View Full Version : Two monkeys and a football

12-11-2010, 01:55 PM
When I was getting ready to leave my kitchen job, I knew I was really going to miss some people, particularly the chef that gave me my start in the business and was really a mentor to me. This chef was the kind of guy that's easily taken the wrong way, but you can't help loving him. If you're eating a banana or a hot dog, there will be comments. He has no hesitation when it comes to saying what he thinks, even if he thinks certain people are morons. Unfortunately, we worked with a lot of morons, but we'd vent to each other.

One day, some coirkers were just being particularly ridiculous during a busy breakfast. He came over to me at the omelet station and dropped this gem: "It's like two monkeys fucking a football!" :eek::roll: I was cracking up the rest of the day as he kept referencing it knowing it tickled me so bad.

I learned later from another chef he worked with for 20 years that this is a phrase he's rather known for. For some reason, I just hadn't heard him say it yet. I was then inspired for the perfect going away gift. :angel:

I went to multiple stores trying to find what I needed, found part of the merchandise at one and the other part at another in the same chain because they were nearly sold out. I bought some superglue and went to work.

I managed to find a tiny football (American football). It is very difficult to find a small one that's not blue and orange or something unrecognizable like that. This one was the right color, though. I also managed to find two small stuffed monkeys the perfect size. I glued them in a position that looked like they were really going at it, too.

I had picked up some shoes for the chef and he was going to re-imburse me. I found a good deal online and he didn't have a computer. I had bought some for myself, too, so I brought both shoeboxes, one containing his shoes and the other containing a couple of perverted monkeys. Guess which one I gave him first. :angel: He utterly loved it. He took it around showing everybody. The reactions were hysterical since we were almost the only two that weren't just utterly weirded out.

Of course, he took it home, but the next day he had a story for me...

The neighbor's kids like to come over and hang out with him. He loves kids and is really good with them and keeps toys around. Well, they saw the monkey, um, thing sitting on the table and the older one, 10 years old, asks, "Why are those monkeys humping that football?" :o What do you say to that to a 10 year old? He had no idea.

The kids went over and got their mom and brought her over to show her. He explained the gift to her.

Mom: Where did she get that?
Chef: (In an oh so common fit of evilness) Toys R Us
M: WHAT?! They can't sell something like that! She must have gotten it at Hustler or something like that.
C: No, I'm pretty sure she got it from Toys R Us

This continued for an hour with the mom believing every word and on the verge of calling Toys R Us corporate. Meanwhile, the mom's boyfriend just keeps picking it up, shaking his head and putting it down. He did finally tell her that I made it and she was about ready to smack him for leading her to believe it was Toys R Us, but they all had a good laugh about it. :D

12-11-2010, 02:21 PM
I've got the cute end! Na na na.

So what. I've got the TE.:D


12-14-2010, 07:11 PM
No pictures? :(

12-14-2010, 11:47 PM
No pictures? :(

This is my biggest regret. I forgot to take pics in my excitement to give it to him. If I ever get the opportunity to see him again and take pictures of this thing, though, I'll post them here!

Frantic Freddie
12-15-2010, 12:52 AM
I do like this story *tips hat* :D

Irving Patrick Freleigh
12-15-2010, 02:12 AM
Consider the phrase "like two monkeys fucking a football" permanently borrowed.