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View Full Version : Tacky names, add your own


ArenaBoy
11-29-2006, 02:34 AM
I do know that all stores at one point have some tacky or cheesy thing that drives its employees insane, my arena does with these clubs that they added on the north side of the building.
One of the names is Club 53 which to me sounds like a dance club. I have been inside it and the entrance looks like a dance club, layout looks like a dance club, and everything about it screams "dance club". I've been tempted to change the sound system and have it play nothing but techno and dance on a nonstop loop.:devil: I can only imagine the looks on these VIPs faces when they are greeted with the lovely sounds of Supernova. I am also tempted to rig the light system to turn it into strobe lights, the benefits of having a dad who did sound and lighting. :devil:

*Disclaimer: I do not plan on doing any of these but if you have seen this new club in the arena, you would immediately get the joke. If I get the chance to go in there again I will take pictures. Besides I'm not good with lighting and sound.

Anyone have any tacky names that they found funny?

erik316wttn
11-29-2006, 01:35 PM
None around here, but when my wife and I were honeymooning in Alaska this past June I saw one.

We were walking down an Anchorage street and came upon a place called "The Glory Hole." Yes, that was its actual name. Apparently it's a homeless shelter, but I saw the sign for it about half a block away and said to my wife "Now that's a name you'd see on a gay bar."

She didn't get it and still doesn't.

Ringtail Z28
11-30-2006, 12:25 AM
There's two businesses near where I live called FLICK'S AWARDS and FLICKS TAX SERVICE, because it's all in capitals and type of font they use it looks like it says FUCK'S AWARDS. I bet people always do a double take when they first see the signs.

ladyklack
11-30-2006, 12:46 AM
I was driving throught worchester one time, and saw the 'Ho Toy' chinese restaurant.

thegiraffe
11-30-2006, 01:58 PM
We were walking down an Anchorage street and came upon a place called "The Glory Hole." Yes, that was its actual name. Apparently it's a homeless shelter, but I saw the sign for it about half a block away and said to my wife "Now that's a name you'd see on a gay bar."

She didn't get it and still doesn't.

Aww...you should explain it to her! :lol:

MadMike
11-30-2006, 02:52 PM
I saw this on the side of a truck that belonged to a local meat company:

"******'s Meat: You can't beat it!"

Not sure if that one was intentional or not.

Spiffy McMoron
11-30-2006, 05:18 PM
In my town we have an Oriental restaurant called OPM. If that's nto bad enough, their mascot is a huge sumo guy named "Big Wang".

I don't know if the resturant has a mascot or anything, but there's an OPM Oriental restaurant here, as well. I don't know how addictive the food is, though...:p

Anyway, at my old home in another town, there was another landscaping company by the name of "Beaver" and an oilfield company by the name of "Kuntz". Apparently it's pronounced differently. :lol:

Dreamstalker
11-30-2006, 08:36 PM
There are quite a few businesses around here with the initials B D S and M in various combinations. Much fun to be had trying to figure out exactly how they conduct business (S&M Cleaners, B&D Auto Repair, etc).

Not really a tacky business name, but amusing as hell. Once in Park Street Station I saw a big guy in a pink T-shirt. The front was an ad for a tent company (events and the like). The back said "For a great erection, call..." Cue coffee up the nose. My equally wrong-minded friend almost fell off the platform laughing.

Seanette
11-30-2006, 08:50 PM
In my town we have an Oriental restaurant called OPM. If that's nto bad enough, their mascot is a huge sumo guy named "Big Wang".
I don't get this one (I do understand the mascot name, I'm just hazy on the restaurant name).

Primer
11-30-2006, 09:34 PM
OPM - sounds like opium?

Lace Neil Singer
11-30-2006, 10:17 PM
Once on holiday, I saw a windsurfer hire place called "Breaking Wind." I'm sure a lot of holiday makers also stood there cracking up with laughter like I did.

ShinyGreenApple
12-01-2006, 01:42 AM
We have a local Chinese place called Fu King. I've yet to meet even a local who can say it without giggling.

Spiffy McMoron
12-01-2006, 04:58 AM
OPM - sounds like opium?

No need to have the question mark-that's why it's funny. Doubly funny when you consider that OPM is an Oriental restaurant...;)

Argabarga
12-01-2006, 06:15 AM
There was a guy in town with the unfortunate last name of "Boob", and he ran a garage, on the side of the building was a big sign, "Boob Towing"

Pagan
12-01-2006, 06:43 AM
Aah....yes. It's been years since I've thought about the "Broken Butt Saloon" near Farmington, NM.

Anyway, at my old home in another town, there was another landscaping company by the name of "Beaver" and an oilfield company by the name of "Kuntz".

Well, we've got "Beaver Toyota in Santa Fe", and what doesn't help is the blonde chick with the accent and the huge rack! I can't even say it without using that accent.

There was a guy in town with the unfortunate last name of "Boob", and he ran a garage, on the side of the building was a big sign, "Boob Towing"

I've got this vision of a huge field full of boobs! :eek:

AFpheonix
12-01-2006, 08:39 AM
Oh man, broken down boobs.....would you call those broken headlights? :lol:

There's the classic Hung Far Low restaurant in SE, with the cocktails sign that conveniently has the last half of the word burnt out....

I saw some furniture in a box at Costco a while back- it was made my Hooker furniture, and their tagline was "easy living". I giggled, anyways.

There's the standard BJ's whatevers, restaurants, etc etc.

A few years back when we took a trip to Kimberly, BC, there was a bunch of billboards for some tire place that proudly announced themselves as the Lord of the Rims. Uhhhh huh huh huh huh....

Drove past Throckmorton st in Fort Worth, and then had to explain what a positive Throckmorton was to everyone else in the truck.

JustADude
12-01-2006, 09:00 AM
In my town we have an Oriental restaurant called OPM. If that's nto bad enough, their mascot is a huge sumo guy named "Big Wang".

I can top that. The place was called Master Wang, and the the side of the building had a chicken holding open a trenchcoat with the words 'Call The Wang' on its stomach. I swear I'm not making this up. I'll get photos once the weather clears if people want 'em.

MissVendetta
12-01-2006, 09:29 AM
When I worked in London some years back, there was a shoe shop close by called "R.Soles".

customer: Any idea where I could get cowboy boots?
me: Try R.Soles.
customer::confused:
me: R (loooong pause) Soles
customers: Oh, I thought you said...
me: You're not the only one, buddy.

Lace Neil Singer
12-01-2006, 12:36 PM
There was this guy who ran a garage business near me, who's name was Wayne King. If you're English, you'll probably get it. :lol: There was also the friend of a friend's brother who's name was Richard Head. I dread to think what line of business he went into. O_o

Dreamstalker
12-01-2006, 03:38 PM
Ahhhh, yes, Beaver Toyota. My college was right across the road from there, and the jokes were endless it seemed.

protege
12-01-2006, 05:28 PM
There was also the friend of a friend's brother who's name was Richard Head. I dread to think what line of business he went into. O_o

One of my previous employers did business with a merchandiser named Richard Small....and yes, he went by the "other" name :roll:

Spiffy McMoron
12-01-2006, 07:07 PM
I saw some furniture in a box at Costco a while back- it was made my Hooker furniture, and their tagline was "easy living". I giggled, anyways.

Actually, there's also a company that makes custome exhaust manifold. These custom exhaust maniholds are commonly known as "headers". One company that makes these headers is a company also known as "Hooker". So you can get a header from a Hooker at your local car parts store! :roll: They also have a big heart on it's logo, which kinda makes sense if you think of it like I mentioned.

Don't believe me? Here's a picture of their logo (http://www.gofastoutlet.com/images/manufactures/hooker_headers-logo.jpg)!

Rapscallion
12-01-2006, 07:37 PM
When I worked in London some years back, there was a shoe shop close by called "R.Soles".

You just reminded me of my French teacher when I was a reluctant pupil of the topic at the tender age of ... something or other. That was his name.

Rapscallion

Lace Neil Singer
12-01-2006, 08:17 PM
One of my previous employers did business with a merchandiser named Richard Small....and yes, he went by the "other" name :roll:

This guy also went by the shortened version of his name... which made me wonder whether he was doing it on purpose or not. *snigger* What were his parents smoking?

One more... my older brother had a friend called, no word of a lie, Steven Stevens. We used to tease him, saying he was so good his parents named him twice. Makes my prefered choice of kid names* look almost normal. XD






*Check the baby names thread. I don't have kids and perhaps it's just as well.

MadMike
12-01-2006, 08:21 PM
One more... my older brother had a friend called, no word of a lie, Steven Stevens. We used to tease him, saying he was so good his parents named him twice.

There was one of those at my school, Edward Edwards, although I think he went by "Eddie."

repsac
12-02-2006, 04:27 AM
From the witty:

Rude Rudy's. (Best D$MN pizza in Savannah)

Jimmy's Buffet, a bbq place known through out most of Georgia

Smack Yo Mamma: Actually a type of sauce. And yes, it's that good.

To the strange:

Dedman Funeral Home. (Pronounced Dead Man)

To the misplaced signage:

Robertson Funeral Home and Crematorium. (Below which a sign also reads) Bar and Grill. Apparently, the funeral home closed down and was demolished, but the sign still stands.

Live Topless Women! (Right below a sign reading) Christ Church, Services Wed, and Sunday. ((Now that, is MY kind of church!!!))

to the strange smack your mother for naming you names:

Gay Dykes. (Former superior court judge.)

Ben Gay. (How long?)

Argabarga
12-02-2006, 03:26 PM
There were a surprising number of double names in the phone book in town here last I checked

There's a Steven Stevens, a John J Johns and a Barbra Barbera.....

Oh, and there is a guy named Harry Butts Jr. , now, I ask you, what could you possibly do as a kid to get a name like that, especialy since you'd think Mr. Butts Sr. would KNOW exactly what's going to happen to his son in high school???

JustADude
12-02-2006, 04:07 PM
This guy also went by the shortened version of his name... which made me wonder whether he was doing it on purpose or not. *snigger* What were his parents smoking?

Aparently something not as strong as the parents of a guy I met briefly whose full name is Michael P. Hunt*.








*If your mind's not dirty enough, remember, most people don't use their middle innitial when they shorten their first name.

officegirl
12-02-2006, 04:23 PM
Aww...you should explain it to her! :lol:

That would be a lovely conversation!!!! :roll:

Tria
12-02-2006, 09:02 PM
There was this guy who ran a garage business near me, who's name was Wayne King. If you're English, you'll probably get it. :lol: There was also the friend of a friend's brother who's name was Richard Head. I dread to think what line of business he went into. O_o

Plumbing.... Richard Head's Cleaning.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
12-03-2006, 12:44 PM
There was this guy who ran a garage business near me, who's name was Wayne King. If you're English, you'll probably get it. :lol: There was also the friend of a friend's brother who's name was Richard Head. I dread to think what line of business he went into. O_o

I used to spend Saturday nights at the dirt track with my dad.

One of the race car drivers was a guy by the name of Richard Hed.

So that makes two.

toomanycalls1
12-03-2006, 03:17 PM
When I first saw the ads at the mall that a Cheesecake Factory was coming I thought it was a strip club.

Saw a person's name the other day. Mahboob Butt.

powerboy
12-04-2006, 01:05 AM
I saw one today, and I do not want to know what it is. The name was Erection of Stockton, and the tag line for it is, For all your Backdoor needs:lol:

skeptic53
12-04-2006, 02:27 AM
There's also a Hung Far Low in Portland, OR.

On Leary Way in Seattle for many years two businesses were across the street from each other: Tacoma Screw and Seattle House of Hose. Tacoma Screw is still there, the House of Hose went out of business.

I live in the Ballard neighborhood, the Ballard High School teams are the Beavers, so there are several businesses in the area such as Beaver Brew (an espresso stand).

I have a client who is an immigrant, his first name is Semen. Were I him, I'd change it.

BlakeMP
12-04-2006, 03:08 AM
I went to college with a girl named Sandy Claus.

TNT
12-04-2006, 03:57 AM
Smack Yo Mamma: Actually a type of sauce. And yes, it's that good.



I always thought the best name for a hot sauce was "Slap My Ass and Call Me Sally." But as I was researching the reference to make sure I had it right, I found, the one and only, "Dr. Payne Indeass's Butt Blazin' Recipe # 6 Butt Pucker XX Sauce."

I remember a movie on Cinemax a long time ago... one of their late night soft core smut movies. I have the feeling "Peter Hard" was a stage name... but "Lance Boyle" I wasn't so sure about.

And then there was the priceless moment at work... I brought up the customer's account... I had one of those, "if you let me get through this, I promise I'll be a better person" moments...

Me: May I have your name please?
Caller: Lo. Huong Lo.

And finally, I live a block away from "S&M Body Shop" and "B&D Machinery (or something like that)."

rvdammit
12-04-2006, 04:01 AM
There's the "Stiff Nipples" air con company (Google Stiff Nipples Picture)

And a collegue from a few jobs ago was forever grateful his parents had named him John and not Wayne. His surname is Kerr.

RecoveringKinkoid
12-04-2006, 04:37 AM
I was flipping through an Avon book just today, and could they not come up with a better name for a lip gloss line than Hook Up? Sheesh. I wonder if they also offer Skank Mascara and Easy Lay Eyeshadow?

Okay. There is a business here in town called Mann Tool. Or Manntool. Either way, you know? A friend of mine was making a flyer for something for them once, and the prize was "two tickets on the Mann Tool Express." Of course, I just started giggling. I'm so twelve years old. I started giggling, and that's when he "got" it. A week later he said, "Thanks loads. I cant' see that name now without thinking it." :devil:

technical.angel
12-04-2006, 04:38 AM
Not quite on par with these, in town we have the Post Office Bar and Grill. When they moved the Post Office, someone turned the old one into a bar.

"I'm heading down to the Post Office for Karoke night!"

And from the CS ski trip.

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c123/csmisgirl/CS%20Ski/100_0196.jpg


Heh heh, tard. Heh heh. Raps has a better picture.

Jenni :angel:

Spiffy McMoron
12-04-2006, 05:30 AM
There's the "Stiff Nipples" air con company (Google Stiff Nipples Picture)

Assuming that you haven't done that on your spare time already! :D :roll:

I was flipping through an Avon book just today, and could they not come up with a better name for a lip gloss line than Hook Up? Sheesh. I wonder if they also offer Skank Mascara and Easy Lay Eyeshadow?

No, but they offer Dirty Tramp Blush. And when the customer base matures a bit more, they will move up to attachable body glitter to help highlight and flatter that hot new fashion trend, genital sores. :rolleyes:

nick1091
12-05-2006, 12:08 AM
One of my company's accounts was a business called Rise Softools.

They deal in financial information, but the name seems far better suited to a Cialis competitor.:)

Primer
12-05-2006, 12:47 AM
Drove past Throckmorton st in Fort Worth, and then had to explain what a positive Throckmorton was to everyone else in the truck.
ok....so what is a positive Throckmorton??

RecoveringKinkoid
12-05-2006, 04:35 AM
Back in the old days of TV, we had to run commercials on these small, brick like cassettes. Each commercial had to be dubbed, timed out, have a start and stop point recorded on there, and a lable typed so that when it showed up the preview as "gonna run next" we'd know what it was, like "Food Lion 245" or "Eckard 563" and so forth. It would show up on the screen like a caption.

Well, the lables got creative. "News Brief" became "News Barf." "Eckard figure skater" became "Mannish broad on ice". Ad by local politician become "dickhead stuffed into suit."

Our supervisor told us to knock it off. So we did.

There is a furniture store in town by the unfortunate name of "Badcock." (actually, there is a mattress store called Les Bollocks, too, but I digress.) Anyway, instead of typing up something filthy, like normal, we simply typed in "Badcock."

Supervisor saw the word "cock" in the caption and chewed us a new one. We took demonic and perverse pleasure in telling him that was the real name of the business! :devil: He got really embarassed...because you KNOW we accused him of having a dirty mind all day after that. :lol:

hecubus
12-05-2006, 06:09 AM
Two of the most prominent Urologists at my local Medical center are Dr. Wood and Dr. Palm.

Think about it.

morgana
12-05-2006, 03:55 PM
Used to be a urologist in Nebraska named Dr. Semin. :angel:

Barefootgirl
12-05-2006, 04:07 PM
A positive Throckmorton is a medical student joke and I have to say, i haven't heard it for about 15 years (not that I was ever a medical student, I hasten to add) ! It means that the penis is pointing to the side of the body as the disease or damage. So if a patient had a broken right leg, and his willy was dangling to the right as well, that would be a positive Throckmorton.

I spent a very peculiar night in the college library once while a drunk third-year medic explained this to me in great detail.

captainvegetable02
12-05-2006, 06:28 PM
I was flipping through an Avon book just today, and could they not come up with a better name for a lip gloss line than Hook Up? Sheesh. I wonder if they also offer Skank Mascara and Easy Lay Eyeshadow?

I take it you aren't familiar with Urban Decay or Too Faced cosmetics. :)

repsac
12-05-2006, 08:09 PM
Well, one of the doctors that was helping my father after dad broke his hip was named

Dr. Paine. Pronounced Pain.

Rapscallion
12-05-2006, 08:50 PM
A Dutch doctor who was working with my mother (a nurse) refused to change the way he answered the phone. He was called Dr Phile (or a spelling that sounded like that). His first name was Peter.

When he answered the phone, he never said "Dr Phile." It always sounded just like he was saying "Paedophile."

Rapscallion

DarthRetard
12-06-2006, 04:14 AM
Well, mine may or may not be funny....

1. Flamers- restaurant in the mall
2. Kelly's Cajun Grill, which, coincidentally, is a chinese restaurant....with no crawdads.
3. Floppy Wangs Chinese Cuisine- Tullahoma Tn i believe.

I find them mildly amusing.

RecoveringKinkoid
12-06-2006, 05:16 PM
On the way down to the beach, there's a place called "The Park and Blow". :confused:

Banrion
12-06-2006, 05:40 PM
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1205061football1.html

Just found this on the smoking gun. Not a business, but pretty bad none the less.










Lucius Pusey

AFpheonix
12-06-2006, 07:14 PM
There's also a Hung Far Low in Portland, OR.



That's precisely the restaurant I'm referring to :)

Well, at least he didn't hyphenate to Seymour-Pusey :lol:

Spiffy McMoron
12-06-2006, 09:21 PM
When he answered the phone, he never said "Dr Phile." It always sounded just like he was saying "Paedophile."


God, I hope he wasn't a pediatrician! :eek:

zeoquean
12-07-2006, 02:01 PM
These aren't nearly as funny as the ones I've read so far...

But the doctor that stitched up my knee when I was 12...his name was Dr. Gitar. I have no idea what his first name was.

And my pediatrician (years and years ago, of course) was Dr. Kwacko.

skeptic53
12-07-2006, 11:36 PM
That's precisely the restaurant I'm referring to :) I looked it up and you are right, the Hung Far Low is in SE Portland. Used to be in Chinatown near the bus station in downtown, back when dinosaurs ruled the earth and I was a lad... When you said it was in SE I didn't realize you were referring to PDX per se...

Imogene
12-11-2006, 01:20 AM
I swear, as the family was driving over to a family friend's house tonight, we drove right past a truck that was emblazoned with the epithet:
BM Planning, Inc.

HalloranElder
12-12-2006, 04:54 AM
My Chiropractor is Dr Leach...

Pagan
12-12-2006, 08:39 AM
Dreamstalker - can't remember. College of Santa Fe?

There was a restaurant in Taos, I don't know if it's still there, called Joe Mama's. They had really good food, too.

We've got an orthodontist here in ABQ named Dr. Ken Hurt ("It's just my name, not my intention.")

If I remember correctly, there used to be a urologist in Las Cruces named Dr. Zipper and an OB/GYN named Dr. Love. My mom's dentist down there is Dr. Pinholster.

Kind of off topic: Has anyone ever been to Dick's Cafe in Dallas? The whole goal is to be as rude to your waitperson as possible since they are just as rude to you! It was a blast!

Hemily
12-12-2006, 11:17 AM
back in 2000, there was a news story about the new years baby! the first kid in norway in the year 2000, the proud father's name? Hugo Homo, i wonder if that kid's getting teased...

and some names get lost in translation, a couple fairly common first names here, is Odd, and Roar, and my mother's name is Wenche.... :p

MistressCrys
12-14-2006, 08:15 PM
In my town we have an Oriental restaurant called OPM. If that's nto bad enough, their mascot is a huge sumo guy named "Big Wang".
Up where my father lives "Oklahoma" there are towns that make you wonder as to what the people who named them were either on or doing at the time....First there is Tyrone, then Guymon, then Hooker and last but not least Beaver... Boy someone must have had a seriously dirty mind to name it such...

"It takes thirteen years to break a child...the same amount of time it takes to complete school" Martin Luther King

Argabarga
12-28-2006, 07:07 AM
Oh, almost forgot, among the Doctors who I see on RX pads, there is one with an unfortunate name...


Dr. Butcher



Yes, he is a surgeon.... :lol:

protege
12-28-2006, 12:56 PM
First there is Tyrone, then Guymon, then Hooker and last but not least Beaver...

Hehehe, just north of Pittsburgh, lies Beaver Falls....in Beaver County, of all places. There's also a Tyrone, PA out towards State College. Now that one took no imagination at all. Why not give the home of Penn State a more interesting name :rolleyes:

iradney
12-28-2006, 01:08 PM
there's a couple towns in SA with weird names
there's Hotazhel (pronounced Hot As Hell) - and it IS!
We also have Tweebuffelsmorsdoodgeskitmeteenskootsfontein (two buffaloes killed with one bullet town). It's generally Buffelsfontein :)
and Pitsonderwater - which could either mean Pit Without Water, or Pits Under Water.

anode_probe
12-28-2006, 02:25 PM
Well I can't believe there was no mention of this, I shame any Torontonians who have read this thread and not come up with it. Unfortunately the configuration was changed recently, but near Steeles Ave. and Younge St in Toronto there was a Beaver Gas and Beaver Lumber (Both major chains in Canada,) When my friends and I were learning how to drive, we would know we wew on the right track to down town TO because we'd pass the "Quiff and Dildo.":roll:

Argabarga
12-28-2006, 02:32 PM
Hehehe, just north of Pittsburgh, lies Beaver Falls....in Beaver County, of all places. There's also a Tyrone, PA out towards State College. Now that one took no imagination at all. Why not give the home of Penn State a more interesting name :rolleyes:

Well, I actualy live in State College, (Which has a Beaver Av. and a Beaver Staduim) and if you belive local lore, there's a (probably apocryphal) story that since we're so close to the geographical center of the State, that one of the original names floated for the town was "Dead Center"

And I have to ask, what's so odd about Tyrone? I mean, maybe it's just because I grew up next to it that it doesn't sound abnormal, is there some pop culture/dirty joke refference I'm missin' cuz I'm a backwoods person out here?

Tanasi
12-30-2006, 12:01 AM
Here we have a Dick's Sporting Goods that is located on South Peters Road and it is across the road from Harry Lane Chrysler Dodge. One day one of my wifes friend said "To get the Dick you to take the Peter and it's right across from the Harry Lane."

BusBus
01-02-2007, 06:44 AM
And I have to ask, what's so odd about Tyrone? I mean, maybe it's just because I grew up next to it that it doesn't sound abnormal, is there some pop culture/dirty joke refference I'm missin' cuz I'm a backwoods person out here?

I don't get it either :confused: :cry:

Dreamstalker
01-02-2007, 03:55 PM
I always thought the best name for a hot sauce was "Slap My Ass and Call Me Sally." But as I was researching the reference to make sure I had it right, I found, the one and only, "Dr. Payne Indeass's Butt Blazin' Recipe # 6 Butt Pucker XX Sauce."
Chile Addict (http://www.chileaddictstore.com) in Albuquerque has some good ones.

Pagan--yup, CSF. As luck would have it, they wait until after I'm out of there to revamp the computer science curriculum...

There's an outfit in Boston called Death Wish Piano Moving (http://www.deathwishpiano.com/). I'm going to have to start taking my camera everywhere to get a photo of the truck (out-of-state friends never believe me).

Jet
01-03-2007, 01:03 AM
The only one that kind of makes me giggle around here is Buffet King, you have to use the other pronunciation of it to get it :P