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View Full Version : Lines Used at Work (from the old boards)


purplecat41877
07-11-2006, 06:01 AM
Does anyone have any lines that are used at work? Not ones customers use but ones you do?

Example #1:
Customer: Sorry I broke the eggs.
Me: You didn't break the eggs, the eggs broke themselves.

Example #2:
Bagger: What do we have here?
Me: Groceries.

Example #3:
Bagger: How would the customer like his/her bags packed?
Me: Very carefully.

Example #4:
Customer: Sorry for the inconvenience.
Me: You didn't cause it, the register did.

I've said the things in examples 2 and 3. I've said things similar to examples 1 and 4.:)

Cyanocobalamin
07-11-2006, 06:09 AM
This was from today:
Customer: What happened in here? (referring to the new store layout)
Me: Katrina's big sister. (Alluding to the hurricane)

Next time I might say "Mt. Rainier" (volcano) or "The Big One" (earthquake)

Lace Neil Singer
07-11-2006, 11:47 AM
Customer: Are you free?
Me: No, I'm very expensive actually.

Imogene
07-11-2006, 10:42 PM
Just about anybody: "Well, that was cheap."
Me: "Yeah, but don't let it get around, okay? I have a rep to maintain..." *shifty eyes*

Naaman
07-13-2006, 03:23 PM
Just about anybody: "Well, that was cheap."
Me: "Yeah, but don't let it get around, okay? I have a rep to maintain..." *shifty eyes*

Customer: You're a gentleman (after me doing something minor\oinconsequential)
Me: There goes my reputation :rolleyes:

WonTon
07-14-2006, 12:19 AM
Customer: You are very pretty/I like your lipstick/You got it goin' on/You'd look better with no clothes on/That's a sexy sweater/Baby got back...and so on...
Me: Thank you. My husband thinks so too.

and they are the ones who act totally offended by my comment, calling me rude. Yeesh.

Seanette
07-14-2006, 02:20 AM
Customer: You are very pretty/I like your lipstick/You got it goin' on/You'd look better with no clothes on/That's a sexy sweater/Baby got back...and so on...
Me: Thank you. My husband thinks so too.

and they are the ones who act totally offended by my comment, calling me rude. Yeesh.

Wonder how they'd react if you said "Thank you. My girlfriend thinks so too." :devil:

WonTon
07-16-2006, 01:00 AM
LoL, that would be encouraging for some! :D

Comp_geek
07-16-2006, 01:04 AM
Customer: "Where's your printer ink?"
Me:" Right in front of you, beneath the big INK AND TONER sign" :D

COMINATCHA
07-16-2006, 02:57 AM
When I worked at Target (which is real big with 3 different levels)
I sometimes got people asking me..."How do I get out of here?"

Me: "I've been asking myself that question for a while now"

Jaden
07-16-2006, 03:16 AM
Earlier today I accidentally bit my tongue while bagging and was joking about going home on injury. This was right at the end of the order, when I would normally be saying "Have a good day".

Cashier: You can't go home over something like that! Just don't talk.
Me: But then I'd get fired for not telling all the customers to have a good day. *turning to customer* Have a good day!

Everyone laughed, including the customers behind her :lol:

bars.of.a.rhyme
07-18-2006, 06:01 AM
Them: Do you guys rent movies?
Me: Nope.
Them: Uh...
Me: This is an art gallery. You come in, look at the cover art on the boxes, and then you go home, without a movie.
Them: Without a movie?
Me: Filmless. Sans DVD. Without a movie.

Them: (After complaining to me about a late fee) I'll be seeing you again to talk about this!
Me: Not if I see you first.

Yes, I actually said that last thing (it just popped out!) but she didn't hear me.

CherryCokeKissez
07-18-2006, 03:23 PM
Male Customer: You have nice legs.
Me: Thanks, you too! ;)

*I wear a knee-length skirt while all the other hostesses wear pants, none of them can stand wearing pantyhose, which we're required to wear if we wear skirts. I guess my legs look good next to a bunch of pants...lol

lordlundar
07-18-2006, 03:25 PM
Guy comes in with 5 energy-filled little boys.

Me: Can I help you with anything?
Him: I have an eight hour car ride with them.
<looks at kids, looks at him>
Me: So a case of valium?

(Really happened, no lie!:lol: )

toolbert
07-18-2006, 04:50 PM
I used this one yesterday:

Customer: Excuse me, do you work here?
Me: Well I sure hope I do or this place is screwed!

Geminii
07-20-2006, 01:28 PM
"Get me a supervisor!"

"No."

ArenaBoy
10-29-2006, 01:49 AM
Customer:"I forgot my pass they let me in before without it."
Me:"Oh well."

Customer:"I'm suite." (That god-awful pun)
Me:"No, pancakes with chocloate mixed with syrup is sweet."

Customer: "Why do you charge so much for parking?"
Me: "Because I have college books to pay for."

Irving Patrick Freleigh
10-29-2006, 01:04 AM
Customer: (picking up a hammer that's on clearance for $3) What's the least you'll take for this?
Me: Three bucks.

Customer: Do you work here?
Me: As little as possible. Shhh, don't tell my boss! :lol:

Knightmare
10-29-2006, 01:37 AM
I used this one today:

Cust: "Excuse me, do you work here?"
Me: "No, I just found this red vest of the floor. Don't I look good in it?"
And I even did a fashion twirl. I was retarded.

Used before:

When I was a loader: (Loading things into customer's vehicles)

FEMALE Cust: "So you're coming home with me, right?"
Me: Well, that depends on what for, and I'm not cheap!" *wink wink*

MALE Cust: (loaded a whirlpool bathtub into truck) "So you're going to come with me and help out? Ah ha ha ha."
Me: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bubbles."

Female Cust: (again, bathtub) "So are you going to come to my house and help me out?"
Me: "I don't think there would be enough room in there for both of us. But I'm willing to try." (Yes, I actually did say this to that customer, who was very cool. She had been in there many times, and I always was the one that loaded her vehicle. She knew I was joking around.)

In the Paint Department:

Cust: "I'd like the paint to match this fabric. This paint will go on my porch, and these are the curtains I'm putting in. I tried this color, but it doesn't match."
Me: "Sounds like my girlfriend. Her carpet doesn't match her drapes either." :angel: :devil:

At RadioShack:

Customer is talking to co-worker, telling him why he doesn't watch television. I am standing close by, listening. A few other co-workers and customers were close by.
Cust: "Blah blah blah.. That's why I don't watch television. Nothing but crap on all day long. Especially the History Channel. They repeat their shows all the time."
Me: "Well, you know what they say: History has a tendency to repeat itself."
I think the whole store groaned at that pun.

powerboy
10-29-2006, 01:51 AM
I am always doing 1 liners. This happened last night

Coworker: How do I turn this ( New Remote ) off?
Me: Well you most likely have to push the off button.:D

Mike Taylor
10-29-2006, 05:13 AM
One-liners I have actually used.

In a big-name toy store.

CUSTOMER ON PHONE: Is this the toy department?
ME: No ma'am, we sell luggage.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a 12-inch Woody?
ME: *smiling big in cheesy Phil Hartman voice* WHY YES I DO!
*Customer realizes what she just said and laughs.*

skeptic53
10-29-2006, 05:54 AM
Them: "Nice to see you!"
Me: "It's nice to be visible!"

(quote from the defunct comic "Eyebeam" by Sam Hurt, I'm sure it wasn't original with him, but that's where I first saw it)