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As mentioned previously, I've just come off a five-month contract with a booking office for a statewide accommodation chain. And truly there was a prodigious amount of suck! I think I have enough stories for at least two more threads after these.And oh, it would be far too easy if the suck was restrained to JUST the customers. Oh, there was suck aplenty.
Suck the First: Booking Companies Are The Devil
I'm not even kidding. We have four big companies book through us. The statewide one was pretty good, even if they had a terrible habit of checking for rooms on hotel websites instead of checking with us to see if we have allocation for the package rates. They were nice girls.
But the country wide ones and the international one? Sucking on Satan's left nipple. (Except when they fucked up and blamed it on us; the right nipple is apparently full of divert-the-blame-erol.)
One of the country ones was particularly bad. Put simply, our two bedroom apartments are set up to sleep four. About half of them cannot fit any extra guests ever; the others could sleep one or maybe two extra at an additional cost. This cost is non-negotiable. Full stop. You want more than four people? Eat the cost or rent something a little bigger.
These guys knew this. It was in their contract with us. And yet, at least once a week, every week...
Me: Your increasingly unfriendly local 'holiday planner and booking agent'.
MS: Minions of Satan. I spoke to about five of them.
Me: Welcome to Chain, this is Tolly.
MS: Do you have a 2 Bedroom at X for Date?
Me: Is that for four people?
MS: Yes.
Me: *checks the system* We can do that, send it on through.
*phone call ends, booking arrives*
Me: THIS IS FOR FIVE PEOPLE!
*unables booking and waits for the irate call*
Me: Welcome to Chain, this is Tolly.
MS: Why did you unable the booking?! THEY PAID US ALREADY!
Me: You lied to me about how many people were in the booking.
MS: No I didn't!
Me: I asked if it was for four people. You said yes, but the booking you sent has five. We will not take this booking.
MS: BUT THEY PAID!
Me: You misrepresented the booking to me and I will not put it through.
MS: FIX IT NOW!
Me: No. If you'd been honest with me in the first place, I would happily have done my best to arrange the room, but as you lied, it's company policy to let you eat it. Bye!
Best company policy ever.
Suck the Second: I Know What You Did Last Summer
When I got my official letter of freedom last week, I was ever so happy. This job did really bad things to my stress and my health, to the point where I'm actually scheduled to see my specialist next month because my condition took a remarkable dive and crashed. Getting my accumulated vacation and sick hours made me even happier. But I just couldn't get away without one last sucky customer reminding me why I will never take a job in customer service again.
Sometimes, though, life hands me these little reminders that justice is real.
LC: Less awesome Coworker returns.
DS: Dude, Seriously?
LC: Alright, we're done.
Me: FREEDOM! *giggle*
LC: So when do you see the specialist again?
Me: It got moved back to September. Anyway, better go, pre-orders to pick up and loathed relatives to tolerate. *completely different story*
LC: Take care, okay?
Me: You bet. Don't kill the Minions of Satan without letting me join in!
I got to leave, and end up holding the door for a businessman in a really, really sweet suit.
DS: Ah, excellent service. Now, young lady...
He said that in the most patronising tone I've heard in forever; that was when I remembered who he was. Many, many years ago, he was the office clerk for my dad's law firm. He was literally the most sexist man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life. He was fired for embezzlement and I know for a fact that he'd had to go to a very disreputable firm a long way out of the major cities to get work.
Me: Actually, I don't work here any more. You'll have to go talk to LC, she's just in the office there...
DS: Oh, don't be so rude! Now what I need is-
Me: I don't work here.
DS: Why else would you be here?
Me: That's really none of your business.
DS: SO RUDE! I demand to speak to a manager!
Me: That's who I was trying to direct you to!
DS: Now you come with me young lady! *reaching out to grab me*
Me: *stepping back* The last person who touched me without permission got a black eye and a court case.
DS: Are you threatening me?
Me: No, I'm stating fact. By the way, there are cameras in here that have been recording this entire conversation. Now, you can either go and talk to the person who works here, or you can leave.
DS: I SHALL SUE THIS ENTIRE COMPANY! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!
Me: Actually, yes. You're Name McName, you were fired from Big Law Firm for embezzlement, and if you don't have any business here I suggest you leave.
DS: I'M GOING TO SUE!
Me: We both know that's not going to work. Bye bye.
DS: *huffs and swears for a few moments then leaves and screeches off in a big big hurry*
LC: What the flying fuck?
Me: I've been waiting to smack him down for six years~
LC: Your life is just plain weird.
Me: THANK YOU!
Suck the Third: I Am Too Busy Doing My Job To Do Yours Too
We occasionally booked travel agent requests from small companies, and to try and get repeat business, we'd usually offer to look over their itineraries to keep travel time in check and suggest good times to be in different locations. Most of them were pretty good about it and had at the least a solid idea of when their clients wanted to be where. This lady? Not so much.
SA: Sucky Agent
AC: Awesome Coworker
Me: Welcome to Chain, this is Tolly.
SA: Hi, this is Agent from Agency, I have some clients coming down later in the year and I was hoping you could check over our itinerary like last time?
Me: Oh, no problem! Just send that through to email@theoffice.com and I'll check it over as soon as I can.
The email arrives. I just BOGGLE.
Me: AC, can you come and look at this?
AC: Huh?
Me: This is the 'itinerary' she wants me to check. I want to know if it'd be appropriate to call her back and me rude.
AC: *reads the email* WHAT.
There was no itinerary. There was 'sixteen days, or maybe twenty' and 'attraction (that closed six months ago and probably won't reopen) is a MUST' and 'anything remotely interesting in Capital City?'. It wasn't even a bullet list.
AC: I'll call her back.
Me: Speakerphone?
AC: Okay! *calls*
SA: Hello, this is Agent at Agency!
AC: Agent, this is AC at Chain. You just sent an itinerary to my Minion, Tolly.
SA: Oh, yes! Has she started it yet?
AC: That's not an itinerary. We only check and make recommendations, we don't write them for you.
SA: But-!
AC: She's too busy doing the work we pay her for to do the work you're too lazy to do.
SA: How dare you!
AC: Our courtesy service only extends so far. Please feel free to contact us when you have an actual itinerary. Bye now! *hangs up*
Me:
Suck the Fourth: Yes, My Name Is Minion (Not Actually A Suck)
One of the cooler parts of the job was on slow days, I was allowed to chat with phone clients. Most of them were happy to ramble on for ages with almost no input from me, and for the most part they were utter darlings.
DC: Darling Customer
Me: Oh, I've been up State's Awesome Mountain! It's so lovely in spring, all the heathers and flowers bloom at once!
DC: I was up there last year!
LC: *yelling* MINION! HELP! FALLING BOXES!
Me: Eeep! I'll just pop you on hold!
DC: Sure.
I run into the other room and help LC steady the frankly unsafe pile of brochure boxes. Those things were a danger to everyone.
Me: *off hold* Sorry about that, minor SNAFU in the file room.
DC: Did... did she call you Minion?
Me: Yup.
DC: And you don't mind?
Me: Nope. I have a little Red Minion brooch and everything.
DC: ...Red Minion? You mean like in Overlord?
Me: Oh, we're going to get along just fine.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. I'm an official Minion. Just my luck there's a gamer on the board who recognised the brooch when I went for the interview.
Suck the Fifth: Can't Talk, Hunting Risen
Fire Emblem: Awakening came out a while into my contract. I preordered it thanks to Tumblr hype and have never been so happy to listen to squealy fangirls. THEY WERE SO RIGHT ABOUT HENRY. I got into the habit of taking my 3DS to work with me and playing on lunch breaks - I actually have a Streetpass friend who I Double Duelled with for about a month who I've never met face to face! Only problem is, some people were not cool about letting me take my lunch break in peace.
Customers!
Our break room is clearly marked and clearly says no clients are allowed. That sign was ignored. A lot. That day, though, my patience was nonexistant thanks to an encounter with RO and some bullshit with another client that had left me grinding my teeth with rage and squeezing the handset so hard I almost broke it. I needed my Risen-smitey.
RB: Risen-to-Be (if I got my hands on 'em)
Me: *evil giggling*
RB: *seemingly appearing from nowhere* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?
Me: *twitch* Risen.
RB: Where did it come from?
Me: *thinking* Seriously? *chanelling Henry* Well, when a mummy zombie and a daddy zombie love each other very much...
RB: ...You're not funny.
Me: You're not supposed to be in here. The door says Staff Only.
RB: I didn't see it.
Me: The only way that could happen is if it was open. It was closed, I closed it. I'm on my lunch break, go talk to LC and AC in the next room.
RB: Awwww, can't you help me?
Me: No.
RB: But I want you to help me!
Me: I'm on my lunch break and you're not supposed to be in here.
RB: You're closest, you have to help me.
Me: I'm. On. My. Lunch. Break.
RB: No you're not, you're playing some stupid little zombie game.
Me: Go to the next room and talk to someone on shift!
RB: NO! YOU HELP ME! *grabs me*
Me: *snap* PICK A GOD AND PRAY!
RB: AHHHHHHH! *lets go and flee*
Me: *huff pant* Thank you, Frederick. You're the best husband my Avatar could have.
LC: Do I even?
AC: What did he do?
Me: He touched me.
AC: Ah! Well done then! Want to press charges?
Me: ...Nah, I'm good. I got to scare him.
LC: You want to take some vacation hours and go home?
Me: Please.
Still more suck to come. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
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