View Full Version : Is this really necessary??

05-23-2009, 12:54 AM
I'm not perfect. I've screwed up...repeatedly in some cases, and now I'm paying the consequences with the parents - Dad in particular. However, there's a huge difference between tough love and being plain old mean. And he's being mean.

Dad and I have always butted heads. We both have strong personalities and are very much alike. I get that I'm living under their roof - I'm doing everything in my power to find a job! But it seems like he's just looking for things to pick on me about. He told me tonight that the dishwasher was done and then yelled at me 20 minutes later because I hadn't unloaded it. The dishwasher takes like 45 minutes to cool off, and he never communicated what he wanted. He assumes that people know what he wants, and it's frustrating. He's being rude and spiteful and he's mocking....it sucks. I need to get out of this place, but I need to get a stinking job first. Everyone's dragging their feet around here, it sucks.

*EDIT* so mom calls asking if dad was home. As far as I knew, they were heading out to go have dinner with friends, so I was kind of surprised. He evidently got out of the car and started walking home. My guess is that she was trying to talk some sense into him in the car and he didn't like it...or something.

I NEED out of this place! It was like this when I was growing up, and I hated it. I thought this was all behind me, I guess it isn't. My relationship with my parents is fine when I'm not at home, but it turns into this when I do. I just....can't live at home. I need out!!!!!

05-23-2009, 01:52 AM
:( If you didn't live on the other end of the coast from me I'd say I'm looking for a roommate and I'd love to get out of my parent's house, too. :D

Seriously, I feel your pain about having to live with the parents. Hell, I HAVE a job and I can't really afford to move out- I would absolutely need a roommate to make the rent payments (thank you sky high rental rates in NJ!).

I am fortunate enough not to be fighting with my parents, though. I really hope things get better between you and your dad. I know when my dad and I were fighting he and Mom ended up fighting a lot, too...but once we all sat down and had a good number of chats, crying fits and screaming matches, everything worked out! We're all pretty much fine now. (now my Dad and my brother on the other hand...well, my brother is 15, if that tells you anything!)

As I got older, and we finished duking things out, it got better though. Have you thought about sitting down and talking with your dad for a bit? I don't know more too much about your situation, but maybe it'll help?

Good Luck!

05-23-2009, 02:04 AM
Problem is, parents tend to look at their adult kids as still kids, especially when they live at home. You sound like you're still stuck in that parent/child dynamic; you need your parents to look at you as an adult. Which is hard.

05-23-2009, 02:55 AM
Yeah, it's really hard. I've been a "parent" - I raised troubled teenagers for 10 months - 24 hours a day 5 days a week. Some of them are 18 and 19.... I still call them my kids. I guess part of the problem is that I'm frustrated because I can't find a job, and Dad isn't handling the stress of work and everything very well, and he's taking it out on me. I have a bit of a mouth, so I sometimes fire back if I'm pushed to a certain point. It's just hard for me to have an adult relationship with them I guess.

We've had multiple talks and all, but things depend on what mood Dad is in. Plus, he starts mocking me when we have the crying matches, and that just pisses me off even more. He doesn't like listening a lot of times. I can be snappy as all get out, but I'm getting better at that. It seems like he doesn't want to change or get better.

I grew up with the house like this. I hated it. It seemed like there was always an elephant in the room, and you could cut the tension with a knife. I can't count how many screaming matches I had with him as a kid. I'm frankly surprised that the neighbors didn't call the cops because of how loud we were sometimes.

I get that it's hard for them to look at me like an adult, because sometimes I have a hard time acting like one. But I'm 23, college educated, and am trying to find what I want my career to be. I've made job searching my full-time job, and I think I'm finally getting somewhere. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm doing a LOT better than a lot of the people I graduated high school with. Sure, I'm back at home, but it's due to circumstances I don't really have control over. I chose to quit, but I couldn't stay there emotionally, and I lived in company housing - one of the perks of the job. I guess it's just hard for them to see me as not a little kid, and it's hard to not feel like a little kid. I'm living in the same room I grew up in. I have SO many memories in this room....some good, a lot bad. I knew that it was going to be hard when I moved back home, but now it's clear that I can't live here. As much as I really do love my parents, I just can't live here.


05-23-2009, 03:03 AM
I guess it's just hard for them to see me as not a little kid, and it's hard to not feel like a little kid. I'm living in the same room I grew up in. I have SO many memories in this room....

Trust me, I know exactly how that feels. I did it too, and for much longer than I should have. I had a better relationship with my parents than you seem to have with yours, but it was hard being an adult and feeling like I was in high school.

The way you and your dad interact seems to be a pattern that's gone on all your life...unfortunately changing that is probably beyond my advice-giving capabilities...but we're always here to lend a virtual ear, at least...