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Kara
12-09-2011, 01:02 AM
One year ago today my world crashed and burned. One year ago today I was having a bad morning with the kids and they were all fighting and I stopped my son from hurting himself. One year ago today, thanks to my ex's training, my children said I hurt them. One year ago today, with no evidence against me, and with evidence to show my children were unharmed, I was taken in for questioning, where I told the detective exactly what happened and he told me to my face I was a liar. One year ago today was the last I've seen my children at all. One year ago today, while I was being booked, my ex spun her tale to the police, expanding on what the children said even though she could see as well as they could that they were unharmed, that I hurt them all the time. One year ago today my ex made known her intentions to file for a protective order against me, get a divorce, and ensure I'd never see my children again. One year ago today, I was falling apart in a jail cell because my entire world had just collapsed. One year ago today I thought I'd never be happy again.

One year ago today, my life as I knew it was destroyed.

Over the past year, I reconciled with my parents after 3 years of bitter silence between us. I decided I was sick and tired of being miserable and angry all the time. I decided to take control of my destiny, rather than going along with what everyone else wanted for me. I did some soul-searching, I found where I had locked away my true self, and I set her free. I began to live MY life, to be the best me that I could be. I let go of all the resentment and anger I'd been holding on to for so long, even though I couldn't even remember why I'd been carrying it in the first place. I was finally sure of myself, of who I was, and I learned to love myself. Being true to who I was amassed an enormous support network of friends and coworkers who have been there for me and will continue to be there for me. I stood my ground, both in facing opposition to my identity, and against the false allegations against me in court.

I learned more about my ex in the past year, completely separated from her, than I ever had in the almost 10 years we'd been married. More than the nearly 15 years since we started dating my Sophomore year of high school. I learned my suspicions were correct, that she had been cheating on me. I learned she never got over an old boyfriend and would rather destroy me and remove me from my children's lives than live with the shame she'd face from her family for leaving me to be with him. I learned she was smearing my name all over town. I learned very few people who knew us both believed her. I learned she quit her job after my arrest to mooch off a battered women's shelter until they practically had to kick her out, forcing her to go back to work. I was able to see the way she treated me for what it was, I accepted the fact that I'd been emotionally abused. I could do nothing for my children as she wasted no time and moved them into a low-income apartment, brought her lover and his child into their lives, got pregnant almost immediately after the finalization of our divorce, and got married shortly after that. I have come to a point where I realize there was no love between us for a very long time. I have also found that I do not hate her, but I pity her and the mountain of regret she will have someday when riding the high of being with her "true love" starts to wear off.

In one year, I have learned to be true to myself. I have fought for and won my right to be recognized for who I am and not who others think I should be. I have learned to cope with the never-ending heartbreak of missing out on so much of my children's lives. I no longer fear Hell; nothing can compete with the agony of each day that has passed without having any contact at all with my wonderful children. I have learned how to see the light beyond the darkness that once threatened to take me. I have found that there is always hope for the future. I have found that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I have found that true friends will always be there for you no matter what. I have found it's okay to ask for help when it's needed. I have found there is no shame in crying. I have found that you can be happy in spite of all your pain. I have found that there is still so much more to look forward to.

One year ago today, I went down in flames.

One year ago today, I rose from the ashes.

MoonCat
12-09-2011, 01:10 AM
I have learned how to see the light beyond the darkness that once threatened to take me. I have found that there is always hope for the future. I have found that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I have found that true friends will always be there for you no matter what. I have found it's okay to ask for help when it's needed. I have found there is no shame in crying. I have found that you can be happy in spite of all your pain. I have found that there is still so much more to look forward to.

We should put this on a sticky so that everyone can read it whenever they need to.

Kara, you are one in a million and all kinds of awesome.

Redbeard
12-09-2011, 01:47 AM
More than a pint raised to you, my friend.
And when it's all said and done, like the old saying goes "May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows your dead"

And have faith, you will see your kids again. Somehow I think you'll keep at it till it's done.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-09-2011, 02:20 AM
Each day that goes by brings you a day closer to seeing your precious little ones again.

Hang in there my friend

dragon_wings
12-09-2011, 02:34 AM
Ah, Kara. You are amazing. And an inspiration. I'm so glad to have met you. You're one of the strongest women I know. And you will see your children again. I know it. ((hugs))

42_42_42
12-09-2011, 02:38 AM
Kara, that was beautiful! You continue to astound me--you are a true role model.

Cat
12-09-2011, 10:24 AM
Kara=kick ass phoenix!

Lachrymose
12-09-2011, 02:26 PM
Goosebumps. I haz them.

Kanalah
12-09-2011, 03:03 PM
Kara, you're awesome!

morgana
12-09-2011, 06:23 PM
Goosebumps. I haz them.

Same here. Also tears. Kara, lady, have you any idea how inspirational you are?

RootedPhoenix
12-09-2011, 06:43 PM
*hugs miss Kara* <3

We all <3 you. :D

Shpepper
12-09-2011, 08:36 PM
Beautiful Kara. Thank you for sharing your story.

http://spicetreegraphics.biz/Illustrations/Fantasy/LargeThumbs/phoenixflamesThumb.jpg

Victory Sabre
12-09-2011, 10:02 PM
I think there's a saying to the effect of "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I'd say in your case it's totally true.

I just hope that you're able to get your kids back, and can undo the damage your psyco bitch from hell ex caused.

Kara
12-10-2011, 03:56 PM
Kara, lady, have you any idea how inspirational you are?

Only because so many people have told me that I am over the past year. When people tell you something about yourself over and over, you start to believe it.

I wrote this to comfort myself the other day, cause I just knew I was gonna have a breakdown. Thanks everyone, for being so kind (and of course, for being there for me over the past year).

I wrote this so I wouldn't cry. And many of the responses made me cry anyway :)

dragon_wings
12-10-2011, 04:15 PM
((huggles Kara))

Kara
12-10-2011, 06:01 PM
Also, Shpepper, that phoenix is beautiful.

Shpepper
12-10-2011, 06:34 PM
I looked for a specific one for you. You truly have risen from the ashes and been reborn as the beautiful woman you have always been. Don't ever stop believing in yourself. You are such an inspiration.

Becks
12-10-2011, 10:49 PM
Kara, there aren't words to describe how incredible you are. :love:

BeenThereDoneThat
12-11-2011, 03:22 AM
I wrote this so I wouldn't cry. And many of the responses made me cry anyway :)

Ahhh, but the GOOD kind of tears are sooooo much better!! :D

Andrew B.
12-12-2011, 04:47 PM
*Raises his drink* To Kara, who proved that, while things may look bleak, there is always a light in the darkness.

FuzzyKitten99
12-13-2011, 03:36 AM
I had the same idea as Shpepper, lol...just a couple days late. I modified the one I found just a bit.

http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p298/FuzzyKitten1999/kara1.jpg

Kara
12-13-2011, 04:12 AM
Awesome. Saved that pic and just put it on my FB wall :)

Jester
12-13-2011, 03:10 PM
Bravo! Bravo! I bow to you in reverence and awe, as the strong person so many of us knew you were, and that you are only recently discovering yourself that you are.

And I shall add another Phoenix image to those already posted, as I think you have certainly earned it:

http://earthharmonyhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/PhoenixRising.jpeg (http://earthharmonyhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/PhoenixRising.jpeg)

Kara
12-13-2011, 05:31 PM
Okay, yall are making me create a new folder for phoenix pictures lol

Seraph
12-13-2011, 06:53 PM
<big hugs to Kara>

I guess you could say....you've learned to kick some ash.

But in all seriousness, you're a freakin heroine to us all.

Jester
12-13-2011, 09:40 PM
I guess you could say....you've learned to kick some ash.

She really has fired up some of the people here!

RootedPhoenix
12-15-2011, 09:33 AM
Phoenixes are awesome. :D