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View Full Version : The Piddle Fountain -- an extremely mild rant


Antisocial_Worker
09-22-2006, 10:49 AM
As far as problems in the workplace go, this one's minor. I fear though, that it will grow with time the way it did at the other hotel.

The issue is that here at the Blah Inn, we've recently acquired a fountain that once graced the lobby at the Dreadful Inn, another property that we own. It cost $200, and was clearly deeply overpriced. The clerks at the Dreadful grew to hate it for the fact that it's ugly as sin, and with its hypnotic splashing it was putting them to sleep, in addition to sounding like someone peeing. Hence the moniker, the "piddle fountain."

My boss, however, loves the fountain. I don't know why. It's a ghastly ceramic thing where the water pours from what looks like broken pottery jars, from one to another to another. It used to pour from the last jar onto a little millwheel attached to a little house perched on the lip of the fountain. On the left side, across for the mini-mill is -- why not? -- a large ceramic saddle perched on a wagon wheel. Both of them dwarf the little mill and the jars.

As my boss is Hindu, I don't know why she picked this thing out. It's trailer park chic. You'd think at least we would have ended up with an elephant, or at least a goddess with lots of arms and anger management issues. Instead, we have the piddle fountain. I helped my boss install it in the lobby last night.

It's been going all night and it's already getting on my nerves a little. Not much. Yet.

Broomjockey
09-22-2006, 02:46 PM
I vote for subtle sabotage of the fountain. Minor alterations at strategic points. Hopefully you'll be able to get it to the point where it keeps spilling water on the floor, necessitating its removal. At the very least you'll get to take out your eventual annoyance on it.

Caveat Emptor
09-22-2006, 03:00 PM
Covertly add a few drops of liquid dishwashing soap :devil:

Becks
09-22-2006, 03:53 PM
Covertly add a few drops of liquid dishwashing soap :devil:

I wish I'd thought of that!!!!!!!!!

Acolyte
09-22-2006, 06:23 PM
Here's what you do:
Pass around a collection and get the amount of money that the fountain is worth.
Have a friend come in, carrying something big, heavy and awkward.
Smite the fountain.
Have the money on hand in case the bossman insists on compensation.

Dips
09-22-2006, 07:23 PM
My boss, however, loves the fountain. I don't know why. It's a ghastly ceramic thing <snip>

I MUST see pictures of that!

I have a theory about how people get attached to piddle fountains, horrible half-dead shrubberies, hideous paint jobs and other crimes against asthetics.

The person who hangs onto these things is doing so because he or she invested time, work and/or money in them. They probably are well aware that gold-flecked, smoke grey mirror tiles look terrible in the living room, but damnit, they spent $500 and two weeks putting it up back in 1973. If they tear it down, all the money and effort is "wasted." So they spend the next ten years staring at an ugly wall rather than getting a nicer one.

It's almost as if the wall has them under some horrible spell and they can't get free until the wall is destroyed or they move away from it.

So you and everyone else sees (and hears) an ugly little piddle fountain; you boss sees an ugly little piddle fountain and the $200 she used to buy it. That's why she won't/can't get rid of it.

Kiwi
09-22-2006, 07:59 PM
dishwashing liquid :D

trunks2k
09-22-2006, 08:18 PM
Covertly add a few drops of liquid dishwashing soap :devil:

Within the past couple weeks, somebody poured a bunch of soap into the fountain at Love Park in Philadelphia. There were suds EVERYWHERE. It was a funny sight.

Brighid45
09-22-2006, 11:12 PM
Maybe it was a major award. :D

Antisocial_Worker
09-22-2006, 11:38 PM
When my boss brought this thing over last night, it had a quarter inch of rusty scum caked in the bottom of it, and probably most of it is still there despite our best efforts. We tried very hard to clean it, and apparently the brush we used had soap in it because the fountain started to foam like a mad dog as soon as we turned it on, and it's still going strong today, some 20-odd hours after we got it going. The guests are divided on their opinions of it although one very sweet older lady said it looks like snow, which she doesn't get to see now that she lives in Miami, so it made her happy to see it.

Gurndigarn
09-23-2006, 12:40 AM
We tried very hard to clean it, and apparently the brush we used had soap in it because the fountain started to foam like a mad dog as soon as we turned it on, and it's still going strong today, some 20-odd hours after we got it going. The guests are divided on their opinions of it although one very sweet older lady said it looks like snow, which she doesn't get to see now that she lives in Miami, so it made her happy to see it.

If she thinks bubbles look like snow, she really hasn't seen much of it...

Antisocial_Worker
09-23-2006, 01:30 AM
If she thinks bubbles look like snow, she really hasn't seen much of it...

The way that they're piling up on the roof of the mini-mill, they actually sort of do look like snow.

Phone Jockey
09-23-2006, 04:03 AM
I too vote for pictures of this horrendous fountain! Please post pictures!

stickycoins
09-23-2006, 06:45 AM
Maybe it was a major award. :D


Must've been for 2nd place, we all know the lamp was for 1st!:D

Antisocial_Worker
09-23-2006, 10:08 AM
I really wish I could post pics of this fountain, despite the very real risk that some of you would look at the pictures and thus be blinded or driven insane. Unfortunately, I have neither a scanner nor a digital camera, nor any place to store pics online if I did...

I'm what you might call a "dark age desk clerk."

Edit: Believe me, if I had a pic, I'd have posted my infamous all teeth smile by now, too. For lack of high technology, the world plods on without pics of the piddle fountain, or the smile that conforms to Blah Inn standards.

Jpurple
09-25-2006, 02:51 PM
Dish soap is not enough- what you want is a combination of a small amount of dish soap and a large amount of dry ice......now that looks really cool!:devil:

Lace Neil Singer
09-25-2006, 04:40 PM
Black or red dye in the water maybe? Or perhaps green; then with any luck the Health people will force your boss to remove it. Put some kind of fish around the back of it to make it smell and enforce this if you can stand it.

repsac
09-27-2006, 05:04 PM
dishwashing liquid :D

Two Saint Paticks Days ago, I made the national news by putting a case of Mr. Bubble in the main fountain in Forsyth park Savannah. Granted, no one ever caught me, but the fountain had to be drained and cleaned at a huge cost to the city.


The fountain, as I recall, spittered and sputtered this nice pillowly green foam for hours before the city got wind of the problem. By then, it was too late to stop it.

Fox and CNN ran the story, and since then there's been a few copycats trying the same stunt again with mixed results.

Tria
09-27-2006, 07:52 PM
Two Saint Paticks Days ago, I made the national news by putting a case of Mr. Bubble in the main fountain in Forsyth park Savannah.

They still make Mr. Bubble?

sportsmom
09-27-2006, 08:09 PM
Two Saint Paticks Days ago, I made the national news by putting a case of Mr. Bubble in the main fountain in Forsyth park Savannah. Granted, no one ever caught me, but the fountain had to be drained and cleaned at a huge cost to the city.


The fountain, as I recall, spittered and sputtered this nice pillowly green foam for hours before the city got wind of the problem. By then, it was too late to stop it.

Fox and CNN ran the story, and since then there's been a few copycats trying the same stunt again with mixed results.


Please tell me that you are now appropriately ashamed of your actions, because I see nothing funny about costing the city a large sum of money that could have been spent on other things, like schools.

MadMike
09-27-2006, 08:11 PM
Two Saint Paticks Days ago, I made the national news by putting a case of Mr. Bubble in the main fountain in Forsyth park Savannah. Granted, no one ever caught me, but the fountain had to be drained and cleaned at a huge cost to the city.


The fountain, as I recall, spittered and sputtered this nice pillowly green foam for hours before the city got wind of the problem. By then, it was too late to stop it.

Fox and CNN ran the story, and since then there's been a few copycats trying the same stunt again with mixed results.

This is where I should point out that we don't condone vandalism or illegal activity here on CS. Harmless pranks are one thing, but once it became "a huge cost to the city", that clearly crosses the line.

If you insist on playing destructive pranks like that, please keep them to yourself. Bragging about it on a public forum probably isn't a good idea anyway.

repsac
09-27-2006, 09:59 PM
for what it's worth, I felt bad and offered to repay, but they didn't believe me.

I ended up sending them a check for the cleaning, but it's never come through as canceled. Thankfully, being that Savannah is a college town, that kind of thing was happening regularly with the smaller fountains. Me, I just got somewhat creative with the larger one.