Am I a Jerk if...

[Misty]

...I don't like someone for no good reason?

I think I'm a pretty nice person, and I try to follow the Golden Rule. However, I have an acquaintance who is also a nice person, but I just don't like her.

I am the organizer of a pub trivia group that meets twice a month, and Colleen is a regular (she's also a regular at some of the other groups I belong to). She is always friendly, but she can also be whiny and needly at times. Plus she has a habit of clapping and squealing "Yay!" when she's excited about something, and there is something really irritating about a middle-aged woman acting like a 5-year-old. I could go on, but you get the idea.

It would be so much easier to dislike her if she were rude, unpleasant, or a gossip, but she's none of those things. She's a nice person with a few faults just like anyone else, but she bugs the hell out of me nonetheless. Am I alone in this, or does anyone else have a "Colleen" in their life?

[Jay 2K Winger]

You're not a jerk. There are just some people that, even if they are the nicest people, just ... rub you the wrong way. Not in any way you can explicitly define, either. You just don't like them.

If you start ACTING on this dislike of them, letting it negatively affect your decisions regarding her and her being a part of the group, THEN you're a jerk.

But just not-liking someone for "no good reason"? That's not being a jerk. That's just being human.

[hinakiba777]

I am 100% with Jay on this one. So long as you don't start treating her badly, then you aren't a jerk. You're just human. I have people who I consider good friends who drive me up the wall with their behaviour, and i have people who are perfectly pleasant who I can't stand. Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way.

Example; I knew a very nice girl once who's voice was literally at a register that caused me to have migraines. She was sweet as sugar, and cute as a button, but the second she started speaking it just got to be an issue.

[Pixilated]

Same here. I have a coworker whom I seriously hate to work with but not for any major reason. I feel that she "takes over" when I'm talking to a customer, as if she feels she must show me how 'tis done, and that she rushes around the store as if to say, "Look how busy I am!" but these are just my interpretations and might be miles away from her actual intentions. I don't like her, but I have to work with her (two consecutive shifts this week, just me and her, ugh).

So yeah, as long as you don't take it out on her, you are definitely not being a jerk. Some people you click with. Others you clash with. That's just how it goes.

[sms001]

Nope, not a jerk. My best friend is a complete ass. So if people can like someone when they probably shouldn't, it isn't much of a leap to not liking someone when they probably should. If it's any consolation, I don't think I'd like Collen either - that clapping thing sounds a little irksome.

[Seshat]

It's okay to dislike someone for no reason.

It's okay to dislike someone for stupid reasons, like not liking the shape of their eyebrows, or the way they speak reminds you of a schoolteacher you always hated, or their limp looks like they're constantly doing the samba.

It's even okay to dislike someone because of a protected anti-discrimination thing, like religion, able-ness or otherwise, or skin colour, or cultural heritage, or sexuality, or gender identity.

I'd prefer not to. I'd prefer that noone ever does. But quite honestly? I have some people in my life who remind me of Mrs S, my grade 3 teacher. And there's no good reason for me to dislike these people. They're not Mrs S! But I do.
I have other people in my life who I dislike for equally stupid reasons. I don't think there's anyone I dislike for no reason - right now - but I do have some I dislike for stupid reasons.

As all the other posters have said, though: it doesn't matter as long as you're polite, respectful, and in situations of relative power (organising something, drawing the door prize at an event, etc) you don't discriminate.

It's human to have preferences and dislikes. You might love key lime pie, I prefer pavlova. I like Dr Who and Torchwood, you like Sex In The City. I prefer my drinks virgin, you love rum.
We also have preferences in people. Human nature.

[Oniontears]

You can't help how you feel! I have a friend who I can only see in very small doses because, although we have a lot in common, I just find her really abrasive and annoying in large amounts. Not her fault or mine. Just a thing.

[DaisyQueen]

I agree with everyone, especially Oniontears. I have a sister (well several but one in particular) that I can only stand in 3-day or less increments. Luckily she lives in a different state but we generally see each other every other month. She's a very nice person but is super dramatic--creating it, talking about it, participating in it, whatever. She is also the definition of stage mom, pushing her daughter into doing different theater performances, recitals, talent shows, etc. although she insists she's not. I can only tolerate her for a small bit before I have to get away and scream. The last time I spent more than a few days with her I almost build a skyscraper so I could throw myself off.