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goldaries13
05-13-2009, 01:04 PM
Otherwise known as the tale of the dimwitted semi-stalker. You'll see why in a minute.

Alright, children, storytime! Our tale starts about three years ago, when the Dane and I moved to New York for college. In our apartment complex lives a couple about my mom's age, and they live with their son and daughter, daughter is about three years younger than me and the son is about four years older. This is the tale of the Son.

The Dane and I never actually really saw these offspring when we initially moved, but we did have a casual relationship with the couple(we chatted at the mailbox). The Dane and I made mention of the fact that we were attending uni in town. At this point, Son had been a shiftless bum(their words) who had never been to college, but a year after we moved to town, he started attending the same uni as us. Odd, but I thought nothing of it at the time.

Now, my job history since moving to NY has consisted of four places: Sears, JCPenney, Walgreens, and Walmart. Every time, shortly after working there, Son has shown up about three weeks later working the Exact. Same. Job. After the first instance of this, I stopped mentioning to Old Couple when I changed jobs, but Son was still changing jobs right with me and trying to talk with me (and I guess) flirt with me, despite the fact the Dane and I were together and I told him so.

Why am I complaining about this now? I just got a new cell phone a month ago, from Verizon. I gave my number to several people I study with, and apparently someone(I'm in the process of finding out who) gave the number to Son, and he has apparently done two things with this info:

1) He has been calling me, at all hours, begging for a date,

2)and more important, and pissing me off more, using my number to deflect his bill collectors. As in, he's lied and told them his new number is my cell phone! I've given a short version to the bill collectors, but this is still pissing me off.


I want to rip this twatwaffle's head off. I really don't think I can make a case for stalking, though. I want him dead, or at least maimed. Any (legal) suggestions?

Tireana Dorcha
05-13-2009, 01:27 PM
Just out of curiosity, why wouldn't you have a case against him? What proof do you need for a restraining order? I would suggest looking into it--even if you don't think you can get far with it--and checking with your phone provider to see if you can have his number blocked and what, if anything, they can do about him using your number for debt collectors. Also, if he's constantly following you from job to job, couldn't you warn your employer of the situation, and how uncomfortable he makes you feel?

And next time he calls, have the Dane answer. Have a giggle fest out of it :devil:

Chanlin
05-13-2009, 01:41 PM
In regards to the debt collection stuff it is perfectly legal for you to pass on the correct contact information for him. Granted you may open yourself up to more calls by doing so.

And there would be no telling how he reacts, but I bet he stops giving out your number as soon as you start passing on information like his correct address, correct phone number (ask his parents) and the contact number to his place of employment (include his extension if your employer uses them). Heck I bet if you tell his parents what he's been doing one of them may get on his case about it. Yeah I realize hes no longer a kid, but meh.

Before resorting to this tactic I would talk to him and make it clear that in no uncertain terms that you are not happy about this. If you have already then the above is fair game.

blas
05-13-2009, 01:48 PM
I second the "have Dane answer", and I also agree to give all debt collectors his real phone number.

You can call your phone provider and ask to have his number blocked.

The next time he calls you, you answer, and you tell him "I want you to stop calling me. I am not interested in you." (do NOT apologize in any way or be nicey nice. Be very firm!)

From that point, DO NOT answer his phone calls or texts and voicemails, but save them (or as many as you can before your phone makes you delete them like mine does). Then call the police or go to the police station and see about getting a restraining order.

taxguykarl
05-13-2009, 02:55 PM
I agree with Blas about amassing a log of unwelcome contacts and filing for a restraining order.
As for the collection calls, I found myself in a similar situation. Last summer we received a series of collection agency calls seeking her ex-husband. I put her on and she calmly stated that she had no contact since the divorce in 1999. We have not received a such a call since August.

I also got calls seeking someone with the same last name. My reply: WHO? That stopped those.

Andara Bledin
05-14-2009, 03:12 AM
If the debt collectors get pushy, get their contact info from them, and then forbid them from ever calling your number again upon pain of harrassment charges.

You might also consider changing your number again and when giving it out to those you want to be able to contact you, stress how important it is that they not give it out to anyone else, particularly shiftless stalker guys who have no business having your number.

^-.-^

goldaries13
05-14-2009, 03:46 AM
I'm not too worried about the bill collectors, as I have deflected most of them:

Sample Conversation with Fuckwit Stalker's bill collectors

Me: Hello?
BC: Hello, is this Fuckwit Stalker?
Me: *sotto* Oh, Christ. *normal* No, this is not his number. His number is still the one you had on file previously, which is xxx-xxx-xxxx, his address is still 123A Twatwaffle Estates, and just for good measure, his work number is xxx-xxx-yyyy, extension xyx.
BC: Okay...
Me: I work with him. I have no idea why he gave you my number.
BC: Ah. Sorry to have bothered you.
Me: No problem. He'll be at work 6PM EST tomorrow.
BC: Thanks.

I don't care if what I did(telling them when he works next) was wrong, when you pull this kind of shit, the gloves come off.

After those conversations, I called my supervisor(I can't very well talk to his, because, well, that's me, technically). I explained the situation, and she said apparently, electronics dept. and customers have noticed something's up and complained, but they couldn't officially do anything till I complained, since most of the complaints were about his behavior toward me. :doh: :doh: :doh: If only I had known that sooner! So I guess he's getting canned.

After that mess, we've been waiting. The Dane took his first call and put it on speaker:

The Dane: Hello?
Fuckwit Stalker: Hey, uh... Is GoldAries there?
TD: Dude, let me level with you. Can I do that?
FS: Uh... I guess?
TD: It's like this, FS: I'm her husband. You keep asking her for a date, despite the fact she's married, she's told you so, and she has also told you in no uncertain terms to eat shit and die. Add to that the fact you follow her from job to job, and are even studying the same major...
FS: Hey, man! Fuck you!
TD: Listen here, you little prickmuncher. Back the hell off. You do not want this to get ugly. And it will if you continue. *click* *turns to me* How was that?
Me: ...I think I just fell in love with you all over again.
TD and me: :lol:

All other calls (at last count, 13) have been sent to voicemail. We've listened to them, and saved them. Incoherent rambling, mostly, but he's essentially threatening my husband and begging for a date.

I thought about going to his parents, but his father, at least, seems to be encouraging his behavior, asking me why I have not taken up Darling Son's offer for a date. No amount of saying I'm married, no amount of bitchiness stops this prick, or his father. I haven't gotten a read on his mother, but she seems sane, and also, tough as nails. I'll have to catch her alone.

Tireana Dorcha
05-14-2009, 01:19 PM
Glad to see that you've gotten some of the issues deflected. And way to go Dane, that was an awesome phone call :roll:. I would say to just ignore the father, much as you have the son. If downright bitchiness and rudness has not detered him as of yet, it won't ever. Pretend he's not there (you are not obligated to respond to him when he initiates conversations), but do make an "attempt" not to run over his toes :D

It shouldn't
05-14-2009, 03:12 PM
but he's essentially threatening my husband and begging for a date.

That might be enough for a restraining order.
I hope you saved the VM's. I would let the police listen to them.
I would also keep a journal with everything he does and says (date, place, time etc)
Also see about getting statements from co-workers/supervisor regarding his mutterings.

blas
05-14-2009, 03:16 PM
Since he's threatening your husband, the both of you ought to get your hineys down to the courthouse and get a restraining order. Infact, if he's to the point of threatening, you may be able to get an ex parte restraining order, which means it goes into effect immediately before a court date is even scheduled. Ex parte restraining orders are for the more serious kinds of stalking cases.

Rapscallion
05-14-2009, 05:23 PM
I'm somewhat behind on current romantic standards, but isn't giving your potential mate's phone number out as yours when talking to debt collection agencies going to make things a touch harder for you in the tilting lists of love?

As I said, I'm behind the curve on such stuff - might be one of those dreadful modern things.

Rapscallion

Geek King
05-14-2009, 05:24 PM
I'm with the rest here. If threats have been made, no matter how you feel about them, get the legal system in the game. I'll be blunt: Just your description of his behavior is ringing all kinds of primal alarm bells in my head. This is not just some love-lorne youngster. He's not right in the head, and everyone, including the police, need to be kept up to date with what's going on. Shut this down before he moves into If-I-can't-have-her-no-one-can-land.

goldaries13
05-14-2009, 07:32 PM
I'm somewhat behind on current romantic standards, but isn't giving your potential mate's phone number out as yours when talking to debt collection agencies going to make things a touch harder for you in the tilting lists of love?

Now that's what I thought, too. But I have been with the same guy for six years, so perhaps I'm out of the loop, as well.

In all seriousness, we went down to the police station, as well as the courthouse today. There is an ex parte restraining order in place (thank you for the info, blas; apparently having that info and talking like I knew what it was helped move matters along smoothly).

Oh, and we're breaking our lease and moving. We're going to start looking at places tomorrow. I'd feel much safer, and The Dane agrees. The housing authority that owns the complex has been informed, and considering the circumstances, one of the men there said they may waive the fees, since it falls under a "safety issue."

Honestly? I want to thank all of you. I never really thought that it was considered stalking, and I probably wouldn't have done anything if it hadn't been for you guys.

Pairou
05-15-2009, 01:24 PM
Maybe I'm just crazy (well... I am), but I'd love to know how it goes. :D Keep us updated?

goldaries13
05-15-2009, 07:45 PM
Maybe I'm just crazy (well... I am), but I'd love to know how it goes. :D Keep us updated?

Of course! It's just... gah. What with the Dane's health, planning our second wedding, finishing up the school year, and my family converging on NY en masse to help with The Dane, I've been stressed. This is just one more thing I didn't need.

AdminAssistant
05-15-2009, 08:11 PM
The plus side of moving is that you can kinda accidentally sorta forget to tell his relatives where you move.

:devil:

goldaries13
05-15-2009, 08:31 PM
The plus side of moving is that you can kinda accidentally sorta forget to tell his relatives where you move.

:devil:

True, true. That is a plus. Not that it matters(the SILS all live in town), but it is a nice thought.

I'm finding my other thread and going to rant about the SILs there. More appropriate.

BookstoreEscapee
05-16-2009, 01:03 AM
they couldn't officially do anything till I complained, since most of the complaints were about his behavior toward me.

Bullshit. They could have come to you privately and asked you about it. Back in my first stint at Store1, I worked with a guy who I was friendly with, he was a nice guy, but he would joke around a lot and tickle me. It didn't bother me in a "sexual harrassment" sort of way, but sometimes it hurt, and I would tell him to stop but he still kept doing it. I didn't like it but I wasn't all that forceful about telling him to stop (I was in my early 20s and pretty shy). Another girl that I worked with went to the store manager and mentioned it, and the manager came to me, privately, and told me that this girl had expressed concern and asked if I would like her to talk to him. I said yes, she did, and it stopped. It sounds like it wouldn't be quite so simple with this guy, but your manager could still have stepped in if they wanted to.

XCashier
05-16-2009, 04:54 PM
I am glad you got a restraining order against FS, who knows what he's capable of. Obviously he's got a screw loose; I'd say he hasn't got a single screw fully tightened.

And what is it with his Dad encouraging him to date a married woman?! Why would anyone encourage their kid to do something that's likely to get him in a major heap of trouble, possibly arrested, beaten, even killed? Is he trying to prune the family tree? :wtf:

I wish you the best of luck in your new place; hopefully FS won't be able to find you. You might want to consider an unlisted phone number and a post office box address. I'm sure you've already told all your friends and family to NOT give FS any contact info at all.

The_Dane
05-16-2009, 07:24 PM
And what is it with his Dad encouraging him to date a married woman?! Why would anyone encourage their kid to do something that's likely to get him in a major heap of trouble, possibly arrested, beaten, even killed? Is he trying to prune the family tree? :wtf:.

We've narrowed it down to two options. One, he's tired of his shiftless son and therefore, wants to get rid of him by any means necessary. Two, the father is stirring up trouble for this own amusement.

BookstoreEscapee
05-16-2009, 07:27 PM
We've narrowed it down to two options. One, he's tired of his shiftless son and therefore, wants to get rid of him by any means necessary. Two, the father is stirring up trouble for this own amusement.

Or, he inherited his loose screws from somewhere....?

The_Dane
05-16-2009, 07:37 PM
Or, he inherited his loose screws from somewhere....?

That could be it, too. The father did seem sort of off when we initially moved.

We're still talking over apartments, and taking some safety measure. Phone numbers have been changed, as well as GoldAries's shifts at work. We've gotten a PO box for mail, and are generally vigilant in our movements. We're taking steps to get a concealed weapon permit for GoldAries (I've had one for about a year now). Better safe than sorry. We've both agreed we'd rather have them and not need them then need them and not have them.

Bella_Vixen
05-18-2009, 05:48 AM
Can we clone The_Dane?

goldaries13
05-18-2009, 05:53 AM
Can we clone The_Dane?

MINE!

*ahem* Sorry, got a little carried away. I'm not sure if you'd want to... how to frame this delicately...You can, but I should warn you, (highlight for TMI) the clones will most likely be masochists that favor riding crops and mesh belts. And possibly into bondage. And into various types of porn (although that could just be the Danish upbringing :D).

If you can deal with that, then let's get the cloning started.

blas
05-18-2009, 08:49 AM
I still vote we clone him. We need more of The Dane out there, and less of the stalking, creepy fuckers like your little stalker friend.

Glad I could help you. I have had a stalker before and I had a thread like this, and I didn't think I could qualify for a restraining order, thankfully it never got to that point, but I learned a lot from the other members here, and was ready and armed for if things got any worse.

Eireann
05-18-2009, 10:10 AM
I'm SO glad you took those measures!

One of the things that work to the advantage of stalkers is that the victims think that if they just sit down and talk things over with them, calmly and rationally, they will stop.

Or, that the victims think that saying, "Leave me alone; I'm not interested in you," will work.

It doesn't, because stalkers just aren't wired that way. ANY attention, WHATEVER it is, is what they live for. They thrive on it. You DON'T explain. You DON'T ask. You DON'T beg. You don't threaten, either, because that puts you on the wrong side of the law, making the stalker look like a victim, and they just LOVE it.

The only thing to do is not to engage them in any way, and to let the police know what is going on. Nothing else can be done. They're that way until they die; they never, NEVER change.

Sadly, I know.

Becks
05-18-2009, 03:52 PM
(highlight for TMI) the clones will most likely be masochists that favor riding crops and mesh belts. And possibly into bondage. And into various types of porn (although that could just be the Danish upbringing :D).

If you can deal with that, then let's get the cloning started.

Oh, I can deal with that.

Must be from being part Danish, myself. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic008.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

BookstoreEscapee
05-18-2009, 06:22 PM
Must be from being part Danish, myself. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic008.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

Yeah, sure Becks, that's it...;)

I love that smiley :p

Becks
05-19-2009, 04:04 AM
Yeah, sure Becks, that's it...;)

Not all of it, admittedly. I'm enthusiastic about lots of stuff.

I love that smiley :p

I do, too. Maybe I'll turn it into my avatar one of these days.

SengaKitty
05-19-2009, 05:12 AM
If you can deal with that, then let's get the cloning started.


I can TOTALLY deal with that! Let the cloning begin!

Andara Bledin
05-21-2009, 06:17 AM
If you can deal with that, then let's get the cloning started.
I'm sorry, was there supposed to be something shocking or offputting in that white text?

:p

^-.-^