View Full Version : Why does no one tell me anything?? *family rant*

03-11-2009, 09:28 PM
**The title is supposed to say NO ONE...not ON ONE... :) LOL**

With my parents getting older, it has resulted in some additional health problems and exacerbations of old ones. I try and keep myself pretty well informed, when I know about stuff..b/c hey, theyre my 'rents and I kinda want them around for a while.

My mom has a habit of NOT telling me when either her or my dad has been to the ER until up to 2 weeks later, b/c she doesnt think "its important" and its a "Oh, by the way..your dad was in the ER for etc..."

I can not tell you how I ABSOLUTELY hate that. Is it too much to ask to be kept informed of my parents health from my parents themselves? I dont care if its a small problem, I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!! they know this, Ive told them this and everytime she agrees to tell me a little bit sooner..but then conveniently forgets.

So, my mom was in the ER yesterday for 5 hours, and found out she has a blood clot in her leg. Shes diabetic and already on blood thinners, but still, this could potentially lead to bigger problems. But she was discahrged yesterday and no one's told me SHIT until today at 4:00pm when my husband mentions he's the one who drove her home.

When I ask why he didnt tell me sooner, he says "Oh, well I didnt think it was important.":pissed::mad::rant::censored:

I carry a cell phone for a FUCKIN reason and can always be reached my text. Im getting to the point where I will just stop caring.

I do realize that my parents dont have to tell me anything, but this whole thing just upsets me.


03-11-2009, 09:51 PM
There's so many reasons they do this, but you're going to have to accept it to an extent.


1. You're their child and they're not used to having to inform you about their lives; until now it's probably been the other way around.

2. Some parents just don't want to worry their children. They're the adults; they take care of themselves.

3. You're their child, and even if you were the surgeon general of the United States, they're never really going to see you as anything other than a child. They may love you to death, but seeing you as an adult just isn't going to happen.

Since you're training as a nurse, maybe you can start networking with their doctors and local hospital to keep you informed. Due to confidentiality there are problems with their healthcare workers keeping you informed, but maybe you can talk your parents into signing a release with their doctor. If that won't work (I don't know the HIPAA guidelines), then maybe you can coax your parents (with the help of relatives) into signing a power of attorney that only relates to medical information.

I hope you're able to work something out. Good luck.

03-12-2009, 12:05 AM
Title fixed.


03-12-2009, 12:36 AM
:hug: Amina

I know what you're going through - I'm having the same issues with my dad. It's not fun when a cousin calls to tell me he went to the ER at 11 the previous night because of, well, bowel issues.

And then finding out the scope procedure he had earlier in the week involved polyp removal.


:hug: It's hard for sure.


03-12-2009, 02:07 AM

I could look up their files in the system since they go to the hospital I go to school at and train at, BUT Id get fired. :D LOL. And I would have to literally check every week to keep up with them. I dont want it to go as far as me getting a POA of healthcare, since they are truly capable of caring for themselves. I guess its just disappointing that they dont feel the need to tell me when they have promised to in the past and they KNOW I worry.

Raps, Thanks. :)

Bandit, That does suck. As above, not knowing would piss me off and cause me to worry even more. :) :hug:

03-12-2009, 03:54 AM
I can sympathize with you. Almost 2 years ago, my mom had a heart attack on a Sunday afternoon and I didn't find out about it until I got home from work on Monday evening. I guess she started having chest pains while taking a shower, so she finished up, got dressed and went to the country club where my dad was finishing up a golf tournament. She went to him and told him to come home as soon as he was done so he could take her to the emergency room. She then drove back home (which took her right past the hospital) and waited for dad to arrive. Upon arriving at the ER, they immediately transferred to the Heart Hospital in Indianapolis. The next morning, she had angioplasty.

When I got home from work on Monday evening, my sister appeared in my driveway before I was even out of my car. She said she had to deliver some flowers and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. When I asked who they were for, she said for Mom... in the hospital. Turns out, she had been at the hospital all day and came back to bring me over there. Nobody wanted to bother me at work it seems.

When I got to the hospital, I told Mom that she was grounded (yea - she still grounds me all the time) and she just stared and pointed at me.

So, believe me, I know how you feel.

It shouldn't
03-12-2009, 04:20 PM
Hmph! I hate that too.
Heck, my Grandpa DIED and my mom casually mentions in a phone call 2 weeks later who all came to the funeral.
WAIT! What funeral?????
Granted they live on another continent and I didn't have the money to fly half way around the world on short notice, but it would have been nice if someone would have bothered to call, before they put him in the ground.

Now my Mom on the other hand calls me about every little medical issue/twinge of pain/constipation she has. Heck, she's called about her foot falling asleep before. "Walk it off, no need to see the doctor", but she's a bit of a hypochondriac (sp?).

03-12-2009, 08:37 PM
I feel for you!

While on vacation in florida, my father took ill and had to be hospitalized.

His girlfriend of 20+ years (total bitch - she totalled destroyed any relationship my Brother and Father had and tries her hardest to do the same to my Dad and I :rant:)) called and told me this (pretty close to verbatim).

"TOLady - your father is in the hospital. He has a blockage. I can't talk any longer because it's too expensive to call using my cell phone." *click*

BITCH - Blockage - WTF? I was thinking my Daddy was dying - heart attack, stroke, etc!

I'm panicking like you wouldn't believe, crying and freaking out (my Dad and I are really close - just can't see each other that often or she's gets angry and makes his life a living hell!) and finally realize I can call back using my call display. She hadn't told me the name of hospital, status, nothing.

I call her back - shaking and crying. She answers the phone - "It's too expensive to talk using my cell phone. He'll call you later from his". *click*

I call back again and I finally screamed at her that I would pay her f***ing bill, but since I was the one calling her - she better tell me what the f*** was going on. Where he was, how he was and what the Dr's said."

She gets all huffy and says - "Oh, he's just got a blockage in his colon and the pain was too much so he's in the hospital for a few days. Why are you getting so excited?" (He'd had a cancer scare a few years ago and had a few feet of his colon removed so it happens sometimes).

"Listen Bitch - if you had told me that instead of being the c*** that you are, I wouldn't have freaked out." Argggh - sorry, for the TJ but she really gets to me and this is just typical of her behaviour!

When I finally got to speak to my Dad (I had to call around to get the number since she didn't have it or the room # where he was staying and - oh yeah, she had to get off the phone, she was meeting someone for lunch!), I was still shaking and crying. I told him what she had said (or didn't say) and why I was freaking out, he was upset for me.

It turns out he had been in the hospital for 2 days already and she was supposed to call me as soon as he was admitted but "forgot" and only when he had asked her wondering why I hadn't called him at the hospital yet, did she "remember".

Of course - when she tells her side of the story to him afterwards - the tale gets totally twisted. I made him swear that he would have a nurse call me personally if it ever happened again (and - BTW - as soon as he came back from his vacation, he had me made POA over his health issues since she is totally useless in this capacity!) I'm to be called as soon as anything happens and the insurance co. is to notify me.

End thread jack!

03-12-2009, 11:20 PM
When Aunt Barb was in the hospital before she died (a year ago today, actually...), her eldest living sister visited her every day.

Grams had POA, and Mom was actually the one to contact about things, if that makes sense. (Grams lives in OK for most of the year, while Mom was the one out of all her siblings who would be able to take time off, etc. for whatever...)

Anyways, Sr. Dorothy visisted Aunt Barb EVERY day, and no one would or even could tell her anything, because she wasn't on the official info list.

When Mom found out, she was *pissed*! Mom could have told the doctors to give info to SD...

...but Mom never knew Aunt Barb was even in the hospital until a month before she died...and she had been in since Christmas.

03-12-2009, 11:35 PM
My dad was in the hospital for a week or so when I was in college (he had woken up at 5am with chest pains). My mom didn't tell me for several days because she knew I had an exam and didn't want me to worry. (He was fine.)