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View Full Version : If you can't say something nice . . .


Crescent Cat
05-21-2012, 11:16 PM
A friend of mine that I've known since Junior High got married today. I went to her wedding and her Bridal Shower on Saturday. It was a very beautiful ceremony and I am really, really happy for her and the lucky groom! :D

However, I have to have a mini rant, because there are some people out there that are rude as fuck. One of these individuals (who I'll refer to as Jem) was at both the Bridal Shower and the wedding this morning. I've only met Jem three times prior to the Bridal Shower but every single time I have she's gotten on my nerves. My friend, the Bride, (who I'll also refer to as Bride to avoid confusion) has described Jem as being very sweet but I'm just not seeing this sweetness she speaks of.

At every single gathering that I've met Jem at, she has been grumpy, scowling, angry and has a serious chip on her shoulder. She's constantly pissed off and bitching about everything. When I first met her at a women's Bible study that Bride goes to, Jem was bitching about how many girls were there. Now, you may wonder why someone would go to a women's Bible study and complain about a bunch of women being there. Well, apparently if women have a gathering it's too girly and everyone is a fake bitch with fake laughter and no one is watching football or whatever. Jem is not a girly girl and doesn't like girly things. Nothing wrong with that. As a tomboy myself I get where she's coming from, but seriously, she doesn't need to constantly whine about how girls are doing girly things. Like talking, and laughing and eating little finger sandwiches and wearing skirts while not watching football.

Another time we all met up for a movie and dinner. Bride's future husband was there (this was a few years ago and they were still dating at the time) and he was the only male. It was myself, Bride, Jem and about two other girls. We were laughing, chatting it up about basic women things, complimenting each others hair, clothes and whatnot. Oh noes, too much estrogen for Jem. She turns to Bride's boyfriend and tells him about how she'd be discussing football with him instead of our inferior girly chat for empty headed females or whatever. Then she sits there, seething, hating every minute instead of choosing to enjoy the company.

TBH, I'd forgotten about Jem since that was several years go. Then came the Bridal shower and I remembered her - and exactly why I really, seriously don't like her. So she comes in with her mother, looking grumpy as always and Bride is feeling very overwhelmed. She has so many guests to meet and her wedding is in two days. She wants to greet everyone and make them feel welcome. So she sees Jem and greets her, saying that she really likes her hair. She asks Jem if she did anything with it. Jem looks directly at Bride, not even bothering to smile, and says, "It's called washed."

What. The. Fuck?

Did you seriously, in such a nasty and sarcastic tone, say that to the Bride? Did you really come into her Bridal Shower with that attitude and say that to her face? You're friend is getting married in two days and you have the nerve to be so rude? Luckily for Jem, Bride is much more gracious than I'll ever been in this life. If her comment angered or hurt her in anyway, Bride hid it very well and let it slide. Me? I probably would've asked her to leave if she's going to come with that attitude.

Later on I was talking to a friend of Bride's outside on the patio. Jem comes over saying that she had to get out because she was feeling claustrophobic in there. Now, I'll give her that much. While the house that the shower was at is very, very nice, it is not very good for entertaining a group of people that size. That's why we stepped outside. But this was not enough to placate the ever discontent Jem. She started pissing and moaning about how much she hated that there were so many girls here and they were laughing, smiling and having a good time and she'd rather be watching football (then go home and fucking watch football, you asshole!). She just has this need to brag about what a tomboy she is, all the fucking farkin' time! Anyway, that's not what really peeved me.

She started criticizing the shower, saying that the games were stupid and the whole thing sucked. Really? You're going to talk crap about the Bride's party behind her back like this? She worked really hard on this and her first and foremost priority was for her guests to have fun and laugh. Not her - us. Her friends and family. If this isn't your idea of fun then fine. To each their own. But have a level of graciousness and don't say things like that about the Bride's party. I ignored her ranting and made sure to stay the hell away from her for the rest of the night.

I talked to my fiance when I got home. I first told him how much fun I had then I talked about Jem's comments and how much they bothered me. I was kind of hoping that Jem wouldn't show up to the wedding because I just knew she was not going to have something nice to say. Sure enough . . .

After a wonderful, beautiful ceremony that left me in tears (cause I'm a sap like that :P) guess who rears her ugly, hateful little head? My my, Tons 'O Fun herself has arrived. Her first comment.

"Where's the beer? I seriously need to get drunk."

Aw, what's the matter? Too many girls? Not enough football?

"God this sucks. Look at those horrible dresses. I would never wear a dress like that."

Those "horrible" dresses she was mentioning? They were the Bridesmaids' dresses.

Wow, seriously. Fuck you, Jem. Fuck you straight off a cliff. What in the hell is wrong with you? This is your friend's wedding day! This is supposed to be the best day of her life! Is none of this registering with you? Or are you just so selfish that other people's happiness comes second to your need of football and beer?

Fiance and I avoided her for the rest of the reception and we had a great time! No matter what Jem says, the wedding was fantastic! I'm not sure my wedding can live up to the one Bride had today! But I'll try!

But seriously, fuck you, Jem.

Victory Sabre
05-21-2012, 11:21 PM
It can be better by doing one thing - don't invite "Jem".

She does sound like a horrible person. I know you mentioned that bride said "Jem" can be very sweet, but she seems like she's sweet as vinegar.

blas
05-21-2012, 11:22 PM
Ugh. I work with quite a few Jem types.

I have nothing against girls who don't like traditional girly stuff, don't wear makeup, prefer jeans and a tshirt, but I don't rip on you for it, so leave me alone and quit making comments about how often I shop or how much makeup I put on my face or how much E! I watched this past weekend. Seriously.

And I love football and "man" type movies. But, I'll go to them wearing heels and a cute top with loads of eyemakeup and colored contacts and my hair done all cute.

Crescent Cat
05-21-2012, 11:37 PM
It can be better by doing one thing - don't invite "Jem".

Trust me, were it my decision, that's what I would've done. I honestly wonder if Bride knows Jem says such horrible things but I didn't want to ruin her big day by telling her that her supposed "sweet" friend is talking shit about the Bridesmaids' dresses and making comments about how she'd rather be drunk than enjoy this "stupid" wedding. Ignorance is bliss, you know?

Sweet as vinegar - yeah, that about sums it up.

BlaqueKatt
05-22-2012, 12:16 AM
Wow, seriously. Fuck you, Jem. Fuck you straight off a cliff. What in the hell is wrong with you?

"well obviously I'm a better person than you, because I'm such an individual, and the guys should be fawning over me rather than that vapid twit, because I'm just like them, I try so hard to be just like them, and no guy would want a girl that does girl stuff, right?"

This is what's wrong, I'd guess she's playing a role of what she thinks would attract someone, and when it doesn't work gets snippy and takes it out on the ones that are successful in attracting someone, by being themselves and interesting. Yes a guy may complain about their GFs taking "hours to get ready", or "constant shopping", but for most guys it's more "something to rib her about" than an actual dislike, and Jem just doesn't get it.

blas
05-22-2012, 12:22 AM
I'm the biggest girly girl I know, and I attract more males as far as friends and people to talk to, than females.

I know nothing of cars and I only really like one or two sports, and hate the outdoors and getting dirty. But I'm a pervert and love to eat and apparently guys like that.

Pixilated
05-22-2012, 02:53 AM
I have to wonder too why Bride keeps inviting Ms Superiority to these events -- isn't she worried that her friend might fall and injure herself, since she holds her nose so high in the air she can't possibly have a clear view where she's going?

I'm not particularly girly -- but if ever I want help in learning to become so, I know which of my friends to go to for advice! :lol:

Shame she'll never take your advice ("then go home and fucking watch football, you asshole!"), rather than suffer through these events time and again ....

Barracuda
05-22-2012, 04:22 AM
At a guess, she's lonely. She doesn't share interests with a lot of other women, meaning she doesn't get along as well with other women as most girls do. Also, if she's single, she may feel no one will ever love her, and seeing a beautiful ceremony where her friend is achieving a dream she wants for herself, but feels she can never have....well, I would want to get drunk too. That really sucks. She may be happy for Bride, but she may resent the heck out of her too, even though she doesn't want to resent her, which makes her hate herself more, and...well, you get the picture. I think "Jem" is in pain she is trying hard to bottle up and it's making her hard to be around.

Crescent Cat
05-22-2012, 04:45 AM
I don't doubt that Jem is lonely however I disagree on the reasons why. Sure, it may be a bit harder for her to relate to other women due to her interests. I've encountered that myself but finding other women who are interested in sports, or video games or other nerdy "guy" stuff really isn't that difficult. You just have to be patient and willing to get to know those around you.

The problem is that she never takes the time to see what other people are interested in. She just assumes that if you have boobs you aren't going to like the same things she does. And that aside, she comes off as so mean and angry that people aren't going to want to talk to her anyway. That's exactly why I didn't talk to her much when I first met her.

Bride has told me that Jem is better on a one-on-one basis and that may be true, but she's never going to make more friends unless she learns some manners and smiles a little.

cashierbex
05-22-2012, 05:04 AM
I am the least girly girl in my group of friends. Well, with one exception (lesbian version of a bromance). But I don't go around hating girly things. But once you try to make me girly, screw you.
Jem is... well... I would just smack her upside the head.

ApolloSZ
05-22-2012, 08:49 PM
Some guy out there may well like her "compensation-for-lack-of-dangly-bits" attitude.
Doesn't mean everyone else does. I'm surprised you didn't let her know what you thought of her Crescent. Although I can understand it not being the best situation to do so.

Sure as hell I'd have made some comments to her. But I don't put up with crap like that.


And hey Blas - How you doin? :P XD *flee*

MoonCat
05-23-2012, 02:16 AM
I can understand being uncomfortable around other women if Jem has no interest in clothes, makeup, and so on, but geez...what an attitude. Surely, she could find something to relate to if she made an effort. And what's with the constant football fetish? Lots of women like football, too, but there are other things in life besides sports. Yeesh.

If she's lonely, a lot of it is her own fault. She should try showing an interest in other people, for a start, instead of comparing herself to them and finding them all inferior.

blas
05-23-2012, 02:46 AM
If she's anything like the girls I work with and some of the headaches I've had to deal with that type of girl.......it's a deep down insecurity they cover up by pretending to be superior to other girls because they aren't "empty headed" and "fake" like girls who are more girly girl and into stereotypical girly stuff, and actively hating other girls.

I don't get along with many girls well, but I damn well don't act like I'm better than all of them, or go around bitching about how much I hate girls and how they are all fake and phony and bleed for 7 days and don't die, blah blah blah blah blah.

Girls like Jem make me want to go all Hulk. Pink, of course.

And Apollo...just cuz I gots heels on don't mean I can't catch you.

Jester
05-23-2012, 08:23 PM
Okay, time to put my spare change in.

First, before I comment on Jem, I do have to make one defense of the Bride. I know that some people would have trouble understanding why the Bride bothers being friends with Jem, but apparently the Bride sees something in Jem that others don't. Either Jem is a great con artist or she truly is different around the Bride, who knows? I DO know that I have friends that others of my friends don't like, don't get, and don't understand what I see in them. And while I often do see the flaws that put other people off of these friends, that doesn't make them any less friends to me. And I know I am not alone in this. I am sure many of the members here have friends that other friends don't "get." Keep this in mind before you criticize the Bride too much for her apparent poor judgment in choosing friends.

That being said....let's talk about this Jem chick.

When I first met her at a women's Bible study that Bride goes to, Jem was bitching about how many girls were there.

Okay, this is stupid. If you go to a women's Bible study, there are two things that are pretty much by definition going to be there: women and Bibles. If you object to either of these, why the flying hell would you go? And if you went, why would you expect something other than women to be there? As I said...stupid.

She turns to Bride's boyfriend and tells him about how she'd be discussing football with him instead of our inferior girly chat for empty headed females or whatever. Then she sits there, seething, hating every minute instead of choosing to enjoy the company.

Again, if you don't want to be there, why are you there? And if you'd rather be talking football with the sole guy, then why DON'T you talk football with him? It is not unheard of in social situations for multiple conversations to be going on at once. I see it, oh, just about every single day of my life.

So she sees Jem and greets her, saying that she really likes her hair. She asks Jem if she did anything with it. Jem looks directly at Bride, not even bothering to smile, and says, "It's called washed."

This is not stupid, this is just plain fucking rude. Even if such a response might be appropriate in other social situations, it is definitely NOT appropriate when addressing the guest of honor at a party, period. Especially when said guest of honor just gave you a rather nice compliment, you ungrateful troll.

She started pissing and moaning about how much she hated that there were so many girls here and they were laughing, smiling and having a good time and she'd rather be watching football (then go home and fucking watch football, you asshole!).

Yes. You have two options here. As Crescent said, you could just shut up and go home and watch football. Or, if you feel the obligation to be here due to the fact that the Bride actually invited your lame ass, then pretend you have manners and shut the fuck up about your petty complaints.

She started criticizing the shower, saying that the games were stupid and the whole thing sucked.

Confession time: I've been to one baby shower in my life. (Not the same thing, exactly, but close enough for this discussion.) The only males there were myself, my friend who invited me, whose wife was the one pregnant, the wife's brother, and the wife's father. My buddy The King did not have a choice, as his wife had not given him one. His wife's brother didn't have much of a choice, as he was her brother. Her father had even less choice, as he was not only her father, but it was his house they were having this in. *I*, on the other hand, had a choice, and attended.

I REGRETTED it, because to me, the games WERE stupid, the whole event WAS girly, and I felt completely suffocated by the sheer amount of estrogen flowing.

What did I do? Did I bitch and moan about it like Jem? No, of course not. I am at times a bit brusque, but that would have been the height of bad manners, and I am quite sure my mother would have materialized from thin air and bitch slapped the fuck out of me if I had done so.

I was polite, and grinned and bore it. And, whenever possible, stole away to another room in the house where the bride's brother and father were watching baseball, allowing the three of us some much needed escape from the river of estrogen. Sure, my friend wasn't able to do that, and I pitied him, but HE was the one that got his wife pregnant, not ME, so I didn't pity him that much. :lol:

I had as good a time as I could, put a good face on it, and made it a point to not attend baby showers in the future, though of course I would buy a gift for such an event. Most people understand that not everyone is cut out for baby (or bridal) showers. I'm not, and I deal with it politely. Jem is not, and she doesn't.

"Where's the beer? I seriously need to get drunk."

"God this sucks. Look at those horrible dresses. I would never wear a dress like that."

Those "horrible" dresses she was mentioning? They were the Bridesmaids' dresses.

Beer: Yeah, I get this. I've led the liquor brigade at more than one wedding. (Those are completely different stories.) But I've done so politely and without calling so much attention to myself (usually). While I don't disagree with Jem's motivation, her comments were inappropriate.

The dresses: Look, it's been a longstanding joke in America for decades that, quite often, bridesmaids dresses are simply horrible. I have been to quite a few weddings myself (somewhere over 200 or so), and I have seen bridesmaids dresses that ran the gamut from simple elegance to over the top but attractive to Good Lord What Was She Thinking? It's one thing to comment on them in private to your friends (especially if you are one of the bridesmaids that found herself in a disastrous dress), but to rip them at the wedding in front of many people that you don't know? Again, beyond the pale. Jem should be looking over her shoulder to see if my mom is around.....

Or are you just so selfish that other people's happiness comes second to your need of football and beer?

Nope. She's not. She's so selfish that other people's happiness come in second to Jem, period. Not Jem's need of football and beer, just Jem. Whatever she thinks is right is of course right, and everything else sucks.

To add to what Crescent said, fuck you, Jem. Fuck you with a rabid donkey on Viagra.

Some guy out there may well like her "compensation-for-lack-of-dangly-bits" attitude.

Some guys will fuck anything. And I would not be surprised if that is the kind of guy that Jem attracts, which would explain her seemingly very low self-esteem.

Look, I would love to date a girl that loves football and beer as much as I do. But not if they were like this self-centered, rude, crass, obnoxious, clueless bitch. There's not enough beer in the world for that.

Merriweather
05-23-2012, 09:49 PM
Wow, Jem is certainly one very unhappy individual (how can you be happy if you can't take pleasure in anything in life that isn't specifically to your own interests?).

As for the bride inviting her and saying she's sweet - how long has Bride known her? Perhaps at some point in time she wasn't such a pain, and Bride still sees her as she used to be? Or perhaps she really cares for Bride (in whatever way, as a sister she never had, as her BFF from years ago, maybe even a crush) and shows a different side when it's just the two of them, and Bride has no idea how critical she is to others.

Obviously she's never watched Bambi, the wisdom of Thumper (or was it Flower?), as alluded to in the thread title, should be ettiquette lesson number one.

As others have said, if you don't want women & the Bible, don't go to a Women's Bible study group. If you don't want dumb games and lots of giggling, don't go to a shower of any type. If you're going to be a fashion critic, don't go to a wedding - Bridesmaid's dresses & even Bridal gowns are notoriously iffy in style (ever see Four Weddings & a Funeral? My favourite comment about the wedding dresses is "I look like a meringue".

I can see her preferring football & beer to some of these functions. But I simply do not believe that she didn't know in advance that the activities at these events would not be football & beer. You choose to go to a less than favourite event, you make the best of it and be gracious, or you stay home.

Why does she feel the need to constantly complain to anyone who will listen about the lack of her favourite activities (no matter how inappropriate they would be at that particular event), and criticize everyone and everything around her? Even a psychologist might be baffled, the possibilities are endless - jealous of Bride because she has a wedding and new life, jealous of groom cause she secretly wants Bride (ya never know:rolleyes:), jealous of others who seem to "fit in" better than she does, maybe she secretly wants to be more girly herself, maybe she resents those who are girly by nature, maybe she suffered a great emotional blow that soured her on life or people, maybe she's suffering some medical problems that leave her in pain, or maybe she's just a b*tch :devil: or truly thinks every event should revolve around her, even someone elses wedding :eek:

I'd certanly be sure never to invide Jem to any event I had planned (probably not even a football & beer party, I'm sure she'd still find things to criticize :lol: ), and avoid her like the plague if I saw her at anything I was a guest at. Just be thankfull she isn't a co-worker or in-law :devil:

MoonCat
05-24-2012, 01:10 AM
Just for the hell of it, I will consider this a little bit from Jem's side. See, I am not into babies and stuff, and I've been to baby showers where I felt hideously uncomfortable. The first couple of times I had to go buy a baby gift I felt like I had entered a foreign country without a guidebook.

But I went to the shower. I did not piss and moan, I took part in the silly games, gave the mother-to-be a nice gift and tried to be gracious, because if someone invites me to a party, it means they want me there, so I tried to enjoy it. But I felt out of place. So I'm guessing Jem feels this way at "traditional" female events. BTW, at work we once had a baby shower for a guy (his wife was invited of course) and it was HILARIOUS. He'd open gifts and go, "Hey, that's great! What is it?" It was loads of fun.

What I had to figure out was that these events were not about me....They were about the mother-to-be, or the bride, or whoever. Once I stopped thinking about myself I learned to relax. I'm still rather shy among strangers, but not as much as I used to be.

If Jem would stop focusing on herself and open up a bit...which might be what she does around Bride....she might discover that it's fun to be around other people who are celebrating something. She sounds like she's using offense as a defensive move, expecting other people not to like her, which ironically makes her unlikeable.