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View Full Version : I'm in shock, I found my family!


Squeaksmyalias
12-30-2011, 03:40 PM
Last night I did something that I've been afraid to do for almost a year.

Backstory is my father's brother left the family over 40 years ago, their mother was a very toxic woman, letting her boyfriends beat her children, take away their pets, and just was a horrid woman herself, she ran off a lot of their family. My father's one brother as soon as he turned 18 took off, none of the siblings blamed him they all wish the did the same. Unfortunately for any man with his name in the state his mother sent awful letters to him, begging him to come back, threatening him and just full of crazy, she finally stopped when the cops showed up and told her she had to. My Father has always wanted to find his brother, but because of how his mother acted he didn't want to bother him, also because two of their siblings started to act like their mother, he was afraid his brother expected my Dad to be like them.

This is were things get weird, for 7 years of school I sat next to a girl in a lot of my classes including homeroom with the same last name as mine. She didn't know her father had any family, and I never thought at the time to ask her father's name. A year ago, I noticed her father was being tagged in photos of her son on facebook, I clicked now realizing her father shared my missing Uncle's name and without a doubt I knew he had to be related to me, even if he was one of my Dad's cousins, there was a serious family resemblance. I sent a message to the girl I went to school with, asking if she knows of anything, she said all of his family died and he was raised by his grandparents. I didn't remember any story like that from my Dad, and I didn't want to upset her by asking any more questions, so I just told her if she thought her Dad might be wondering about his family, let him know that my Mother is a genealogist, and that she would be more then happy to help and there might be some connection to our family. I left it at that and didn't ask her more.

It's been almost a year since I asked her and I've been wanting to contact her father and ask him, I knew I couldn't find his number without asking his daughter, and I didn't want to upset her, so I finally got the courage last night to send him a message on facebook. I wrote and rewrote a note to him over and over then finally sent it.

I had a response within an hour. He was shocked to find a letter from me, he is my father's brother, I am his niece and he was touched that I was looking for him. He said my parents should be proud that I figured things out, and he was happy I did. We are figuring out when we are going to meet, possibly as early as next Sunday. We need to figure out how he is going to explain things to his daughter, I offered to help since I grew up with the family and can really explain why he left from a granddaughter's point of view and help her understand that he was protecting her from, even though I was a lucky one and got far less trouble from our grandmother then our older cousins did. We are also figuring out how to go about him and my Dad meeting up, my uncle is afraid and ashamed of what he did, I already told him we love him, and no one blamed him for what he did and that I spent all my life hearing about him and that my father loves him still.
I can't wait for them to see each other, my father is pretty emotional about missing his brother, and I can tell my Uncle feels the same. After spending almost every school day with his daughter for years, I know my uncle is a good man and different from the rest of the family, like my father is.
I can't believe I found him and he wants to have some sort of relationship with us, I can't wait to meet him and then finally tell my Dad.
I am just in shock, what are the odds that I would spend years with my cousin not knowing she was my cousin?

mosspack1
12-30-2011, 06:29 PM
That is great. I envy you. My father has a half-sister he always wanted to find. My grandfather became a widower when his only child was very young. He sent her to live with relatives then eventually married my grandmother. This was late 1920's to early 1930's. My grandfather died when my dad was an infant. His several brothers and sisters never wanted to talk about their half-sister like it was a shameful secret. Then my father had early on-set alzhimers in his 50's and never got a chance to look for her. My dad and all of his siblings are now deceased and I only have her first name. I am pretty sure she died some time ago but I would love to know if I had any cousins out there.

Sapphire Silk
12-30-2011, 06:52 PM
Awesome story, Squeaks! :congrats: I hope the meeting goes well and that this is the start of a fantastic relationship going forward.

My great grandfather had a son by a woman he was not married to. No one knew about him for decades, until he just popped up one day. It was a big family; he was more than welcome in it.

Squeaksmyalias
12-31-2011, 01:37 AM
That is great. I envy you. My father has a half-sister he always wanted to find. My grandfather became a widower when his only child was very young. He sent her to live with relatives then eventually married my grandmother. This was late 1920's to early 1930's.

My Mom is a genealogist and suggests that you might be able to find her checking back using census records of family, possibly by starting with your grandfather's siblings and moving out, if that is who she ended up with. You might notice a mysterious daughter show up with the right age and name, or she might have even kept her original last name. You might have to check in different part of the years, if you know someone who has ancestry .com or if there is a free trial for you to use you might be surprised what you find.

If you want PM me with all the info you know (Where you think she was sent to live, family names of who had her, and her last name, parent's names if you have one or both, age she was sent if you know it and birth date, anything you know, even if it's something that sounds silly it might help. Don't worry if you don't know everything we understand how older relatives can be about not talking about things) and I can show it to my Mom and see what she might be able to dig up for you.


So, we have a time to meet my missing uncle this weekend. I'm excited more then nervous. I can't wait.

AccountingDrone
12-31-2011, 02:24 AM
Woot, that is so neat. Makes me wish I had a long lost relative to discover :(

Akasa
12-31-2011, 08:44 AM
Congrats! I have looked for my father's family on occasion, but no luck here. I'm glad you had better luck.

Becks
01-01-2012, 03:06 AM
Congrats!!! That is so awesome!!!!

I hope someday to meet my younger sister.

Squeaksmyalias
01-01-2012, 05:28 PM
In an hour and a half I meet with my Uncle. I cannot even begin to express how excited I am. The worst part is I haven't told my Dad yet, and I'm DYING to tell him. I was sitting with Dad yesterday and was about to burst wanting to tell him what is going on. My Mom is going with me and we have decided to wait till after we meet with my Uncle to tell him, and maybe try to convince him to come over to our house to see Dad. I'm so glad that it was only three days of waiting and not longer I don't think I could last. I'm going to go back to bouncing off the walls now. :bounce: :D:D:D:D:D:D

Food Lady
01-01-2012, 07:04 PM
I had to stop in the middle of the OP because I was crying and the words were swimming. I'm so happy for your family.

Squeaksmyalias
01-01-2012, 09:19 PM
I had to stop in the middle of the OP because I was crying and the words were swimming. I'm so happy for your family.

Thank you, I cried too today. I just got home from meeting him. I was hugged right away and he was so nice. He feels guilty for leaving his siblings, he loved them but understandably couldn't stay, he lived a rough life after. Hopefully this means him and Dad have a good run. He is a nice man, so I'm happy. Tomorrow he and Dad are going to see each other, Dad doesn't seem super excited, he is the calm cool one of my parents, but he is looking forward to seeing him. I think Dad is a little hurt, since they might have seen each other in stores and stuff and my Uncle kept walking, my Uncle never meant any harm if he did it, he just didn't know if my Dad hated him or not it was a confusing time.

Lets hope the meeting between brothers goes well tomorrow.

*edit* I just got a message from him on facebook asking how telling my Dad went and saying he is glad he met me and that he is proud I am his niece, he signed it by adding Uncle in front of his name. That made me so happy.

mosspack1
01-01-2012, 10:42 PM
Thank you for your offer to help. I asked my mom if she knew any information about Dad's family I might could use. She told me one of my cousins worked on Dad's family tree a couple of years ago so I am going to try to get in touch with her. Dad's family is scattered and not close at all. And given the secrecy about the situation it is possible she may have found my aunt and told no one.

I am glad to got to meet your uncle. What a wonderful way to start the new year. Blessings to you and your family.

Squeaksmyalias
01-01-2012, 11:09 PM
I am glad to got to meet your uncle. What a wonderful way to start the new year. Blessings to you and your family.

Thank you, good luck finding your aunt. I will have my fingers crossed for you.

Squeaksmyalias
01-04-2012, 03:14 AM
My Dad and Uncle met yesterday night, for the first time in over 40 years. It went great, I'm so happy, my Uncle was a little nervous at first but that left quickly. My Uncle kept thanking me and is so happy I am calling him Uncle, my Dad is really happy too and they are planning on hanging out next weekend.
Now we just need to hope things go smoothly with my cousin.