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Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 05:18 PM
Ok.. I gotta call on y'all for advice.. sorry if this is rambly because my brain is sort of fried.
My Fiance Chris just out of nowhere called me from work and said "let's get married in May"
:eek::confused:
for months now he's been saying "not until we move out of your parents' house" and now all of a sudden... May

The problem is, for one thing we have almost no money right now.. for another, my mom, every time the possibility of me marrying him comes up, says "you need to wait. You need to live with him longer." etc etc. because she married both her husbands 'too soon' and had problems due to it. (important conversations never had because they married quickly, and didn't discuss things like finances and how things will be run)
I have no idea how to break this to my parents. I mean, my stepdad K will be pretty easy, he already considers us married anyway, calls Chris my husband, me his wife, such as if I forget laundry in the dryer K will be all "Dammit Chris tell your wife to stop forgetting her stuff in the dryer!"

We had originally planned to wait until we moved out, but now with the financial problems my mom is having regarding taxes and stuff, and the fact that we are NOT willing to leave them in the lurch, and if we move out now, unless we continue to pay our rent to my mom, they will not be able to stay here, or anywhere else for that matter.

I know my mom isn't gonna toss me out on my ear for marrying Chris, especially since they NEED us right now, and I don't want to just do it in secret because that would hurt/upset her even more.. I just don't know how to tell her!
So.. any ideas? Also, if you haven't any tips on dealing with my mum, how about tips for a nice, cheap, not trashy wedding/reception? We don't wanna go big, white-dress, church, etc scene.. but we don't want just a justice-of-the-peace's-office ok done deal either..

RecoveringKinkoid
02-26-2009, 05:35 PM
Uh...why not just tell Chris no? If getting married now is a problem, why do it now?

Why plan to start your marriage off on a bad start?

Becks
02-26-2009, 05:38 PM
Go to the court house. There's no shame in that.

For the reception, I'd say find a nice hall (DO NOT say you want a wedding reception there. That's how the price gets jacked up) and have a nice party there.

That's how some friends of mine did it, and it was very nice.

Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 05:38 PM
Honestly, I do want to get married, and I was the one pushing for doing it sooner.. I'm just floored and have no idea what to tell my mother..

CaroPhoenix
02-26-2009, 08:07 PM
Sit her down, with your Stepdad, and break the news that way. It might be a good idea to have Chris with you when you do that too.

As for a reception - the gaming store we're both familiar with, held a wedding reception there back in like September/November(? - maybe earlier than that) of last year. It was on a Saturday and it was from like 12 NOON until 6 PM or so. Then they all went to Chada Thai (in the same shopping center). So if you all your friends are gamers - that's the perfect place. :roll:

:angel: Just an idea. :devil:

Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 09:41 PM
Sit her down, with your Stepdad, and break the news that way. It might be a good idea to have Chris with you when you do that too.

As for a reception - the gaming store we're both familiar with, held a wedding reception there back in like September/November(? - maybe earlier than that) of last year. It was on a Saturday and it was from like 12 NOON until 6 PM or so. Then they all went to Chada Thai (in the same shopping center). So if you all your friends are gamers - that's the perfect place. :roll:

:angel: Just an idea. :devil:
Yeah that seems to be the plan.. unfortunately tonight the parents bowl and won't be home till way late tonight.. so it'll have to wait until tomorrow.. :(

as for the reception.. that's like.. the best idea EVAR! I will have to talk to chris at [gamestore] to see what he can do for us..

CaroPhoenix
02-26-2009, 10:43 PM
Want me to talk to Chris at the Gamestore? I love to talk to him! He is my soooo rawking ex-manager.

I think he'd go for it. However, you'd have to fill out an event form. :D

Glad I thought of the idea for the reception.

If Mr. Rum and I ever renew our wedding vows, we're have a reception there, 'cos I say so! :roll:

Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 10:53 PM
Want me to talk to Chris at the Gamestore? I love to talk to him! He is my soooo rawking ex-manager.

I think he'd go for it. However, you'd have to fill out an event form. :D

Glad I thought of the idea for the reception.

If Mr. Rum and I ever renew our wedding vows, we're have a reception there, 'cos I say so! :roll:

That'd be awesome. ^^ He's a cool dude.. he was always in there when we were gaming. He and my Chris would often exchange witty banter >.> And filling out forms... I'm good at that. My whole job used to be filling out forms!

CaroPhoenix
02-26-2009, 10:58 PM
Between you, me & the whole board (:D), I think Mr. Rum is jealous of Chris aka Darkness. I'm always talking to him, flirting, etc. :D

I'm thinking of going up to store on Saturday. I'll mention it to him then. But yeah, you'll definitely have to get up to the store & fill out the form.

And please make sure you have the day of the week and the number of the day both correct. Unlike a certain person who ran a D&D game day and said he needed the store on Sunday the 11th when the 11th of that month was a Saturday. So, not only did we have a D&D game day, but a Warhammer National Gameday. Plus later that evening, we had an official Pokemon tournament. Yeah. No one was happy.

Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 11:07 PM
aww. But it's so FUN to flirt... >.> So glad my Chris isn't a jealous sort of man..

Jester
02-26-2009, 11:42 PM
I'm curious....just how long have you two been together?

I wonder about people who push to get married sooner or soon. What, precisely, is the rush. As your stepfather has pointed out, you two are currently living together as husband and wife in anything but legal standing. Why the need to get the deed done so soon? And two months away? Seriously?

Having been involved in many ways with many weddings (I have been to over 200 weddings....and no, that is NOT a typo), I know that trying to pull something together that quickly is going to be, at best, very freakin' difficult, unless you do just what you said you don't want to do, and do a JoP wedding.

how about tips for a nice, cheap, not trashy wedding/reception? We don't wanna go big, white-dress, church, etc scene.. but we don't want just a justice-of-the-peace's-office ok done deal either..

To paraphrase a quote, you can have it nice, or you can have it cheap....you can't have it both.

Seriously, nice and cheap don't always go together for such events. It is doable, sure, but a lot depends on what you two like, how many people you want there, etc.

One example I can cite is my little sister, who's ceremony and reception were both done in one wing of a restaurant that they reserved or rented out for that purpose. Including everything, my sister kept it within her small budget of $2,500. And yes...that is a small budget if you plan on feeding people anywhere but a private home.

Actually, her original budget was only $2,000, but there were people she wanted to invite that she couldn't on that budget, and she really wanted said people there. So Big Brother, being the awesome dude that he is, gave her as part of her wedding present the $500 extra she needed to make it the wedding she wanted.

Setsunaela
02-26-2009, 11:56 PM
To paraphrase a quote, you can have it nice, or you can have it cheap....you can't have it both.

Seriously, nice and cheap don't always go together for such events. It is doable, sure, but a lot depends on what you two like, how many people you want there, etc.


Given time and the ability to think properly again, I've realized this is truth.
We're going to go JOP for the actual "wedding" bit, maybe with my mom and his, and then just have a party for the reception probably. Seriously considering that gamestore bit though.. hehe.
Honestly we've been engaged for years now, and with my newly-emerging medical bills and things, he feels it's prudent to get married, since we're married in all but legality anyway. I'm still worried that my mom is going to flip her lid, but we're going to sit down with her, TONIGHT (or I'll never do it) and tell her, in a no-nonsense no-argument sort of fashion. If she doesn't like it, the worst she can do is kick us out, which would do her more harm than us, because we can afford to live on our own. Thanks for the willingness to give not-so-nice advice though ^_^

Jester
02-27-2009, 12:01 AM
Honestly we've been engaged for years now, and with my newly-emerging medical bills and things, he feels it's prudent to get married...

And while I am generally against rushing things, those are two very good points that I would make some exceptions for. I had originally thought you two had not been together that long, but if you've been engaged for years, well then, fuck anything *I* have to say on the matter! :lol:

I'm still worried that my mom is going to flip her lid, but we're going to sit down with her, TONIGHT and tell her.

Just remember, if it is not something you think you can tell your mother about, is it really something you want to do? I am not saying you don't want to do this, just saying that anything someone believes in they should be able to tell their mothers about, for the most part. Not that it is easy, mind you.

By the way, just why WOULD she flip out? You two live together WITH HER. It's not like she thinks you are two virginal teenagers, right?

Thanks for the willingness to give not-so-nice advice though.

People ask for advice, I give them what I think, not what I think they want to hear. If that is not always the nicest thing in their minds, tough noogies to them. They shouldn't have asked me for advice in the first place, then.

(Yes, I have a very well-earned reputation for brutal honesty. And I revel in it!)

Setsunaela
02-27-2009, 12:27 AM
My mom's made her own mistakes in the past regarding marriage and she tends to project those mistakes onto other people. As a result, she wants me to live with him, alone, by ourselves, for at least FIVE years before we get married.. seriously. That's what she's said.
Honestly I think living with him WITH my parents and my little brother and all the stress and awkwardness that entails is a much better trial-by-fire than living alone together. Especially because with so many people and such thin walls, we tend to try and work things out the quiet, peaceful way first rather than the all-out yelling match I know I personally have a tendency to lean towards, because who wants to explain that you were calling your fiance all those nasty names over him leaving his towel on the bed for the LAST DAMN TIME RAWR! :lol:

wchristopher
02-27-2009, 01:05 AM
A whole thread based on our getting married. Nice ^_^

We now patiently wait for her parents to arrive!

Jester
02-27-2009, 05:35 AM
Honestly I think living with him WITH my parents and my little brother and all the stress and awkwardness that entails is a much better trial-by-fire than living alone together.

While I think your mother's philosophy on this is a bit of an extreme kneejerk response to her own failures in that area, I don't agree with you that living with them is necessarily a better trial-by-fire. When you don't have to keep tiptoeing around people (and by extension, sometimes each other), the truth can--and will--come out.

Just out of curiosity, you said you've been together for years. How many years, and how old are each of you.....if you don't mind my asking.

Setsunaela
02-27-2009, 01:25 PM
I'm 21, 22 this march.. he's 28. We've been dating off and on since I was about 16, but it was sort of a silly online relationship for most of my teen years, admittedly.

For the record, my mom was fully aware i was dating a 20-something year old man at 16, and, having spent more time with him online than i did at the time, didn't mind at all.

Jester
02-27-2009, 01:29 PM
Your mom is not so much the issue here, at least not in my mind. She'll either accept it or not. Certainly she knows you two are engaged, after all.

What I am concerned about is that you seem to be rushing towards marriage at the age of 21. I know, I know, you are sick to death of people telling you how young you are, and really, 21 isn't that young, you are legally allowed to drink, etc.

Yeah. And then some.

That being said, I still think it is a mistake to rush towards this major thing. I can see the argument about the medical situation, certainly, but beyond that, is there any real reason why this can't wait some time longer?

Just my 3.5 cents.

Setsunaela
02-27-2009, 02:12 PM
I love him. I've dated others, we've broken up (amicably) for about a year and ended up back together, I was miserable without him..
Also, lots of people have a tendency to ask why we're NOT married yet..
I can't really think of more than one or two reasons why I wouldn't love to live with him for the rest of my life, and those things are little nitpicky "i don't like sharing my blankie" things.. and I still don't share my blanket most nights anyhow lol.

And trust me, the truth has come out before, just because they're around doesn't mean that we tiptoe, we just have a tendency to be a bit more reasonable FIRST. We've had our share of knock-down drag-outs..

CaroPhoenix
02-27-2009, 07:45 PM
Well? Did you talk to your mom? What was the result!?

Setsunaela
02-27-2009, 07:55 PM
talked to Mom and K, they were both like "is that all?"
I cried, half relief I'm sure, and mom gave me a hug, and all was OK.

I've told a bunch of people now, and everyone's excited for us ^.^

CaroPhoenix
02-27-2009, 07:58 PM
Heck, I'm excited and I only know through the message board! :lol:

Jester
02-28-2009, 12:26 AM
I love him. I've dated others, we've broken up (amicably) for about a year and ended up back together, I was miserable without him..
Also, lots of people have a tendency to ask why we're NOT married yet..
I can't really think of more than one or two reasons why I wouldn't love to live with him for the rest of my life...

And what in the above forces the two of you to rush to marriage? Why the hurry?

I am not dogging marriage, mind you. I envy what the two of you have. I just don't see what making it legal, and rushing towards doing so, will change, or what the big deal is. I mean, you already are, for all intents and purposes, a couple. Right? So why not take your time and make the wedding one you will thoroughly enjoy, can afford, and allows you some more time to get away from your parents and to make sure that this thing is absolutely right. (NOTE: I am not saying it isn't. But why the rush?)