Why even ask?

[Food Lady]

This again. OK, so my life right now isn't perfect, but things aren't too bad. Any problems are the usual, you know? But there are some good things happening. However, right after I walked into work, I received some potentially bad news I needed to check up on, and it caused me stress I couldn't take care of until later. Still, I had to go and deal with people.

So this older guy--it's always older guys with this nonsense--asks how I am and I answer "pretty good" and his immediate response is "Are you sure?" Seriously?? No; I'm totally unaware of my feelings. I'm too stupid to know how I feel. Or I'm lying. Next time I should answer, "Well, this morning when I woke up I couldn't feel my right hand, but otherwise I'm fantastic!" That would make him look like a jerk.

[bainsidhe]

I'm always tempted to say I was better until the interrogation about my feelings. That, or I'll have someone "jokingly" put on the smarmy salesmanish charm with the "Aaah, c'mon, smile for me!". Ugh.

[KhirasHY]

I always love the way this conversation starts off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9foSmSM1dw

It's how I intend to answer any time someone asks me how I am when I get older.

Unfortunately, I think I have a lot more in common with Naomi some days... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SyJ-ZCW3FI

[Food Lady]

The first video was really sweet, actually. Old guy just needs someone to listen.

[Deserted]

My standard answer to "How are you?" is "I am." Usually stops people dead in their tracks.

[MoonCat]

Of course, if you tell them how you REALLY feel, they'll just say you're being rude. Can't win.

One of my co-workers always says "Not too bad," and it always sounds odd to me.

[Null Requiem]

Go to answers for me: "Not dead yet." "Still alive." "6 feet higher up then I expected." "Not too bad." "F.I.N.E."

I may add the "I am." into my answer rotation.

Best response I've ever heard to how are you is from a friend. "I'm socially acceptable, thanks for asking, and yourself??"

[MelindaJoy77]

Ugh I had one of those customers the other day; "awwwww smile it's not too bad!" And yes, if we tell them how we really feel - "well my knees hurt and I'm tired of smiling and I'm super broke right now and my mother-in-law is going through cancer treatment and a friend of mine is MIA" - then they'll just say we're being rude. As a cashier, I'm just here to greet you and scan your stuff and bag it and take your payment and move on to the next person. If I wanted to tell someone how I feel and be cheered up, I sure as hell wouldn't choose a random stranger in a grocery checkout line.

[EricKei]

"I am functioning within acceptable parameters" -- Dalek voice or your best Data impression, whichever suits you

"I'm not allowed to be honest with you; I'll get fired if I do."

[registerrodeo]

I work at an assisted living facility and I always ask the residents when I go into their apts how they are. One guy always says 'on the right side of the grass'. Some say 'opened my eyes this morning and my chest was moving up and down so I guess it's a good day'. They make me laugh because for them, being in their 80's-90's, they know they are probably on the first page of the grim reapers list and they approach each day with a sense of humor.

[Deserted]

One I found on the internet somewhere: "I'm looking down at the grass instead of up at the grass. Guess it's a good day."

[Food Lady]

I think maybe my new answer is going to be, "Well, when I woke up this morning I couldn't feel my right hand, but I'm FANTASTIC now."

[DGoddessChardonnay]

My stock answer was borrowed from Steve McQueen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7GP3l5znc8

[Jay 2K Winger]

My stock answer to those kinds of questions is a shrug and an indifferent, "Eh, you know."

Sometimes I'll vary it depending on how they phrase the question.

example: "How's it going?" "It goes."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I have but one answer to that question: "Fine."

Although if I really didn't want people to ask me that question, I could put on the craziest smile I can muster and say "Oh, I'm great! The voices in my head are still telling me to cut people and burn things, but not as loudly as they usually do. Plus I found out if I rub peanut butter on my junk, I can get my dog to lick it off instead of having the mailman do that. Also, porkchops. Porkchops may go in my mouth later."

I didn't think up most of that myself. I stole it from someplace.