when it's way cheaper and just about as effective to use a message pad.

And I am SOOOOO SICK of people acting like we are freaking dinosaurs because of it! People, we have the latest in our computer technology up here...flat screen LCD monitors, these little Mac computers that are seriously the size of a cookie tin (I think they're called micro-minis but so long as they function, I don't care what they are), broadband Internet, etc. We're not ancient!

But when people call and ask for voice mail, and I say we don't have it, it's always "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?? YOU DON'T HAVE VOICE MAIL?? HOOOOOW CAN YOU NOOOOOOT HAVE VOICE MAILLLLLLL??"

..."It's not a financially suitable purchase. Could I can take a message or have you call back?"

"Welllllllll I REALLLLLLLY need to talk to *reporter* soon and it would really help if ya'll had voice mailllllllll."

"Well, we don't have it, ma'am. Could I take a message?"

"Wellllllllll..."

...WE DON'T HAVE IT! WE AREN'T GETTING IT JUST FOR YOU! STOP YOUR *censored* WHINING AND GIVE ME A MESSAGE OR CALL BACK WHEN I TELL YOU TO CALL BACK YOU WHINING NASAL STUPID WHINING WHINING BABY!! I HAVE THREE TRIPLET COUSINS WHO ARE FOUR MONTHS OLD WHO WHINE LESS THAN YOU! STOP! SHUT UP! GIVE ME YOUR FARKING MESSAGE OR HANG THE FECK UP!! GIVE ME THE MESSAGE OR ELSE :chipper:

/rage

Thank you, I feel very much better now.

Dips
09-15-2006, 02:58 PM
Oh, man. That sounds frustrating. I can totally see why voice mail wouldn't work for you guys, though.

It's unbelievable that they're complaining about talking to a live human being; it just goes to show you that people will whine about ANYTHING.

And you know that if you HAD voice mail it would be like:

What do you meeeeaaaan, I have to go to his voice mail? I neeeed to taaalk to him.

I don't like talking to a machiiiiiine. Why can't you just tell him I caaaaaaalled?

I keep getting so-and-so's voice maaaaail. Where iiiiis he?

I tried to call at two in the moooorning, but you were clooooosed and I had to leave a voice maaaaail.

ETA Follow-up: I just revisited this thread and am amazed all over again that people would whine about having a live human being willing to take a message. So, naturally, I came up with a fictitious voice mail "system" where Mysty can transfer people who insist on going to voice mail after whining in her ear.

"Welcome to the [Newspaper] Whaaaaaaambulance division. Please leave a message after the tone to let us know why we need a voice mail system."

And, of course, there won't BE a tone. :p

toolbert
09-15-2006, 04:57 PM
I think Dips is right, there's nothing they won't complain about at any given time. It stinks that people can't just get the messege (*snicker*) and leave one. Its not archaic when you have such a high volume. Plus, if it was really that important they would leave a messege for someone ASAP.

wagegoth
09-15-2006, 06:10 PM
At previous firms, I could delete voicemail without having to listen to the message, or at any time during the message. Now, I have to listen to the whole message and wait for the system to come back on before I can delete. Arrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggh!

You know those messages. The messages that go on and on, where everything is repeated at least three times, then ends with, "Well, okay, I guess that's it, um, if you have any questions, give me a call, um, I should be in the office today until 3:30. Uh, you can call me until then, or tomorrow, if not today, um, but I'll only be in tomorrow between 10:30 and 11:30, 'cause, uh, I have an appointment. Not a bad appointment, just a checkup, okay, don't worry. Uh, I think that's it. Oh, okay, talk to you later, bye."

repsac
09-16-2006, 04:41 AM
quotes star wars:

Han Solo: Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal.
Voice: What happened?
Han Solo: Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
[winces]
Voice: We're sending a squad up.
Han Solo: Uh, uh, negative. We had a reactor leak here now. Give us a minute to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.
Voice: Who is this? What's your operating number?
Han Solo: Uh...
[shoots comm]
Han Solo: [mutters] Boring conversation anyway.

RogueOne
09-16-2006, 08:19 AM
Han: LUKE! We're gonna have company!!!:D


I've seen 'em too many times.

friendofjimmyk
09-21-2006, 12:42 PM
One of my biggest gripes is voicemail hell and automated systems. I would be surprised that some place doesn't have voicemail....BUT, I would kiss the ground that the company walks on who has a LIVE person to talk to on the other end of the phone...OH JOY!

MadMike
09-21-2006, 02:21 PM
One of my biggest gripes is voicemail hell and automated systems. I would be surprised that some place doesn't have voicemail....BUT, I would kiss the ground that the company walks on who has a LIVE person to talk to on the other end of the phone...OH JOY!

I don't mind them if they're easy to use, and if it's something I don't need to speak to an actual person for, such as to find an account balance. In fact, I prefer not to deal with a person in that case.

But the ones where you're not sure which option relates to what you're calling for, and you get lost until the damn thing drops the call... yeah, those are aggravating. :hairpull:

Gurndigarn
09-21-2006, 09:27 PM
One of my favorite comic strips ever had a voicemail message on the characters phone along the lines of "We appreciate your patience. Please wait on the line. Your call is very valuable to us. But not so valuable that we'ld actually hire more representatives, obviously."

CrazedClerk
09-22-2006, 02:39 AM
Voicemail is nice in one respect. It allows you screen your calls so you don't have to talk to people you may not want to.

Bella_Vixen
09-22-2006, 10:47 PM
Slightly OT:

For my voicemail on my cell, it's just the robot voice lady saying that my number is unavailable, blah blah blah.

A couple weeks ago, my ex called me and left a message asking why my outgoing message is that generic message instead of me saying something witty (not in those words). Because I don't fell like it. : Real reason: I hate the sound of my voice, especially when recorded. That and recorded messages just sound so stupid. Once I had just music ("Always" by Saliva), but for some reason, people weren't fond of having to listen to 90 seconds of the song before they could leave me a message. :shrug: