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That's The Wrong Hole, Genius

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  • That's The Wrong Hole, Genius

    Ahhh...happy days of tech support at The Biggest Satellite TV Company Ever (as they hysterically remind us in a thousand commercials daily).

    This one's an oldie from when I was a newbie, with a caller who stood out among hordes of morons and crowned himself their King.

    So I answer this call and the guy is screaming mad from the 2nd I said hello, absolutely furious. He's yelling at me that the replacement HDMI cable we had sent him was the wrong size and it doesn't fit into the port on the receiver; we promised him it would work; what kind of inept racket are we running, he wants a tech out this minute, blah blah blah.

    So I'm still new at this point and it's so preposterous to me that a person can't fit a cable into a slot by themselves that I actually wondered if our HDMI cables did come in different sizes for a moment. Then I realize, no, this guy is just a freaking moron. Mr. Einstein is trying to connect his HDMI cable into the USB port right next to the HDMI port. An easy mistake, I guess...if you're illiterate and can't read that one says HDMI and the other one says USB.

    I tried to tell him that but he was yelling so much at this point I couldn't get a word in edgewise so I shut up about for a few minutes. Finally he bellows that I'm an idiot who obviously can't help him and he wants a tech or a supervisor. To which I sweetly say I'll get him a supervisor but all they are going to do is tell him he's sticking his cable into the wrong damn hole. (and I'm sure it's not the first time a woman's told you that!') I didn't say that last part, but I really, really wanted to.

    So finally Einstein realizes that the port right next to where he's so impotently trying to penetrate with his flaccid cable says HDMI and he gets the cable connected.

    Then he explodes, as I knew he would, "BUT THERE'S STILL NO PICTURE YOU IDIOT! IT DIDN'T WORK!!! IT'S BROKEN THIS IS THE WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE BLARGH BLARGH BABBLE"

    *heavy sigh* "Change your input to HDMI."

    He does; I hear the tv come on but the SC says absolutely nothing. Radio silence on his line. I decided to let him stew in it for a few minutes, typed up my notes, and waited until I figured that he had just left the line. I was about to end the call when this tiny voice pipes up.

    "I'm sorry."

    And then hell officially froze over and the world ended.

  • #2
    Quoth mysticgirl5 View Post

    "I'm sorry."

    WHAT!!! a Customer apologized I didn't think that was possible. They do that? WOW
    Lay your hands upon me
    Like an angel from above
    Put your arms around me,
    'Cause you're fallin'

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    • #3
      Quoth celticgrl View Post
      WHAT!!! a Customer apologized I didn't think that was possible. They do that? WOW
      His wife was probably standing over him, giving him the evil eye until he apologized to the poor rep he'd been screaming at.
      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
      My LiveJournal
      A page we can all agree with!

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      • #4
        Quoth XCashier View Post
        His wife was probably standing over him, giving him the evil eye until he apologized to the poor rep he'd been screaming at.

        Wife giving him the evil eye or girlfriend that does customer service and threatened him with no nookie for a month if he didn't apologize.
        Lay your hands upon me
        Like an angel from above
        Put your arms around me,
        'Cause you're fallin'

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth mysticgirl5 View Post
          (and I'm sure it's not the first time a woman's told you that!') I didn't say that last part, but I really, really wanted to.

          So finally Einstein realizes that the port right next to where he's so impotently trying to penetrate with his flaccid cable says HDMI and he gets the cable connected.

          BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, I've gotta say, when I saw the thread title, my mind did go straight to the gutter.
          The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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          • #6
            Quoth celticgrl View Post
            Wife giving him the evil eye or girlfriend that does customer service and threatened him with no nookie for a month if he didn't apologize.
            Don't laugh.

            From my days at Dish:
            Customer: The last agent hung up on me blah blah blah
            Wife/GF in background: Yeah, you deserved it. You were being an a@#hole

            Me: *hits mute*

            True story.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Cookie View Post
              Ok, I've gotta say, when I saw the thread title, my mind did go straight to the gutter.
              My mind also went straight to the gutter.

              Of course, when you have a group of music students, most of whom are male and most of which play guitar or bass in your class band, trying to explain male-female connections....

              (yes, this was part of our Year 10 music class. We were required to demonstrate that we could set up and run a sound check for a band. This not only helped the teacher out, but it helped us out as well since we could work off of each others preferences for acoustics and also set things up the way WE wanted them . I should add that we didn't have just one classroom for music, we had an entire SUITE. That is, we had a room full of keyboards and one piano, a practice room acoustically designed for classroom band lessons, a classroom for theory and three smaller practice/lesson rooms, along with a storage area. The smaller rooms were frequently used for instrument lessons)
              The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

              Now queen of USSR-Land...

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              • #8
                Ah, this is like explaining to a customer that a universal remote won't work on the TV if it's set to VCR... >.<

                Or no picture or sound on a TV because the person got the yellow and white RCA plugs mixed up. It's possible. I've done it, but I've never called tech support and chewed butt because I got it mixed up. I just ran it through my check list of "What I Learned From MY Idiot Customers." However, on the "tech support" end, I got my butt chewed on a regular basis because nimrod couldn 't figure out the color coded holes.
                If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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                • #9
                  I read this topic title and my mind didn't go anywhere. It was already in the gutter to begin with.
                  To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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                  • #10
                    Quoth mysticgirl5 View Post
                    I was about to end the call when this tiny voice pipes up.

                    "I'm sorry."

                    And then hell officially froze over and the world ended.
                    I couldn't stop laughing for about a minute. This was epic.

                    Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                    I read this topic title and my mind didn't go anywhere. It was already in the gutter to begin with.
                    *Scruffy voice* Second!
                    "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
                    Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

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                    • #11
                      Quoth thread title
                      That's The Wrong Hole, Genius
                      That's what she said.

                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                      • #12
                        "So, whose HDMI port do I have to kiss to get a drink around here?" - Claptrap, Poker Night 2

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                          That's what she said.

                          >_> that phrase needs to go where YOLO and other inane phrases need to go....
                          The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                          Now queen of USSR-Land...

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                          • #14
                            Quoth fireheart View Post
                            >_> that phrase needs to go where YOLO and other inane phrases need to go....
                            ... into a dictionary??

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                            • #15
                              Quoth fireheart View Post
                              >_> that phrase needs to go where YOLO and other inane phrases need to go....
                              My head?

                              *filler*
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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