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I can never go to that restaurant again

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  • I can never go to that restaurant again

    Alright so back in March I was out with some friends at a club and a guy asked me to dance. Later on, I found him again, we chatted a bit, I asked for his number, he put it in my phone. Then he said he would go to the bathroom and be right back, but never returned. Whatever. This was the first time I'd ever asked a guy for his number in my whole adult life, so I was pretty happy. I didn't pester him, just casually asked him for the number, and he gave it to me.

    So the next day, I was out with two friends and I told them the story, and how I was super nervous about texting the guy, not sure when I should do so. Then we went to dinner, the first place we went to wouldn't allow minors (one girl was under 19) so I suggested we go to my favorite place. I hadn't been there in forever, as I had only moved back to the city within the year and I just never had the opportunity to go. So we go there, they only card myself and the friend who is drinking, and we meet our waiter. Who I swear looked very similar to Jensen Ackles!

    Anyway my friends and I enjoy a lovely meal, though we do end up talking a lot about the cute waiter, and my friends get super insistent I get his number. Feeling a little emboldened from successfully getting a guys number the night before, I decide I should try. It takes me forever to build up the courage. If he says no, it's not big deal, but I really hope he gives me his number. So when he comes with the bill this happens:
    Me- Hey can I get your number with that receipt? (OH MY GOD! What am I doing? Abort Abort! Don't hit on wait staff.)
    Waiter- Sure. But how do you know I don't have a girlfriend?
    Me- If you had a girlfriend, you wouldn't be giving me your number. (wow good job, that was really cool. And you gave him an out, he can say he has a girlfriend and everything is fine. )
    Waiter- *writes his name and number on the paper tablecloth* Or maybe I'm just bad.

    I swear I almost had a heart attack. My friends were super impressed, and one of them spent the whole next day bugging me to text the guy. I wait a few days, and I text both guys. Neither gets back to me. I'm really disappointed, and kind of pissed. I mean, if they didn't want to give me their number they could have just said no. I only asked them each ONCE. But whatever, I get over it. I'll probably never see them again, and if I do, I can't have made that much of an impression.

    Except, that my friend who was under 19 in March, went back to the restaurant alone a few weeks ago. And her server was the waiter from March. And he remembered her, and me. From what she told me, she asked if he texted me, and he just said no. I only know that much. There may be more or less to the story.

    But NOW, I can never go back to that place. Because the mere idea of it gives me an anxiety attack. I think going there would give me a full grown panic attack. Even now a thousand horrifying scenarios are running through my head of what might happen if I were to go there for dinner again.

    Why couldn't he have just said no?

    Anyway, my question was this: When you get someone's number (not that I will ever have the nerve to ask again, but if I do) how long after you get it is a good amount of time to call them or text them? And should you call or should you text? Right after it happened I asked a ton of people I know IRL about it, and they told me to just do what I felt was best. But I have almost zero experience with guys, so I have no idea how to act. So is the next day best, or should you wait longer? Is a week too long? I'm just not sure.

    EDIT- Sorry if this is in the wrong thread. I didn't realize i posted it in Off topic until I had posted it.
    Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

    Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
    Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

  • #2
    Don't fret; I'd suggest giving that guy another text, asking if he remembered you (like, "Remember the cute girl you gave your number to on the tablecloth, oh so long ago?"

    If he answers, awesome. If not, you're in the same place you were beforehand. And, I've seen a lot of the girls who I asked for numbers/went on one date with/etc. around afterwards, and nobody ever treated me like it was any big deal.
    "She didn't observe the cardinal rule: Don't F**K with people who handle your food"
    -Ryan Reynolds in 'Waiting'

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    • #3
      He could have a girlfriend but is keeping his flirting up. (Not improbable amongst service staff.)

      He might not have a girlfriend, but wasn't interested, but is nice enough to not cause an awkward situation.

      He IS bad, but got busted - gf saw the text or some such.

      He was very interested, but has a girlfriend, and once recovered from your charms, decided to be good.

      He's a dick.

      He's just very bad at these kind of interactions.

      In answer to your question, I feel the next day is best. If you honestly don't have time for a phone call or a text in your day, then asap. But if someone shows interest in me, and then waits, it seems a little phoney.

      I'd prefer a phone call, but I'm older. I totally understand that texting is a lot less pressure.

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      • #4
        Don't pass up going to your favorite restaurant just because some guy works there. That would be silly. I mean, what could possibly happen? You walk in, he sees you....and grabs a megaphone, announcing to the entire restaurant, "Ladies and gentlemen, that woman right there is a girl I gave my number to several months ago, and she texted me, and I never got back to her!" as klaxons sound, alarms wail, flashing lights flash, klieg lights flare up everywhere, and confetti falls from the ceiling, as people look on in horror, some covering their children's eyes to shield them from looking at you, and several others point and laugh, forcing you to turn and run out the door, bawling, your tears smearing your makeup, as you run into a rain storm, falling into a heap in a puddle in the middle of the street, bringing traffic to a screeching halt, horns honking at you as you desperately grasp at the shattered remnants of your ruined life.

        Ridiculous, don't ya think?

        Now go have lunch and put those silly boys in the past where they belong.
        Last edited by Jester; 08-05-2013, 10:26 AM.

        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
        Still A Customer."

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Jester View Post
          Don't pass up going to your favorite restaurant just because some guy works there. That would be silly. I mean, what could possibly happen? You walk in, he sees you....and grabs a megaphone, announcing to the entire restaurant, "Ladies and gentlemen, that woman right there is a girl I gave my number to several months ago, and she texted me, and I never got back to her!" as klaxons sound, alarms wail, flashing lights flats, klieg lights flare up everywhere, and confetti falls from the ceiling, as people look on in horror, some covering their children's eyes to shield them from looking at you, and several others point and laugh, forcing you to turn and run out the door, bawling, your tears smearing your makeup, as you run into a rain storm, falling into a heap in a puddle in the middle of the street, bringing traffic to a screeching halt, horns honking at you as you desperately grasp at the shattered remnants of your ruined life.
          It's been a while since I've laughed that hard. I'm crying and my sides hurt XD That was amazing.
          Answers: $1
          Correct Answers: $2
          Answers that require thought: $5
          Dumb looks are still free.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks, Kisa. It's amazing how much less dramatic stuff is when you put it in its proper perspective.

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
            Still A Customer."

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Jester View Post
              Thanks, Kisa. It's amazing how much less dramatic stuff is when you put it in its proper perspective.
              Very true, and well put Jester. I keep reading this trying to wrap my head around it and it keeps sounding like the jitters of asking someone out for a date where the "no" answer is trumped up to being this earth shattering event.
              I AM the evil bastard!
              A+ Certified IT Technician

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              • #8
                Honestly I don't really give a damn about neither guy getting back to me. I'm just curious on how to proceed next time I get a guys number, if i ever try again.

                Quoth Jester View Post
                Don't pass up going to your favorite restaurant just because some guy works there. That would be silly. I mean, what could possibly happen? You walk in, he sees you....and grabs a megaphone, announcing to the entire restaurant, "Ladies and gentlemen, that woman right there is a girl I gave my number to several months ago, and she texted me, and I never got back to her!" as klaxons sound, alarms wail, flashing lights flash, klieg lights flare up everywhere, and confetti falls from the ceiling, as people look on in horror, some covering their children's eyes to shield them from looking at you, and several others point and laugh, forcing you to turn and run out the door, bawling, your tears smearing your makeup, as you run into a rain storm, falling into a heap in a puddle in the middle of the street, bringing traffic to a screeching halt, horns honking at you as you desperately grasp at the shattered remnants of your ruined life.
                I nearly died laughing at this. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. You are awesome Jester. You know my oldest best friend does exactly this when I freak out about stuff, she makes a huge hyperbole out of it until I just have to laugh.

                Here's the thing, and I know this is going to sound silly. My mom always tells me I am silly for this, but;
                I have a tendency to MAJORLY over think stuff. My brain comes up with ten thousand worst case scenarios for every situation in my life. Even if Logically I know that these are the most stupidly absurd things ever, it doesn't stop my brain from thrusting them forward into my conscious thoughts, and causing me to panic. I mean, I honestly barely leave my apartment, even to go on my BALCONY. (The neighbours might think that I'm trying to peek through their windows.) It's pretty crippling actually, and I know I should deal with it, but dealing with it is kind of impossible. (Oh you hate going to strange places and talking to people you don't know, well you should go to this strange place and talk to someone you don't know. "Can't swim, swim over to that island and they will teach you.")

                I had completely forgotten about Waiterboy until my friend brought up the fact that she saw him and confronted him about not calling me back. So my brain is on overdrive about that. Because what if I go with them to dinner again, and they confront him again. Or he brings it up or something. Then the whole restaurant will probably be staring at me, and the whole staff probably knows, they have been laughing about it for months obviously. And that is all stupid, and highly improbable bordering on impossible. But it doesn't matter because my brain has decided on this, and my panic levels are rising. And it just snowballs until it's an avalanche and suddenly, I'm bawling my eyes out in the middle of the restaurant. Because that is the culmination of a panic attack, me breaking out into tears. At which point I am crying in the middle of a restaurant, and NOW I KNOW everyone is staring at me. etc

                And I know, it's silly. and I should get over it.
                Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

                Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
                Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

                Comment


                • #9
                  It's silly, and you should learn to deal with it. Because if you don't deal with it, you not get over it. The two are not the same.

                  And no, the situation you described is not improbably, it is simply not happening. I work in a restaurant. Have done so in many locations and many different types of restaurants for almost 30 years. (Although I only look 24...) And yes, the staff gossips. A lot. A WHOLE lot. And your situation....wouldn't even make the radar. If there was any discussion at all among the staff about it, it would probably go something like this...,

                  WAITERBOY: "Hey dude, remember that chick who asked for my number?"
                  COWORKER: "Yeah, I guess. Why?"
                  WAITERBOY: "She's here."
                  COWORKER: "Cool."

                  And....that's it. It's not like you caused some scene, because then the staff WOULD be chatting about it. But the customers? Shit girl, they would never know the first thing about it. It's like the person convinced that everyone is staring at them on the dance floor. When in fact, no one is even bothering to pay attention, because they're all wrapped up in their own shit, and the dancing is not even close to as bad as the nervous dancer thinks it is.

                  The whole restaurant won't be staring at you.
                  The staff has not been talking about it for months, or at all.
                  You are not nearly as important to these people as you are to yourself. Not even close. They don't know you, and frankly, they don't care. They're busy with their own lives, worried if that one cute guy will call them, or if that one cute girl appreciated the effort they made to stop by her job. Which she probably didn't, because she was busy stressing over some other boy. Etc., etc.

                  Take a deep breath, relax, and go have fun in your life. Go back to that restaurant. I the waiter's cool, flirt with him again. If he's a dick, giggle about his flaws with your friends. If you're nervous, imagine him in a tutu. JUST a tutu. Well, a tutu and the server apron, but nothing else. Suddenly, he won't seem so intimidating, but as ridiculous as he probably feels half the time. To steal and corrupt a current popular phrase...

                  Calm down, and Jester on.


                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

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