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View Full Version : DiGiornio's can kiss my ass!


Jester
04-10-2009, 05:06 AM
I hate the microwave, and almost never buy frozen dinners.

Tonight, coming home from an event, I was hungry, didn't want to cook, it was too late to order in, and I wanted something other than the usual sushi/salads/sandwiches that are ready to go in my local all-night grocery store.

So I stopped in the frozen food aisle, and while I was tempted to get something Asian, all these DiGiornio's ads I've seen lately made me think, "Well, lots of frozen food is getting much better than in the past. Go for it. How bad can it be? After all, you HAVE had decent frozen pizza before."

As the son of an ad man, you would think I would know better than to be suckered in by clever advertising. And you, of course, would be completely wrong.

I bought the DiGiornio's. I cooked it in the nuke, according to the instructions. And I haven just finished eating it.

Delivery pizza without the delivery? Two words, DiGiornio's: My motherfucking ass! Shit was crap, tasted like crap, tasted like frozen crap pizza nuked in the fucking microwave, and the only thing it had in common with delivery pizza was I used the same plate and the same mouth I would on delivery pizza. The stuff in between the plate and the mouth was barely edible, let alone tasty or comparable to delivery pizza.

So DiGiornio's, do me a favor. Take your marketing department out for a tropical field trip. Meet me at the docks. Pay no mind to the boat, the duct tape, the various knives and saws, or the chum bucket, and just leave your marketing department folks with me. Yeah, that's a good soul-sucking corporation, good boy, yes!

RecoveringKinkoid
04-10-2009, 05:12 AM
Jester, you ate a frozen pizza you had cooked in the nuke, and you are suprised it tasted like ass?

Seriously?

Listen. When choosing "meals" such as this, the idea isn't to find one that tastes good. That is a fool's errand. The idea is to find one you can keep down.

So...did it stay down?

Cut the marketing department some slack here. Their boss probably told them "describe this product without using the words "ass," "shit," or "vomit." If they managed to do that, they did their jobs. I know there must be some semblance of truth in advertising, at least on paper, but I guess the taste of ass is subjective.

Stormraven
04-10-2009, 05:17 AM
Red Baron's. Much better. If you can't do a local pizzeria, I would recommend RB over Domino's or Pizza Hut. (I like both, but I've also tasted much better than both.)

Greenday
04-10-2009, 05:22 AM
DiGiornio's tastes much better when you're a college student and the school food is crap. But during the summer when I'm home and eating real meals, I wouldn't touch DiGiornio's with a ten foot pole.

ArcticChicken
04-10-2009, 05:26 AM
I cooked it in the nuke, according to the instructions.

Well, there's your problem.

Seriously, you nuked your pizza?

Never, ever, cook a frozen dinner in the microwave if there is and oven option. Ever.

Listen to me, for I am the mistress of making crap-from-a-box into something that resembles real food.

Your second problem was that you don't appear to have done anything besides nuke it. I personally get pepperoni and sausage pizza and add parmesan cheese, feta cheese, and red pepper flakes before I bake it.

On the other hand, there aren't any really good pizza places around here, so my standards are much lower.

Which reminds me, when I visit my Mom next week I need to get her to take me to that coal fired pizza place who's name I can't remember. Heavenly.

ArcticChicken
04-10-2009, 05:27 AM
Red Baron's.

Come to think of it, I usually buy Red Baron's, too.

Amethyst Hunter
04-10-2009, 05:28 AM
Red Baron's. Much better.

YES. Three words: four-cheese pizza! My favorite from that line. :9 <3

I would recommend RB over Domino's or Pizza Hut.

Pizza Butt is way better than Dumbino's IMO.

And hell yes, DiGiornio's is crap on a raft.

Edit to add: Freschetti's also has some decent frozen pizzas; it depends on the kind you get though. Also recommend California Pizza Kitchen's frozen Margharita Pizza. Yummy!

Bella_Vixen
04-10-2009, 05:29 AM
Jester, have I told you lately that I :love: your way with words?

RecoveringKinkoid
04-10-2009, 05:33 AM
Jester, have I told you lately that I :love: your way with words?

I know, right? I read this: and the only thing it had in common with delivery pizza was I used the same plate and the same mouth I would on delivery pizza.

and nearly sprayed beer on my screen.

And by the way, it's shit beer, too. Holy smoke, I'm looking over here to see what I'm drinking and it actually has fucking camo on the can. Camo on the can. Who bought this stuff?????? Miller High Life Light. I can't even believe I'm drinking this. But you know, when I popped the top (and really, you pop a top on a beer, dont' you expect it to be shit beer anyways?) I thought, "oh, look, shit beer. Glug glug glug." It's beer and it's 1:30 am. I was not expecting any quality and I was not disappointed. I'm talking to you, Jester.

AdminAssistant
04-10-2009, 12:40 PM
Err...I like DiGiornio's? But then, I like thick chewy crust. And yes, poor college student = lower standards. And poor grad student = cardboard with cheese? Is it free? I'll eat it! I usually only get their single-serve, though.

Red Baron's is okay, and Tony's is okay. I don't bother with the rest - too expensive. There's a local pizza joint that specializes in wheat crust pizza (soooooo good) and their large, 1-topping is around 8 bucks with a coupon. Not spending that much on frozen pizza.

dalesys
04-10-2009, 12:48 PM
DiGiornio's can kiss my ass!

Oh, they can all kiss my ass, Lord, they can all kiss my ass
If they wanna kiss my ass, well they better do it fast, 'cause we're all gonna die someday
-- We're All Gonna Die Someday - Kasey Chambers

Caveat Emptor
04-10-2009, 12:56 PM
I used to buy single-serv multi-packs of Tony's frozen deep-dish (haven't seen it down here since I moved) because oftentimes I would be too lazy or tired to do anything other than nuke something. It was OK, not gourmet by far, but I've tasted far worse. The worst pizza I've ever had is from the caf in the building I'm working at right now. :puke: If I ever recommend pizza to any new hires, I tell them to go to the caf in the next building which has a Pizza Hut Express.

Antisocial_Worker
04-10-2009, 02:22 PM
I miss the Tony's Mexican-style pizza. Cornmeal crust... nummy.

If I want real pizza, however, I go about two miles up the road to a place called Marco's. They make this pizza that uses ranch dressing instead of tomato sauce... :D

draftermatt
04-10-2009, 02:27 PM
I only tried DiGiornio's once, didn't care for it, and it was in the oven no less. If I do frozen pizza anymore it's Tombstone only. (Because my wife doesn't eat the other one's, I do like Red Baron, Tony's and Celeste)

Unless it's a Celeste Pizza for one. They aren't too bad in the microwave.

tropicsgoddess
04-10-2009, 03:33 PM
Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, Red Baron or Totino's are my faves. The Totino's pizzas are cheap, but taste good.

Jack T. Chance
04-10-2009, 04:09 PM
I bought the DiGiornio's. I cooked it in the nuke, according to the instructions. And I haven just finished eating it.As someone else mentioned, that's your problem! ALWAYS cook a DiGiorno's or Frescheta pizza in the OVEN! That's the ONLY way to cook them. I bought some of the single-serving, microwave DiGiorno pizzas, and I cook them in the oven. Not too bad, the sauce is a touch spicy for my taste, though.Red Baron's. Much better.Depends on which ones you get. Their french bread pizzas put Stouffer's to SHAME! And they're also the ONLY pizzas I've found that are actually EDIBLE when cooked in the microwave! ;)Unless it's a Celeste Pizza for one. They aren't too bad in the microwave.:puke:

I once thought as you do... when I was a kid! Then I grew up, and realized that Celeste pizzas are as bad as the crap that Sbarro's calls pizza and charges nearly $4 a slice for! :rolleyes:Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, Red Baron or Totino's are my faves. The Totino's pizzas are cheap, but taste good.As I mentioned before, Red Baron french bread pizzas put Stouffer's to SHAME! But then again, you can cook the Red Baron ones COMPLETELY in the microwave or COMPLETELY in the oven, and they come out good either way. I don't know what Stouffer's does to theirs these days, but you HAVE to cook them partly in the microwave, and partly in the oven, or you RUIN them. Even if you follow the directions for the Red Baron french bread pizzas, the Stouffer's will come out like CRAP if you try to cook it either completely in the microwave or completely in the oven. So I just don't even bother with Stouffer's anymore. :no:

Dave1982
04-10-2009, 04:25 PM
DiGiorno frozen pizza is actually pretty decent, but as has been said, you simply MUST cook it in the oven. ANY pizza cooked in the microwave will come out mediocre at best.

strawbabies
04-10-2009, 04:36 PM
I recommend never cooking a frozen anything in the microwave. It's just, well, ick.

If I have to live with frozen pizza, I get Red Barron's or Tony's.

However, I've recenly discovered that Publix has their own fresh pizza dough, and the resulting pizza is amazing. My fiance is lactose intolerant, and the cheap cheese they use in pizzerias causes some serious GI issues for him. But if we make our own pizza and use the Sargento artisan mozzarella cheese, he's fine.

SG15Z
04-10-2009, 06:28 PM
Jester, I could have told you it tasted like ass. If you had asked me before hand you wouldn't have had this problem. :p

I never eat frozen pizza. Ever!!!!! Course I'm use to eating at the pizzerias so my standards are very high. :yes:

Two words, DiGiornio's: My motherfucking ass!

That's three words. :p

Kogarashi
04-10-2009, 09:47 PM
You know, I don't think I've ever had a frozen pizza, either in the microwave or oven.

Ignoring the fifty billion and a half pizzerias in town (my city claims to be the American birthplace of pizza), Hubby and I just make our own. Hubby has a few quick dough recipes (the quick-rise breadstick dough is excellent for pizzas), plus we know how to stick Pillsbury biscuit dough together for a crust as well, and then we just throw on whatever toppings we want. We've only ever been disappointed when experimenting with new dough recipes, since some are far better than others.

Jester
04-11-2009, 02:18 AM
Jester, have I told you lately that I :love: your way with words?

What? What did I say (this time)?

I'm looking over here to see what I'm drinking and it actually has fucking camo on the can. Camo on the can. Who bought this stuff?????? Miller High Life Light.

Okay, let's face it. A can of Miller High Life Light. Camo motif. When you think about it, are you honestly all that surprised? :lol:

I was not expecting any quality and I was not disappointed. I'm talking to you, Jester.

I was not expecting it to be as good as the commercial says, no. But I was expecting it to be vaguely edible, maybe even somewhat tasty. I admit, I was led astray by those clever, devious, manipulative ad men. (I say this as the son of an ad man, incidentally.)

Err...I like DiGiornio's? But then, I like thick chewy crust.

I like all kinds of crust. Just not crusts that have all the chewiness and taste of a brick. Parts of the crust (about a third of the personal sized pizza) were hard enough to use as a weapon. I could actually mug someone and knock them out with this thing. "It's not a concussion....it's DiGiornio's!"

ALWAYS cook a DiGiorno's or Frescheta pizza in the OVEN!
I recommend never cooking a frozen anything in the microwave. It's just, well, ick.

However, I've recenly discovered that Publix has their own fresh pizza dough, and the resulting pizza is amazing.

Hubby and I just make our own.

As I mentioned, I felt less than wonderful, I wanted something quick, the local pizza places were closed, and I just wanted to eat. Yes, I paid the price, but the thought of waiting on it to cook in an oven or (ha ha!) making one myself and then waiting for that to cook was just not appealing.

And again, I hate the nuke. I virtually never use it, other than to melt butter or heat liquids or something.

Jester, I could have told you it tasted like ass. If you had asked me before hand you wouldn't have had this problem.

Yes, you could have told me. But as you were not in the truck, in the grocery store, on my porch, or in my kitchen, I failed to think to actually ask you. I'll make a note of your value in this area for future use. :lol:

That's three words.

I know. That's the point. :lol:

sexiphatchick
04-11-2009, 04:06 AM
When it comes to frozen pizza, I have one rule. I buy the cheap, plain cheese pizza, and some veggies or whatever I want, and I put my own toppings on it, then I put more shredded cheese on top. And I always cook it in the oven, NEVER the micro (I guess that's 2 rules, huh?). If you do it this way, it comes out awesome.

Bella_Vixen
04-11-2009, 04:57 AM
Back in the day, when we were poorer then poor, Becks and I would eat Tony's pizza. :puke: I haven't eaten it in years.

Amethyst Hunter
04-11-2009, 05:01 AM
the crap that Sbarro's calls pizza

Hey, I *like* Sbarro's. :mad:

Tombstone used to be good - their thin crust in particular was nice - but then they did away with it and I haven't enjoyed their pizzas as much as I do the Red Barons now.

powerboy
04-11-2009, 08:57 AM
I used to buy single-serv multi-packs of Tony's frozen deep-dish


That is the only pizza that I put in the microwave. Hell Tonys is the only pizza that I buy from the store.

Becks
04-11-2009, 03:15 PM
I will NEVER make pizza in the microwave. :puke:

I like Jack's and Orv's, can tolerate Tombstone on occasion, but I don't care for DiGornio's.

I used to like Stouffer's FBP a lot, but a while back they changed the plastic wrappers and the cheese a little bit, and I think the quality has gone down.

In NJ, I developed a fondness for Celeste's Pizza For One.

Seshat
04-12-2009, 08:27 AM
Your second problem was that you don't appear to have done anything besides nuke it. I personally get pepperoni and sausage pizza and add parmesan cheese, feta cheese, and red pepper flakes before I bake it.

If you're going to do that, just grab yourself some pita bread or foccacia, pre-sliced pepperoni, pre-shredded mozarella, pizza-sauce-in-a-jar and do the whole thing.

Of course, if you're going that far, where are you going to stop? May as well buy the unsliced good pepperoni and mozarella, and tomato.

Heck, may as well grab some bread flour while you're at it.

And there's that local place that grows their own tomato - pick it straight from the vine that afternoon. Maybe we should go there instead of the grocery store....

:angel:

Ree
04-12-2009, 08:40 AM
I like DiGiorno's pizza.

The only pizza that I ever cook in the microwave is the stuff that comes with a special microwave tray, but even then, I don't expect it to taste as good as one from a pizzeria.

Gravekeeper
04-12-2009, 09:36 AM
Ugh, I HATE that ad campaign. If you actually know anyone that would seriously engage in a lengthy argument over the origin of the crap ass pizza you're serving them than do me a favour: Call them, right now, and invite them over. When they arrive, invite them in and HIT them as hard as you bloody can upside the back of the head. When they ask you WTF, ask them if that felt like the front or the back of your fist.

Now argue with them about it for the next 5 minutes.

><

On the other hand, never, ever put pizza in a microwave. No matter what they tell you or how ass you feel. You may as well just take the whole pizza, walk up to the back of a camel, lift his tail and just RAM the whole thing against his puckered forbidden gates and vigorous massage it in with circular motions till you lose all the cheese.

Actually, that'd still probably come out better. -.-

Fenrus
04-12-2009, 10:01 AM
RAM the whole thing against his puckered forbidden gates and vigorous massage it in with circular motions till you lose all the cheese.

Best... Mental... Picture... Ever...

Bright_Star
04-12-2009, 10:49 AM
Frozen pizza is miles away from what fresh made pizza is like. Haven't had frozen pizza in years & I'm not about to buy one now.
Stick with the fresh made stuff.

ArcticChicken
04-12-2009, 01:24 PM
If you're going to do that, just grab yourself some pita bread or foccacia, pre-sliced pepperoni, pre-shredded mozarella, pizza-sauce-in-a-jar and do the whole thing.

I don't like pita bread, and nobody sells foccacia near me, and if I'm going to that much effort, I'm just gonna make it from scratch.

I already have the feta, etc.
You may as well just take the whole pizza, walk up to the back of a camel, lift his tail and just RAM the whole thing against his puckered forbidden gates and vigorous massage it in with circular motions till you lose all the cheese.

Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?

AdminAssistant
04-12-2009, 03:47 PM
I like DiGiorno's pizza.

The only pizza that I ever cook in the microwave is the stuff that comes with a special microwave tray, but even then, I don't expect it to taste as good as one from a pizzeria.

Me too, Ree.

I'm dirt poor and work all the time. Sometimes the microwave is the only way I'm going to get a hot meal. And I love pizza. Heck, I love frozen pizza. It's cheap and convenient. Sometimes I don't want to drive out to a pizzeria, and unless the weather is bad, I'm not going to pay someone extra to bring it to me. Making from scratch? pffft. No time, no money. If I'm going to spend that much time making something, I'll just make a big baked spaghetti or something.

I like DiGiorno's because it has a nice, thick, chewy crust. Even the microwave single serve ones. Red Baron's okay, but Tony's is just about as good, to me, and cheaper. I like the South Beach Diet pizzas, too. I don't care for Totino's or Tombstone - Tombstone has a weird crust that I don't like. Pizza is not meant to come on french bread, and that's all there is to that.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
04-12-2009, 05:01 PM
My favorite frozen pizza is Cranky Pat's.

They're a pizzeria that has locations around Green Bay, Appleton and Oshkosh and they also sell frozen pizzas at local grocery stores. There's a pissed off-looking Dick Cheney-ish guy on the label.

They're expensive--$7.69 a pop so I can only get one or two of them when I go grocery shopping. But they're bigger that your average frozen pizza and just loaded with pepperonis, and is that Parmesan cheese sprinkled over the top...

I better stop now, before I start touching myself over pizza.

Otherwise, it's Jack's or Orv's for cheaper pizzas, or Roma if I don't feel like eating so much.

Jester
04-12-2009, 06:23 PM
I like DiGiorno's pizza.

The only pizza that I ever cook in the microwave is the stuff that comes with a special microwave tray...

The DiGiornio's I bought DID come with a special microwave tray, actually.

If you actually know anyone that would seriously engage in a lengthy argument over the origin of the crap ass pizza you're serving them than do me a favour: Call them, right now, and invite them over. When they arrive, invite them in and HIT them as hard as you bloody can upside the back of the head.

With the DiGiornio's pizza? :lol:

I like DiGiorno's because it has a nice, thick, chewy crust. Even the microwave single serve ones.

Umm, that's the one I got. The single serve one. With the microwave tray. And it came out....like....ass.

In related news, being a bit under the weather, I ventured out yesterday to the grocery store to buy some food so I could just hibernate in my apartment over my weekend off and try to get well. On a whim, I picked up a full-sized frozen Tombstone Supreme Pizza. They were on sale for only $3! Before anyone says anything, yes, I do plan on cooking it in the oven, not the nuke!

In unrelated news, something irritating happened at said grocery store (but not irritating enough to warrant its own thread). Being mid-afternoon on a Saturday, the store was jammed, and I often found myself allowing other people with carts to go by or in front of me, as I felt like ass, didn't have much energy, and am rather polite. But at one point, tooling down one aisle, I came to a bit of a jam. Another cart was coming one way, and in my way were three store employees, standing around chatting. It seemed like the one guy was chatting up the attractive young female employee. He also happened to be the one most in my path. So, being the ever polite man that I try to be, I said, "Excuse me" to try to get by.

Now, I could understand if the guy didn't hear me and thus did not move. But the fucker heard me, turned his head, looked right at me, clearly trying to get by him, and then turned his head back to the cute young thang and kept talking, without moving. All the while all three of them were in full uniform.

I'm sorry, is it too much to ask that on a busy Saturday when you are at work if someone politely tries to get by you while you are not doing any work you get the fuck out of their way, you rude fucking asshole? I swear, I wanted to hit the guy with a frozen DiGiornio's. Better yet, force feed a nuked one to him. Take THAT, you fuck!

Thank you. I'm done venting now.

Stormraven
04-12-2009, 06:57 PM
I only buy RB or the other frozen pizzas if I'm planning to use the microwave, actually.

If I want to cook pizza in the oven, there's a great place - I don't know how widespread it is - called Papa Murphy's Take 'n Bake. Very good pizzas, lots of toppings, and they bake up nicely.

The cooked pizza doesn't refrigerate as well as I'd like, but it's still good.

Gravekeeper
04-12-2009, 08:32 PM
The greatest pizza I have ever had was created purely by accident out of 3 ingredients which I randomly forged from my fridge:

1) A single uncooked deli pizza from the local grocery store that had merely sun dried tomatoes, artichokes and mozza/Parmesan on it. More of a base than a whole pizza.

2) A single Lean Cuisine Chicken, Spinach and Mushroom Panini. Scrap all contents off bread ( Grilled chicken, roasted red peppers, spinach, shrooms, asiago, romano, cheddar and parmesan ) onto pizza.

3) Fresh basil.


Toss it in the oven and oh hell yes. ><

BarbieGirl
04-12-2009, 09:55 PM
The only frozen Pizza I like is California Pizza kitchen.... yummy yummy goodness. And they have single serve microwaveable pizza that turn out pretty darn good. BBQ chicken is my current addiction. Plus now they have the large size with a rising crust! Pardon me as I wipe the drool off my keyboard.

PepperElf
04-13-2009, 12:29 AM
I currently don't have a microwave. I have one in storage and my boyfriend has one too, so eventually when we get our households combined we'll have two...

so for now i just use the oven, stovetop, foreman grill or the toaster oven.

For pizza... Frankly most of those brand name ones are not very good. I however found a cheap solution...

I pick up the local store brand cheese pizza (wegmans 4 cheese) cos it's the cheapest there. Then I buy mushrooms and an onion and make mushroom onion pizza. :D