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Seraph
10-07-2011, 03:21 PM
First off, sorry for the language. I'm very, very, extremely angry right now. Furious. Livid.

....I never thought this would happen.

My daughter came home from school yesterday and was acting very strangely. Wouldn't really talk to me. I finally got her to open up, and she starts off by getting upset and begging me not to be mad at her. WTF. She then starts to tell me that she got into "trouble on the playground". Odd, I wasn't sent home a note or anything, she even got a "green apple" for behaving well.

....Wasn't her.

Turns out, one of the boys from her class took her to the side and....told/forced her to do something that is only in adult movies. The teacher's assistant, who was "monitoring" the recess....saw this, and ran over screaming "that yucky, stop it, put it down, you don't want to taste that." The boy tried to get her to continue, but the teacher intervened.

Shocking already, right? Second point of fact, this is a KINDERGARTEN class. My daughter was sexually assaulted by a 5 year old boy. Third horrific thing?

The teacher's assistant did not report the incident.

That's right. She just separated him from her, and that was that. She did not write us about it, did not notify the police on campus, did not notify the CPS or the school office....NOTHING.

I am absolutely on the verge of going berserk and just murdering this woman. How DARE she? The hell kind of person goes "oh jeez, he just did that to a little girl, I think I'll just try and keep quiet about it."

We went straight to the principal's office this morning to discuss it. He was about as pissed as we were, and is going to investigate just what kind of moron would let something like this slip past.

I brought her back to class (after demanding that the boy be removed from it today), and when I brought her in, her teacher came up and asked what was going on. Guess what? She hadn't heard about the incident either? And when I finished telling her?

"Oh no....not again...."

AGAIN?! She informed me that this has happened SEVERAL TIMES NOW. How the HELL has CPS not been called on this kid's home yet? Why the FUDGE is he still in the class after all of this?!

:pissed: I hit my edge of sanity there. Up until then, I've managed to remain calm and polite, while firm. As soon as she told me that, I snapped. I'm going to still keep the meeting this afternoon, but I'm going to demand that the police be notified of this incident, and that CPS investigate this child's home. I also will ask that the teacher's assistant who failed so absolutely gloriously have her head provided to me on a silver platter. Okay, maybe not that, but seriously, she should not have that job if she's going to fail to report incidents like this.

Absolutely, absolutely, angry to the point that I went and punched a pillow for so long that all the stuffing is now out of it.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
10-07-2011, 03:25 PM
Aren't teachers supposed to have a professional, if not legal, obligation to tell the authorities about that kind of thing?

Yeah, it's possible the kid is just way too precocious for his age. But it's also possible he's being sexually assaulted himself at home.

Seraph
10-07-2011, 03:29 PM
Yes, yes they do. It's literally a crime to leave an incident like this unreported, so in all likelyhood charges might be brought against her for failing to report this and the other incidents.

It's very, very possible he is also being molested. Which is why I want CPS all over them like white on rice. The only way this kid learned what he did was a) from watching an adult do it, b) having it done to him, or c) someone's letting him watch pornography.

Kanalah
10-07-2011, 03:34 PM
I'm right there with you Seraph.

My daughter is autistic and mostly non-verbal and if there was even an inkling of something not-kosher going on, I'd yank her out of school and be following up legally if I needed to, or otherwise. You do not mess with my kidlets.

I'm amazed you can still form a coherant sentance at this point, honestly.

Kara
10-07-2011, 04:04 PM
I want to say something... but I just can't find the words. This is beyond fucked up.

The assistant needs to be fired. Plain and simple. And she most likely will, because most states REQUIRE that doctors AND teachers report any suspected abuse.

I just... yeah, if it were my daughter I'd be out for blood.

Elspeth
10-07-2011, 04:04 PM
wait what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Would you like one of my many swords? I am amazed at your control. I don't have kids and I want to go mamma bear for your daughter.

Here is a giant moose for your little girl and a punching bag for you.

DaDairyDruid
10-07-2011, 04:23 PM
Why haven't you called your local news station?

Geek King
10-07-2011, 04:37 PM
Why haven't you called your local news station?

Absolutely not until you have tried every possible other way. The news no longer has any morality when it comes to reporting, and Seraph and her daughter would be put through the hell of public opinion trial. Not to mention, the school will likely button up in crisis management mode, making getting anything out of them a federal case--likely literally. The news is a nuclear option at this point.

Seraph, this is an awful situation. I feel terribly that anyone has to go through that, much less a fellow board member. I'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Dilorenzo
10-07-2011, 05:13 PM
"Not again?" Seriously? "Not again?"

This has happened before and no-one has dealt with this bloody nitwit?

Seraph, I hope your daughter is doing better about all this. And can you let us know which areas of the country to avoid while you're going nuclear?

Raveni
10-07-2011, 05:47 PM
Thank goodness your daughter was brave enough and trusted you enough to report it to you. Thank you for raising her well and being a good mother.

Seshat
10-07-2011, 06:09 PM
I second what Raveni said.

Now: You're furious. You're absolutely and correctly and validly furious.

But your little girl needs you.

She NEEDS, absolutely NEEDS, total and utter reassurance from you that she is loved, that she did the right thing, that yes, someone is in trouble but it ISN'T HER.

She is going to need that reinforced again and again. She is going to need lots of cuddles and support. And yes, the last thing she needs is the eye of the media on her.

This is where aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends AND counsellors are going to be extremely helpful. You're going to have times when you're busy following up on the 'angry' side, and these other people can help you and support you with the 'comforting/reassuring' side of this situation.

Note that I am in NO WAY advocating letting this slide. Do not let this slide! Some other little girl (or little boy) will suffer if you do.

But make certain that you make special time and effort into caring for your child right now. She needs you.

(Yeah, you're going to be short on time for a while. Sorry 'bout that. :rolleyes:)

Seraph
10-07-2011, 06:22 PM
I appreciate the support, everyone.

We just got back from the school after another meeting with the principal. Unsurprisingly, the monitor on duty is denying that it happened, but everyone agrees that my daughter's story is way too out of left field to be discounted so easily. No surprise there, now that I've brought it on up, they could very well lose their job/be arrested.

The boy does have a record of exposing himself to other classmates, they have spoken to him regarding this before, and they actually flat out asked him if he did it. His answer was "Definitely not." Rather than just going with that, the principal said that it was odd that he didn't hesitate at all, and that he used that language in replying. He's only 5, so it's odd vocabulary for him to be using. They're going to be checking into it, because it practically "seemed scripted".

The big problem here is that they put my daughter through a series of interviews while we were gone, with her teacher, the guidance counselor, and the principal. Sarah tends to....lock up. When people start pressing her to tell what happened, she kinda retreats and just gives basic answers, won't really elaborate. All they could get out of her was the boy's name, the fact that he exposed himself, and that a teacher yelled at them. Apparently, the guidance counselor gave up trying to find out what happened. Can't blame them, but at the same time its like...she's freaked out, stop badgering her.

We've raised a huge ruckus though, and now we just need to wait and see what the investigation turns up. Will be a while, but at the very least, we've made some waves, and the school has agreed that they will be increasing the supervision.

Mytical
10-07-2011, 07:07 PM
I just want to say..everything pretty much has been said by the others. That is just..I have no words.

*offers hugs* Just glad you found out and are putting an end to it. Letting your daughter know that she can come to you regardless of what is going on. That she can talk to you.

iradney
10-07-2011, 07:36 PM
I don't know of many 5 years olds that would say "Definitely not". "nuh-uh" "no way" "nope" "no", but "definitely not" is a decidedly adult thing to say.

Also, that monitor should be fired. Stupid @&*^

Lyse
10-07-2011, 07:49 PM
The fact that the boy has a known history of doing things that are inappropriate is a huge factor.

taxguykarl
10-07-2011, 08:04 PM
The fact that the boy has a known history of doing things that are inappropriate is a huge factor.You caught that too. I agree, Seraph, your daughter needs the reassurance--just be careful not to encourage her to embellish.

Bright_Star
10-07-2011, 08:20 PM
The police need to be notified right away.

Lurking Sockpuppet
10-07-2011, 08:43 PM
The police need to be notified right away.


I agree completely! I also feel the school should not have "interviewed" your daughter. There are professionals who are trained to talk to children her age about these things. They can do it in a way that isn't intimidating. By them doing it she most likely feels like she did something wrong and it is her fault the other child is in trouble. I am not saying they did it on purpose but that is the end result. Let the police and their psychologists handle it from this point on.

Sockpuppet

RootedPhoenix
10-07-2011, 09:06 PM
*hugs* for you and your daughter. :( I can't believe the assistant didn't report it, and that the little boy has a history of this with nobody doing anything. :burnup:

Seshat
10-07-2011, 09:06 PM
Double seconded. Any and ALL further 'interviewing' of your daughter should be by a child-victim specialist. Preferably - and this is a VERY strong preference - a police child-victim specialist, and preferably with you or some other parental figure you AND your daughter trust either in the room or very, very nearby. (Perhaps watching through a one-way mirror.)

And they should be recorded interviews, permissible as court evidence. Too bad if the school doesn't like that.

Blue Ginger
10-07-2011, 09:18 PM
Your poor daughter. She will really need all the love and hugs you can give her.

There will be someone in this boys life showing him things he is too young to see. Social services needs to remove him now.

There was a boy at my mum's old work that would constantly flash people, try to put his hands down the staff's tops, hands up girls skirts. He also had the foulest mouth on him, worse than the worst person you can think of. He wasn't even 4 yet. They spoke to the parents numerous times, they denied all knowledge of his swearing, etc. 1 staff member had to watch him at all times.

They called in social services after 3 weeks. He had sneaked out of the room during nap time and was found with his pants down rubbing himself.

Turns out his parents had no clue what was happening because they would spend less than 1 hour a day with him. They would take him home, feed him, then go out drinking. He was being 'looked after' by his late teen brother and cousin who were watching hard core porn.

Yep the kid had learnt it all because he was watching porn. He was removed from the home immediately.

This little boy didn't do anything as bad as what happened to your daughter. Hopefully the little boy at your daughters school has only seen something that he shouldn't have and isn't being abused. Social services still need to get him somewhere safe though.

RootedPhoenix
10-07-2011, 09:20 PM
Yeah, that interview thing made me mad, too. What exactly are they trying to do?

Seshat
10-07-2011, 09:37 PM
Probably mixed motives. They're telling themselves they're trying to find out what happened, and underneath that there's the 'cover my ass' motive.

Bright_Star
10-07-2011, 10:49 PM
Probably mixed motives. They're telling themselves they're trying to find out what happened, and underneath that there's the 'cover my ass' motive.


That's the feeling that I'm getting. That they're trying to cover it up. She needs to notify whoever she can so they can't even begin to try to "sweep it under the rug". & a lot of people will be losing their jobs when this is done. I would insist on it if that were me.

kaherbert
10-07-2011, 10:59 PM
Actually the teacher might have reported the boy to CPS repeatedly, or he might have already been removed from the home.

I know of a situation where a friend, who is a teacher, had reported a boy as sexually abused and being sexually aggressive towards other students repeatedly. CPS did nothing. In her case the other parents would NOT press charges against the boy - and the administration was a wimp and afraid of the boy's mother and her lawsuits. (He was both disabled physically and a Special Ed student. She constantly claimed that her son wasn't getting services.)

Another friend had a student who had been abused (father was convicted) and was being aggressive towards other kids. Again the parents of the victims would NOT press charges. The child's status as emotionally disturbed protected him from being removed from the school.

Please, please, please file your own report with the police NOT CPS. The boy cannot be arrested in most states, he is under the age of reason. In some states you if you have a police report the bully has to be removed from the school. Get your child to the doctor and get a referral to a therapist for both of you. You need to control your actions so that you don't put guilt on your daughter.

Blue Ginger
10-07-2011, 11:02 PM
In my mum's case, she didn't wait for the center to call in the cops. She did it herself. She had been telling them to call social services since the boy had been in the center for only 3 days.

If the school hasn't contacted the police about this yet, do it yourself NOW.

Don't wait for the school to finish its investigation. By the time they do, the details may blurry in your child's memory. It also gives the school time to get all their stories to match.

fma_fanatic
10-07-2011, 11:23 PM
"Not again?" Seriously? "Not again?"

This has happened before and no-one has dealt with this bloody nitwit?

Seraph, I hope your daughter is doing better about all this. And can you let us know which areas of the country to avoid while you're going nuclear?

I'm trying to wrap my head around the "not again" too. Words can't express just how angry I am at seeing this.

I have to disagree with DaDairyDruid (sorry hun), but Geek King is right. Going to the media will blow it out of proportion.

Seraph
10-07-2011, 11:38 PM
Going to the media will blow it out of proportion.

Exactly, which is why we are not doing this.

We've done what we could though, we've rattled the cage bars, and are now watching the birds pinging off as they fly around frantically. (Its a good mental image for how the office looked as well when we showed back up, lol)

ralerin
10-08-2011, 01:37 AM
Oh. My fucking. God.

I feel ill. :(

csquared
10-08-2011, 02:28 AM
Don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said, so I just say

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Seshat
10-08-2011, 03:10 AM
My advice really boils down to:

Police.

Counselling.

Many, many cuddles and reassurances for your daughter.

morgana
10-08-2011, 03:10 AM
And can you let us know which areas of the country to avoid while you're going nuclear?

Fuck that. I want to come help kick some ass!

I have to agree with the idea of going to the police. Especially since apparently no one at the school has, yet. That pisses me off almost as much as the incident itself.

Almost.

Give sweetling a :hug: from me, if you think it would help.

MoonCat
10-08-2011, 03:12 AM
Holy freaking hell. This makes the top of my head blow off.

Everybody else has given good advice. Good luck and lots of hugs to you and your daughter!

tropicsgoddess
10-08-2011, 03:49 AM
Oh. My. GAWD! That assistant should be FIRED and arrested for dereliction of her duties! :pissed: :burnup: I hope your daughter is holding up okay. :hug: :hug:

fireheart
10-08-2011, 05:39 AM
I'll agree that the boy has definitely been told how to "act" in this situation. I was marked as gifted around that age, but there was NO way in hell I would have used "Definitely not".

The teachers aide: Definitely agree on her being fired. You do not ignore something like this. EVER.

Child Seraph: Love, cuddles and if she has any, time with friends as well. While family is important, as long as she has her friends, she can at least feel "normal" I guess. Counselling would also be beneficial.

Eisa
10-08-2011, 05:45 AM
My face looked like this, reading the OP: :jawdrop: I have chills right now.

That is mind-bendingly awful that the monitor didn't fucking report it. And "not again?!" What is this shit?!

That young, it's almost undoubted he learned it from somewhere. Still doesn't give him the right to act that way.

Please give your daughter loads of cuddles and reassurance...I can't believe the school interviewed her like that...way to be sensitive to what she's feeling there, guys...

:hug:

Amanita
10-08-2011, 08:19 AM
Holy crap..Like some of the others, I have to wonder where that other kid got the idea in the first place, if he too is being abused, or exposed to things he shouldn't be. Kids don't come up with these things on their own, and the way he allegedly acted when interviewed raises even more red flags.

lupo pazzesco
10-08-2011, 01:34 PM
I'm...really really glad my boyfriend is here with me and not in his city right now, easier to prevent him from grabbing the weaponry collection and heading out to "help rectify the matter"

I think, even if the police aren't called by the school, a specialist/counselor should be found to talk to your daughter, but that's just my opinion. They were hammering at her, and I'm sure none of them were qualified, and as stated above, they're no doubt making her feel like this is HER fault. Especially doesn't help that she came home and straight out told you SHE was the one "in trouble".

An outside specialist will also lend credence and support the findings, since the school seems to be in full on "cover my ass" mode. Especially with the "not again" comment from the teache.r

I don't know what pisses me off more right now. the fact it's happened before. The fact the aide, teacher and principal have done NOTHING. Or the fact that they all felt they needed to talk to your daughter WITHOUT you present, and with no one trained to talk to child victims present. WTF, people!?!

Dammit, now I have to go cook something... >.<

Dreamstalker
10-08-2011, 02:02 PM
:eek: :jawdrop:

Never has my brain bluescreened as hard as it did just now.

Not AGAIN?! So the school knew about this pervlet and did nothing? It seems like they're taking the 'kids will be kids, they're curious' stance...which this is WAY beyond. You need to nail them to the wall with rusty staples.

Police. Now.

It's clear the school don't want to do anything useful; the fact that they talked to your daughter 'improperly' might bite them in the ass as well.

*sends cuddles and a huge plush wolf to daughter and hugs to Seraph*

Kids don't come up with these things on their own, and the way he allegedly acted when interviewed raises even more red flags.
The fact that the school didn't notice this was unusual is an even bigger (if that's even possible) red flag.

XCashier
10-08-2011, 02:04 PM
I think, even if the police aren't called by the school, a specialist/counselor should be found to talk to your daughter, but that's just my opinion. They were hammering at her, and I'm sure none of them were qualified, and as stated above, they're no doubt making her feel like this is HER fault. Especially doesn't help that she came home and straight out told you SHE was the one "in trouble".

An outside specialist will also lend credence and support the findings, since the school seems to be in full on "cover my ass" mode. Especially with the "not again" comment from the teache.r
Agreed, every bit of the school's action stinks of "cover our ass". I agree with notifying the police and getting a good, qualified counselor to help you and your daughter. If the police don't know about this, the school will continue to cover up and how many children will be hurt by this kid? Not to mention the kid needs to be treated now, before he grows up to be something worse.

:hug: to you and your daughter. This whole situation is just heartbreaking. :(

Zellie Crescent
10-08-2011, 04:05 PM
I completly agree that the school has just been trying to cover their ass, get the police on this NOW!

Der Cute
10-08-2011, 06:58 PM
Hooooollleeeee Fucking Shit.
Honey, I would have gone postal after the 2nd step of "TA not handling it well". Kudos to you for being mature and fair.
I agree with what's been said so far - contact the sexual victims/police. Today. NAO.
But hugs to both of you, and Child Seraph from me: Honey. You did NOTHING wrong. This is very sad, and that is VERY WRONG of him. VERY. Now big hugs, and I promise this boy's going to have a lot more than a time out.

crazyofficeclerk
10-08-2011, 06:58 PM
In defense of the school, even though teachers are mandated reporters, there is usually a path that has to be followed before CPS can be called. The last school I worked at we were told that we were NEVER to call CPS without first talking to the principal and the guidance counselor first. Then they would talk to the student and then they would go talk to the superintendent. Then a decision would be made whether or not to call CPS.

If a teacher or aide would go around this "chain" there was a high chance that they could be disciplined (read fired). After being fired, the chance of them getting another job with this on their record would be small. Just like any workplace there is lots of politics that goes on behind the scene that a lot of people aren't aware of. Sadly, stuff like this happens more than most people know.

My advice is to make sure that your daughter is very much aware that she did nothing wrong. Keep repeating that over and over.

fireheart
10-09-2011, 12:33 AM
In defense of the school, even though teachers are mandated reporters, there is usually a path that has to be followed before CPS can be called. The last school I worked at we were told that we were NEVER to call CPS without first talking to the principal and the guidance counselor first. Then they would talk to the student and then they would go talk to the superintendent. Then a decision would be made whether or not to call CPS.

My advice is to make sure that your daughter is very much aware that she did nothing wrong. Keep repeating that over and over.

I do believe that "mandatory reporting" requires you to go straight to CPS, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

But yes, agree. She did nothing wrong and she needs to be very much made aware of that.

SpaceCore
10-09-2011, 12:52 AM
Working in schools myself, nothing makes me angrier than this. I can't even imagine how you feel right now Seraph. You do what you have to to protect your daughter and make her feel safe.

I can't vouch for their accuracy, but this site (http://www.rainn.org/public-policy/legal-resources/mandatory-reporting-database) has details on each state's mandatory reporting laws.
Gotta say, I'm happy to see my state's stance is "Anyone who knowingly fails to report shall be guilty of a misdemeanor." And they mean any person.

Amina516
10-09-2011, 03:23 AM
Seraph, I am SO sorry this happened to your family. I felt ill when I read your story. Please, stay on them (school), get the Cops involved and follow through.

Lady_Pigeon
10-09-2011, 11:26 AM
:hug::hug::hug: to both.

:flame: to all the adult idiots involved.

Keep us posted, and let us know if you need anything. :hug:

CaroPhoenix
10-09-2011, 12:35 PM
I haven't post anything in this thread yet because every time I read an update of sorts, my blood pressure goes through the roof!

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

I'm praying something happens and proper counseling (and lots of love on your part) is offered to your daughter.

Seraph
10-09-2011, 05:05 PM
Again, thank you everyone for the support.

Another weird thing happened. My mother mentioned what happened to a classmate of hers, and the girl said "...The boy's name wouldn't happen to be <name>, would it?" Mom was like, well, yes it is. "I know his family..." and then she walked off and wouldn't talk about it anymore. My mother was asking who they were, and why she said that, but she literally would not talk any more. Something is WAY up. My daughter's teacher acted the SAME way. So I have no idea who this family is....but red flags are going hardcore.

My daughter, thankfully, seems to be okay about everything. She is acting normally, very bouncy, and seems to have nearly forgotten about it. Pretty much, that's kinda what we want to happen, so it doesn't scar her or anything. We're just pretending around her like nothing happened, so that maybe she just puts it out of her mind.

The police were at her school when we went to talk to them, so they are aware of the matter.

A good finding though...albeit I hate typing this, because it brings back the thought that I had earlier. She most likely did not do what we thought she might have. I finally broke down and asked her, and she said that she didn't put "thing in her mouth", but that he tried to get her to multiple times. So I'm extremely relieved to hear that, even though it still means he tried. Such a small thing, but I cried when she told me, I was so relieved.

All we can do right now though, is at this point, press the administration to investigate fully, and to keep a close eye on my daughter to make sure things are okay, and that no other incidents occur.

Ironically, my mother threw a fit that I posted about this, and ripped into me for "telling others about it". I caught her on the phone no less than three times talking to friends about it, and asked her just how many people she'd told. Stopped her cold, she actually said "touche" and left. <.<

XCashier
10-09-2011, 05:42 PM
Another weird thing happened. My mother mentioned what happened to a classmate of hers, and the girl said "...The boy's name wouldn't happen to be <name>, would it?" Mom was like, well, yes it is. "I know his family..." and then she walked off and wouldn't talk about it anymore. My mother was asking who they were, and why she said that, but she literally would not talk any more. Something is WAY up. My daughter's teacher acted the SAME way. So I have no idea who this family is....but red flags are going hardcore.

Ooh, yes they are. Why is your mom's friend refusing to talk? Something's definitely scary wrong here.
Ironically, my mother threw a fit that I posted about this, and ripped into me for "telling others about it". I caught her on the phone no less than three times talking to friends about it, and asked her just how many people she'd told. Stopped her cold, she actually said "touche" and left. <.<
You both needed support and information, so it makes sense to cast the net wide to get as much as possible.

I'm glad your daughter didn't do as the boy demanded, but he still needs to be stopped before he harms anyone else. Also glad that the police do know about it. We're all praying for a satisfactory resolution before things get any worse.

:hug: to Seraph and daughter.

Seraph
10-09-2011, 06:23 PM
Ooh, yes they are. Why is your mom's friend refusing to talk? Something's definitely scary wrong here.

Very. Like I mentioned, her teacher shut up about the family as well right after the "not again" thing. I pressed her to tell me more, but she refused, and said she was "bound not to tell". Husband and I are jokingly calling it 'the Mayberry Illuminati'.

There actually used to be a class list online for the school so you could see who was in the class. That list has now been removed.... So I'm wondering if I can just simply call up and find out who is in it, or if they're going to try and pull some "privacy policy" over it. I'm definitely curious now as to who his parents are, and possibly if these are very well-connected people, or just the well known neighborhood trash. Signs are pointing to the first, unfortunately.

Not sure if I want to terribly poke THAT bee's nest, they could make our lives, and my daughter's, very, very difficult if so. I had a friend's mother who did something similar when I was a child, and only recently have I realized just why they moved away. I'm not sure I want to put my kids through that sort of hell, so I'm going to be walking very softly, but carrying a BFG. <.<

Buglady
10-09-2011, 07:43 PM
Dear God. Hugs to you and kidlet, Seraph - but I'm really worried about that little boy as well. At five years old, he did not come up with that idea on his own; the odds are that he has been through it, and worse, himself, and he needs help.

That's not something the school or police are going to want to admit, even to themselves, because nobody wants to think about having missed/avoided dealing with it for so long; so they'll continue to either demonize the kid (he's *5*!), or try to ignore the entire situation. That's basic human nature, sadly, but it can be overcome.

You have a chance to do something very important, here. Please keep poking that bee's nest.

Seshat
10-09-2011, 08:45 PM
My daughter, thankfully, seems to be okay about everything. She is acting normally, very bouncy, and seems to have nearly forgotten about it. Pretty much, that's kinda what we want to happen, so it doesn't scar her or anything. We're just pretending around her like nothing happened, so that maybe she just puts it out of her mind.

Oh, thank GOD. This is wonderful; as long as it doesn't mean she's buried it. She will probably need to tell a police/child services investigator, and yes, request one specialised in interviewing child witnesses.

I'd also keep a counsellor handy, perhaps have her talk with a counsellor a few times so she knows her - JUST 'getting to know you' talk, not about this topic unless your daughter chooses to bring it up - so that if it does become something later, there's a counsellor she already knows who can help her.

Ironically, my mother threw a fit that I posted about this, and ripped into me for "telling others about it". I caught her on the phone no less than three times talking to friends about it, and asked her just how many people she'd told. Stopped her cold, she actually said "touche" and left. <.<

YOU need support too. And who are we going to tell? I have no idea where you live IRL, or what your name is, or what school your child goes to. I'm anonymous. You're anonymous. Doesn't make me any less real, or my care any less valid; but it does mean I can't gossip and have it get back to your town and complicate the situation.


Speaking of complications: it's up to you whether to poke at the bee's nest, especially if the boy's family is deeply connected. It'll be you and your family bearing the consequences.
But I do recommend ensuring that the encounter is recorded. That way when someone IS ready to accept the consequences, the records are there. (probably.)

Dreamstalker
10-09-2011, 09:34 PM
I am so glad she didn't actually do what the boy wanted; not much of a comfort, but it's something good out of all this.

If the class list was up before this incident but has now been removed, that might be worth mentioning to the cops. They should be able to get the list if they want it.

Very, very strange that somebody knows the family but suddenly refuses to discuss it. They don't have to be bigwigs, just to have done something noteworthy (doesn't have to be something good).

Dasota
10-09-2011, 10:19 PM
I don't know what it's like for kids now, but even when I was 5, I knew first and last name of all the kids in my class, is there anyway to ask her the name of the kid? If the last name pings anything it might help you figure out why everyone is being so tight lipped about it.

Also, good on your kidlet for coming straight to you and telling you what was up. Great head on her shoulders, and great parenting on you and hubby's part. I'm glad it wasn't anything worse, and I hope that you get to the bottom of what's going on, and hopefully find out who this kid's family is.

Zellie Crescent
10-10-2011, 12:53 AM
If you haven't gone to the cops yet do so now, it seems clear (to me at least) that the school isn't gonna do shit to help find this kid and his family to fix this.

Mikkel
10-10-2011, 08:07 PM
Dear God. Hugs to you and kidlet, Seraph - but I'm really worried about that little boy as well. At five years old, he did not come up with that idea on his own; the odds are that he has been through it, and worse, himself, and he needs help.

I'm glad someone else expressed my thoughts. Your daughter of course come first, but that little boy is probably worse off :cry:.

kansasgal
10-11-2011, 12:20 AM
My son was solicited by the employee of our local grocery store (we have since moved) and we went through the same thing with the store..the manager was like "He's only done it once.." but there were a lot of reports on him. They wanted to settle quietly, I ended up calling the police and he is in jail (actually, Kansas has the Sexually Violent Predator program, so he got out of jail and is in the mental hospital for life because they fear he will reoffend).

I understand exactly how you feel, and how you are worried for your daughter. Because of the publicity, my son was reminded several times of the issue (it made the news, etc in our town at the time due to it being an employee) and we did get him counseling.

The first thing the police did after taking our report was to have an SVU officer interview my son, and she was the one who put the case forward. I would suggest the same to you if possible, because the SVU officers are trained in how to deal with the situation in a non-threatening way.

Definitely call the police and report it. Something is up, and the school knows it. There is something more going on here.

42_42_42
10-11-2011, 12:39 AM
If you aren't satisfied with how the school is handling it, you can call the superintendent and the school board, too. In fact, I would anyway, simply because of the TA's disturbing behavior.

Please keep us updated on what happens! I'm very concerned for that little boy. Glad your daughter is coping with this situation so well.

Moirae
10-11-2011, 08:13 PM
There's no words.... I hope at least one person is up for prison time, and the fact that none of them pursued this means that everyone who knew about it but did nothing needs to be fired. Like now. Fines, jail time, and more.

Seraph, you have amazing self control.

I am really really glad your daughter didn't do what he wanted her to do.

Man, I am so angry right now there aren't even words...

FuzzyKitten99
10-11-2011, 11:47 PM
Honestly, even though you don't WANT to go to the media, what you want to do is make them think that the most well-known station is on your speed-dial and you could make a call any time. Not necessarily threaten it directly (because it could be considered blackmail), but hint that the media would have a field day and they can investigate deeper and it will be out in public, etc. This may get the teacher to open up to you (or others/authorities). Either way, you want details. Kind of the "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, your choice."

Like I said, don't actually THREATEN, but subtle hints should do nicely.

Seshat
10-12-2011, 11:24 AM
Whatever you decide to do, know that we care and we'll back you.

The most important person for you to care for, of course, is your little girl. Next is the rest of your family.

Yes, I am among those worried about what's happening to the boy: hopefully reporting this incident to the police, perhaps child services, will get them investigating the boy's family and sorting something out there.

I also worry a bit about the other children the boy has done this to: did they just have parents who crumbled under the school's inaction? :confused:

crazylegs
10-12-2011, 03:26 PM
I also worry a bit about the other children the boy has done this to: did they just have parents who crumbled under the school's inaction? :confused:

I'm guessing that with the schools lack of reporting the other parents don't even know...

RecoveringKinkoid
10-12-2011, 04:08 PM
This is why I try to become friends with other parents. You cannot underestimate the value of the parent grapevine.

I try to go to as many birthday parties as I can manage. My friends are all like "Again? Aren't you sick of all that?" Well, yeah, kind of. But you have to nuture those relationships because you need to know what's going on with other kids in the class. It's not just a birthday party. It's communication.

I found out about a habitual groper last month. I found out who the class bully is last week. All from other moms.

Seraph
10-12-2011, 06:12 PM
I'm going to try and meet other parents....kinda difficult as I don't drive, and frankly, I'm almost always the odd sheep out. Always. I just don't....fit in. -.-

Haven't been able to discuss anything with the principal this week....strep took my voice and I haven't been able to talk in a couple of days.

Very good news though, my daughter has adjusted amazingly well, we had one small incident where she brought it up momentarily, and then said "hm, that's not a good thing" and then hasn't spoke about it since. So obviously, she might still remember some of it, but it's not affecting her terribly.

Soon as I regain speaking ability, going to find out what's been going on with the investigation.

Flying Grype
10-12-2011, 06:24 PM
Re: taking it to the superintendent and schoolboard: nah. They'll be as shifty as everyone else in the coverup. The cops are your most likely chance to be unaffected by the politics and whatever is making everyone else want to protect this family.

I'm so sorry to hear this but I'm not shocked. This is what most school people do in out-of-the-ordinary situations, in my experience. They run around like squawking and do every. little. thing. wrong. until the whole thing is unsalvageable and the kids can't be helped. I'm sure they're good people individually but when it's the school environment they just stuff it up.

spark
10-13-2011, 07:00 AM
Just discovering this thread. I'd say I'm shocked, but actually I'm the exact opposite of shocked. I had something almost exactly like this happen to me when I was about the same age.

Only nobody ever found out it happened, I never told anyone until I was long since an adult. I tried to bring it up obliquely with my mother once, but she was so freaked out by her six year old asking her what "sex" meant that she shut me down completely and I felt I couldn't talk to anybody about it ever. But although it gave me some slightly weird ideas as a kid, it didn't mess me up for life :) I sorted out all the strange ideas eventually, and I have a perfectly fine sex life now, it doesn't bother me in the least.

And that's with my mother being the exact opposite of helpful. I'm sure your daughter will come out without any harm done. Though I am VERY glad that you're pursuing this. The one thing I really, really, really wish is that the kid who did it to me had gotten help. I found out later that he'd done the same to several other girls, and was only stopped when he was a teenager... still doing freaky things to little bitty girls. :( I feel very sorry for him, and for everybody else he hurt, and I wish I'd known how important it was to tell somebody when I was a kid.

Akasa
10-13-2011, 08:37 AM
I'm glad kidlet is doing well and what you thought happened didn't, that he only tried. I'm seconding the SVU contact.

Kogarashi
10-14-2011, 06:22 PM
I only just discovered this thread myself, and am very glad to hear you're pursuing the issue. Count me among the parents who'd be on the warpath had this happened to mine. My oldest daughter is also in kindergarten, and I can only imagine how I'd react if this had happened to her.

Seshat
10-14-2011, 07:17 PM
Only nobody ever found out it happened, I never told anyone until I was long since an adult. I tried to bring it up obliquely with my mother once, but she was so freaked out by her six year old asking her what "sex" meant that she shut me down completely and I felt I couldn't talk to anybody about it ever.

I talked about this thread a bit with my wife, yesterday. Mostly because it was disturbing me a bit, and I wanted her opinion. She's a lot less screwed up about sex than I am - my parents were uptight. :rolleyes:

Anyway, the reason spark's quote is relevant:

My wife said that in a strange way, it's almost good that something like this has happened to Seraph's daughter. Note, I said almost.

She's discovered that she can say 'no'.
She's discovered that her 'no' will be backed up by the most important people in her life.
She's discovered that she can talk about anything to Seraph, and it won't interfere with her being loved and cared for.
She's been put in a nasty situation, acted assertively, and had it turn out okay. (From her point of view, anyway. Obviously, Seraph is now busy dealing with the things a 5 year old shouldn't have to - but from the child's POV, it's all turned out okay. Mum and Gran and her family are proud of her, so all is good.)

All of this will build strength and resilience that will support her through the rest of her childhood, and especially through the trying and testing period during and shortly after puberty.

jedimaster91
10-14-2011, 07:31 PM
I can only imagine how I'd react if this had happened to her.

Heads would roll. Jedi doesn't get pissed off often, but you do not want to be at the receiving end when it does happen. :pissed:

I hope there is a satisfying resolution to all this. And at least the kidlet is no worse for wear.

fireheart
11-10-2011, 10:45 AM
Just bumping to see if there's any new developments on the situation i.e. has kid been moved?

Seraph
11-10-2011, 12:15 PM
Yes, he's been moved to another class.

Unfortunately, not much else is going to be done. Since my daughter's the only witness to this (who'll admit it)....and...well, she's five....not really anything we can concretely prove. And you know? I've come to peace with that. There were six playground supervisors out that day, so we'll never know who exactly saw it. We can't prove it without a shadow of a doubt. This whole thing's been horrible, but she's learned from it. Albeit it's a lesson I wish she didn't have to go through, but now she knows to run from things like this, and that she can immediately come to me, her principal, other people, etc.

As for what's going to happen to the boy besides being moved to a different class...we won't be able to hear anything about it, of course. All I know is that they did file a report with CPS about it, and they were going to look into it.

Not exactly the hugely satisfying ending I'd like for all this, but at the same time, I'm relieved that if anything, she's okay. She's pretty much forgotten all about it. Also, the school is now on hyper-watch-mode for anything of the sort. You see, there was a recent article in the local newspaper about sexual harassment going on in schools these days, and a lot of local parents got stirred up about it. :) So yeah, things are going to be different now.

XCashier
11-10-2011, 10:54 PM
Also, the school is now on hyper-watch-mode for anything of the sort. You see, there was a recent article in the local newspaper about sexual harassment going on in schools these days, and a lot of local parents got stirred up about it. :) So yeah, things are going to be different now.
Good. Bring it out in the open, have everyone on alert, and even the boy's family "connections" (if they exist) won't be able to cover it up.

I'm glad your daughter is doing okay. I hope you are too. You've been through the wringer, and neither of you deserved it.

I still hope the boy can get the help he needs before he gets worse and this won't be covered up again.

Seshat
11-11-2011, 01:23 AM
This whole thing's been horrible, but she's learned from it. Albeit it's a lesson I wish she didn't have to go through, but now she knows to run from things like this, and that she can immediately come to me, her principal, other people, etc.

And THAT is a lesson which may well save her from the same - or worse - in the future. It might even save her life.