The Tin Foil Hat Game

[catcul]

I decided to spin this game off from the The Customer Complaint Letter Game. I wanted to write ridiculous conspiracy theories without having to wait for a response. I was having fun writing letters from Pare A. Noid.

I have six rules:

1. Try to avoid government. Please stick to (fake) businesses and (fake) non-profit organizations.
2. The first paragraph should be a mundane irritation or another easily explained situation.
3. The second paragraph should accuse the target of the letter of a ridiculous conspiracy.
4. The second paragraph should end with the sentences, "I will find irrefutable proof of [ridiculous conspiracy]. Your day of reckoning is coming."
5. It should be signed, "Pare A. Noid."
6. The letters do not require a response.

Here are two examples,

Dear Bill Tree Supermarket,

When I was at the Self Checkout, I overheard the machine behind me ask if the customer was using his own bags. What he said next was absolutely shocking. He said, "No, I'm using the souls of dead children." When I complained to the manager, he said it was a tasteless, but harmless joke.

That told me that your store is run by Satan worshipers. I will find irrefutable proof of your Satan worship. Your day of reckoning is coming.

Sincerely,

Pare A. Noid

Dear Big Hill Animal Shelter,

I was watching a web cam trained on your kittens. Every time I get on, those kittens are asleep. I check before work; they're asleep. I check after work; they're asleep.

I know what you're up to. You're drugging those poor kittens so they will be easier to handle. Normal kittens run around, pounce, fight, and jump for no reason. I will have irrefutable proof that you're drugging these kittens. Your day of reckoning is coming.

Sincerely,

Pare A. Noid

If you want to come up with ridiculous conspiracy theories, please post them.

[catcul]

Dear Customers Suck!

Recently, one of your users who calls himself "Catcul" started a thread called "The Tin Foil Hat Game" recently. He said that he was having fun writing letters pretending to be me.

I know what you're up to. You created this "Catcul" yourselves so you can distract your forum users from what you're really up to. You're trying to discredit my organization. I will find irrefutable proof of your nefarious activities. Your day of reckoning is coming.

Sincerely,

Pare A. Noid