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Kara
12-23-2011, 04:19 AM
Since I have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day, I went to my mom's yesterday so my family could celebrate Christmas with me. But my dad wound up having to work the rest of the week (he was going to have a short, 3 day week and he works in Oklahoma for my uncle's oil company, so when he's working he's not home), and my sister had to work so it was going to be just my mother and I.

Went down there expecting at least a snide comment or critical statement about my nails. I painted them Saturday, cause I just wanted to be somewhat festive and I have a sparkly emerald green nail polish I haven't used yet. It occurred to me a few days ago that I had to visit my mom but not only was I out of nail polish remover, I just didn't want to remove the polish. So I figured I'd just play it by ear and if she REALLY wanted to pick a fight so close to Christmas I'd consider telling her I could have just stayed home and chatted online with my boyfriend, but I chose to come see her and celebrate the holiday instead.

So I stopped to pick up a present for her and I handed her the gift bag I put it in (I suck at wrapping things) and she was really surprised. My parents have never demanded or even expected presents from my sister and I, Christmas was about us, and they got each other presents. Plus they never tell us what they want and so on. But at Thanksgiving my mom mentioned to me that she was thinking about getting a Wii, because a couple of my aunts have them and enjoy playing them. My mother, who got me a NES for Christmas in '88 and swore she'd NEVER mess with those damn video games wanted a game console. So I got a Wii for my parents plus a bowling game (they used to bowl every week but can't now due to my dad's leg injury from the war).

We talked a bit about nothing in particular, and then she asked if I was ready to go pick up my grandma from her apartment and go to dinner, and I said yes. And then she asked me, almost offhand and totally casually, "Why are your nails painted?" I said I'd painted them Saturday cause I thought the color was cute and festive. And that was the end of it.

Went to dinner with my Grandma, who gave me a $40 JCPenny gift card (w00t). Dinner was fine, my grandma loves me no matter what and she didn't say anything about how I looked and didn't appear to be bothered at all. We took grandma back to her apartment cause she had some things to do and went back to mom's. We did presents, I got a cookware set, which I desperately need because my ex didn't leave me with much, 2 tea samplers (which I was REALLY surprised with, it showed me my mom has been paying more attention than I thought and she's picked up on the fact that I've gone from liking hot tea to absolutely loving it), and a 3DS with Mario Land 3D (yay!). She was really touched that I got her a Wii, and I got it set up, showed her how to do stuff, and we played the bowling game a bit. Well, eventually. Because the one I got her wouldn't power on so I took it to their gamestop and exchanged it, realized I had neglected to remember that they had an HDTV that does not have any composite video inputs, so I had to go BACK to gamestop and get the component cables for it, then found out the Wii I got them doesn't have the Motion+ built into the wiimote so I had to go to the store AGAIN and get the adapter, but I finally did get it all up and running. And it was worth it when I was in another room and I heard my mother playing her "damn video game" and saying, "This is cool." :D

Got up this morning to pancakes and sausage, and I LOVE my mom's pancakes. Played around on her computer for a bit and since I knew she was meeting a friend for lunch I was going to find something to nibble on while she was gone and then probably head out at 3, when she was going to take my grandma to the salon for an appointment. But to my surprise, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her. My mom, who has always been so concerned about what others think about her and our family and so on, who told me how she didn't like me doing anything "girly" in public, invited me to lunch where she would be meeting a friend. So I went, nails painted, sparkly earrings in, and wearing my lovely fleece jacket that keeps me so snug and warm. And her friend, whom I haven't seen in probably 15 years, didn't react at all. Talked to me, talked to my mom, just a totally normal lunch. Went back to her house and she mentioned that since it was so cold she was just going to have tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch, which happens to be one of my favorite meals on a cold day and something I always loved when I was little.

I decided I was having a very good time and that I'd stay for dinner before I came back home. So I did.

It occurred to me this evening on my way home that I need to stop expecting a fight every time. I need to stop expecting her little comments. Because the last few times I've gone to visit, she hasn't been doing that as much. This time she didn't do it at all. She didn't even do her usual thing of putting her hand on my shoulder and musing aloud that she just loves her "boy."

It's time for me to accept the fact that she is trying to accept me. That it's not a ruse, that she isn't waiting for the right moment to spring some scheme on me that will get me to realize I was mistaken, or any of that. That she's tired of having the same fights too and just wants to be my mom and be there for me. And I think it was really good for her to see that my grandma, her friend, and everyone everywhere we went, seemed to have no problem with me at all.

Yeah, Christmas was pretty awesome this year. I haven't had a good Christmas in awhile, the last few years I was so miserable I couldn't really enjoy them. I wish my dad had been able to be home and that I got to see a little more of my sis, but I'm also pretty glad it was just mom and I and that we're finally reconnecting.

Lindsey
12-23-2011, 05:40 AM
That's awesome that everyone is coming around. I'm glad you had a good Christmas with your mom!

PhiSigGirl1988
12-23-2011, 06:30 AM
Yay! So glad to hear it :)

Lyse
12-23-2011, 07:18 AM
It is so good to hear that your relationship with your mom is improving. Reading some of your other posts, it was evident that you were hurting and it sounds like things are looking up for you now.

DGoddessChardonnay
12-23-2011, 02:05 PM
I'm so happy for you. :D Like I said to you on FB when you posted . . . it's a good sign.

Relax and savor the time . . . I think you'll have more good times to come with your family. :hug:

42_42_42
12-23-2011, 06:16 PM
Oh, Kara, I am just so happy for you! This brought tears of joy to my eyes. Your mother's acceptance of the real you is the best Christmas present she could have given you and you totally deserve it. (((Hugs)))

Sapphire Silk
12-23-2011, 08:08 PM
Sounds like things are finally coming together for you and your mom. She's decided she'd rather have a relationship with the real you than her ideal of you. That's quite a big step. Congrats!

Merry Christmas to you all. :)

MoonCat
12-24-2011, 02:07 AM
That's lovely. What a Christmas gift!

RootedPhoenix
12-24-2011, 05:58 AM
YAY! *hugs* :D

Food Lady
12-24-2011, 03:45 PM
Aw, I'm happy your relationship with her is better. That was really, really sweet of you to get the wii for them.

Kara
12-25-2011, 06:22 PM
Mom called me this morning and wished me a Merry Christmas. Told me she loves me. Not she loves her "(Modifier of Choice)." Just me.

Yeah, this is so much better.