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In Soviet Russia, cigarette smoke you.

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  • In Soviet Russia, cigarette smoke you.

    I had a customer who redefined crazy for me (okay, I've had much much worse, but this guy caught me off guard).
    I must make a confession to you all... I did not know it myself until recently, but I am a communist. I know, I know, I was shocked too... I know I wasn't raised to be a communist, but apparently its insidious grasp got me anyway.

    Me:
    SC: Crazy conspiracy guy

    Me: Hi, how can I help you?
    SC: I'll have pyramid red 100s.
    Me: I'm sorry, we are out of the 100s in red, would you like the regulars instead?
    SC: No, I want my 100s... what is it with this place? You know what this store reminds me of?
    Me: Uh.....
    SC: This store is just like taking a time machine back to the 80s and visiting Moscow.
    Me:
    SC: You must be run by communists, only communists could have this many empty shelves all the time, that is the inefficiency of communism.
    Me: *looks around the store to see that literally the only things we are out of is eggs, one flavor of ice cream that we were having a sale on and we expected we would probably run out of due to a lack of room to store back stock, and his precious pyramid red 100s*
    SC: Aren't you going to try to deny it?
    Me: What?
    SC: You're a communist too, aren't you? That's why you work here! You filthy communist, go back to Russian where you belong and take this disgrace of a store with you!
    Me: I'm sorry sir, but we have no control over the cigarettes, we sell them on consignment, pyramid is responsible for keeping track of their stock with us and making sure we receive their product (this is actually about 3/4 true... we don't sell on consignment, but we do use a 3rd party vendor who managers our cigarette inventory rather than doing it in house, so we don't have any direct control over how much we receive, but saying its on consignment is easier).
    SC: Whatever lies help you sleep at night you dirty communist.
    SC: *storms off*
    Me: Have a nice day sir.
    SC: *comes back to desk angry*
    SC: On second thought, I'll take the damned regular pyramid reds, better communists than those damned Indians at their smoke shop.
    Me: *doing a good job of hiding * Yes sir, right away sir.

    Seriously, apparently I'm a communist because I work for a company that runs out of three things... oh, and apparently our shelves are always empty, which is a surprise to me considering how much time I spend stocking.
    If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

  • #2
    On his way out instead of "Have a nice day sir" you should have said "Do svidaniya, comrade!".
    You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.

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    • #3
      Quoth Caractacus_Potts View Post
      On his way out instead of "Have a nice day sir" you should have said "Do svidaniya, comrade!".
      I'd have joined in with "Da! Is the borscht ready? I have the sour cream!"

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      • #4
        If you were communist, wouldn't you sell the red ones exclusively?

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        • #5
          Quoth Caractacus_Potts View Post
          On his way out instead of "Have a nice day sir" you should have said "Do svidaniya, comrade!".
          Tovarisch (sp?) is Russian for comrade

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          • #6
            Quoth smileyeagle1021 View Post
            Seriously, apparently I'm a communist because I work for a company that runs out of three things... oh, and apparently our shelves are always empty, which is a surprise to me considering how much time I spend stocking.
            You wouldn't have to spend so much time stocking if the shelves weren't always empty.
            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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            • #7
              Obligatory

              Also obligatory.

              Yes. That was truly obligatory.
              Supporting the idiots charged with protecting your personal information.

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              • #8
                Actually, I'm a dirty capitalist whore in complete control of this store, free from any centralized control.

                Want proof?

                I'm denying you service right now!

                SCRAM! Or I call the NKVD, er, cops on you!
                - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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                • #9
                  Gee whiz, I actually was in St. Petersburg (at that time called Leningrad) back in the '80s, the only place I found where there was a shortage was our local bakery. All other places had lots of goods - especially the tobacco stores
                  A theory states that if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for, it will be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

                  Another theory states that this has already happened.

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                  • #10
                    Maybe he was offended because you were polite? Because based on his form of communication, he seems to think that being rude and insulting is the American way? Yeah, I don't get it either.
                    Last edited by bainsidhe; 06-14-2014, 03:54 AM.
                    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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                    • #11
                      LOL pity it wasn't me there ... I have a soviet made self winding watch I swapped a swatch for back when the Soviet fleet was making a friendship stop in Norfolk VA =) I could make a great show of checking the time, or somehow letting him see the face with cyrillic lettering for the name in the middle and a red star sort of like this but not a tankers watch.
                      EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                      • #12
                        Sheesh we had a shop in one place I moved to-I swear it had been transported there from the USSR.Maybe it had goods in it sometimes,but every time I was there-for six weeks I was there,and it happened every evening-the shelves were all three quarters empty.And what they had left was completely random:it made choosing meals an experience.
                        'Hmm tonight,we have jam,mulligatawny soup,something that might be saeurkraut and some kind of spread and for dessert ice poles-lots and lots of lemon ice poles.Oh and wafer biscuits.Yum'
                        The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                          You wouldn't have to spend so much time stocking if the shelves weren't always empty.
                          Yeah, damned capitalists continuing to purchase our goods so I have to restock them... in Communist Russia people are good enough to be poor enough not to buy goods so I wouldn't have to stock...

                          Quoth NorthernZel View Post
                          Gee whiz, I actually was in St. Petersburg (at that time called Leningrad) back in the '80s, the only place I found where there was a shortage was our local bakery. All other places had lots of goods - especially the tobacco stores
                          See, my point exactly

                          Okay, so I know that Soviets weren't as bad off as western propaganda would have us believe, but it is nice to have a perspective of someone who was actually there.

                          You all have no idea though how tempted I was to say "clearly this isn't a communist store, if it was I would be reporting you to the KGB for unpatriotic thoughts for criticizing the superiority of communism. Understood comrade?"
                          If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                          • #14
                            Quoth smileyeagle1021 View Post

                            See, my point exactly

                            Okay, so I know that Soviets weren't as bad off as western propaganda would have us believe, but it is nice to have a perspective of someone who was actually there.
                            I have to say that I visited Russia in the autumn of 1989 (approx. 2 months before the Fall of The Berlin Wall), so Gorbachev's "glasnost" and "perestroika" policies were at their peak. So, while there still was some corruption around (we had to give a VCR player to our innkeeper on top of the room fees), and the locals didn't actually strut around in designer jeans, there was (as I saw it) a quite relaxed atmosphere. People didn't make much money, but they made enough to get by.

                            As a tourist, unless you insisted on getting exactly the same stuff you use to buy in the West (there were special stores for that who charged in foreign currency only), local stores were pretty friendly and welcoming towards strangers. One of my fondliest moment were when I and a friend queued up at a liquor store, and ALL folks in front of us allowed us to get first in line (without us asking) + the cashier went above and beyond in recommending their local wines
                            A theory states that if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for, it will be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

                            Another theory states that this has already happened.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth NorthernZel View Post
                              Gee whiz, I actually was in St. Petersburg (at that time called Leningrad) back in the '80s, the only place I found where there was a shortage was our local bakery. All other places had lots of goods - especially the tobacco stores
                              You mentioning St. Petersburg/Leningrad reminds me of a joke in the pulp sci-fi parody novel Dr. Dimension. The story's set in the mid 1930s, and a character (a bit of a dweeb and idiot) meets a Russian. He asks the Russian where he's from.

                              Russian: "Was born in St. Petersburg."
                              Idiot: "Oh. Do you live there now?"
                              Russian: "No. In Leningrad."
                              Idiot: "Did you go to school there?"
                              Russian: "No. In Petrograd."
                              Idiot: "Oh. Do you like Leningrad? Do you think you'll stay there?"
                              Russian: (harrumphs) "No. I will die in St. Petersburg."

                              The section hangs a lampshade on it by having another Russian character, who's been watching the whole thing, stifling a snicker.
                              PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                              There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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