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sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 03:49 AM
ok so this is kinda weird, but since im not good at deciphering, and while ive asked a few friends i want opinions form others too.

so there's this guy i worked with (he got promoted and transferred this past Saturday) i worked with him for 6 years, and we became friends, as many of us have done. on top of that ive always had a 'thing' for him, if you will.

when i first told him i was 17 and he was 27 (yea i know 10 years--but hes at the maturity level of me) so that kinda set him back and said he liked me as a friend.

the next couple years he ended up dating 2 other girls that worked there. neither relationship worked :P

but since then i really haven't brought up the subject, because hes an awkward type of person. you ask him a serious question, he has a hard time answering. hes just kinda weird/shy. which is fine. :shrug:

so last sat night a group of us went out to celebrate his promotion. and he got drunk haha. poor guy. a few of us went back to his apartment after, and the entire time we were there he kept close to me, even sitting with me and keeping his arm around me. no im sure this can happen to anyone...

but he does this every time to me when he gets drunk. even when he was dating the other girls. but ive never made a move, because well, i didn't want to get in a fight ;)

my friends seem to think that he does like me, and since hes so awkward sober, being drunk he can relax, and he says stuff that he would have a hard time saying sober.( i'm like that too--cept i don't drink)

basically the guy is sending me confusing signals. what the hell is going on here?

Jester
04-22-2009, 04:49 AM
Okay, kids, remember this: NASA sends signals. TV stations send signals. Radio towers send signals.

People, on the other hand, have emotions, feelings, and thoughts that really cannot be readily deciphered by signals we think we may or may not be receiving. There are exceptions, of course. For example, if that big ugly guy in the corner keeps staring at you while scowling and punching his fist into his palm, it is a clear signal that he means you ill will. If a man walks up to you and whips out his pecker and rubs it up and down your high heels, it's a clear signal that he has a shoe fetish. (And that it's time to clean your shoes.)

But in normal everyday situations, please, for the love of beer, STOP trying to read signals from someone you may or may not be attracted to. Seriously. Just....bloody..... STOP!!!

Sara, if you want to know if your awkward and befuddled goofball is romantically inclined towards you, either ask him directly or lean over and plant one on him. Either way, you should get a reaction. It may not be the reaction you WANT, but it should be a reaction.

Of course, if the guy is 29 (by the timeline of your story) and he still can't manage to express interest in a girl in some coherent fashion, I have to wonder about him. A lot. I also have to wonder about a guy his age who is on the same maturity level of someone who just got the right to vote. But that's just me.

Good luck, either way.

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 04:55 AM
im 22 hes 32. yea its not a good sign haha

well tomorrow im going to just ask him. if he like to hang out, see a movie on sautrday night. cant hurt right?

Jester
04-22-2009, 05:01 AM
Carpe diem! Go for it! Worst thing he can say is no.

Well, that's not the worst thing he can say, but let's not delve into THAT pile! :lol:

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 05:04 AM
Carpe diem! Go for it! Worst thing he can say is no.

Well, that's not the worst thing he can say, but let's not delve into THAT pile! :lol:

haha actually ill shoot for sunday (thats the only day i can make a showing of the movie i wanna see)

my guess is he wants to know who else will go.

*crosses fingers*!!

Jester
04-22-2009, 05:07 AM
I have to jump in here with a suggestion, as I kind of overlooked this before.

If this is going to be a DATE, as in your first official romantic interlude with the boy.....do NOT go to the movies. Generally speaking, that is the worst choice possible. Why? Well, a first date is all about getting to know each other (in your cases, more in a romantic sense, as you've known each other for a little while now) and interacting. In a movie, there is generally not much real interaction. I am not saying you should never go to a movie for a date, but as a first date, it just doesn't do much.

Just my two Canadian cents. (I've been trying to get rid of those damn Canadian pennies since someone tossed them in my tip jar last week.)

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 05:10 AM
I have to jump in here with a suggestion, as I kind of overlooked this before.

If this is going to be a DATE, as in your first official romantic interlude with the boy.....do NOT go to the movies. Generally speaking, that is the worst choice possible. Why? Well, a first date is all about getting to know each other (in your cases, more in a romantic sense, as you've known each other for a little while now) and interacting. In a movie, there is generally not much real interaction. I am not saying you should never go to a movie for a date, but as a first date, it just doesn't do much.

Just my two Canadian cents. (I've been trying to get rid of those damn Canadian pennies since someone tossed them in my tip jar last week.)

lol damn coins.

hmm we could always go and grab something to eat? or both haha.

usually when a group of us did stuff, we went to the movies then to the 24 hour diner after. so i technically can do both

of course...if he accepts.

*still crossing fingers*

Jester
04-22-2009, 05:21 AM
Oh, there's more out there to do than just diners and movies. Seriously. Though if those are your only options (and I doubt it), go with the food. Because you can TALK over food. Your focus will be on each other, not a giant silver screen with explosions and unrealistic driving. (Sorry, just saw "Fast and Furious" last night.)

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 12:54 PM
we'll have too see

RecoveringKinkoid
04-22-2009, 01:58 PM
I'm wondering what you want with a guy who, when drunk, hangs all over other girls.

So he does this AND has the emotional maturity of someone 10 years younger.

I'm thinking you should pass on this one. :(

Shangri-laschild
04-22-2009, 03:32 PM
I'm wondering what you want with a guy who, when drunk, hangs all over other girls.

I have friends that get more snuggly when drunk. They don't mean it in a sexual way, they just get snuggly. Granted they don't do it with other girls when they have girlfriends.

Okay, kids, remember this: NASA sends signals. TV stations send signals. Radio towers send signals.

People, on the other hand, have emotions, feelings, and thoughts that really cannot be readily deciphered by signals we think we may or may not be receiving.


Of course, if the guy is 29 (by the timeline of your story) and he still can't manage to express interest in a girl in some coherent fashion, I have to wonder about him. A lot. I also have to wonder about a guy his age who is on the same maturity level of someone who just got the right to vote. But that's just me.

I agree with the first part. People interpret things differently and act differently and it makes things not always seem as they are.

As far as the communication thing, that's not necessarily a maturity thing. My dad is incredibly shy. He always has been. I myself have trouble sometimes getting started on an upsetting subject. Once it gets started it's not as much of a problem, but actually getting it started can be agonizing every so often.


Good luck with asking him out and let us know how it goes.

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 05:00 PM
I have friends that get more snuggly when drunk. They don't mean it in a sexual way, they just get snuggly. Granted they don't do it with other girls when they have girlfriends.



I agree with the first part. People interpret things differently and act differently and it makes things not always seem as they are.

As far as the communication thing, that's not necessarily a maturity thing. My dad is incredibly shy. He always has been. I myself have trouble sometimes getting started on an upsetting subject. Once it gets started it's not as much of a problem, but actually getting it started can be agonizing every so often.


Good luck with asking him out and let us know how it goes.

i may have worded my story wrong. hes more of a snuggler type. its not lewd touching and im the only girl he does this too. if he tried anything that was a no-no, id let him know it

Evil Queen
04-22-2009, 05:13 PM
If this is your first foray into dating this guy (IF it's a date and didn't wind up inviting other people along, otherwise it's a group thing and there's no intimacy there), Like Jester said, I would skip the movie. Otherwise, afterwards at the diner, you just wind up talking about the movie.

XXDarrienX (who now no longer lives with us, but with this girlfriend in southern Houston) used to "date" this girl who worked at a movie theater so she got to see movies for free.

And that's all they did. See movies. At the end, they seemed to just go there separate ways. No a good date at all. :no:

I have friends that get more snuggly when drunk. They don't mean it in a sexual way, they just get snuggly. Granted they don't do it with other girls when they have girlfriends.

My friends are that way too, but they tend to do it the the nearest body they can find. Boy, girl, teddy bear, goldfish.

sarasquirrel
04-22-2009, 05:28 PM
goldfish eh?

Nurian
04-22-2009, 11:07 PM
My friends are that way too, but they tend to do it the the nearest body they can find. Boy, girl, teddy bear, goldfish.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You know Troy McClure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_McClure)?

Irving Patrick Freleigh
04-23-2009, 02:37 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You know Troy McClure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_McClure)?

Hey! I remember him from such movies as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys The Groovy Mule"!

sarasquirrel
04-23-2009, 03:00 AM
ok well i asked him. i asked if hed wanna see a movie with me suinday night (yea im going with movie--i know i know) but i dont know what his schedule is like

he doesnt know it yet either, but he said he will let me know


so its not a no...at least not yet

i did say "with me" and he didnt ask of any others. so i think he gets the idea its just me ;P

Jester
04-23-2009, 03:39 AM
As far as the communication thing, that's not necessarily a maturity thing. My dad is incredibly shy. He always has been. I myself have trouble sometimes getting started on an upsetting subject. Once it gets started it's not as much of a problem, but actually getting it started can be agonizing every so often.

I have often used a phrase on this site: "I reserve the right to be completely, horribly, and even embarrassingly wrong." This is one of those cases.

Of all people in the world, I should know that being able to express interest in someone of the opposite sex does not necessarily equate with maturity. Hell, I often still struggle with this myself, with getting that first foot in the door. (Once I get over that hurdle, I usually manage to stroll in the door, sit down, and make myself at home, expressively wise, anyways.)

I apologize to anyone who is shy who feels I suggested that their shyness equals immaturity. It was not meant as such.

I think that it was just all the other things Sara said about the dude that made me just think, "What is WITH this guy?"

Hope that all makes sense.

XXDarrienX (who now no longer lives with us, but with this girlfriend in southern Houston) used to "date" this girl who worked at a movie theater so she got to see movies for free.

The obvious question arises: is she as nuts as the other girls he was dating, especially the one he was fleeing when he moved in with y'all? Just wondering.

RecoveringKinkoid
04-23-2009, 06:06 AM
You a betting man?

sexiphatchick
04-23-2009, 02:56 PM
I have to jump in here with a suggestion, as I kind of overlooked this before.

If this is going to be a DATE, as in your first official romantic interlude with the boy.....do NOT go to the movies. Generally speaking, that is the worst choice possible. Why? Well, a first date is all about getting to know each other (in your cases, more in a romantic sense, as you've known each other for a little while now) and interacting. In a movie, there is generally not much real interaction. I am not saying you should never go to a movie for a date, but as a first date, it just doesn't do much.

Just my two Canadian cents. (I've been trying to get rid of those damn Canadian pennies since someone tossed them in my tip jar last week.)


Normally, I'd agree. But if this guy has as much problem talking with girls on a romantic level as he sounds like he does, it might make for a better first date to go with the movie. You don't want to overwhelm him with awkwardness right away. Give him a chance to come out of his shell just a bit. Maybe after the movie you could grab something to eat. It will give you something to talk about when you hit an awkward silence.

My first boyfriend was the same way. Very shy around new people, especially girls. I eventually had to ask him out because he was too shy to ask me. We dated for almost 3 weeks before we even kissed, because I was waiting for him to kiss me. I finally had to kiss him. We ended up dating for 6 years before we ended it. The relationship ended up being more of a best-friendship than anything else. We were inseperable, but the romantic stuff was pretty much nonexistant. I started thinking he was gay and he just didn't know it. Turns out, he was. We're still friends.

I'm not saying that he'll end up being gay. But if a guy is that shy and awkward around girls, there's a reason.

sarasquirrel
04-23-2009, 03:36 PM
the whole awkwardness thing, ive just always found him to be that way when he has to open up about something, or have to take a serious tone. :shrug:

sarasquirrel
04-25-2009, 03:51 PM
well he says he cant sunday night, too busy between work and family stuff.

so i texted him (:p:p) asking if hed wanna try again some other time in the week.

just waiting.........................

Slytovhand
04-25-2009, 07:20 PM
Ummm... shyness... meh - some people are like that. Just like some people don't know when to shut up, and some people like football, and some people... yeah, you get the drift. It doesn't really mean all that much, other that it's a personality trait that you've got to work with... just like any other. Underneath, probably all fairly much the same sort of stuff going on as the rest of us.

Movies. I'll agree with Jester... not a movie. This is a date, it's not just another thing you're going along to like you would as a non-date thing that you said you've done before. Since you already know each other, and have for a few years, the communication things should be a problem as suggested, so dinner works... especially as it is a 'traditional' date thing. Whatever it is, try to ensure it's obviously a date, and not just another outing. If, per chance, you do want to do a movie thing, I'd suggest at home on dvd... far more intimate, and one's focus can easily move from the movie to... elsewhere :D And there's no problem about worrying about public (I am presuming, of course, that you can have a place to yourselves for the night). If you can cook, even better! (If you can't, better still if you suddenly try... to impress!) You know.. "the way to a man's heart " type stuff...

I do think, though, that we all give out 'signals'... just like languages around the world ... no-one's bothered to learn the same damn one! :p

Jester
04-26-2009, 12:17 AM
Oh Slyt, I KNOW we all give out signals. That is not the problem. The problem, my friend, is that what is being transmitted and what is being received is rarely the same damn signal. Sometimes it is, of course, but relying on such signals and your ability to correctly interpret them is rather hazardous, to say the least!

sarasquirrel
04-26-2009, 03:56 AM
well hes gonna be busy all week running his store.

i read someting my brother sent to someone else, he said im wasting my time, and that the guys doesnt like me

so he would share this with my brother? oh well thats good. why doesnt he freaking tell me why

im f***ing pathitic, i quit.

i give up

ughhhhhhhhh

Rapscallion
04-26-2009, 07:03 AM
He's got a direct offer from a girl and you're pathetic?

You've got that the wrong way around.

Rapscallion

RootedPhoenix
04-26-2009, 08:18 AM
I agree with Raps. You're not pathetic. It takes a lot to be able to ask someone out.

I also think he should have told you, but maybe he never got a chance...or he was hoping to tell you in person..or something...

I don't know. I'm sorry it turned out that way, though. *offers gummi bears and comfort*

sarasquirrel
04-26-2009, 11:55 AM
I agree with Raps. You're not pathetic. It takes a lot to be able to ask someone out.

I also think he should have told you, but maybe he never got a chance...or he was hoping to tell you in person..or something...

I don't know. I'm sorry it turned out that way, though. *offers gummi bears and comfort*

gummi bears are my fave! how'd you know?:D:D:D:D

well as long as were friends, then im happy, i just wish there coulda been something more :shrug:

Peppergirl
04-26-2009, 12:48 PM
:hug:

You're not pathetic. Far from it.

His loss, honey. We think you're awesome. If I was a boy, I'd accept your date. :lol:

Slytovhand
04-26-2009, 01:36 PM
I'm confused...

Where does it say that he wasn't interested in you?

I got that someone else has suggested it somewhere, but that's about all.

so, what this guy really thinks... isn't that what you want to know?

Personally, I'd still ask him 'out'... if you really feel that it's not going to work, then you haven't really lost anything (well... maybe :p Been there, done that)

Jester... yeah, I know. That's sort of what I was saying. People speak different languages, but we all think everyone understands what we are saying.. so, I'm totally agreeing with you.

sarasquirrel
04-26-2009, 11:13 PM
:hug:

You're not pathetic. Far from it.

His loss, honey. We think you're awesome. If I was a boy, I'd accept your date. :lol:

:D

aw thanks

Slytovhand
04-27-2009, 02:55 PM
That's what I was going to say..

I'm a boy... I'll accept! :) (after all, I've already got 1 coffee date I'm supposed to have if I ever get to Ohio... I presume Conneticut isn't that far away from there???)

sarasquirrel
04-27-2009, 04:05 PM
That's what I was going to say..

I'm a boy... I'll accept! :) (after all, I've already got 1 coffee date I'm supposed to have if I ever get to Ohio... I presume Conneticut isn't that far away from there???)

you'd have to go thru pennsylvania and part of new york, and halfway thru ct haha

Jester
04-27-2009, 04:47 PM
i read someting my brother sent to someone else, he said im wasting my time, and that the guys doesnt like me

so he would share this with my brother? oh well thats good. why doesnt he freaking tell me why

Okay, so some third person told your brother that Boy is not interested in you. And this is authoritative....how?

Sure, it might be correct. It might not. Third Person could be assuming, could have an agenda, could be misinformed....you never know.

As always, I recommend the direct approach. Go to the source. In other words, just freakin' ask Boy himself. "Dude, look, I asked you out because I think you're a hottie. But someone told my bro that you're not interested. Either way, I'm cool, but just tell me....are ya interested or not?"

well as long as were friends, then im happy, i just wish there coulda been something more :shrug:

And there well may be. You'll never know if you don't ask.

And on that note, my hangover and I are out....we have more work to do elsewhere.