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When Math and entitlement collide
Ok, let's make sure I'm clear on this:
- You are having signal issues with your phone
- I already told you there's been an outage in your area for around 6 hours now
- I also told you we expect to have the outage fixed within another 6 hours
- You tell me you are some super important movie producer that simply can't be without his phone
- And now you want me to credit you for an ENTIRE month of service for an outage that will last, at most, 12 hours?
Not gonna happen.
I try to be fair with this guy, dividing his monthly cost by 30 to determine his daily cost and then dividing that by two to figure out what we owe him for 12 hours of missed service. He then becomes "immeasurably insulted" than I am only offering him $4.12 in credit.
We go around in circles a few times before he then demands to speak to "someone who understands how customer service works". Fighting every urge to say: "well that would be me sir, how can I help you?", I pass him along to my supervisor. End result? He never even got the $4.12, he just cussed us out and hung up.
No phone? The Horror, the Horror!!
Dealing with the people I do you'd think society is going to fall pieces if cell phones ever stop working for more than about two days.
It's a simple scenario: Your phone is not working. You're eligible for a warranty replacement. We can send one out to you.
And it usually goes downhill from here:
- Sure we can send it Fedex or UPS, that'll be $10 extra on your next bill
- No, I can't waive the fee because you're a long time customer
- No, I can't waive the fee because you would be "seriously inconvenienced" by going without a phone for more than two days.
- No, I can't waive the fee because you "really need your phone"
- No, I can't waive the fee because you "spend hundreds of dollars with us every month"
- No, my supervisor can't do any of these things either, but feel free to try him if you wish.
These calls get even more fun on a Friday...
- No, we don't ship on weekends
- No, I can't waive the fee because you won't have a phone until at least Monday,
- No, you can't go to a store and just get a phone there.
- No, not even if I talk to a store manager first (which I won't)
- No, I can't credit your account so you can buy a cheap phone to get you through the weekend.
Boulevard of Broken (phone) dreams
SC: I'm pretty pissed off with you people right now, where do you get off charging me $400 for a phone?!
Me: Let me take a look at why you were charged. Ah, ok. It says here you did a warranty exchange and the phone you sent back had a crack in the screen. We don't accept damaged devices for warranty claims so that's why you were charged.
SC: But the phone wouldn't charge!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: The phone would NOT charge, that's why it was replaced. That has nothing to do with a broken screen.
Me: It probably doesn't. but --
SC: And the screen was broken before it had the charging problem anyway.
Me: There's a very good possibility that you are right. Many times a phone with a slight bit of screen damage can work perfectly fine but regardless we still can't accept a warranty claim for any reason if there is clear damage on the device.
SC: IT WAS ALREADY BROKE! I broke it months ago, the charging problem only started in the past couple of weeks. Do you not understand what I'm telling you?
Me: I understand perfectly, what I am trying to make clear to you is that if you send a damaged phone back to us on a warranty claim, the claim will be denied and you will be charged, regardless of when the damage happened or if it's related to the reason for the claim.
SC: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Me: Well, that is our policy. If you like I can help you set up a payment plan for the $400.
SC: I am NOT PAYING $400! I don't care about your policy, you take this charge off my bill right now!
Me: As I previously explained, I can't. The policy is very clear here, if you send back a damaged phone you are charged.
SC: Well, I never accepted that policy.
Me: Actually, you did.
SC: WHAT?!
Me: There is documentation we send with the replacement phones that specifically states that by sending us back the defective phone you are agreeing to our warranty return policy. You might not have read the sheet, but by sending the phone back you agreed to the policy.
SC: That is complete and utter bullshit and you and I both know it. Either you take this charge off right now or I get my lawyer involved!
Me: Since you have now threatened legal action against the company please hold while I transfer you to our legal department. Have a great day.
Would you believe I got QA'd on that call and I aced it?
The NSA has hacked my phone!!
I'd say about once every couple of weeks I get a call from some paranoid nutjob convinced that the NSA, the CIA or the mighty President Obama himself is monitoring all the communications on their cellphone and wanting my help in stopping that from happening. This is comical for several reasons:
1. These people actually believe the NSA/CIA/whomever else has the time, resources and inclination to monitor their cell phone. I am aware that sometimes these agencies do carry out such activities, but that is very uncommon and most of the people I talk to I wouldn't exactly classify as national security threats.
2. They also believe that I, a lowly call center rep, actually possess the technological know how to foil hacking procedures developed and used by highly trained operatives miles above my pay grade.
Ok, let's make sure I'm clear on this:
- You are having signal issues with your phone
- I already told you there's been an outage in your area for around 6 hours now
- I also told you we expect to have the outage fixed within another 6 hours
- You tell me you are some super important movie producer that simply can't be without his phone
- And now you want me to credit you for an ENTIRE month of service for an outage that will last, at most, 12 hours?
Not gonna happen.
I try to be fair with this guy, dividing his monthly cost by 30 to determine his daily cost and then dividing that by two to figure out what we owe him for 12 hours of missed service. He then becomes "immeasurably insulted" than I am only offering him $4.12 in credit.
We go around in circles a few times before he then demands to speak to "someone who understands how customer service works". Fighting every urge to say: "well that would be me sir, how can I help you?", I pass him along to my supervisor. End result? He never even got the $4.12, he just cussed us out and hung up.
No phone? The Horror, the Horror!!
Dealing with the people I do you'd think society is going to fall pieces if cell phones ever stop working for more than about two days.
It's a simple scenario: Your phone is not working. You're eligible for a warranty replacement. We can send one out to you.
And it usually goes downhill from here:
- Sure we can send it Fedex or UPS, that'll be $10 extra on your next bill
- No, I can't waive the fee because you're a long time customer
- No, I can't waive the fee because you would be "seriously inconvenienced" by going without a phone for more than two days.
- No, I can't waive the fee because you "really need your phone"
- No, I can't waive the fee because you "spend hundreds of dollars with us every month"
- No, my supervisor can't do any of these things either, but feel free to try him if you wish.
These calls get even more fun on a Friday...
- No, we don't ship on weekends
- No, I can't waive the fee because you won't have a phone until at least Monday,
- No, you can't go to a store and just get a phone there.
- No, not even if I talk to a store manager first (which I won't)
- No, I can't credit your account so you can buy a cheap phone to get you through the weekend.
Boulevard of Broken (phone) dreams
SC: I'm pretty pissed off with you people right now, where do you get off charging me $400 for a phone?!
Me: Let me take a look at why you were charged. Ah, ok. It says here you did a warranty exchange and the phone you sent back had a crack in the screen. We don't accept damaged devices for warranty claims so that's why you were charged.
SC: But the phone wouldn't charge!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: The phone would NOT charge, that's why it was replaced. That has nothing to do with a broken screen.
Me: It probably doesn't. but --
SC: And the screen was broken before it had the charging problem anyway.
Me: There's a very good possibility that you are right. Many times a phone with a slight bit of screen damage can work perfectly fine but regardless we still can't accept a warranty claim for any reason if there is clear damage on the device.
SC: IT WAS ALREADY BROKE! I broke it months ago, the charging problem only started in the past couple of weeks. Do you not understand what I'm telling you?
Me: I understand perfectly, what I am trying to make clear to you is that if you send a damaged phone back to us on a warranty claim, the claim will be denied and you will be charged, regardless of when the damage happened or if it's related to the reason for the claim.
SC: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Me: Well, that is our policy. If you like I can help you set up a payment plan for the $400.
SC: I am NOT PAYING $400! I don't care about your policy, you take this charge off my bill right now!
Me: As I previously explained, I can't. The policy is very clear here, if you send back a damaged phone you are charged.
SC: Well, I never accepted that policy.
Me: Actually, you did.
SC: WHAT?!
Me: There is documentation we send with the replacement phones that specifically states that by sending us back the defective phone you are agreeing to our warranty return policy. You might not have read the sheet, but by sending the phone back you agreed to the policy.
SC: That is complete and utter bullshit and you and I both know it. Either you take this charge off right now or I get my lawyer involved!
Me: Since you have now threatened legal action against the company please hold while I transfer you to our legal department. Have a great day.
Would you believe I got QA'd on that call and I aced it?
The NSA has hacked my phone!!
I'd say about once every couple of weeks I get a call from some paranoid nutjob convinced that the NSA, the CIA or the mighty President Obama himself is monitoring all the communications on their cellphone and wanting my help in stopping that from happening. This is comical for several reasons:
1. These people actually believe the NSA/CIA/whomever else has the time, resources and inclination to monitor their cell phone. I am aware that sometimes these agencies do carry out such activities, but that is very uncommon and most of the people I talk to I wouldn't exactly classify as national security threats.
2. They also believe that I, a lowly call center rep, actually possess the technological know how to foil hacking procedures developed and used by highly trained operatives miles above my pay grade.
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