View Full Version : The one where Hina complains about her family

04-11-2009, 11:28 PM
I love my family. I really do. But they piss me the hell off! SO MUCH!

Not to agree with Freud but it all comes back to my mom. The thing is she gets bullied by her sisters and she accepts it. Never complains about how they make her bend backwards for them. Not a word when they pick at me, or all the things one of my aunts did to me when I was little.

She has no spine. Whatever.

The problem is she takes all the resentment she may feel for them and focuses it on my brother and I, or maybe there is another reason for why she is like this. The smallest little criticism is met with shrieks of "You hate me" and "I can't even breathe" or "I should run off an live in the woods"

Growing up like this does not invoke the most healthy relationship between dame and offspring. My brother and I, who are pretty chill normally, get really mad around her.

There are a million things that makes me mad at her, and it drives me nuts because I do love the woman. But she pisses me off so much.

Plus, thin walls at home. So I can hear everything she says.

She's very critical of me, but can't stand if I say boo to her.

Plus, she makes my brother and i angry so we get snitty with each other and that causes epic fights.

There is this really wonderful feeling I get at the idea of going home for Easter or other holidays. But then i'm home and I feel anger and self-loathing.

I know this is really incoherent. I just hate it so much.

04-12-2009, 12:26 AM
The sad truth may be (I emphasize "may") that the damage is done and there is nothing you can do. It sucks, of course, but that may be just the way it is. Not all problems can be solved, especially when it involves people's makeup.

That being said, there may be a chance you may be able to make your mom see the damage she is doing to you and your brother and the relationships in the family.

Normally I am a fan of direct communication, but in this case, that may be the worst possible idea. As you said, the least criticism from you to her and she goes off the handle. If I had to deal with this, the way I would go about it is to say, "Mom, there is something you need to know, but I need to tell you in an unconventional way. I want you to read this, but not until after I have left." Then leave, in a sealed envelope, a printed copy of your comments above, and leave the house. Quickly.

Anything might happen, but I think the two most likely results will be either that she once again flies off the handle (nothing knew there), or she recognizes the problem and, however difficult it will be for her (and I imagine it will be very difficult) will attempt to go about changing things.

Good luck. You're going to need it.