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Eireann
12-14-2011, 04:42 PM
The past couple of days, I have been wondering just why I'm here. So many losses, and hardly any gains. I'm now facing the payment of the rent in a couple of days, and I don't have it. As in, there is no money in my bank account.

I do have some money from working for my friends, but it won't cover the rent. Not to mention the money I've borrowed to pay the rent earlier this year. The depression hit hard. I've been thinking over and over and over about where I am, where I wanted to be, and the enormous distance between the two. I've used so many different approaches to work on myself, and I feel that they've all led to a dead end.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm having very serious thoughts about taking very drastic action.

Cookie
12-14-2011, 05:05 PM
First of all :hug: You've really been through so much. You've come out of some crazy hard times, including financially. You've beaten it all. That's very hard to see where you are right now, I know. What's also hard to see right now is that you're worth FAR more than the rent money. Yes, it makes things difficult, but you've hung on before. Please feel free to vent the frustration, too. It can be scary. Please keep talking about how your feeling. Having it out there rather than just buried inside will help you. :hug:

Eireann
12-14-2011, 05:26 PM
I just keep thinking of how often I've been late with the rent, and now I have a utility payment. My landlady already threatened me with eviction a few months ago. When I moved to this country, I had big dreams, none of which have come true. I was going to move back home, but one thing and another kept me here - including my kitty, who is now gone from me. I want to be happy and relaxed and feeling great, and I do have a lot of cause for gratitude - and then the evil little gremlin in my mind speaks up and spews its black despair.

Redbeard
12-14-2011, 05:56 PM
It can be scary. Please keep talking about how your feeling. Having it out there rather than just buried inside will help you. :hug:
This is very true. Having an outlet means you can put it out there to mull over intellectually as well as emotionally.
That being said, Keep looking for those alternatives. Ask your landlady if there's any extra work you can do to help lower the rent like mucking out drains pipes, shoveling snow if you're in an area that gets the white stuff, painting, etc.
Temp jobs have helped me through some ROUGH times in the past, and you can get anything from security at a convention to a roadside flagger.

Keep at it, and good luck

MoonCat
12-15-2011, 01:11 AM
I know what it's like to be behind on bills. I've had some major problems with money. Three years ago I was even having trouble making my mortgage payment. When I called to talk to the mortgage company I burst into tears. The guy on the phone said, "Honey, don't worry so much. You'll get it worked out, even if it takes time." He was right, but boy it was hard to see that at the time. Like Redbeard says, look for alternatives. Don't give up.

Know how you feel about the kitty, too. Five years ago I lost my buddy, my Sylvester, a week before Christmas. I loved that cat so much it hurt (me, not him).

I don't put a lot of emotional investment into Christmas anymore. It's easier just to slide by and keep it low-key.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-15-2011, 04:53 AM
I went without Christmas (mostly) for about 9 years as a child/teenager due to my parents' then-fundamentalist church's beliefs, but when I got back into it after becoming an adult I did so with a passion. I loved to decorate, buy gifts, go to parties, listen to the music, everything. Then came 2004, when the daughter who was supposed to be the best Christmas present I ever got was born in August and died in September. I've made some small efforts in the years since, but it just will never be the same. Other things that made the time of year happier seem to have gone by the wayside as well. So, even though I plan to spend Christmas Eve with my inlaws this year and we should have a lot of fun, Christmas Day will probably be a non-event for me.

Today my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas...after he'd been a jerk to me the last couple of days. I said "I want you to stop being an asshole." Without missing a beat he replied, "What else do you want?"

.......

Seriously, I don't want anything for Christmas except peace, and I doubt I'll get that. Eireann, you are not alone. So sorry you lost your cat. Mine will be 20 in April (at least, I hope she will), but next year at this time, who knows. And due to the the above mentioned issues I may be pretty damn poor in a few months myself. I've been there before but it's a hard pill to swallow after 14+ years of marriage. Do whatever YOU want to this Christmas, even if it has nothing whatsoever to do with the holiday. Make yourself happy and the rest of the world be damned. :hug:

Barracuda
12-15-2011, 05:27 AM
I'm sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat, although I have until the end of the month. I am desperate to find a job and/or loans to go to school so I can pay rent and basic needs. All I can say is hang in there! Don't take "drastic action." I have been considering that myself as a way out, but it isn't over until it's over. Look into rental assistance in your area. There are government agencies and private organizations that can help with this sort of thing. Dial 211 for information for your area.

Eireann
12-15-2011, 08:22 AM
There is no rental assistance here. I'm a foreigner. I went on unemployment earlier this year, and it was a truly pitiful sum. A friend told me that someone she knows (who is Czech) went on unemployment, and though he was living with his parents and not paying rent, he still had to borrow money all the time. That's how things are here.

My therapist thinks I need more help than he can give me, with the state of my mind what it is now. And, of course, the English-speaking medical people here don't take insurance; you have to pay them out of pocket.

When my mom left last year, I kept telling myself that I couldn't take time for myself; I had to keep working to pay the rent and buy food and all that. Now? It's a year and a half later. I have lost two jobs. I quit one job when I thought I had another lined up, only to have that one fall through. I had what I thought was a GREAT deal with one company, started on the project, and they backed out; since we had no contract, I didn't get any money for it.

Working in the thrift store means working with the wonderful owners, who are good friends of mine (and are worried about me, because they know what's going on). I'm chatting with one of them now. It's VERY good to have this support. On the other hand, working here means watching as people come in every day, looking for special things to buy their loved ones for Christmas.

Just so many things. It seems that every time I think things are improving, something happens.

Eireann
12-15-2011, 07:16 PM
can't think can hardly breathe can't stop crying don't know what to do.

im sorry

Seraph
12-15-2011, 07:53 PM
<hugs Eireann> Just hang in there, hon. Things are always darkest before the dawn. PM me if you need to talk, we're all here for you as well.

Shpepper
12-15-2011, 07:56 PM
Just breathe and hang in there sweetness. Talk to your friends and see if they have any ideas for a different living situation. Work towards coming home again. You started a year ago and were getting to almost being able to do it. So focus on that.

Eireann
12-16-2011, 08:19 AM
I had a huge crying fit last night. I could hardly breathe. I went online to make contact with anyone I could, and I fell out of my chair and found myself wedged in the corner, unable to work up the strength to sit on the chair again.

I finally got up and seated. I don't know how long I was crying. I sent all kinds of scary messages to people I know. Some haven't been answered at all. I messaged my cousin, and he still hasn't responded.

I keep thinking of home and friends. I wanted to go home earlier, but kitty wouldn't have been able to make the trip, and I couldn't leave her. Now she's gone. Other Kitty would be okay, I think, but she would have to travel in the cabin with me. I was focusing on going home, and then things kept happening, like kitty's illness and the money situation and everything. Then I started seeing a therapist, and I started thinking that I might be able to divide my time between Europe and the States, and travel and all sorts of other things.

But lately, maybe with the time of year and all, everything has come crashing down on me, and I feel like the hugest failure of all time. I wasn't a wanted child - Mom admitted this to me some years ago - and when I was young, I was just another mouth to feed, and the one who kept getting into trouble, to boot. Now, I feel as if I have to justify my existence every day.

And I'm tired. I'm tired of trying one healing method after another. EFT, TAT, theta healing, Reference Point Therapy, hypnotherapy, counseling, gestalt therapy, visualization, mantras, is there anything I haven't tried? The worst thing is that I thought I was doing better, which makes this feeling that much worse.

Teysa
12-16-2011, 12:55 PM
*hugs* You do matter. I know it's difficult when you're dealing with money or the lack thereof. However, that is not what determines your worth as a person. From your posts you come across as a good, decent person.

Please don't give up. Kick that depression in the butt and tell it it's not going to beat you.

Mikkel
12-16-2011, 06:35 PM
The worst thing is that I thought I was doing better, which makes this feeling that much worse.

You ARE doing better. You must expect ups and downs, getting better isn't an even progress. :hug:

Eireann
12-17-2011, 09:06 AM
I was supposed to pay the rent yesterday, but I didn't get home until midnight. A friend of mine called me and asked if we could meet, and I jumped on it - by getting home late, I was able not to pay the rent, because my landlady wouldn't want me ringing her bell at that time.

I counted it out. I have more than I thought - and I could SWEAR I didn't have that amount when I checked a few days ago. Furthermore, one of my clients paid me for some articles I wrote, sending me an email showing that the transfer had gone through.

And a good, sweet friend helped me out.

I realized yesterday, and I've been putting more thought into it today, that I've been basing my worth as a person on the amount of money I am. We have very weird attitudes towards money. You're looked down upon if you don't have it, but the same thing happens if you do have it. The rich are lucky; the rich just happened to be in the right place at the right time; they worn born into it; they got it by being ruthless bastards. And just look at all those gloating articles about people who have won the lottery, only to end up broke within a few years.

Anyway.

I'm also very impatient. I wrote out a list of things I want earlier this year. I went into great detail; I've read that this is a very effective way to get what you want. Nothing has happened yet, as far as I can see. And I don't like that; I want results instantly. Every time I have done something towards my goals, I have thought, "Hey, maybe THIS will do it!" I haven't let myself relax enough, or else I've just held on to the idea that I didn't need to do more.

Hell of a way to find out. God, the other night was scary. I sent babbling messages to various people, some of whom haven't responded at all.

Cookie
12-17-2011, 01:01 PM
:hug: Eireann, I know you know this, but you can NEVER put a price on what you're worth. You're way too valuable for money to even come near it. I'm really, really glad to see you've been able to identify the thoughts you're having regarding money and your self worth. It's not easy to call it bunk in the moment when you're so far down, but having these thoughts now will hopefully help you down the road through the ups and downs.

MoonCat
12-18-2011, 01:54 AM
I think of you as a loving, compassionate person. The love and care you gave your kitty was worth more than all the money in the world. Having money doesn't make you a worthy person; being poor doesn't either. It's how you treat others that counts.

Eireann
12-18-2011, 08:56 AM
It seems like I'm always realizing one more thing about my upbringing, one more damaging idea or bad influence. More to work through; more to deal with. One thought came up this morning, and I thought, "Well, there you go - that's where my habit of [doing this] comes from."

My mom was always viewing herself as a failure; no wonder it's instilled in me. We were too close, too dependent on each other, and she never accepted me for the person I was because she was projecting her own personality on me. If I did something "bad", she was the failure. Every. Single. Time.

Now that she's not here, I have to deal with so many things that I hadn't noticed before.

MoonCat
12-19-2011, 01:38 AM
It sounds like a lot of stuff is popping up that was hidden way down deep. In a way that's a good thing, because if it has this effect on you, the longer you kept it inside, the worse it would have been. Think of it like lancing a boil.

Also, don't take your mom's issues onto yourself. You are NOT a failure. People have ups and downs, bad things happen, and it hurts. A lot of people on this board are hurting, and we all try to reach out and talk to each other and try to think of ways to help. Let us know when you're upset. There's always someone awake on the board to talk to.

Eireann
12-19-2011, 09:08 AM
MoonCat, that's exactly it. I was chatting with a friend about an hour ago, and I mentioned having to deal with past issues in order to get past them.

She tried to argue with me.

Now, I understand if it doesn't work for her, but this is my life and my peace of mind we're talking about here. She's a deeply loving person, but I wish she'd keep certain opinions to herself, especially since she's well aware that I was feeling suicidal. Most of us are raised to believe that we can't point out that our parents are/were human, sometimes doing very bad things to their children's psyches without realizing it. My friend, I think, is firmly rooted in that belief. When I talk about things Mom did, she tells me it's "horrible" and that I shouldn't be looking back. I told her that I have to identify the problems in order to get past them, and she keeps arguing with me.

In my opinion, we should all be free to talk about our parents as people. People with flaws. People who made mistakes. Talking incessantly about your parents ruining your life is counter-productive, but realizing where certain traits or habits or beliefs came from - that, in my view, is good for everyone. Once you ascertain the cause, you can work with it, and work on it.

Eireann
12-20-2011, 01:03 AM
I'm so tired.

I've been doing the things my therapist told me and the things I've been reading about making my life better. And I'm tired.

I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of doing. I'm tired of being.

I'm just too tired.

MoonCat
12-20-2011, 01:35 AM
MoonCat, that's exactly it. I was chatting with a friend about an hour ago, and I mentioned having to deal with past issues in order to get past them.

She tried to argue with me.

Now, I understand if it doesn't work for her, but this is my life and my peace of mind we're talking about here. She's a deeply loving person, but I wish she'd keep certain opinions to herself, especially since she's well aware that I was feeling suicidal. Most of us are raised to believe that we can't point out that our parents are/were human, sometimes doing very bad things to their children's psyches without realizing it. My friend, I think, is firmly rooted in that belief. When I talk about things Mom did, she tells me it's "horrible" and that I shouldn't be looking back. I told her that I have to identify the problems in order to get past them, and she keeps arguing with me.

In my opinion, we should all be free to talk about our parents as people. People with flaws. People who made mistakes. Talking incessantly about your parents ruining your life is counter-productive, but realizing where certain traits or habits or beliefs came from - that, in my view, is good for everyone. Once you ascertain the cause, you can work with it, and work on it.

This is true, true, true. We don't pop into existence from nowhere; we are all the product of our genetics AND our upbringing. Parents are usually the strongest influence we have, for good or bad. Once you understand and accept that mom and dad weren't perfect, you can begin to move past that. Accepting it doesn't mean saying it's ok - it just means acknowledging the truth of it. And while you move on, sometimes you'll fall back again. Getting past bad things isn't always a smooth, forward progress. There are bumps.

And you said in your other post that you are tired. That's common with depression. For one thing, you're dealing with some heavy emotional stuff. It tires you out both physically and emotionally.

Did you see Raps' post on depression? There might be a resource there that could help. You can email them. They might have more useful suggestions.

I'm praying for you and hoping that you start to feel better, even if it's just a little bit.

Eireann
12-20-2011, 08:27 AM
I don't feel better.

I was working at my friends' store yesterday when one of them gave me a lecture. I had put some items in entirely the wrong place. I told her that the signs had confused me, and she didn't listen; I don't think she even heard. She gave me that lecture I would have hated at any time, but it was particularly bad this time. That lecture about how hard they work, how everything needs to be right, the implications being that I had somehow done this deliberately, plus the WAY she asked me where I had put those items, convinced already that I had screwed up.

Then, when I turned away and said that I should go because I was screwing up, she was telling me to look at her. No. No. No. I will not turn and look someone in the eye when I am in that state. I will not show my vulnerability that much. I will not do it. And don't tell me that I'm "running away" when I don't look at you. Just don't do it. Don't play armchair psychiatrist. Just back off; you don't need to understand me, even if you think you do. Yes, I know that you like me personally. This doesn't make you an effective manager, even if I hadn't been in this emotional state.

Her husband knows how bad it's been for me - well, I don't know if he knows just how bad it's been, but that it's been bad. Very bad. He sent me a very caring email later, telling me to take a couple of days off. He said that I had dealt with a lot of work, and he had been aware that something like this might happen.

It was just the last straw. I'm tired of making mistakes. I'm tired of being lectured by people who think that my mistakes are a deliberate attempt to sabotage them. I'm tired of people trying to talk me out of it, or cheer me up. I'm tired of trying to tell myself positive and uplifting things, only to have life prove that I'm lying.

I'm too tired to tell myself anything about life getting better. I have lost all reason to think that it will, or that it might.

RootedPhoenix
12-20-2011, 09:56 AM
Eireann...*hugs* Don't go away. You're too important to us. :(

Eireann
12-20-2011, 09:22 PM
I took a looooong walk this evening. Started at 5, well after it got dark. One thing that's good is, it's almost the solstice. Then the days get longer. Good.

I walked around the neighborhood, down streets and byways I'd never explored before. I went to a nearby church and discovered that the attached cemetery had candles lit on various graves. The sign states that the cemetery closes at 5, but the gates were still open. I went inside and looked around a little, but stayed near the gates in case anybody tried to close them while I was still in there.

I sat on a bench, in the cold, outside the cemetery wall. My phone rang. It turned out to be a former coworker, whom I hadn't seen since last year. A member of her family is seriously ill, and she's going back home for the foreseeable future. She asked if I could feed her kitty for about a week. Of course; I've done it before.

She'll pay me. Even better.

Could she buy me dinner, as an extra thank-you?

Certainly; I'd love it.

I also told her that of all the people she could have called, I'm the one who understands the most. She sounded very fragile and lost.

I walked and walked and walked. Down streets, looking at the Christmas lights. Along wooded paths. Back along the streets. Along a bluff overlooking the river, with a magnificent view of the city lights and St. Vitus' Cathedral. A woman walking her dog went past me; the dog ran over and snorfled at my legs briefly.

Eventually, I made a loop and ended up near the church. I caught the bus and went downtown. Went to my friend's restaurant for dinner; it was closed. Went to another one; it was busy. On the way to the second restaurant, I found out where the recently deceased Vaclav Havel is lying in state. The line was immense. It ran down the short street from the church, down a side street, into a square, and down the square. Unbelievable. Wenceslas Square is also full of candles and tributes and mourners. (By the way, the name "Vaclav" is Czech for "Wenceslas", so having a gathering place on Wenceslas Square is doubly appropriate.)

The second restaurant being full, I ended up going to a restaurant where I eat often. I ate. I went to pay the bill. The owner (who knows me; they all do) gave me a small discount. I started picking through my change for a tip, and he interrupted me: "It's okay. Don't worry."

I hope it's okay with the waiter who served me.

I came home and found two presents. One is from a friend, and it's a ring she found recently. The other is a self-help book from an Internet friend.

I also had an email from someone who is in bad straits. The thing is, I can't imagine who this person IS. The email was addressed to me by name, and it's someone who knows how I've been feeling - but who is it? I still don't know. Whoever it is, she's not doing well either.

Eireann
12-21-2011, 09:40 PM
I went to see the therapist today, then I went to the store.

The owner's husband was there; she wasn't. I discovered that he had no idea what caused me to freak out. So, well, I told him.

He admitted that she is very organized and has other skills, but she's not a good manager. (I already knew this, of course.) I told him that he, on the other hand, is a great manager, with his background. He still wants me to be a part of their organization, and this is good to know. He said that the two of them often fight about the company and about personal things.

He had been very worried about me for the past couple of days, which I didn't know. This was surprising.

I think we've cleared the air. I don't know what he said to her later, but now she will know what did it (and if she didn't know already, she should).

I photographed some of the tributes left to Havel, at the church where he's lying in state. The church was closed, the street mostly deserted, but people were stopping by to leave flowers and candles and other items.

MoonCat
12-22-2011, 12:51 AM
I went to see the therapist today, then I went to the store.

The owner's husband was there; she wasn't. I discovered that he had no idea what caused me to freak out. So, well, I told him.

He admitted that she is very organized and has other skills, but she's not a good manager. (I already knew this, of course.) I told him that he, on the other hand, is a great manager, with his background. He still wants me to be a part of their organization, and this is good to know. He said that the two of them often fight about the company and about personal things.

He had been very worried about me for the past couple of days, which I didn't know. This was surprising.

I think we've cleared the air. I don't know what he said to her later, but now she will know what did it (and if she didn't know already, she should).

I photographed some of the tributes left to Havel, at the church where he's lying in state. The church was closed, the street mostly deserted, but people were stopping by to leave flowers and candles and other items.

I hope she'll be a little more understanding. Glad you were able to talk to the man. Sounds like a decent guy.

I hear the Clintons are coming to Havel's funeral...

Eireann
12-22-2011, 07:22 PM
Yes, he's a great guy. We get along very well; we see eye-to-eye on many things. He had a good job in the States when he lived there, with a lot of traveling involved, and he knows about running companies and what constitutes good management.

I worked today, and he came in to take over after a short shift. He doesn't want me to overdo it. He's taking off for a few days, though, so I'll be in charge during that time. I've decided to go ahead and make cookies to share with various people. I may even have a place to go on Christmas Day, which is very good. My sister is sending me an Amazon gift certificate, though she doesn't know when she'll have the cash to buy it. I'll have to make her some earrings, and send a tube of my fabulous lip balm.

And, I've received some freelance work from other sources. One job is a big one, and the company asked if I could do another assignment (I said yes, of course), so there's that much more money coming in.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-22-2011, 11:52 PM
My thoughts continue to be with you, Eireann. I also know how it feels to be just plain tired of everything.

Eireann
12-23-2011, 10:26 AM
Thank you so much.

It's those "up" moments that make the "down" moments so hard. Maybe this is just my psyche purging itself of all the negativity, like physical detox. A few days ago, I was so fatigued that it was hard to get out of bed. It seems like last week was several weeks ago, rather than seven days.

I'm now in a better mood, and I'm even going to make cookies tomorrow after work. I cleaned the bathroom sink last night; today, I took out the trash and recyclables. My sister is going to call me this weekend. I'm working a long day today, and then I have to go over and feed my friend's kitty (another friend asked me if I could do the same for him, so I'm getting money from two additional sources).

I just want it to last. I know that not all days are great, but they don't have to be black depression, either.

MoonCat
12-24-2011, 02:11 AM
I'm glad you have some good stuff going on. And you get to see some additional kitties!

Eireann
12-24-2011, 08:57 AM
Yes, I went to the first place last night (didn't have to go to the second place, because that friend only left yesterday). Food okay. Water okay. Litterbox okay.

Then I wandered around looking for the kitty. I wanted to make sure she was okay. She's a shy girl (must be something in black cat genes that makes them spooky), and I knew she wouldn't be standing there, waiting for me. I found her, finally, under the bed. I stretched out on the floor and held out a hand to her, which she sniffed. I then went into the living room and sat on the couch. She appeared a minute or two later, looking at me, then hurried back into the bedroom.

Today, I go to both places. The other place contains two boycats, at least one of whom is very friendly, so I get a little additional fuzz therapy. Last time I was there, Mr. Friendly hopped up on the counter and snacked on my hair. I told his person about this yesterday, and his person told me that kitty often jumps into bed with him and grooms his hair, holding on to his head with both paws.

charred
12-24-2011, 11:29 AM
Just remember: you're not alone.

MoonCat
12-24-2011, 09:56 PM
Check in and say Hi to us today and tomorrow, 'k? Someone's always online here.

Eireann
12-24-2011, 10:35 PM
I'm here.

I worked today, then made the kitty rounds. First place, two boycats. One boycat is EXTREMELY large. I mean, he could beat up a guard dog, he's that big. They both jumped on the counter and gave me big headbutts as I got their food. Food okay, water okay, litter scooped, everything okay.

Second stop, shy kitty. She met me at the door, probably thinking I was her person, then made a run for it when she saw me. I checked everything, gave her some wet food and Whiskas milk in honor of the holiday, went to pet her and couldn't because she ran again, and left.

I had dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant; I'm going to make cookies for everyone there. I came home, ran a load of laundry, got the dishes put away and the dirty ones washed, cleaned up one of the kitchen counters and the area around the stove, washed my own kitty's water bowl, and got on the computer to do some work.

So all in all, I haven't been this busy in several days. I'm on Facebook now, chatting with a friend who has invited me to go with her to two different open houses, on Christmas Day and the 26th.

MoonCat
12-25-2011, 01:15 AM
That sounds nice. What did you have at the restaurant? There's a place here that makes this incredible chicken mahkni (boneless chicken pieces in a creamy tomato sauce over rice).

Eireann
12-25-2011, 11:25 AM
I had butter chicken. I love it. They make it VERY well, too. I really should branch out a bit, and sample other items on the menu, but for right now, butter chicken it is. It's rather ironic, because when I first heard about the dish, I just thought it was chicken cooked with butter, and I thought it sounded boring. I should have known better - in India, it's all about the spices and sauces.

I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about ten minutes ago when she went off on me. We were supposed to meet today and go to her friends' place for a sort of holiday open house, but she wasn't feeling well and wasn't sure if she would be able to go. Then I mentioned a project that I'm working on, about which I had asked her advice, and she repeated her previous advice, and kept hammering home her opinion, and said that I WAS NOT LISTENING to her.

Yeah, well, guess what? When you give advice, you have no control over what the other person will do with it. Either learn to live with it, or stop giving advice. Get the fuck off my back. Oh, and have you forgotten it's Christmas?

So I thought, fuck this. I'm not going to kowtow to her; I'm not going to fight back; I'm not going to explain myself or give excuses. I don't have to do that. I told her that I won't mention the project again in any way, and I left Facebook entirely.

Of course, she may well try to start another argument; if she does, I'm shutting her down again. We were supposed to meet today and tomorrow, but I'm just going to assume that both meetings are off. Which is fine. I'll spend time by myself. I had been looking forward to both open houses, it's true. Not so much that I'm willing to have her complaining that I won't fall into perfect line with what she says.

BeenThereDoneThat
12-26-2011, 12:30 AM
Sorry about your "friend". I have one or two like that...and it's a double standard; I can't get away with the same attitude towards them. :( *hugs Eireann* Good for you for standing your ground.

As Christmas winds to a close I'm pretty down. Not really uncommon for a Sunday night, but today was the most boring, just-like-any-other-day Christmas I've had in a very, very long time. Not much gift giving or receiving, no family other than hubby (he's been nice though), just...not much special at all. I am looking forward to the Doctor Who Christmas Special in about half an hour on BBC America...I have to moderate a chat during that time also, though...which is kind of annoying though it's important both to me and anyone else who might show up. After that, it will be 11 PM, and time for me to start winding down. Gotta work tomorrow and not happy about it. Still, it could be worse, and I know it...

MoonCat
12-26-2011, 01:55 AM
Sorry about your friend, Eireann. Maybe she's having a bad day but hey, that's no reason to get snotty with you. I know people like that: If you ask their opinion or advice, and then decide not to use it, they get very snippy.

The butter chicken sounds good. I'll have to check around and see if any of the Indian places here serve it.

Hope you had a pleasant day even if the open houses weren't part of it.

Eireann
12-26-2011, 06:05 PM
Today, I FINALLY finished a job I received. It's due tomorrow. It's done. I am very glad. It took much longer than I thought it would.

I went by the Indian restaurant today; the waiter had told me they'd be open. Turns out, they weren't. Also turns out, there were staff members inside. Just as I was approaching the door, one of them came outside, and said, "We're closed."

"Oh," I said, "is anyone inside?"

"Yes."

"Good," I said, "because I have these cookies..."

That one worked better than "Open sesame." He let me in, and one of the staff members opened the bag, slid the cookies off my plate and onto one of their plates, put my plate in another bag, and gave it back to me. They all looked very pleased; I hope they like the cookies.

I then made the rounds of cat care. I discovered that one of the boykitties had an unfortunate bathroom episode. The smell hit me first, as soon as I came in. Yep - his person needs to get a MUCH bigger box. This boykitty has been having some digestive trouble, and said trouble was in large evidence in, on, and around the litterbox. He hit the scale with it. The side of the box. The floor.

And, as in that story "The Steakhouse Incident", there was no toilet paper.

I cleaned everything up as best I could, but God, that stench. I then sat on the couch and waited for the boys to come to me for attention, since they're alone for so much of the day. They both made themselves comfortable all over me, and purred.

Second stop was uneventful - I gave girlkitty more food and water, finally got her to let me pet her, and left after half an hour or so. Maybe I should do this as a sideline.

I did have another episode of negative thinking, but it didn't last too long.

MoonCat
12-26-2011, 11:08 PM
You were sweet to take cookies to the restaurant staff. I bet they don't have any other customers who do that.

Poor kitty! My older girl has similar troubles. She's on prednisone, which helps. I hope that boykitty's people appreciate your cleaning up after him.

charred
12-27-2011, 01:56 AM
Daily positive human contact:

Does you have it? [sic]

Eireann
12-27-2011, 08:24 AM
The restaurant staff give me little discounts, so I returned the favor. I hope they liked them.

I told boykitty's person about the incident, and he thanked me. He's going to pick up air freshener on his way from the airport. Hell, I hope boykitty doesn't have another episode like that; I won't be able to do anything about it!

One of the kitties is just huge. He weighs about fifteen pounds. Having both of them pile on me was an experience, especially with both of them purring. They're both very sweet boys.

As for daily positive human contact - I don't have it in person. I have it over the Internet.

MoonCat
12-27-2011, 11:27 PM
The restaurant staff give me little discounts, so I returned the favor. I hope they liked them.

I told boykitty's person about the incident, and he thanked me. He's going to pick up air freshener on his way from the airport. Hell, I hope boykitty doesn't have another episode like that; I won't be able to do anything about it!

One of the kitties is just huge. He weighs about fifteen pounds. Having both of them pile on me was an experience, especially with both of them purring. They're both very sweet boys.

As for daily positive human contact - I don't have it in person. I have it over the Internet.

One of my aunts had a big boy cat like that. He weighed around 20 lbs and was called "Chubby." He was a sweetie.

Re: contact, sounds like the people at the restaurant could be considered positive. They're nice to you right? Every little bit counts.

Eireann
12-28-2011, 02:04 PM
I went for food at the restaurant today. Everyone was thanking me for the cookies, and one of them said they were a little like traditional Indian sweets.

Good!

charred
01-01-2012, 06:45 AM
Still a-ok?

Eireann
01-01-2012, 05:40 PM
Much to my surprise, New Year's Eve was great.

A friend contacted me on Friday and invited me to a party he and his boyfriend were having out of town. I decided to go, and let him know this, so I could be picked up at the train station.

His boyfriend picked me up. We'd never met before, but he shook my hand and gave me the kiss-on-both-cheeks greeting. He then drove me to his apartment, a spotlessly-clean place in a new building.

As bad timing had it, I was both tired and headachy even before I arrived, and I asked if I could lie down for a couple of hours. After some uneasiness on my friend's part ("You will lie ON the bed, right? Not IN it?"), I went into their bedroom to lie ON the bed.

Things got pretty merry in the living room, judging from the laughter. I was just waiting for the headache to subside.

A few hours later, my friend came in, pleasantly inebriated, carrying a plate with a piece of cheesecake on it. He came over to where I was lying, and sat on the bed - and on my leg. And he's not exactly a lightweight. I sat up and ate the cheesecake, filling him in on what had been going on in my life, since we hadn't seen or heard much from each other lately. We both ended up lying on the bed, talking about life, and he told me that his boyfriend is into energy healing and energy dowsing. As if on cue, his boyfriend then entered the room. He doesn't speak much English, so my friend told him that I was interested in the energy work.

He did a Reiki session on me! He also gave me a very nice shoulder and back rub. The Reiki session felt fantastic. After it was over, I opened my eyes and asked, "What do you do?"

"I work in a bank," he told me.

That struck me as very funny, and I laughed.

So, finally, I felt up to facing the party, so I joined everyone. More handshakes; more kisses on the cheek. Champagne was opened at midnight, and more kissing and clinking of glasses occurred. About twenty minutes later, we went downtown to catch the fireworks show, which was very impressive, and I didn't have my camera with me.

We went back to the apartment, and several partygoers joined us some minutes later. By this time, I was pretty well wiped out, so my friend asked if I wanted to go to bed.

"Where?"

"In [boyfriend's] bed."

"Where will he sleep?"

"On the couch."

"Where will YOU sleep?"

"Next to you."

I asked if he was sure he could handle being next to all that estrogen. He just smiled. Both he and his boyfriend were very huggy with me all evening; at one point, my friend (who had been putting his arm around me at various times) was holding my hand. He also stood very close to me when he spoke, and by "close", I mean "intimate distance".

I went to bed first. He went to bed later. He snored. This resulted in rather fragmented sleep for me.

We both got up at around 3 p.m. His boyfriend served us lunch! He set the table and everything, and there was a coin under the plate at each place. My friend explained that this is for prosperity in the upcoming year.

"Good!" I said. "I can use it!"

They drove me to the station, more hugs and kisses on the cheek, and I took the train back home.

The other funny thing that happened, was when we arrived back at the apartment after the fireworks. My friend said, "You are Little Red Riding Hood, and I am the big bad wolf. I am going to eat you."

I said, "I know where you can start."

MoonCat
01-02-2012, 12:19 AM
Funny! And sweet. I'm so glad you had a great New Year's Eve!

Blessings to you for 2012!

BeenThereDoneThat
01-02-2012, 12:51 AM
That is awesome. I do so love people who are completely unselfish and manage to be happy themselves while still going out of their way to bring joy to others. You have some fabulous friends there. *hug*

Eireann
01-02-2012, 08:05 AM
The funny thing is, this friend had always kept a distance from me, physically. New Year's was the first time he'd ever done anything like that, and certainly the first time we'd ever shared a bed.

Just to see the reactions, I told two male friends (one of them being our own Rapscallion) that I slept with a gay friend on New Year's Eve. :)