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Jack T. Chance
11-12-2009, 04:51 PM
Since it's nearly Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I figured it's about time I started one of these threads with a holiday theme! :D

And since I know someone might be wondering, I didn't call it the "Christmas Music Edition" because there's more to the holidays than just Christmas. There's also Thanksgiving and New Year's, as well as Hanukkah, which has at least one good, really funny song about it (by Adam Sandler, natch!) :D

So, this is the thread for posting your favorite song lyrics about this time of year! I'll start off, with just about the only song I actually like by Blink-182 (or "Stink-182", as I usually call them. :p)"I Won't Be Home For Christmas" by Blink-182 (http://www.trilulilu.ro/muxxy_05/95c3d6f86ac3fa?video_google_com=)

(Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la)
('Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la)

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring,
'cause joy is something they don't bring me

My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face,
wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh God, I hate these Satan's helpers

And then I guess I must have snapped,
because I grabbed the baseball bat
and made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down,
just leave the presents and then leave me alone

Well, I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve,
'cause the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage

And even though the jail didn't have a tree,
Christmas came a night early,
'cause a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down,
just leave the presents and then leave me alone

I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas
I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home,
I won't be home for Christmas:devil:

Beckduer
11-12-2009, 05:46 PM
My favorite is "Elf's Lament" sung by Bare Naked Ladies with Michael Buble. I thought it especially appropriate for this particular community!:p

"I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"
But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been illegal doping
And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself
You're an elf
And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just happy making
crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf."

XCashier
11-12-2009, 07:49 PM
Not quite a song, but there is a little singing at the beginning...

Cheech & Chong, "Santa Claus and his Old Lady" (http://www.themadmusicarchive.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=193)

Stormraven
11-12-2009, 08:06 PM
A lot depends on my mood, but this one of my tops.

I Believe in Father Christmas
Emerson, Lake & Palmer

They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the Virgin's birth
I remember one Christmas morning
A winters light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas Tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire

They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a Silent Night
And they told me a fairy story
'Till I believed in the Israelite
And I believed in Father Christmas
And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah Noel be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas you get you deserve

Parrothead
11-12-2009, 08:12 PM
"Santa Claus Is Pagan, Too" by Emerald Rose

Oh, Santa Claus is Pagan too, just like all the rest,
And if you are a merry Witch he'll bring you all the best,
So get that star up on the roof, and bake those cookies, too,
For Christmas-time is really Yule, and Santa's Pagan too!


He's got that Buddha belly and his top's the Holly King,
You dressed him in that British coat, the cap's a Nordic thing,
You took the horns right off his head and stuck them on his deer,
But he still flies high like Jupiter with a belly-full of beer!

Oh, Santa Claus is Pagan too, just like all the rest,
And if you are a merry Witch he'll bring you all the best,
So get that star up on the roof, and bake those cookies, too,
For Christmas-time is really Yule, and Santa's Pagan too!

Now history says Christ was likely not a Capricorn,
But if you want to share the Yule, we don't care when he's born,
Come join the celebration of the Sun King's bright rebirth,
And if you practice what you preach, we'll all have peace on Earth!

Oh, Santa Claus is Pagan too, just like all the rest,
And if you are a merry Witch he'll bring you all the best,
So get that star up on the roof, and bake those cookies, too,
For Christmas-time is really Yule, and Santa's Pagan too!

Now Santa's way more jolly than most Christians might require,
And if he weren't so busy he'd be dancing 'round the fire,
Yeah, you can call it Christmas 'cause you got us way out-gunned,
But just you wait till Beltaine then we'll see who's having fun!

Oh, Santa Claus is Pagan too, just like all the rest,
And if you are a merry Witch he'll bring you all the best,
So get that star up on the roof, and bake those cookies, too,
For Christmas-time is really Yule, and Santa's Pagan too!

RecoveringKinkoid
11-12-2009, 09:11 PM
Loreena McKennitt,s The Mummer's Dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxTpvA-pUG0)

When in the springtime of the year
When the trees are crowned with leaves
When the ash and oak, and the birch and yew
Are dressed in ribbons fair

When owls call the breathless moon
In the blue veil of the night
The shadows of the trees appear
Amidst the lantern light


Chorus:
We've been rambling all the night
And some time of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay


Who will go down to those shady groves
And summon the shadows there
And tie a ribbon on those sheltering arms
In the springtime of the year


The songs of birds seem to fill the wood
That when the fiddler plays
All their voices can be heard
Long past their woodland days


Chorus


And so they linked their hands and danced
Round in circles and in rows
And so the journey of the night descends
When all the shades are gone


"A garland gay we bring you here
And at your door we stand
It is a sprout well budded out
The work of our Lord's hand"


Chorus (2x)

Jack T. Chance
11-12-2009, 09:30 PM
This song is much more melancholy than the typical song about this time of year. It's also one I find very easy to identify with..."My December" by Linkin Park (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI59cpkFxPo)

Green = Sung by Chester Bennington
Red = Sung by Mike Shinoda

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

This is my December
This is my snow-covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things that I said to you

And I'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to

This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
this is all I need

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things that I said to you

And I'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear!

Give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to
Give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home toAfter way too many years spent alone at the holidays, without a special someone to share this time of the year with, I immediately identified with this song the first time I heard it on the radio. :blink:

RecoveringKinkoid
11-13-2009, 02:24 AM
Fairytale of New York by the Pogues (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrAwK9juhhY)

It was christmas eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me: won't see another one
And then they sang a song
The rare old mountain dew
I turned my face away and dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
Ive got a feeling
This years for me and you
So happy christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
Where all our dreams come true.

They got cars big as bars
They got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
Its no place for the old
When you first took my hand on a cold christmas eve
You promised me broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome you were pretty
Queen of new york city when the band finished playing they yelled out for more
Sinatra was swinging all the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night.

And the boys from the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out for christmas day.

Youre a bum youre a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse I pray god its our last.

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day.

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Cant make it out alone
Ive built my dreams around you

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For christmas day.

BookstoreEscapee
11-13-2009, 02:31 AM
"I Want An Alien For Christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHWmhR3rD74)" by Fountains of Wayne

This year for Christmas
There's something I'd really like
So if you're up there somewhere Santa
Please don't bring me another bike

I don't need any ugly sweaters
And I don't play much basketball
But there's something kinda special
That I want most of all...

I want an alien for Christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes

Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for Christmas this year

He can live in the bath tub
So don't worry about a thing
And I'll take him out for walks
When it gets nicer in the Spring

I'll always keep him company
He'll never be alone
And we can hang around the house all day
And watch the Twilight Zone

I want an alien for Christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy

About three feet high
With seventeen eyes
Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for Christmas this year

I want an alien for Christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes

Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for Christmas this year
I want an alien for Christmas this year

Bandit
11-13-2009, 02:35 AM
Kevin "Bloody" Wilson - Ho Ho Fucking Ho

Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

I'm Rudolph and I quit.
Just who's he think he is?
That little fat cunt sat back in the sleigh,
crackin' that fuckin' whip.
And me stuck up the front, with these other useless cunts,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

And what about us elves,
we've had enough as well,
workin' in that freezing factory, it's cold as fucking hell,
we work until we drop, with our bollocks freezin' off,
stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

I'm Santa Claus' wife,
I know what he's really like,
sneakin' into them little kid's rooms
he's a fuckin' paedophile,
A devious old drunk,
and I'm married to the cunt,
So stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

It was gonna show up sooner or later. :)

B

dalesys
11-13-2009, 02:58 AM
The Pause of Mr. Claus
words and music by Arlo Guthrie

We're gonna sing you this Christmas carol. It's for all you bastards out there in the audience tonight. It's called "The Pause of Mr. Claus".

Why do you sit there so strange?
Is it because you are beautiful?
You must think you are deranged
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?

You must think Santa Clause weird
He has long hair and a beard
Giving his presents for free
Why do police guys mess with peace guys?

Let's get Santa Clause 'cause;
Santa Clause has a red suit
He's a communist
And a beard, and long hair
Must be a pacifist
What's in the pipe that he's smoking?

Mister Clause sneaks in your home at night.
He must be a dope fiend, to put you up tight
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?

DGoddessChardonnay
11-13-2009, 04:47 PM
Here's one of my classic favorites:

White Trash Christmas (http://www.funny-games.biz/cartoon/whitetrashxmas.html) by Bob Rivers

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
We'll decorate the mobile home
There'll be cousin's kissin'
And front teeth missin'
And you'll hear grandpa peein' in the snow

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
No Christmas card from my ex-wife
I did get a subpoena though
Our family tree is leanin' to the right
And we'll all be playin' poker Christmas night

<spoken>Ladies and gentlemen, one of the Three Wise Men on harmonica!

(Harmonica Solo)

<spoken>Lets pick out a few presents now

We're going to celebrate another white trash Christmas
With mad dog wine and miller light
And when our hound dog is howlin' through the night
He says may all your Christmas' be white

<spoken>Oh, ah, pay no attention to that all trespassers will be shot sign
That don't apply to you Santa
Nice rack on Blitzen though

:wave:

Jack T. Chance
11-21-2009, 08:48 PM
Here's one of my classic favorites:

White Trash Christmas (http://www.funny-games.biz/cartoon/whitetrashxmas.html) by Bob Rivers:roll:

I absolutely LOVE the Twisted Christmas albums by Bob Rivers! He's overdue to put out another one, I think it's now been a few years since the last one was released. :blink:

But in keeping with that general idea, here's one of my favorite songs that puts a twisted spin on the holiday..."Christmas at Ground Zero" by Weird Al Yankovic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGdrMOttV_s)

It's Christmas at ground zero,
there's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
while the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
that this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It's time to face your final destiny

It's Christmas at ground zero,
there's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
underneath the mushroom cloud

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop,
or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbing down your chimney,
you better load your gun and shoot to kill!

It's Christmas at ground zero
and if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see all the new
mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at ground zero,
just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at ground zero,
now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
on this jolly holiday

What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
on this jolly holiday!:lol:

RootedPhoenix
11-26-2009, 06:12 AM
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7xjjlUbpJ4) (youtube link)

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door,
that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegeterian.
There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too!

:roll::roll::cry::roll::roll: