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The worst 4th of July *Long, graphic, please read disclaimer*

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  • The worst 4th of July *Long, graphic, please read disclaimer*

    DISCLAIMER: The story you're about to read is not easy for me to share. But in doing so, I feel like I've helped myself stay just a little more sane. I genuinely appreciate the love and caring I experience from you all.

    This post is not for the faint-hearted and involves hurt children, it is rather graphic. Please do not read if this is something you would rather not know. There is no shame in doing so. If I could obliterate my memory of these events, i would. I take no pride in anything Ive done in regards to this situation. I simply wish it would have never happened. With that being said, this is extra long and will include some whited out parts.











    So, I had gone into work for an easy 4 hour shift. I was excited b/c it was time and a half for the July 4th holiday. An ambulance crew had just dropped a patient off for something pretty minor. As I was joking around with the one paramedic, they get a call over their radios. They say bye and literally go running away. I check the public 911 website we have and see that there is a fire a few blocks from the hospital. It was classed as a 1 alarm fire, so not a big deal. As I’m walking to the clock to check out for the night, I hear a Trauma Alert called overhead. I put my badge back in my bag and head to the front desk to see what’s coming and if they need me to stay. Trauma nurses are specially trained and are, in theory, different from the regular nurses. So, being that it was 3am and literally about 5 trauma nurses were about to clock out for the night, we all decide to stay.

    My managers up there and tells me there’s 4 traumas coming. I ask her what they are and she tells me burns from the fire down the street. I head to the trauma bay and gown up. The first patient is a grown up and they go to the trauma bay next to mine.

    As I’m standing there waiting for the next patient that’s coming in, we hear there’s a pregnant woman that was in the fire. She’s not a trauma but she’s going into labor, early. And she’s bleeding everywhere. They put her in a regular room and start that whole process with the other staff left over. She had crawled out the 2nd story window of the burning house and made it next door.

    A few minute later I see the worst thing ‘Ive ever seen in my life. (whited out, please highlight if you choose) 2 police officers run into the trauma bay clutching 2 young boys. The first one goes down on the litter. He can’t be more than 5 or 6 years old. His body is hot to the touch. We start working on him. 10 seconds later another boy is laid on the same litter. This is where I almost lost it. This boy was obviously lifeless. He was black with soot. I didn’t see any normal skin tone left on him. Looked like he was made of charcoal. His arms were stretched to the sky and he was stuck like that. The police officer laid him down and started to sob and walked away. In shame, I couldn't bring myself to even touch him. This eats at me now. . *end white out*

    We now have 2 young boys on one litter. There’s 2 doctors by my side now in addition to the wonderful Patient Care assistants that started with compressions to the first boy. The second boy is pronounced dead on arrival and after a short time of CPR the first one is too. I start to disconnect the monitor and clean up. I’m fighting back the tears. My nurse manager pops her head over from the room who had received the 3rd trauma and asks for me and my nurse friend, M, to head over there as they needed more help.

    I suck my tears up and head next door. There are two more kids laying on stretchers in the same room. I had no idea they were even here. They both weren’t much older than 3 or 4. I head to the little girls side and they’re doing CPR. I start doing medications IV’s, IV fluids. After a short while, she actually comes back to us and we work on stabilizing her. The youngest boy, stays in the third trauma bay with another team of people.

    The trauma bay where the 2 boys were before, was cleared out and we move the little girl over to that space since 2 trauma teams in 1 room was a little much. We get her all plugged in and work on getting maintenance things done. Meanwhile, we hear that they’re still working on the pregnant lady that’s bleeding. A short while later they’re finally able to get her upstairs to the OR.

    I run from the trauma bay to grab something I need and I see SOOO MANY PEOPLE. The hospital had heard what was going on and sent us staff from other floors since most of the normal ER staff is tied up with the traumas. It thought this was nice. They were able to wrangle the other patients that were non critical.

    By then, the coordination of helicopters had started. 3 patients need to flown to the closest burn center (we are not one, thankfully).

    Up front, people have started showing up asking for the kids and for the others. We literally at this point have a name on NO ONE except for the pregnant lady. We gather family into one area and have them wait. Someone who was able to walk out of the fire gives us some names, but they are still unconfirmed.

    It turns out the house where the fire was owned by one elderly man who let others live there when there was a need. There were 14 people in that house when it caught fire. The owner died in the house as did the father to the kids who had also passed. I think there were 3 more people that they found inside and others had been able to walk out or were rescued. A few came in later for smoke inhalation but were otherwise ok. THE HOUSE HAD NO WORKING SMOKE DETECTORS.

    I spend the next few hours in the trauma bay with my little girl. We wrap her burns, maintain her. Her body is badly burned but her face remains angelic. I believe she has pigtails on.

    They start handing out water bottles and snacks to the staff in the trauma bay. Which actually made me chuckle b/c food and drink at a patients bedside is something that that hospital has strict policy about.

    We hear the pregnant lady had the baby upstairs and that they’re doing well. That is a bright point for us. So many lights were snuffed out this night, but this one, this tiny new light, was turned on. At least there was that.
    After that it’s a waiting game, helicopters start coming and all in all we get the last one up and out around 0630. A mother and her 2 youngest kids, are on their way to the burn center and all our prayers and hopes go with them.

    It’s a relief when they’re all gone. I didn’t know how much longer I would need to hold my shit together. We clean up a bit, make sure the charting is up to par and the next shift starts to come in. I check the 911 website and see that the 1 alarm fire had now been classed a 4 alarm fire..

    First shift walked into a mess and thankfully, not one complained that they were left to clean it up. Not after hearing what happened. Not after knowing what we just witnessed.

    Walking around I see police officers, firefighters, EMTs and medics just milling about. I think that no one wanted to leave until there was some kind of resolution. There was a paramedic student there who apparently ran from the hospital to the fire and then back again, so he was on scene. He looked sad, but just sat there quietly til it was time to leave.

    The fire chief was there and they are coordinating what they’re going to do about the families. There were 5 different families living in that house, so they have quite a task ahead of them if ID'ing people and informing the correct families.

    I finally clock out close to 0700. My friend tries to stop me to talk but I waved her off. The tears were starting and there was nothing I could do to stop them this time. I walk home and wake up my husband. It’s no fun waking up to a sobbing wife, but he did a magnificent job of waking up and actually listening and consoling me.

    As I said before, it took 2 hours of Golden Girls, a giant bowl of ice cream and some benadryl for me to be able to drop off into a dreamless sleep.
    As I was writing this, I saw another article that said the little girl that I was taking care of and the first woman who came in with the burns had passed this morning at the burn center. Tears again.

    I can still see her little face. And I’ll never forget the boys. God bless their souls. I pray that their afterlife is so so so much better than their short lives were.
    Ive seen and done a lot since I started at the hospital 10 years ago.

    After writing this and waiting a few days, the last person, a 2 year old boy had also passed away. An entire family of 6, wiped out.

    This, more than any other thing, is my catalyst. I think that I may be looking for a nonclinical job sometime next year. Will I be happier in front of a computer or pushing papers? No. but really, I think this may be it for me. We’ll see. I love the ER. My coworkers are PHENOMENAL and without them I would have left this sometimes thankless job a while ago.

  • #2


    There is a part of me that wants to beg you to stay. Amazing people like you are needed in the ER.
    The other part of me wants to tell you to run. Get out before it screws you up.

    For now, a lot more of theses.
    Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
    Save the Ales!
    Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm so sorry that you had to witness all that Anima. I don't blame you for wanting to switch out. I must say though that you are an amazing person and I hope that any nurse/doctor that I have will have even half the compassion that you have for your patients. As for the thankless part, let me be one of many on here to say THANK YOU for all that you and your coworkers do. I don't know how you guys do it.
      Now, if you smell the roses but it doesn't lift your spirits, you're either allergic to rose pollen or you need medical intervention. ~ Seshat

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      • #4
        Nothing to say. Only hugs for you and prayers for those lost.

        Comment


        • #5
          wow. I don't know how nurses do it. You and your coworkers are amazing people. I send many hugs and good thoughts to you and your coworkers
          Coffee should be strong, black and chewy! It should strip paint and frighten small children.

          My blog Darkwynd's Musings

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          • #6


            In your other thread I had given advice about finding a therapist to talk to. Talk to the fire Chief, Captain, or LT and see if they have one they send their guys to. They would be used to hearing this sort of thing and better to help. Hubby (fire fighter) and some station mates went to one when they had 3 fatal fire in a row (weeks time). I talked to one who dealt with mainly EMS workers.

            I'm glad you are able to talk about it and NEVER feel ashamed about crying, lord knows I've spent enough time bawling my eyes out after the fact. It does get easier, it just takes time. If you feel you need a break, then take one. No one will think any less of you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you guys. Encouraging words do help so much.

              I had a discussion with one of the doctors who was there. He thanked me for doing a good job. He told me in his 15 years of practicing medicine, this was the absolute worst thing he's ever seen or been involved in. He told me to feel better, that Ive already seen the worst and nothing else that happens will ever come close to that. Im praying he's right. But just hearing that and his encouraging words helped tremendously

              In other news, a coworker checked himself into the psych ward. I havent heard from him in several days. Im hoping he's ok. He apparently was involved in a fire a few days after this one. Was too much.

              Comment


              • #8
                Amina,

                I didn't read it. I know what I can handle and I know it's something I can't handle.

                But I know what it is to have a scene in my head that I wish I could forget and which never goes away.

                I hope the people around you can help you and you can make peace with it.

                God bless you.
                The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                The stupid is strong with this one.

                Comment


                • #9
                  *So many massive hugs* You are amazing and wonderful, and so are your co-workers. Thank you for being there and doing your job to the best of your ability.
                  Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

                  Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Huge, huge hugs. I can't even come close to imagining how you feel. I know your situation is much worse than anything I've ever seen, but I'll pass along something that was told to me while I was going through some things that I thought would break me.

                    Find something, anything, that's positive. Focus on that. You said the new baby was born healthy. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed, focus on that precious new baby that came into the world. It won't make the pain go away, but it will give you something positive to focus on, which will help make a horrible situation just a tiny bit less horrible.

                    I will keep you and all your colleagues in my prayers.
                    At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I can't imagine experiencing something that difficult. I'm so sorry you had to go that. Get any help you need and make sure you take care of yourself, okay? Nurses have all my respect and thanks. And you get all my hugs, too.
                      Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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                      • #12
                        Ohhh i' m so sorry....hugs..

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                        • #13
                          I read it, all of it. As a nursing student, I figure if can't handle reading what you went through, then I need to find another career.

                          I managed to read it all, but I cannot imagine how awful it must have been to live through it. I know I won't be able to get the mental image out of my head for a long time and it must be about a million times worse for you.

                          Take whatever time and do whatever you need to do to care for self.

                          And thank you for being there to care for those people. You made a positive difference, even if it doesn't seem like it, just by being there with them.
                          Don't wanna; not gonna.

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                          • #14
                            I think of this: Even though many patients died there, think - you had a hand in getting them comfortable(er) and helped. All these people needed love, and got it.
                            ER Doc sounds right too, this is once in a lifetime. Go get the help for you, you gave so much you need some back.
                            In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
                            She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

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                            • #15
                              Many, many hugs to you Amina - fwiw, I think this is a "once in a lifetime" situation too & that things should get better, even slowly will do, as long as they do get better.
                              I know I'm looking on an optimistic side, but think of how bad it would have been if you were not there to give some aid to those that needed it?
                              I for one thank you & people like you, just for being there.

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