Update on Sister

[Teysa]

I mentioned awhile back that my sister was having trouble with her pregnancy. Last night, she lost the baby. I talked to her earlier today and she's holding up pretty good all things considered but I know it can't be easy.

[MoonCat]

Very sorry to hear that! Very sad

[morgana]

A terrible thing to go through. My sympathies.

[Seshat]

If you happen to be near when anyone starts to say the stupid things, please redirect the conversation - and then get the ass somewhere private and clout them in the head for me.

I'm not the oldest child - I have a miscarried older brother. And I didn't know about him until I was an adult. And I saw old, ungrieved-for pain in my mother when she did tell me about him. I think I'd have liked to have grown up with it acknowledged, not being some sort of secret.

People should be given a fair chance to grieve, no matter the circumstances of a loved one's death.

If she doesn't do it herself, please do something like assemble a memories book for this child. A copy of an ultrasound, any announcement cards or baby shower invites or cards, maybe some newspaper pages that will help denote what the world was like this year. Whatever you can put together, however small it is.

She may not want to have it just yet; but two years or five years down the track, it might be very helpful.
Even if you don't bring it out till it's appropriate to tell your six year old niece that she had an older sibling but he died; and this is what he was like....


I don't think there's any right thing to do. I just know that I wish I'd known, and I wish my mother didn't have an old untended pain.
So ... I hope your sister and her partner (husband?) have a proper chance to grieve. And you and the rest of the family as well.

[Mytical]

There is never any one right way to handle loss and pain. People are different and each handles it differently. My grieving for my brother when he died, was celebrating his life. Sort of a small 'wake' with our mutual friends. We laughed at things he had done, told tall tales, and remembered him when he was healthy and lively.

My parents grieved, put up his pictures, made a collage (spelling?), and let the tears flow.

If it helps them with the loss, it is the right way.

[XCashier]

I'm so sorry about her loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.