View Full Version : I'd like some help, please

02-27-2009, 04:53 PM
So...I need help. Hell, I need lots of help in more ways than one, but I won't bore you with a trip inside the hamster cemetery that is my mind (um--I should explain. A long time ago someone made a comment about my "hamster falling off the wheel" and I responded back with something along the lines of "fallen? The little fucker had a massive heart attack and died so now there's a furry lump rotting away in my brain." Remember--I'm in charge of your children :wave: )

Basically my skin is way too thin.
*I read into things too much and little slights really upset me.
*I can't let things go and assume others can't either.
*I worry too much about insignificant things.
*I have trouble communicating my feelings, mostly fears, to my loved ones.
*I cry too much...not as a defense mechanism, not as a manipulation tool, but because there's some big emotional block in my throat and I can't, just can't, get around it without crying. I've been in the middle of a conversation about something when I was stressed/upset and the tears just start so I get even more frustrated and I feel like and asshole.
*I tend to pick up the emotions of the people I'm talking to...especially my students. There have been times when I've talked to a kid after class or after school and I just feel overwhelmingly depressed, or I want to cry and it's not because I'm unhappy, but because there is something going on with the kid's life.

There's mountains more that I wish I could just spill, but right now I'm even worried that you, Darling Reader, are laughing at my post telling your computer screen to stop being such a little bitch and suck it up.
I wish I could.
(And I know that isn't the case, but again with the crazy insecurities when it comes to my feelings)

Are there any tips or techniques for growing a thicker skin? Is there anything I can do so maybe one day I'll be a little less crazy? Or should I just embrace my craziness and hope that one day I'll become numb enough to just not care anymore.

02-27-2009, 05:02 PM
Over time, as in many years, you may develop a thicker skin and maybe even one day be able to bite and bark back.

You need to ask yourself....do you really think you are too sensitive, or are you being told this by people who don't mean much to you? Have close friends confided in you, have family members sat you down and let you know that they were worried?

I've been told I'm overly dramatic and sensitive before. Sometimes that's true, other times the person who is telling me that is a person who is not very sensitive to people's feelings. I know some pretty harsh people.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with crying. Over analyzing, there's not a whole lot we can do about. I do it myself....too much. It's a habbit. Just like smoking or biting your nails, you will just have to work on not doing it as much. It's very hard to quit doing that.

02-27-2009, 06:34 PM
I was in your shoes about 6 years ago. Only I wasn't crying. I was taking it to heart.

People: "Your stupid and loser"
Me: " I know. I'm sorry :("

People: "Get a haircut, you loook like a fag!"
Me: *next day, new haircut*

blah blah blah. I honestly belived that I was shit, and everyone deserved better, and was better then me.

Then I got a job in retail. I releazed how scummy, idiotic, thieving bastards the vast amount of people are. People don't care about anyone but themselves.

I was better then that.

Now, how does this help you? Not much really. But don't take it as a curse, or a disease or whatnot. Your a caring person. That is a rare gift that should be honored.

02-27-2009, 07:46 PM
The irony of someone who looks at herself this way but has chosen a username and icon from perhaps the least sensitive woman in old Bill's plays is not lost on me. :lol:

First. Age. If you are still fairly young you probably just haven't integrated EVERY social skill to balance your personality. For some, consideration comes first, then self. For others, themselves, and then compassion for others. You sound like the first. The thicker skin will probably come to you in time.

Second. Diversity. It would be awful if everyone handled things the same way. I personally am an ass on the outside but a softie on the inside. What I SAY to people and what I will actually DO for them are only vaguely connected. The fact that you can and do show your emotions actually makes you seem a little better grounded to me.

Third. Awareness. If you are thinking about this stumbling block in your life, it really isn't much of a block. The REAL problems arise for us when we have to perceive a problem first and then work to correct it. Just having something rub you the wrong way about your outward conduct is the biggest step toward resolving it. And that resolution might not necessarily entail completely stopping the behavior. It could just mean modifying it to fit different situations, OR accepting it as part of who you are.

Finally, having your kind of empathy is nothing to be discarded lightly. Most of us could probably use quite a bit more in our lives, both for and from others. It is obviously going to a burden even as you develop thicker skin, but it is also a gift and one which is likely well suited to someone in your profession.

Good luck Shroo! (And welcome to CS.)