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View Full Version : Wherein I get serious for a moment (long)


fireheart
04-09-2009, 04:52 AM
Hi all,

I thought I'd share a little bit of background about me as you've all been so wonderful the past year or so. I originally joined this board when I was going through a rough time and this is the story I'd like to share:

For the first 6 months at uni, I went through the typical transition problems, but I went through those with two people I considered to be my friends. One of these I knew from a bus route that we shared and like me, his friends were everywhere else but where he was, while the other person we both met during orientation. These two were anything but my friends. It started out OK, at the time, I'd just found a guy, then discovered the only thing he wanted was sex. In other words, a "date, f:censored: and dump". One of them comforted me and the other tried to offer support. This I think is where our relationship went downhill.

After that, I was used for sexual favours (one of them was quite a smooth talker) and had everything I believed in turned against me (claiming that they were right and that everything I believed in was wrong, that I secretly "craved right-wing c:censored:" and other things). They claimed to be helping me through "tough love" and saving me from my "controlling" parents (that was a lie-well partially, while mum can be a bit helicopter-ish at times, both then and now she's died down a bit) and the media. The main problem arose though, was that after a while I thought they were right, that they were helping me. Eventually, it degraded to the point where I'd been having some problems, I'd met another guy and we were dating and I was still going to "them" for help. Their response? "Go and talk to your boyfriend." Whenever i had a rough problem and wanted to go to counselling for it (especially with my family issues), their response? "Counselling is a waste of time, it won't help you."

:eek:

After that, I broke off all contact with them. Facebook, MSN, everything. I almost considered going to the police, but what for exactly? I still kept copies of the chat logs from MSN in case something DID crop up, but those have now pretty much been wiped. I sought counselling from the university and they were wonderful with that and helping me out with some other issues. I eventually stopped going to them but remained on medication until just recently.

I thought I was over them, but guess what? I can't even LOOK at them anymore without having a flashback to what happened between us. They're still at my university, but not in my classes (thank God). If anything, they were degrading me (calling me "schnookums" when I asked them to stop, even in public and creating a Facebook group about it too) and guess how old they were? 18 and 20. Legal adults. Who if anything, should know better.

I'm not necessarily writing this for sympathy, but just to explain some of my background to you guys and part of the reason why I joined CS.com. Thank you guys for listening.

RootedPhoenix
04-09-2009, 05:26 AM
How rotten of them! :rant: Legal adults should be better than that crap.

*hug* Glad you came here! :D

Amethyst Hunter
04-09-2009, 06:40 AM
I have a chainsaw and a HELL of a lot of empty open farmland. Just sayin'. ;) :devil:

:hug: I'm glad you were able to get out of that rotten situation.

SengaKitty
04-09-2009, 01:38 PM
:hug:x1,000,000 Honey, I recently got out of an abusive relationship (I say recently, even though it was a year ago... It feels like just yesterday some days). I've been through hell and back, and if you need and empathetic ear, or just a shoulder to cry on, I'm here any time.

I'm VERY proud of you for getting out of that situation, and seeking help from a counselor, and even just for coming here and telling us your story. Sometimes just the telling of the story is the hardest thing to do, but it's often very healing.

Nurian
04-09-2009, 02:01 PM
People like that aren't adults except in the legal sense. I'm glad you got help and you should be proud of your progress.

artifical sweetner
04-09-2009, 02:17 PM
guys suck :( but i'm glad you sought out counseling

Eric the Grey
04-10-2009, 01:34 AM
guys suck :( but i'm glad you sought out counseling

Yea, we do. Some of us more than others.

Fireheart, I'm sorry you went through this. Rest assured that not all of us are bad seeds.



:cool: Eric the Grey

lupo pazzesco
04-10-2009, 02:02 AM
<HUGS!> and cookies, for good measure. I swiped 'em from EQ, so you know they're good.

Fireheart, that fact that you broke it off and sought help speaks volumes to your strength, and I, for one, am awed. I know people in situations much like yours who are still caught in the cycle, and which is heart-breaking to see.

Either way, I'm quite thrilled that you ended up here at CS.com. And that you're my minion 25% of the time...speaking of which... it IS a major holiday this weekend...so you're mine!!

<SMUGGLE AWAY!!>

McGoddess09
04-10-2009, 02:12 AM
I'm glad you joined.

And you're not alone. Stuff like that happened to me too, except I didn't have facebook groups dedicated to me or anything like that.

Guys are assholes...well, some more than others anyway.

fireheart
04-10-2009, 07:01 AM
Thanks for all the support everyone. Not all guys are assholes I know, but I'm still a little apprehensive about some of them.
I thought I was going to go OK without counselling or medication, but lately I keep running into them, so for me, I'm considering going back into counselling just to deal with it.
My parents don't know the full story, they just think that we had a fight and left it at that.

Nyoibo
04-10-2009, 10:38 AM
Well if you need them to have "accidents" I have a multitude of weapons and it'd take me an hour at the most to get to them and bring them to bear. :p

fireheart
05-10-2009, 11:20 AM
That's tempting Nyoibo....:devil:

fireheart
05-20-2009, 05:22 AM
Bumping up for an update.

So I went to the counsellor the other day. I told her the full story, right from the beginning. (One detail I forgot to mention here was that the guy who was using me for sexual favours kept saying "you're making a big deal out of sex" and that you "shouldn't be putting sex on a pedestal" so to speak and just pointing out that he would offer to get it over and done with). She listened and then mentioned that what had happened, because there was an element of coercion in there, that it was actually sexual assault.

:eek:

So we're going through counselling together now, trying to work through it. I'm not going to press charges, as there's no physical evidence, the only evidence is based on several emails and MSN transcriptions. The counsellor I'm seeing is through a government service for young people and they only do six sessions. If I'm still having trouble after the sixth session, she's referring me to a place for sexual assault. They can provide legal info as well, so if I DO go down that route, then I'll have information.

Shards
05-20-2009, 07:59 PM
Thank you for pointing out the mistake in my post. That's what I get for not proofreading...

fireheart
06-14-2009, 10:26 AM
No problems.

So, one of them left a message through a mutual friend of ours today. Well, not really. I barely spoke five words to the guy but forgot to block him on Facebook (when I mentioned that we'd had a fight to this guy, he gave me some helpful words of advice). It sounded like the type of message that a guy leaves if he's in a relationship with someone....in my case though, messing with my head.
Given that I've emailed him, asking him to stop in the past, any messages after that I'm considering harassment. I'm starting to notice a pattern as well, and I reckon that they're trying to mess with me so I screw up my exams. I don't know how well this theory works, but I might send an email to someone at the uni asking for advice. If he continues to message me through another mutual friend of ours (one that I'm actually good friends with), then I'm pressing charges for harassment.

fireheart
06-30-2009, 08:17 AM
So yet another bumpage (sorry Raps!) for another update.

They're still coming into work nearly every weekend or so...nearly every time they do, my hands start shaking. I've actually broken down a few times since then, so whether it's because it's coming up to nearly a year since what happened or not, I can't say.

I wound up telling my dad today about some of what happened...I made it clear though that I don't want my parents fighting this one for me, but because I can't apparaently do it myself, they think they should. I've had enough. I'm going to go to the police and make a statement concerning the harassment. I don't have to have any investigation going on at this stage and I'm making that clear. I just want them to back off and leave me alone. Work won't be able to stop them from coming in, but if they'll back off, then it's a start.

Barracuda
06-30-2009, 08:58 AM
I would definitely continue with counseling and therapy. It sounds like you may be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.) I have a friend who suffers from that-he was sexually abused as a teen, and he suffers from flashbacks and anxiety attacks as well. (Thankfully, his abuser was killed in Iraq so having to run across them is not an issue.) Only other advice I can offer is to try taking St. John's Wort or Sam-E daily (recommended dosage on the package,) or see about possibly getting prescribed anti depressants or anti anxiety medicine. My prayers are with you; I have had more than one friend who dealt with events similar to yours.

Jester
06-30-2009, 12:21 PM
If you need and empathetic ear, or just a shoulder to cry on, I'm here any time.

I have to chime in and say that Red is a fantastic person to talk to if you do feel like you need someone to talk to. She is not, as they say, just whistling Dixie.

My parents don't know the full story, they just think that we had a fight and left it at that.

There are some things parents don't need to know. I see you told your Dad some of it, and that's fine....if you feel they should know, go for it and tell them, but if you feel it's in your best interests for them not to know, well then, that's okay too.

One detail I forgot to mention here was that the guy who was using me for sexual favours kept saying "you're making a big deal out of sex" and that you "shouldn't be putting sex on a pedestal" so to speak and just pointing out that he would offer to get it over and done with.

This is not defending them in any way, but you should realize that there is a strong chance that the guy who is saying this actually believes this. He's still an asshole, but you should know where there head is at.

...lately I keep running into them.

I think this is a good thing. Especially if you've reinforced your front bumper to deal with the impacts. Keep running into them. Over and over and over again....... :devil:

fireheart
06-30-2009, 12:41 PM
1) This is not defending them in any way, but you should realize that there is a strong chance that the guy who is saying this actually believes this. He's still an asshole, but you should know where there head is at.



2) I think this is a good thing. Especially if you've reinforced your front bumper to deal with the impacts. Keep running into them. Over and over and over again....... :devil:

Numbered for my sake.

1) Yeah, I think that's the case too.

2) :lol: too many meanings. They keep coming to work when I'm there. :p