Am I weird ?

[worddork]

Two years ago, my cousin was killed in a hit and run accident right after Thanksgiving. As it was so close to the holidays, and I make most of my gifts, I already had his fiancee's gift done. So that year at Christmas I sent it to her. The following year without thinking, I made her a gift and sent it, just has I had been doing for the last seven years.

This year some friends have question why I have once again made something for some one who is "not family". In my mind and that of the rest of my family, she is family. She was will my cousin for seven years, just because they did not make it official before it was too late, does not mean that we should cut her off from us, or to forget her.

Is it just me, or are my "friends" right? or should I be looking for new friends?

[dalesys]

Family is heart, not paperwork.

[Jester]

Let me be blunt: your friends are idiots. If you consider this woman family, and she considers your family as part of he family, that is all that matters.

I have five nieces. Not one of them is related to me biologically. Despite that, someone suggesting that any of these five girls are not my "real " nieces risk a serious earful of angry Jester.

Continue on with what you feel is right. And if your friends have a problem with it, that is THEIR problem. And in my opinion, they can suck it.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Who cares if she's "family" anyway? Do your friends not give gifts to friends?

I'm sure your she appreciates not suddenly being "forgotten" just because he's gone.

[MoonCat]

You can give a gift to whomever you want. No one else's approval is necessary. Yeah - you may need some new friends. They sound kinda selfish.

[mathnerd]

I call it "Family by Acquisition"; those people who aren't related to me biologically, but I love as dearly, if not more so, than my biological/legally adopted family.

I think it's time to tell your so-called friends to stuff it.

[Seshat]

One of my best friends was affianced. Her fiancee died before the wedding. She is closer to her in-laws (or not-yet-in-laws) than to her birth parents.

She's a very dear daughter to them.

[Sunshine]

Family is heart not blood. Im closer to my best friend than my sister. I know my sister feels the same about her best friends.

[ADeMartino]

I'm gonna go +1 on everything said here. If you feel a connection to this person, then no, it is NOT inappropriate at all.

[Crossbow]

"Family" and "relative" are not the same thing, no matter how much people seem to think so. If you think she's family, she is. Full Stop. End of discussion.

Personally, I think your friends need to reevaluate their priorities in life if they feel that way...

[taxguykarl]

I agree with the prior postings. Moreover, gift-giving is purely your choice.
As for your query: You are no more weird than anyone else on this fourm...which my wife refers to as my weird friends.

[Kanalah]

You're not weird at all.

Unless I am too. I'm sitting here making gift baskets of snack food for both kid's schools, fabric ladies at 4 different stores, my postman, my fedex guy, ans new this year - the hardworking ladies at the tag place.

But I also like to do nice things for people because they appreciate it - unlike certain family members.

[JustaCashier]

Yeah, what everyone else has said.

Even if you didn't consider the fiance to be "family", or even a particularly close personal friend, continuing to send her these gifts each year are simply a very kind gesture. The Holidays are always tough for people that have experienced the loss of a loved one, and it's multiplied when the death happens around that time of year, and especially a totally unexpected death. This shows her that she's not forgotten and abandoned by her fiance's family.

So, yeah, maybe time to re-evaluate these "friends", on a case-by-case basis, and determine if each of them made a rare, stupid, insensitive comment, as we all have done, or if this is typical behavior of theirs, and perhaps you might want to distance yourself from them. In any case, if you normally exchange gifts with them, forgo it, at least this year, because they are not "family".

Mike

[morgana]

I have three sisters, two of whom are biologically related to me. My biological mother is dead, but
I have a mom who is younger than I am; she has never had a child, but I am her daughter.

You might want to get some new friends . . . Or at least give the ones you mention an earful.

[worddork]

I think most of you are right and that new friends are in order, or at least need a talking to. However, cousin's fiancee is always going to get a gift, as long as I'm still around.