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Kanalah
12-14-2011, 02:50 PM
Words fail me right now, I just....argh!

1. Got my daughter into an awesome autism-only school. It's great and wonderful...and very expensive. Luckily we got a scholorship from the state to cover half of the tuition. We're still going to have the budget very carefully to pay for it.

2. I love school, but it's jerking me around. They won't let me sign up for spring classes. At first I was upset, but I'm going to have to drop out so we can pay daughter's tuition.

3. Hubby bought me awesome scrubs for the rest of my classes, but I have to drop out. :cry:

4. Going to DC area to visit the in-laws, for the first time in 4 years. We're driving because daughter throws huge screaming fits on airplanes and I have panic attacks. Hubby insisted on renting a car for the trip, which is a huge pain in the ass and expensive. We have a car, why not USE it?

5. Hubby wants to stay in DC for 3 weeks, no big deal - I'm taking my sewing machine and working on little projects. Had a cat-sitter all lined up for Miss Stella, my deaf kitty. They backed out on me yesterday and now I'm frantically calling kennels. So far all are booked/won't return my calls.

6. I have 1 more quilt to ship today and need to deliver stockings today. Also I have a final on Thursday.

7. Gave Christmas gifts to my side of the family. My sister gave our whole family strep.

I'm just going to sit here and :cry: for a bit.

Treasure
12-14-2011, 03:57 PM
:hug:

Congrats on the school for daughter!

the renting a car may be a safety thing - how many miles are on the family car? when was the last oil change / tire rotation / brake job etc..... also, your hubby may be wanting a car that he can "show off"..... weigh the options - see what's going to be more expensive - renting the car for 3 weeks, or making sure the family car is in top condition for the trip - and discuss all of this with hubby

are there other friends / neighbors that you'd be willing to let take care of Kitty?

get thee to the post office, and then study for that final.... a little today, a little tomorrow... you will kick that final's behind!

strep sucks - antibiotics are your friend! also your sister should've begged off if she was sick...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Jester
12-14-2011, 04:04 PM
Hubby insisted on renting a car for the trip, which is a huge pain in the ass and expensive. We have a car, why not USE it?

There are a few reasons why a rental car might be better. It might offer more cargo space. It might be better suited for the trip. It might be in better shape than your car. It might be to save wear and tear on your vehicle, especially if he doesn't want to subject the family car to the Northeastern winter weather.

Of course, if he just wants a rental car for vanity or fun, he's an idiot. But he may have some valid reasons for it.

Kanalah
12-14-2011, 04:31 PM
He's already paid to rent the car, so there's no talking him out of it now. Our car is in great shape, he just wanted to pay extra for a car that may or may not have a dvd player. Seriously once the man's made up his mind - that's it.

I could ask family to take care of Stella- except they all have cats. Thier cats would be defending thier territory and poor Stella would get whooped. I'd let my mom watch her, but she's already mad at me for giving a quilt to my dad. I'm scared that my mom will take her to the pound or let her get out or something. Stella can't go outside ever, she's stone deaf. Plus mom's neighbor hates cats and has an attack dog. I'm just so worried that something's going to happen to her.

I wish one of the kennels will call me back, even thought it will likely cost me $500+

All I have to do is make sure that we get to MIL's house. Once we get there, hubby will be worshipping the ground his mom walks on and ignoring me and treating me like a servant. I grew up like that so I guess I'm used to it. Then I can just end it and everyone will be happy because I'll be gone. Hubby will be back with his mommy, I've given away most of the my stuff already. My family will be so glad to get rid of me, I'm such a dissapointment to them. I'm so tired of having to fight for everything in my life. I just want it to be over.

AnaKhouri
12-14-2011, 10:21 PM
Kanalah, everyone here will say they would miss you were you to harm yourself. Well, how much worse will it be for your children? Do you really think your husband can raise them by himself? Can you live with the thought of your children being raised by in-laws or even strangers? Can you abandon them, now or ever?

My friend's dad killed himself when my friend was a kid. Intellectually, my friend knows his dad's choice had nothing to do with him. But still every day he thinks about what he did or didn't do, and how he could have kept his dad from committing suicide. The guilt never ends.

If people here can't make you see how much you are needed and wanted in this world, look into your kids' eyes and ask them what they would do if Mommy left them.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-14-2011, 10:28 PM
Kanalah. your children will not be better off without you. My friend's brother committed suicide because he thought it would be better to end it, then have his kids watch him battle cancer. His boys have never forgiven him for leaving him. Can you do that to your precious children.

Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to I am here. I will PM you my cell number and if you need me, call or text

Ree
12-14-2011, 11:06 PM
Kanalah, I don't know what's going on, but please respond to my PM and messages to you.

We truly do care about you here.

Jester
12-15-2011, 12:09 AM
Kanalah, we lost Plaid. We're not losing you. Don't you fucking dare!

Your husband, your children, your family, and your friends (as well as the CS community) would be utterly devastated were you to follow through on such thoughts, so stop it. Stop it now. That is an order. And trust me, I am not someone you want to piss off. :lol:

MoonCat
12-15-2011, 12:48 AM
Kanalah, you're an awesome person and you deserve some happiness in your life. Just because some people treat you like shit doesn't mean you should accept that. Mom, husband, whoever - what makes their opinion so important? PLEASE, don't take that step. We want you to take control of your own life. You're worth it.

Kara
12-15-2011, 12:58 AM
Kanalah, you have a pm. I meant every word, you aren't that far from me and I would gladly head your way just to give you a hug.

Kanalah
12-15-2011, 01:06 AM
And here I am cryling like a baby now.

I was so worked up about the very real possibility that my mom would hurt my cat. I know it sounds stupid, but she's my therapy cat. She's there when I can't sleep and she doesn't mind watching Dr Who all day with me. And she never yells at me. The kids yell at me. My husband doesn't understand depression and lately has started saying "quit talking about killing yourself and just do it already, sheesh!"

I just work so hard to take care of everyone else and the one time I want something, I get yelled at or slapped down. I should probably stop expecting stuff.

I did finally get a call back from a kennel. It will cost me $500, but I'll know that my kitty will be there when I get home.

It's just really difficult growing up and hearing your own parents tell you that everything would be better if you were dead.

Jester, don't be mad at me. I was hoping sometime to visit Key West and have you pick out rum for me.

I'll be okay, I'm just way stressed out over everything. Hubby has been promising that he'll help out. I just feel bad getting all worked up over something that you all probably think is stupid.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-15-2011, 01:10 AM
You have had a lot of us worried. If you ever need someone to let off steam to, call or text me. If you need her, Kara can be there in 3 hours to give you a hug and be a shoulder to cry on, just ask and she will be there for you

Kanalah
12-15-2011, 01:14 AM
Yeah but I don't want to be trouble. Then I won't be able to talk about anything.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-15-2011, 01:18 AM
If I wasn't half way across the country I would be there right now. I am very worried about you and I do not want to see your children grow up without you.

Ree
12-15-2011, 01:23 AM
Yeah but I don't want to be trouble.Excuse me, but you don't come on here and post the comments that you did, then don't reply to PM's and messages of concern, scaring and worrying us sick, and then say, "I don't want to be trouble."

If it's not clear to people on this site by now, we have a great group of caring people here, and when one of us is hurting, we all hurt. It has been posted numerous times in the months since Plaid's loss that we are all here and if anyone is feeling like they can't cope, they can feel free to message someone

We all lost a dear friend this year, so we are naturally on high alert when we read these kinds of comments.

Helping out a friend is not "trouble."

Kanalah
12-15-2011, 01:37 AM
I know but it seems when I'm at a really low spot then people end up telling me "Don't talk about being depressed anymore, it bothers people."

I would've responded immediately had I known, but I was out of the house. I don't have a fancy phone, so I can't check email while I'm out.

I'm just so used to people being mean and kicking me when I'm down.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-15-2011, 01:40 AM
Kanalah, we are all here for you. We are trying to lift you up, not kick you down.

Anytime you need to talk, I am here. It may take me a little longer getting bock to you during the day, but I will be getting back to you.

Jester
12-15-2011, 01:40 AM
Jester, don't be mad at me. I was hoping sometime to visit Key West and have you pick out rum for me.

I am not mad at you. Nor will I be as long as you don't carry through on your comments. And I am going to hold you to that, of you coming to Key West so I can pick out rums for you. I am not good at that...I am fantastic, and I would be honored to be able to do so for you.

As for you being trouble, stop that. Seriously. You are not trouble, and no one here thinks you are. (And if they do, I'd like a conversation with them in a small, private closet....with soundproofing.) Don't think that. We are concerned for you, and that is our choice...you are not trouble. Get that shit out of your head right now, woman. That is an ORDER.

Excuse me, but you don't come on here and post the comments that you did, then don't reply to PM's and messages of concern, scaring and worrying us sick, and then say, "I don't want to be trouble."

Ree, depression is insidious. To those suffering from it, they often think they are troubling their friends by talking about it, or talking about the way it makes them feel. Sometimes, they are so beaten down by the depression that the very idea of seeking or asking for help is something they think would be a burden on others, and they just don't want to be. It is an incorrect thought, of course, but it makes sense in the logic of depression.

But it's okay, because Kanalah is not going to do a DAMN thing to herself. She has not yet had the pleasure of having great rum that was picked out especially for her by me. And that, my friends, is a big fucking deal.

Bardmaiden
12-15-2011, 01:41 AM
Yeah but I don't want to be trouble. Then I won't be able to talk about anything.

Darling if I could swim the sea I would be there giving you a hug. I kinda know where you are coming from with that and get told by my people to let them know when I'm hurting too. Sometimes it is hard to express the feelings you are having but sometimes I find just talking about stupid things helps just as much because you are being listened to.

Ree
12-15-2011, 01:41 AM
I know but it seems when I'm at a really low spot then people end up telling me "Don't talk about being depressed anymore, it bothers people."

I would've responded immediately had I known, but I was out of the house. I don't have a fancy phone, so I can't check email while I'm out.

I'm just so used to people being mean and kicking me when I'm down.I understand totally, but I was just so worried.

I have been where you are.
I was there this weekend, myself, actually. (Long story.)

I am so happy you're OK for the moment.
Please, never stop talking to us.
You've obviously been surrounded by heartless idiots.
We aren't them. :hug:

Kara
12-15-2011, 01:49 AM
I have been where you are.


As you probably know, so have I. And then some. And I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back and let the people I care about go through it and suffer in silence.

That pm I sent you included my phone #. Call it anytime, and I mean that. I only ignore calls from bill collectors and politicians. Never ignore friends. FCCR has called me at 6am and I'm glad she did due to what was going on.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-15-2011, 01:53 AM
FCCR has called me at 6am and I'm glad she did due to what was going on.

Sorry, I forgot about the time difference.

But, seriously, if you need me, I am here. I have had someone in the group in a different time zone call me at 1 am and I talked to her when she needed some one.

Kara
12-15-2011, 02:04 AM
Don't apologize, when I say call me anytime, I mean ANYTIME :)

Sapphire Silk
12-15-2011, 02:12 AM
I know but it seems when I'm at a really low spot then people end up telling me "Don't talk about being depressed anymore, it bothers people."

It doesn't bother anyone here, clearly. Me included.

Kanalah, when you start feeling this way, get help. Get someone on the phone. Get to a counselor, pastor, suicide hotline, anyone!

Every life is valuable. Every life is a treasure. Some of us just have to clean the patina off ourselves to see it, is all.

Jester
12-15-2011, 03:42 AM
Kanalah, you can PM me any time. I have made that clear in the past. You can also, if you want, have my phone number, and you can call or text me anytime as well. This too I have made clear in the past.

Ree, the same applies to you. Always.

Kara, you already know this and already have my number, but I want to reiterate that that still stands, and always will. Well, unless you start rooting for the U of A. Then all bets are off. :lol: (Kidding, of course.)

spark
12-15-2011, 04:24 AM
You can add me to the list of people you can contact any time. Seriously. I am a good fill-in for the weird middle of the night hours, I usually go to bed around 4 am. :) You have my e-mail and I'd be happy to drop you my phone number too.

We can whine about our depressive issues at each other, then it'll be fair and everything. Er. That sounds weird. I just mean that you couldn't possibly be a bother if I get to share my troubles with you while you're sharing yours with me, if you see what I mean. :)

BeenThereDoneThat
12-15-2011, 05:06 AM
Add me to the list too...send me a PM with your info and I will respond in kind. And a big, huge, hearty

FUCK YOU!!!

to anyone who doesn't believe in depression, won't even try to understand it, and tries to tell us it's not real. My husband does the same thing, though he's backed down a bit over the years or at least just doesn't talk to me about it anymore. Those of us who suffer from depression and anxiety KNOW it's real and we need to stick together. You have every right to vent...just know that we here do not want you to harm yourself in any way, just as you would not want us to harm ourselves, so we have to scold you if you suggest you might...it will be a loving scolding, believe me.

Much love to you. You seem like a wonderful person. Believe in yourself.

spark
12-15-2011, 05:30 AM
P.S. Did you know it's Kanalah day? It is. See? ----> http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=84881&page=2

Eisa
12-15-2011, 05:43 AM
:hug: Add me to the contact me any time list. I don't go to bed until like 7 a.m., so any time during the night is a-ok. Not the best with phone calls, but great with texts and PMs, and if you need to talk, I can pick up the phone. :hug:

Der Cute
12-15-2011, 06:42 AM
K-
Listen. Go through our threads and read all the stuff we've tossed around on depression. It seems a lot of us have that - or family who does. Then, how do we deal with it?
Of course, when you're depressed and feeling poopy like you're describing, it's really hard to "see" things can be better.
What good has happened in the last week? Come on, good things have.
School for your daughter.
Trip to see family (the road trip itself will give memories)
You having a final and kicking ass on it
Finding that we care
Kittybaby is now cared for, that's checked off the list.

hey. I've had super crap weeks where I thought Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck, it's all fucked up. Then I start journaling and my brain says: Hey wait, did ANY good happen? Yeah, list it. Even if you have to pick up CRUMBS find a good thing.
And I've been in your shoes. I've felt that despondent. That sad. That worthless. It's a hell of a suction cup to get stuck into. And hella to get out. Please, can you contact a doc when you get back? This is enough to effect your life and behavior - is it throwing a wrench in the rest of your life? Yes? Get some help.
Hugs.

RootedPhoenix
12-15-2011, 08:38 AM
*hugs kanalah* I love you. Don't go away. :(

Kanalah
12-15-2011, 01:09 PM
I woke up this morning to the cat laying on my back purring away. Who wouldn't want to wake up to that?

I feel a lot better today, although I have lost my voice.

I have 6 different people's numbers, so plenty of people to bother when I have insomnia in VA.

My son was crying all day yesterday saying "no mommy don't go!" Which yeah made me feel even worse.

I did log into chat and that was really great. If I can get MIL's computer out of the stone age, I might hang out in there for a bit.

I feel really bad that I got everyone all worked up. I don't think anyone wants Jester mad at them. Just when I get all stressed out that voice in my head comes out and starts whispering mean things.

Jester
12-15-2011, 01:20 PM
I don't think anyone wants Jester mad at them.

:lol: This is a good thing. I think. Well, at least it's good to know I'm having some kind of effect.....even if it's the effect of an evil ogre. :D

morgana
12-15-2011, 01:21 PM
Kanalah,

I'm late to the party, as usual, but I'll join the chorus of "Don't you dare!"

I've heard that little mean voice as well. Hateful little thing, ain't it? You know what helps me when it's whispering? I stop and listen for a second, and then I tell it (out loud if I'm alone), "No. You're wrong. And you KNOW you're wrong. So shut up."

And it does.

Just remember: We love you. We know the mean little voice is wrong. Don't leave us?

FormerCallingCardRep
12-15-2011, 01:28 PM
Kanalah, when you are in VA you will be in the same time zone that I am in. If you need me, I am here.

Kanalah
12-15-2011, 01:30 PM
:lol: This is a good thing. I think. Well, at least it's good to know I'm having some kind of effect.....even if it's the effect of an evil ogre. :D

Well I think of you as the big brother that gives me a good kick in the butt when I need it.

dragon_wings
12-15-2011, 05:13 PM
Hey, you'll be in VA? I live in Baltimore. Call me sometime (will send a PM). Warning though: I work retail so I work wacky hours.

But I've been through depression. I'm an empath working retail, so I'm often stressed out about that add all my non work stresses and you have a depressed dragon_wings.
Right now I'm trying to keep a friend from breaking down every night (she just moved here and is living with me) cause she grew up lying to herself and everyone she knew and she's so intensely unhappy with herself. It's hard because it makes me sad.

Enough rambling. We love you. ((hugs))

Shpepper
12-15-2011, 07:41 PM
I have a friend who was feeling like she didn't matter anymore. She came up with an idea that I want to share with you all. Make a list of things to accomplish. then at the end of the day, make a list of everything that you got done that day. No it doesn't matter if it was on the original list or not. This includes things like getting out of bed and getting dressed, making meals and all the other things that you do in a day. It will help you see just what you do everyday.

I would so miss you seeing your quilts and hearing about the crazies. I know that at one point in my life, my puppy was the only thing that kept me alive. She was 4 weeks old and needed constant attention. I was afraid that if I did anything, she would be put down. That was enough for me. So think of your kitty that you are kenneling for 3 weeks just so she will be safe. Much Love.

FuzzyKitten99
12-15-2011, 08:24 PM
Kanalah, been there done that too...still deal with it every so often, lol...

Sending you a PM with my info (contact and facebook so you have me available at any time, in multiple ways).

I am in MN, but that doesn't stop me from being an 'ear' or virtual shoulder.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-16-2011, 10:14 AM
If you are coming across I64 in the next 24 hours, please be safe crossing the mountains from WV into VA. They are predicting snow today in that area

Kanalah
12-16-2011, 03:06 PM
Now that I'm kinda out of the fog. I can see what got me so upset.

I've never had a brithday party. This year was a big one, and I had been planning something special. Then I found out when we were leaving and that I couldn't have a party. So that really upset me. I know it's probably stupid, but I've always wanted to have a party. I love throwing parties - I just never thought I deserved one, or if I had one - that anyone would show up.

And then my pet sitter backed out and I had to scramble and talk on the phone, which is a big fear for me. I always feel like I'm being a waste of time or bothering people, stuff like that. So I spent all day on the phone, after leaving messages, I had to call FedEx and make darned sure that MommaPlaid got her quilt.

It's just weird because I've never really had like friends before, or people being nice to me without me having to do something first.

I've been in other online groups and the first time I slip into a more depressive state they're supportive. The second time they tell me not to talk about it anymore. So then I muddle through, pretending that things are okay, when I'm dying inside.

I just scared that it will happen here and then I'll lose another support network.

I do have a lot of people's numbers in my phone now, so I have people to talk to when I get all weirded out again.

And I will find a way to check in when I get to VA, even if it involves hacking into Chat from my MIL's Win 3.1 computer.

It's still kinda weird to have people being nice to me.

FormerCallingCardRep
12-16-2011, 03:14 PM
Just please be carefull if you are coming across I-64 in the next 24 hours. I heard on the news this morning that they are predicting snow in the mountains in southern WV and Western VA today and tonight. There are some big mountains to cross there.

Kanalah
12-16-2011, 03:16 PM
We're not leaving until the buttcrack of dawn tommorow and I'm pretty sure we're not taking I-64. We're going on I-40 and I-81

FormerCallingCardRep
12-16-2011, 03:22 PM
I was just worrying because I know how bad I-64 can get in the snow. Hubby's sister lives just of I-64.

Kanalah
12-16-2011, 03:40 PM
I know and I appreciate it :)

houdini
12-16-2011, 08:20 PM
I just scared that it will happen here and then I'll lose another support network.

You won't lose us. And Jester will do bad things to anyone who says anything mean! :roll:

I'm in a different time zone but I'm happy to be a virtual ear as well - PM me if you need to :) Might be useful for 3am when no one else is awake?

Ree
12-16-2011, 11:19 PM
I've never had a brithday party. This year was a big one, and I had been planning something special. Then I found out when we were leaving and that I couldn't have a party. So that really upset me. I know it's probably stupid, but I've always wanted to have a party.I can understand that one. It's not stupid at all.
Last year was a milestone for me, and with my husband also being gone, I had thought, just this once, my family would actually have a party for me.

I got upstaged by a family christening.
No party for Ree on her 50th. :(
So, yeah, I totally get it.

Glad your fog is lifting and you're improving even more each day.

Jester
12-18-2011, 03:22 AM
And Jester will do bad things to anyone who says anything mean! :roll:

What, me? I'm a nice guy, a sweetheart, a teddy bear. I can't imagine where these rumors got started..... :whistle:

Eisa
12-18-2011, 03:50 AM
-cough- No idea at all. :p -cough-





Also the birthday thing would upset me, too. :hug: And I totally understand feeling weird that so many people are nice to you, that's how I feel too lol, but yep. Lots of people are nice here. :hug:

Kanalah
12-19-2011, 02:45 PM
Safe and sound at MIL's house. Still trying to decompress from the car trip. Kids did really good in the car, we only had one tantrum and that was when we were almost done.

AccountingDrone
12-19-2011, 05:29 PM
I got upstaged by a family christening.
No party for Ree on her 50th. :(
So, yeah, I totally get it.


I turned 50 on 10/27. My mother has alzheimers. She did not remember my birthday at all.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-20-2011, 04:01 AM
*hugs AccountingDrone*

Ree
12-20-2011, 04:33 AM
I turned 50 on 10/27. My mother has alzheimers. She did not remember my birthday at all.
My Mom was still alive but confused by dementia, so she didn't remember my birthday either. (She passed in April of this year.)

My family had planned a surprise party, apparently, and my oldest sister arranged her schedule to visit for it.
My nephew announced his son's christening for that same weekend, and he lives about 4 hours away, so that meant my brother, whose home was supposed to be the location, wasn't going to be around, so the party couldn't be held that weekend.
My sister couldn't rearrange her schedule, so she came to visit anyway, but they didn't bother with the party.

I was really hurt when I found out.

RootedPhoenix
12-20-2011, 05:14 AM
:( *hugs Ree and AccountingDrone*

BeenThereDoneThat
12-20-2011, 05:25 AM
That really sucks too, Ree...people are so self-centered. :( :hug:

Kanalah
12-21-2011, 06:33 PM
Okay so MIL has been stuck in her house for months. She's lost half of her vision in one eye and doesn't feel safe to drive. You'd think she'd want to go and do stuff - she loves to shop.

But oh nooo....we just sit at home and she complains about how we don't do stuff. I'd love to go take her grocery shopping, I need to go anyways because my kids like fruit for thier stockings.

I have my sewing machine with me and I've already made 3 table runners. I am like so bored to tears it's not even funny. She doesn't even like to have the computer turned on.

And yes my son has already fallen down the stairs once. And we've thrown a tantrum the first night we tried to go out to dinner. And I really just want to go home and pet my cat and roll in fabric.

dalesys
12-21-2011, 06:42 PM
... roll in fabric.
That's your inner mummy.:p

KiaKat
12-21-2011, 11:59 PM
Are you reliant on her for transportation? What would happen if you said "<MiL>, we're headed out to see the (Xmas Light Show, Village Tree, Santa) and pick up a few last-minute things. If you would like to join us, we're going to be leaving in about a half hour. We hope you'll come, you always know (the best place to park, the stories about local history, the best route to the mall), and the kids would love sharing Christmas doings with their grandma."

Are there things you can do around the house with her? Making cookies, putting up last minute decor, wrapping gifts... anything she has difficulty with on her own, but loves doing, and would be willing to teach you or her grandkids.

AccountingDrone
12-22-2011, 12:42 AM
Thanks, I was expecting it to happen. I am a realist, and I know that the slide is painful for those of us watching it happen. Makes me wish I was estranged so I didn't have to. I can understand people who abandon their elders in a care facility.

MoonCat
12-23-2011, 01:38 AM
Okay so MIL has been stuck in her house for months. She's lost half of her vision in one eye and doesn't feel safe to drive. You'd think she'd want to go and do stuff - she loves to shop.

But oh nooo....we just sit at home and she complains about how we don't do stuff.

My mom used to do that. My sisters and I would got out somewhere and she'd say things like, "I wish I could go out like you girls do." So next time we'd try to get her to come along and she'd say she didn't want to. :rolleyes:

Years later she was diagnosed with depression. So that's one possible explanation. She might also feel self-conscious about her vision problems.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-23-2011, 04:09 AM
This fits my MIL to a T, though she does not have dementia. She is nearly 86, has both bad hearing and bad vision, and was widowed in March 2010...neither of them really wanted to go anywhere for a while before my FIL died and now it's really hard to get my MIL to go anywhere or do anything. We want to include her in family things but her place is so small and she chain smokes (with only a few other family members being smokers, and they go outside). I know she's depressed and anxious, and even takes some meds for it, but other than that she's kind of refusing all other kinds of treatment, including just getting out of the house for a while. :(

Kanalah
12-24-2011, 02:22 PM
Well, if we want to leave the house, we have to borrow her car.

I was able to get her to go grocery shopping, and that wore her out for 2 days. We hit the mall yesterday to get the rest of the holiday shopping done.

Where she lives there is a *ton* of traffic if you don't leave at the right time/drive in the right direction. And she takes forever to convince her to leave the house so by the time we do get out, she's like "see, I told you there's too much traffic." And she's deaf in one ear and everything turns into a screaming match. It's funny if I'm not having a panic attack over the shouting.

I'm hoping after Christmas to hit the local quilting store and get some fabric therapy. At least I know now that I can drive by myself around a little bit.

And all of hubby's family lives within 10 miles of each other and never visits. And MIL doesn't believe that my family is crazy.

Edit: forgot to mention that even though we've been married for nearly 10 years, it is still verboten for us to sleep in the same room. :sad:

BeenThereDoneThat
12-24-2011, 05:49 PM
Edit: forgot to mention that even though we've been married for nearly 10 years, it is still verboten for us to sleep in the same room. :sad:

Ugh!! That would annoy me no end.

My MIL no longer has a car...no need since she can't see to drive.

Kanalah
12-24-2011, 07:23 PM
I want to watch something other then the religious channel. >.> We have to stay up late to watch any real TV.

Some of his family has come to visit and no one says more then 2 words to me. Hubby's not helping, he just talks about how awesome he is. I'm just hubby's wife, no mention of what I do or the freaking award winning quilting work and all the cool stuff I do. Oh no, I'm just the farking babysitter.

I'm starting to get really pissed off with all this bullshit. I'm a slave whether I stay married or if I leave him.

CalyCoRose
12-24-2011, 10:30 PM
Kanalah - been there done that. Because I am a SAHM, my BILs and their wives think I have nothing better to do than sit around watching my daughter and the other 2 kids. Yes, I'll watch my daughter. She gets in to everything, and doesn't have a concept of danger. What else am I supposed to do?

*le sigh*

I'm free on Monday and Friday this upcoming week. Just PM and I'll try to see what I can do. :D

Midnight12
12-24-2011, 11:47 PM
makes me wish i lived closer to Caly and Kanalah. Or at least a way to get to them both.
Free baby sitting. or rather i'd babysit as long as i had snacks and a bed to crash on. I've done it before for a year and a half for one family.

BlaqueKatt
12-25-2011, 12:25 AM
Ree, depression is insidious. To those suffering from it, they often think they are troubling their friends by talking about it, or talking about the way it makes them feel. Sometimes, they are so beaten down by the depression that the very idea of seeking or asking for help is something they think would be a burden on others, and they just don't want to be.

or like in my case and from what kanalah has said, people that don't understand depression will accuse those suffering from it of being drama queens, attention seekers, making people worry, making people feel bad, etc. I personally have gotten all of the above in the past two weeks. It sucks, and so you stop taking, and all the people that were kicking you while you were down stop because "they won, and see how much better things are now that you've stopped trying to bring others down/get attention/being a drama queen", when in reality your just hiding it to keep from being hurt further. I know, it's where I'm at right now, even though I've suffered for at least 3 years, I'm still accused of being an "attention whore", by people that post pictures from their weekly trips to the ER.

I've been accused of faking my depression to "steal attention" from someone(hubs' sister) who was "a little sad"(her words), because she chose to go out partying while hubs and I were with their dying grandfather(also who wears a mini skirt to a funeral? as in the girl's backside was visible peeking out under her hemline), yes I've been plotting this for three years, I'm psychic.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-25-2011, 07:15 AM
In my case I'm apparently using my depression as an excuse to be lazy and to make my poor long-suffering husband do "all the work" around here. Never mind that he works at home, one job, and uses the rest of the time just about exactly how he pleases. At least I'm not a moody, passive aggressive little bitch like he can be...

Kanalah
12-27-2011, 03:41 PM
Oh yeah.

And me sleeping a lot is because I'm lazy and not because it's the worst time of year emotionally for me. So many flashbacks of watching everyone else open gifts from Santa and hearing "Well you were a terrible child this year!"

Hoping to hit the fabric store today. Mom is complaining that all we do is loaf around. :( I would love to go out and do stuff, but then Mom doesn't want to go anywhere and then complains that we don't want to spend time with her. I'm developing a serious eye twitch.

I did impress her by hemming her pants. She was complaining that no one wants to help her and hubby made her go get her pants. Took me about 20 minutes to hem them :P

spark
12-29-2011, 11:16 AM
Sheesh.

I think maybe you need to find some way to be elsewhere. I mean... I always say that I love *my* family best at about 800 miles away, and they're not abusive like yours are, just sometimes really annoying. I wouldn't want to put up with having them in my lap all the time, I can't even picture putting up with the crap you get.

I mean, my mother just refuses to fully accept that I'm a grown adult, because I haven't got kids. Nevermind I'm in my 30s, because I don't have children I can't possibly know as much as she did at my age, since she had four of them by then. *sigh* I have a vast array of experiences she's never had at all, and in some ways I know more than she does now, nevermind more than she did at my age! I just lack in the specific realm of "being a mother." It's gotten better since I got married, before then it was really bad, but it still occasionally crops up and irritates me. But being told that I'll understand when I'm older when I disagree with her is only mildly annoying compared to being treated like some kind of slave.

(I guess this is now the "gripe about your mother" thread. :D )

Kanalah
12-29-2011, 05:02 PM
Ran out yesterday to take hubby to the train store and myself to the fabric store. Spent alllll afternoon out.

I think there's a disconnect because MIL argues about everything but it's loving (so says hubby). My mom argues with you and it disintrigrates into a personal attack pretty quickly. So everytime I hear her and hubby start in, it just dregs up all those bad memories. Not enough for a panic attack, but enough to start to make me defensive and get my hackles up.

I've been sewing up all the fabric I brought, and I bought enough yesterday to make 2 twin size quilts. :) Also picked up my first Breyer traditional scale model. I keep squeeing over it, I've always wanted one.

And tomorrow I get to go out to lunch. Yesterday HUbby said the magic words of "maybe we'll go home early."

Edit: At home I'm usually alone, my family usually wants nothing to do with me until Really Big Craft Show time.

Teysa
12-30-2011, 03:10 AM
Hmm. With the stories you've told about your family, I think I'd be tempted to be out of town, getting my nails done, off the planet, or something of the sort when it comes time for the Really Big Craft Show.

Kanalah
12-30-2011, 01:17 PM
Yeah except Really Big Craft Show makes me a butt-load of money, and I get public exposure for my business.

I'm not kidding when I call it the Really Big Craft Show. I think last year it pulled in 6 million people.

And now that I made plans to get out of the house and see some friends, Mom threw a fit. "You're here to see me, not your friends!" So she made plans to go out and do her own thing, leaving us without a car. And yes she made these plans after we told her what our plans were.

Still trying to salvage though.

Edit, son of edit: Woohoo! Hubby is making arrangements with the car rental place to leave next week!

Edit revolutions: And mom's hissy fit means I won't get to see people. I'm gonna go sew so I don't injure people.

Midnight12
12-30-2011, 08:39 PM
reminds me of my grandmother's fits. if she didn't get the one thing she wanted or go out when she wanted to the whole day is "just ruined" and everyone gets made miserable....i feel your pain Kanalah

Kanalah
12-31-2011, 06:07 PM
Yeah she's pretty set in her very odd ways. She's not OCD, but she puts neat freaks to shame. In contrast, my own mother is a hoarder. I like to think I'm in the middle, I keep my house clean and as neat as I can with two kids, but I know when I get home I'll feel like a slob for a few days.

Mom has lots of white furniture and rugs, and everything must be cleaned daily. I'm not talking dusting, I'm saying full on scrub carpets, vacuum, dust, wipe down wood and counters. Her house looks like a magazine photoshoot.

We have to handwash and dry all the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher to wash.

Her trash has to be clean too. Even paper plates have to be clean before going in the trash. All food trash goes in the disposal.

I've learned from her that despite my children being polite and respectful in her home that they are still brats and need to be hit with a belt. :confused:

Also apparently my depression isn't real and I'm being a drama queen. Because I'm the evil person that "stole" her son away from her and took him halfway across the country. Also the rest of his family feels that same way about me because I'm ignored when they come to visit.

And his refuse to come and visit us in Oklahoma because we're all a bunch of inbred hicks, and they are high-class city people. I love to entertain guests and haven't had the opportunity in years.

I am so glad we're leaving next week. I can't wait to get home, take a hot bath in my awesome tub and spoil my cat rotten.

Jester
12-31-2011, 07:03 PM
Edit: forgot to mention that even though we've been married for nearly 10 years, it is still verboten for us to sleep in the same room. :sad:

Say WHAT? :eek: I don't know which is worse, the fact that they impose this rule on you, or the fact that your husband allows them to. The mind boggles. I mean, even most hardcore religious nuts understand and accept the idea of a married couple sleeping in the same bed, or at least the same room. Good LORD! And YOUR family are the alleged "backwards hicks"? Riiiiiiight.....

We have to handwash and dry all the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher to wash.

Say WHAT? Seriously, I know I am a bit of a slob, but DRYING dishes before you put them in the dishwasher to be WASHED? Even my neat freak mother and my neat freak sister would say that that is utterly ridiculous!

BeenThereDoneThat
12-31-2011, 07:09 PM
I like to get the gunk off my dishes before they go in the dishwasher because our dishwasher is not that great...however, I don't WASH them, I just rinse of scrub off the gunk. Hubby rarely even bothers to do that, and the stepkids didn't either unless I called them on it. I wouldn't survive a day at your MIL's house. :no:

Midnight12
01-01-2012, 03:30 PM
white....furniture? *brain explodes* just because of the daily scrub down its like why have it since using it will get it dirty. omg...just....grrrr
many hugs and lots of comfort items

Kanalah
01-01-2012, 10:18 PM
Well I'm doing to preemptive cleaning before we pack up. Word from hubby is that we're leaving on Wednesday.

I'm on my last sewing project that I packed, which makes me feel good that I did get something done, despite being "on vacation".

And thank you guys so much. You've helped me to keep my sanity. Normally when we visit for so long, I'm hiding in the basement crying my eyes out.

BeenThereDoneThat
01-02-2012, 01:53 AM
We love you Kanalah! :hug:

dragon_wings
01-02-2012, 02:04 AM
We love you Kanalah! :hug:

Seconding this! :love:

Jester
01-02-2012, 03:13 AM
Normally when we visit for so long, I'm hiding in the basement crying my eyes out.

"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." --from Animal House

lordlundar
01-02-2012, 02:31 PM
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." --from Animal House

Despite the quote, that's your advice to everyone.:p

Kanalah
01-03-2012, 06:10 PM
Woohoo! Picking up the van today and leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow.

*happy dance*

Edit: not a moment too soon, MIL is calling me a lazy bitch...if she only knew how hard I work my ass off.

CalyCoRose
01-03-2012, 06:37 PM
Glad to hear you're getting out of there. Sorry about not meeting up with you. :(

Turns out Clementine has a sinus infection. She's prone to them. I have to go to Target tomorrow & hunt down an allergy-free/hypoallergenic mattress cover. Sheesh.

AccountingDrone
01-03-2012, 07:49 PM
Woohoo! Picking up the van today and leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow.

*happy dance*

Edit: not a moment too soon, MIL is calling me a lazy bitch...if she only knew how hard I work my ass off.

Sounds like time to make hubby refuse to go visit, and they have to come to hicks-ville to visit you. make them sleep in separate rooms, or get their own hotel.

Or just tell hubby to suck it up, you are never going to visit the sanctimonious twit [or other vowel of your choice] ever again and refuse to visit them. I refuse to visit the step-monster in law, myself. I get along just fine with father in law, and birth mother in law, just Cynthia [name changed to protect the twat] is such a stupid bitch and her behavior to me us unconscionable that I positively refuse. I have never been anything other than perfectly polite. Some women just seem to have issues with any other female that is in her space or involved with their children. [and my mom loves my husband, she thinks he is fantastic, my dad when alive got along with him just fine "even though he is in the Navy":roll:]

Kanalah
01-05-2012, 09:28 PM
Yay I am home!

My house is messy (compared to MIL's of course) but it's beautiful and HOME!

Yeah MIL was upset because I was goofing off on the computer for more then a few minutes. I had already packed most of our stuff for the return trip, and the house was clean, children playing quietly, etc.

So I earned that little bit of me time. What upset me the most was that hubby didn't defend me.

But I totally don't care right now because I am HOME!

BeenThereDoneThat
01-05-2012, 09:29 PM
Welcome home, Kanalah. I'm sorry your husband didn't stick up for you but hopefully you have more clout in your own house. :hug:

Kanalah
01-05-2012, 09:32 PM
Rofl, yeah I'm the head bitch in my house.

(I'm actually really nice, so don't worry)