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View Full Version : My Brother is a F***ing Idiot (super-epic, bad language)


AnaKhouri
04-06-2009, 05:31 PM
My brother (let’s call him ‘Mike’) is a fucking idiot.

My parents divorced when we were very young. We reacted in different ways- I turned inward, he acted out. Because of our very different natures, we were never close. Mike often demanded our mom’s attention because he needed more help with school and got in trouble a lot. My mom recently said she’s surprised I didn’t act up more in order to get my share of attention, but really I always felt like she had enough to do without me causing trouble. Aside from a couple fights and a couple teenage car accidents, I guess I never really did anything all that bad.

My brother went to live with Dad when we were teenagers (another reason we’re not close). He had trouble in school there and barely graduated, but eventually found work as an electrician’s apprentice. He is now a full-fledged electrician and is very good at it. Since then though he has had problems with drinking, fighting and multiple DUIs.

At 19 he got his girlfriend pregnant. Let’s call her ‘Brenda’. Brenda was also 19 and my brother even admitted he didn’t even like her all that much. Brenda claimed she’d had cervical cancer (via the HPV virus) and was told by her doctor that she couldn’t get pregnant because of that (which is, of course, total bullshit). At any rate, Nephew # 1 was born, Brenda and Mike tried to work things out but it was always on/off with N1 in the middle.

During one of the ‘on’ periods, Brenda got pregnant again. This time her excuse was that she was on antibiotics that made her birth control useless (this can happen, but then why did these morons have unprotected sex?). Nephew #2 was duly born during an ‘off’ period.

Eventually Brenda and Mike broke up for good. Brenda got another boyfriend, got pregnant, had a daughter, broke up with boyfriend, got back together with him etc. So basically her life is a train wreck (and the nephews don’t have many good role models). There were all kinds of issues ranging from unpaid child support to the fact that Brenda has lots of health problems and is always doped up on pain medication and can’t work. These issues seem to be ongoing, but at least she is always willing to let Mike see the boys (and get a weekend off to go party). She once left my 8-year-old older nephew home alone for 8 hours while she went out bar-hopping. Lovely girl.

Mike then met ‘Jerri’. Jerri seemed nice. At first. She was intelligent, but her parents had gotten into cocaine and because of that she did badly in school and got into her own drug problems. She swore she was off it and going to college. Mike swore she was ‘the one’. Brenda swore constantly at Jerri and hated her. Anyway, eventually Jerri got pregnant and had a daughter (Niece). Despite the fact that she had cervical cancer via HPV and was told by her doctor that she couldn’t have kids. The drama began. Once again they were on/off all the time. Jerri refused to get a job. More child support problems. Eventually, they broke up and Jerri has now shown her raging cunt-itude by cutting my brother off from his daughter and refusing to let any of our family see Niece. Let’s see how much she’s laughing when the parents’ lawyers sue for grandparent’s rights (which they’re working on).

5 years pass. Mike gets a job working for my Dad. Dad and Mike share a house. Mike has yet another girlfriend (can’t he just go gay already?) named ‘Bennie’. Bennie seemed like a nice girl. When she met my Mom, she told Mom that she knew of Mom’s concerns based on Mike’s past history. She assured Mom she was not a ‘breeder’ (which confused me when Mom told me about it because that’s usually a derogatory term for heterosexuals used by gays) and didn’t want children. Hope surfaced. Mike swore she was ‘the one’.

6 months after they met, Mike calls to tell me Bennie is pregnant. But he can’t figure out why because she had cervical cancer via HPV and was told by her doctor that she couldn’t get pregnant. I duly congratulate him but I can tell he is NOT happy. I think he called and told me first, hoping I would tattle to Mom and take some of the heat before she turned on him. Sorry buddy, I’m 30 years old and this is ALL YOU.

Bennie sees Mom last week while Mom is visiting the area and tells her how her Daddy bought all this nursery furniture and how she doesn’t plan to work after the baby is born (she’s a part-time waitress at the moment). And, amusingly, how it’s going to be a girl and how much she wants a girl- uh, you don’t get to choose, honey. Mom calls me, livid, to bitch about how these girls are lazy and don’t want to work and she and Dad are agreed that Bennie deliberately got pregnant because my brother makes good money and she wants to mooch off him.

That’s a possibility, but I think it’s more likely they are just fucking idiots. I think what the doctor actually told all three of these young women was that were they to get pregnant, they might experience complications due to the HPV, and they just heard what they wanted to hear. Or maybe they all saw the same lying doctor. And my brother is unable to think with his brain when he sees a pair of tits. I also wonder how many more innocent girls he’s infected with HPV by having unprotected sex with them.

So at the moment everyone is unhappy except Bennie.

Meanwhile, I use the past 10 years to graduate from college, work retail, marry the most wonderful man in the world and am set to deliver our first (and likely only) child a week before our 4th wedding anniversary.

Bennie’s due date is exactly a month after mine.

I know this is immature and petty, and I know the timing could not have been deliberate, but I feel like they are trying to steal some of the attention me and my husband and our son will be getting when he is born. All my life my brother has gotten more attention than me, usually for bad reasons. The only time I felt that I had both my parents’ full attention was on my wedding day. And I know that they’re far more excited about my son than they will be Mike’s kid. So my resentment is stupid, and I’m ashamed of it, but I’m trying to get over it.

My baby shower is at the end of May, in the state where Dad and Mike and most of my extended family live. Mom is not planning to invite Bennie, which is fine as I’ve never met her and I don’t think my baby shower would be a good place for it.

Sorry for the length, but this rant has been a long time coming. People make mistakes, sure, but how can you make the same mistake four fucking times? I think the second time catapulted him from ‘young and dumb’ to ‘chronic moron’. He’s 28 now and it’s time to grow up. I love my nephews and niece but they are not in good home situation and I worry that they will have trouble conducting relationships when they get older because they’ve never seen a normal one. How stupid can he possibly be? How can Bennie think he’s a good catch when she’s fully aware of his situation? What’s wrong with these people?

>deep breath< OK, I'm done.

ArcticChicken
04-06-2009, 05:46 PM
I must agree with you, your brother is a fucking idiot.

How can someone seven years older than me be so much younger than me? Wow.

mandaliz8704
04-06-2009, 05:53 PM
Holy Effing Carp. :eek:

I have 3 kids, soon to be 4, but they all came from one baby daddy, and were on purpose.

I'm sorry, but your brother should be neutered. Why is it that all the girls are giving the same lame excuse as to why they thought they couldnt get pregnant? Is he knocking them up and then giving them an excuse so they have thier stories straight? I'm confused.

In my book, the only way you know FOR SURE that you can't get pregnant is if you check your shorts and you're sporting a twig and giggleberries. If not, all bets are off.

Kiwi
04-06-2009, 06:26 PM
I also wonder how many more innocent girls he’s infected with HPV by having unprotected sex with them.

If you are an innocent girl then you would not be having unprotected sex with anyone.

So every girl he seems to meet has HPV and cant get pregnant and yet ALL of them do.....not only is your brother is an idiot, your brother is ruled by his dick.

I understand what its like to have a brother who is the bad one and you are the good one. My wonderful brother is now pressuring my disabled elderly mother to sell her house or take a mortgage out on it to help pay for his wedding.... HES THIRTY YEARS OLD! I offered to buy a highchair when my niece was born but his fiance turned her nose up at my choice and pointed to a $499 one and said that would be the only acceptable high chair for her daughter...... I told them to forget it and brought her a romper instead.

I would just try your best to ignore his attention seeking behavior and tell your parents that you have waited your turn and this is the time that YOU need and deserve attention.
From the sounds of it your parents are well aware of his behavior and I hope will spend this time with you and your baby.

I'm betting though after he/she is born that your brothers actions will fade from your radar somewhat because you will have a bundle of joy to spend your time and energy on.

Congratulations by the way babies are awesome!:D

Amina516
04-06-2009, 06:34 PM
wow AnaK....

Your brother is an ass and apparently only attracts other asses.

I dont know what to tell you except keep on trucking!! You worked hard to get where you are and have your baby in relative comfort, so please focus on yourself and have fun with your pregnancy and the baby when he/she comes.

Venting is healthy BTW. :)

AnaKhouri
04-06-2009, 06:43 PM
I'm sorry, but your brother should be neutered.

Mom has offered to pay for a vasectomy. Three times. He has refused every time.

I wonder if it's ethical to drug him and drag him to the hospital without his permission. It would be better for the overpopulation problem, anyway.

I offered to buy a highchair when my niece was born but his fiance turned her nose up at my choice and pointed to a $499 one and said that would be the only acceptable high chair for her daughter.

That is how Jerri acted. Niece could ONLY wear pink and ONLY name brands. She wanted to act like she was rich when she didn't even have a job. I pray Niece grows up to have more common sense.

I told Mom Bennie could have all the $500 cribs and nursery she liked, because I have thing she never will: a man who loves me more than anything and actually wants our baby, pride, self-respect, an the knowledge that even if I don't have much, I earned every bit of it.

I feel much better after venting. I am going to take Amina's and Kiwi's advice and forget all about him. :devil:

One-Fang
04-06-2009, 08:28 PM
Yeah, good plan.

So, like, does your brother cruise for chicks at the local HPV survivors support groups or something? How can he be so fucking stupid as to have fallen for the same lie three times? And seriously - all three girls used the same lie? I suspect brother actually came up with this lie to make himself seem like less of a tool.

By the way, "breeder" is a derogatory term for parents used by the child-free by choice crowd, too.

RecoveringKinkoid
04-07-2009, 03:55 AM
Maybe someone should sit Mike down and explain to him where babies come from. :(

Evil Queen
04-07-2009, 04:03 AM
Can we take a butcher's knife to his dick?

Becks
04-07-2009, 04:17 AM
I'm thinking of going on an ass kicking tour.

I can fit your brother in, I think.

Evil Queen
04-07-2009, 05:06 AM
And that, Becks, is why you're one of my minions.

Amethyst Hunter
04-07-2009, 06:39 AM
So my resentment is stupid, and I’m ashamed of it, but I’m trying to get over it.

I don't think it's stupid at all. I'd be fucking pissed as hell too if I were in your shoes!

One of the things that has ALWAYS infuriated me with my own family is how my brother can get away with virtually anything, yet I make one little screwup (on the minor scale of screwups) and OMG I'm suddenly "the bad one." Mind you, my brother isn't exactly what you'd call "bad" either, but he's pulled some whoppers over the years that just had me going "and he's not getting punished/read the riot act WHY?!?!" when I know damned good and well that if I'd done the exact same things, I'd probably have been disowned.

Needless to say, my family's WTFery is a big reason why I will never have kids myself.

Jester
04-07-2009, 12:20 PM
My opinions on the matters at hand:

Your brother, as you suggested, is a fucking idiot.
Brenda is a fucking idiot.
Jerri is a fucking idiot.
Bennie is a fucking idiot, for a clean sweep.

The above does not change the fact, however, that you are being a bit petty. However much these people are fucking idiots (and they clearly are), the timing of everything is not their fault, and you should stop worrying about them and just enjoy your baby shower and (later on) your baby. I am sure your family is going to be far more excited about you giving birth to your first littl'un than they will be about your idiot brother once again knocking up some lazy tart.

Unless, of course, you come from a family of fucking idiots.

But by all descriptions, it sounds like your brother is alone in his condition, and it is not actually genetic.

So congratulations, enjoy your time in the sun, and ignore the fucking idiots.

Mom has offered to pay for a vasectomy. Three times. He has refused every time.

I wonder if it's ethical to drug him and drag him to the hospital without his permission.

Ethical? No.
Legal? No.
Appropriate? Sure. Sadly, also a bit late.

taxguykarl
04-07-2009, 03:36 PM
I know this is immature and petty, and I know the timing could not have been deliberate, but I feel like they are trying to steal some of the attention me and my husband and our son will be getting when he is born.Petty, I agree. In your case, you can blame the hormones--they can totally destroy reason and logic.
I wonder if it's ethical to drug him and drag him to the hospital without his permission. It would be better for the overpopulation problem, anyway.'Fraid so--keep up the pressure and make sure Mom keeps the offer open. This is one of those things that has to be HIS idea.
I understand what its like to have a brother who is the bad one and you are the good one. My wonderful brother is now pressuring my disabled elderly mother to sell her house or take a mortgage out on it to help pay for his wedding.... HES THIRTY YEARS OLD! I offered to buy a highchair when my niece was born but his fiance turned her nose up at my choice and pointed to a $499 one and said that would be the only acceptable high chair for her daughter...... I told them to forget it and brought her a romper instead.
OMG:eek: What a couple of EW's! My wife and I paid for our own wedding--still the gold standard in our families.:D [S]top worrying about them and just enjoy your baby shower and (later on) your baby. I am sure your family is going to be far more excited about you giving birth to your first littl'un than they will be about your idiot brother once again knocking up some lazy tart.I agree with Jester here. Your folks are probably relieved at finally having an in-wedlock grandchild.

Becks
04-07-2009, 04:42 PM
And that, Becks, is why you're one of my minions.

I have found my purpose in life. :D

digilight
04-07-2009, 06:52 PM
Wow your brother is one stupid ass mother fucker. How can someone be so fucking stupid as to hear the same story 3 times (HPV...Can't get pregnant...blah..blah..fucking blah) and fall for it hook line and sinker. These fucking cum sponge sluts knew exactly what the fuck they were doing, they saw a sucker. Expecially this current one, bennie (hehe makes me think of bennie the bull from dora the explorer).

As for knocking him out to get a little nip and tuck, I was thinking a well placed fast ball during a baseball game would do the trick (notice not fully advocating violence, but I sure as fuck am thinking it).

And lastly, as a father who has 2 kids with my wife, I can say that you are worlds ahead of your brother. Your kids will grow up with so much more then his, they will experience love, a good family, a nurturing environment, and as such will grow up to be good people. You have allready set the stage for them to succed at life.

PS. Congrats on the baby, it is a blast.

PepperElf
04-07-2009, 09:27 PM
because she had cervical cancer via HPV
All three of them?

that's... unusual, granted it's one of the most popular ones but... it's a little odd.

unless of course he's been picking them out because of that. which does happen in the world of STDs.

sounds like he needs to get solid on some things though

and um... maybe it's time he realized "HPV =/= birthcontrol"

tropicsgoddess
04-08-2009, 05:31 AM
AnaK, your brother would be the perfect candidate for the YAAFM series (You Are A Fucking Moron (http://www.newgrounds.com/collection/youareafuckingmoron)). The first time, I can understand that granted yes we make a mistake and move on, but to make that same mistake more than once...chronic dumbass syndrome in my book. Give your brother one of these from me :salmon: Congrats on your baby boy! :grats: :baby:

morgana
04-08-2009, 02:29 PM
Get him drunk and then call me. I have seen a vasectomy performed, and I have a couple of *very* sharp paring knives . . .

I may or may not be kidding . . . :eek:

blas
04-08-2009, 02:43 PM
Lots of women have HPV, it's very, very, very...I could fill up this whole screen with the word "Very", you get my drift...lots of women have HPV. Lots of men have it too. It rarely renders you sterile. There are more different forms of HPV than pairs of shoes in Carrie Bradshaw's closet. Many of them have no symptoms. Even the ones severe enough to cause abnormal Pap smears and (ultimately, if not caught for a long time) cervical cancer gave little to absolutely no side effects. More men and women have it than you may think (although obviously, men don't have a cervix so HPV doesn't affect them that way).

HPV is not commonly known for rendering women sterile. The woman would have to go YEARS without a Pap, and it would already have to be too late to be gotten rid of via chryosurgery (freezing of the affected spots on the cervix) or Leep (laser removal of the bad cells on the cervix, Leeps are for the worst of the worst).

And even then....there's always C-section births.

Any man dumb enough to believe that HPV = sterile deserves a good smack in the nuts.

draftermatt
04-08-2009, 06:57 PM
I had to go back and check three times to make sure he used the same excuse each time.

Part of me wonders, are each of these girls telling him the same thing, or is he telling you the same excuse because he knows you'll be upset with him.

If he's refusing a vasectomy I'd bet he likes "spreading his seed", and he enjoys the drama, why else would he keep doing it?

Jester
04-09-2009, 01:07 PM
How can someone be so fucking stupid as to hear the same story 3 times (HPV...Can't get pregnant...blah..blah..fucking blah) and fall for it hook line and sinker. These fucking cum sponge sluts knew exactly what the fuck they were doing, they saw a sucker.

I have to agree. I can see how someone can be stupid once. Hell, I've been there. Not with this HPV thing, though, as I don't think I've heard of it. No, seriously. But I once had a girlfriend who told me she couldn't get pregnant because she had had her tubes tied. Yes, I know it's still remotely possible for pregnancy to occur after that procedure, but it seems unlikely. In any case, either that remote possibility happened, or the girl in question had simply lied to me about having had the procedure done, because she did, in fact, get pregnant. And that made me smile.

Because she got pregnant over a year after I was no longer with her. With a new sucker boyfriend. :lol:

If he's refusing a vasectomy I'd bet he likes "spreading his seed", and he enjoys the drama, why else would he keep doing it?

I would like to (again) cast my vote for "he's a fucking idiot."