The Wireless Scs' : Why is the non-sequitur the backbone of customer complaints?

[icantbelievethesepeople]

I am just a rep now for a new carrier, which I would imagine is a good thing now because if I were the manager, the police would be carrying people away in cuffs several times a day. I dont play that hysterical, screaming, causing a scene game with customers. As a general rule, when you come into my store, you are expected to act like an adult, if you refuse to comply, you get to go into time-out (which takes the form of "get the hell out before I call the police"). If you dont like the idea of time-out, the police will escort you to a nice cell where you can contemplate the amount of attention you may want to devote to being a mature individual in the future.

I dont get to do that anymore (which Ill admit, I miss), but It is better because this particular carrier has very blurry rules about standing up for yourself and you can generally get away with being an asshole if it is reactive.

That being said

Sc walks in, oh the insanity

SC: I need you to go ahead and put this phone back into English
Me: *looks at the phone* um...this looks sort of like..Norsk...I think
SC: Yea I accidentally put it in that language, just need you to fix it
Me: And how would you propose that I do that, sir?
SC: Oh, just change it back
Me: Hmm...I actually cant do that
SC: Are you refusing to help me?
Me: No, I am informing you that what you are requesting is not possible, at least by me
SC: This is ridiculous, you work here, what good are you?
Me: Hmm, Im actually curious, what exactly is it about the fact that im employed by [carrier] that led you to believe I can read Norsk?
SC: WELL YOU WORK HERE DONT YOU? ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THESE THINGS!?!?
Me: Sir, our training does not extend to extensive linguistics in order that we may know ALL POSSIBLE languages which the phones can be programmed to display-- even from a cost perspective that would be an idiotic enterprise for the company to undertake
SC: GET ME SOMEONE USEFULL!! NOW!
Me: And what are the criterion for useful, sir?
SC: SOMEONE THAT WORKS HERE AND CAN PUT THIS PHONE BACK INTO ENGLISH!!!
Me: Sir, Id like to show you something that may help clear up our misunderstanding here
SC: FINALLY!! some help!
Me: *typing in the google machine, finds what im looking for and..."
Me: Sir, can you step back here for a second please?
SC: Sure
SC: What is this? Why are you showing me this?

Heres what he was looking at....

non se·qui·tur
ˌnän ˈsekwitər/
noun
a conclusion or statement that does not logically follow from the previous argument or statement.

Me: Im trying you clear up this confusion, you see a "non-sequitur" is an error in logic where the conclusion does not follow...for example
Premise: You work here
Conclusion: Therefore you should be able to read Norsk
Your standard of "useful" is impossible to meet.

SC: THIS IS RIDICULOUS ILL HAVE YOUR JOB BLABLAHBLAHBLAH FLAPPING HIS ARMS LIKE A SEAL ETC.....

Oh the joy.

[Orgaloth]

I could have probably put the phone back to English, but I spend a lot of time fixing phones and constantly being in the settings.

There is one way you could have done it, a factory reset. With a Samsung you hold volume up, the home key and power it on. With htc, you hold volume down and power it on. It puts the phone back to how it came out of the box, and wipes all the information off.

[Slayer]

Usually the path to change language doesn't change when the language does. You don't actually have to know the language. Maybe if she found someone really familiar with that particular phone, they'd be able to set it back again.

She can't expect everyone to be able to do that. Though a google search for an instruction manual should to the trick, but most sc's like the easy way lol.

[icantbelievethesepeople]

Usually the path to change language doesn't change when the language does. You don't actually have to know the language. Maybe if she found someone really familiar with that particular phone, they'd be able to set it back again.

She can't expect everyone to be able to do that. Though a google search for an instruction manual should to the trick, but most sc's like the easy way lol.

Both you and the previous person are right. I could have hard master reset the phone, but the FIX THIS SLAVE!!! attitude is unacceptable to me. If people are nice to me, Ill go through general troubleshooting. If not, fuck off. We are not technicians in store nor are we under any obligation to troubleshoot devices, if you want to spend lots of money on highly sophisticated devices, it is in your best interest to LEARN TO USE THE FUCKING THING. Or, call tech support, you know, the people that the only reasons they have jobs is to help you with this sort of thing.

[Sapphire Silk]

I could have probably put the phone back to English, but I spend a lot of time fixing phones and constantly being in the settings.

There is one way you could have done it, a factory reset. With a Samsung you hold volume up, the home key and power it on. With htc, you hold volume down and power it on. It puts the phone back to how it came out of the box, and wipes all the information off.

SC: UNACCEPTABLE BLARGTYBLARGTYBLARG!

[Orgaloth]

SC: UNACCEPTABLE BLARGTYBLARGTYBLARG!

"Well you'll have to learn Norsk then, as it's the only way it's going back to English."

[Crossbow]

Hmmm... I bet a factory reset might do the trick. What? That would wipe the customer's data?





oops.

[Seshat]

To answer the question in the title: because most customers (heck, most people) prefer to do their thinking WHILE they're talking. Or afterwards.

Those of us who think, and frame our problem into a sensible form, before we even pick up the phone or walk into the store are rare.

I do it because I'm terminally shy and want to have the problem resolved with a minimum of trouble, and I've found that that requires me to have it clearly framed so that I don't have to do any backtracking or unnecessary explanation.

[prjkt]

Similar thing with cameras at my shop... People (who most likely have never bought a camera from us) come in with an ancient relic expecting us to get it working 100% for free! even when we're at the busiest time of day.
Most of the time they need a new battery (only lasts a couple of years) and the balk at the price, or if it's a serious issue (dead LCD or sensor) people tend not to like being told to either pay $60 for a repair quote, or to buy a new camera (if the camera is old enough, the repair will be far more expensive than a new, better model)

[emax4]

While I've only had a few SCs, most are understanding that I don't know about everything depending on what department I'm cashiering in. I'll be in outside lawn and garden and someone will ask advice about plants. I'll tell them that I don't work exclusively in that department but always joke, "I'm so bad with it that my artificial plants died." That always gets em smiling.

Last week two girls in their early 30s came in with plastic drop cloth, wanting to know if they can use it as a slip n slide. I got to use my other favorite line:

"Um, you have insurance, right? Oh-oh yeah! It'll totally work!" (But yeah I did go into the risks and workarounds afterwards).

[Raveni]

Like Crossbow said, it seems like you could have very easily done what the customer asked for...

Oh? You forgot to backup first? Sorry, all your data is gone...

[sms001]

Why is the non-sequitur the backbone of customer complaints?

Because they are applying inductive reasoning to a deductive process. Why? Because they are starting at the conclusion; the results they want (Fone Phix Now) and snaking their way to the only generalization they know or care about: retail workers must do as I say.

Me: *typing in the google machine, finds what im looking for and..."

My basic cynicism let me down here. I thought you were going to show him how to use Google Translate.
(Lovin' the 'google machine' term, btw.)

SC: THIS IS RIDICULOUS ILL HAVE YOUR JOB

icbtp: "And when you have my job, will you be able to read Norsk?"

[Jay 2K Winger]

(Lovin' the 'google machine' term, btw.)

I like that too, I'mma steal it. Heck, I already like to say that I'm active on "the Twitter machine."

[wolfie]

Most of the time they need a new battery (only lasts a couple of years) and the balk at the price,

Have you run into people with film cameras who got a new battery and now complain that "You broke the light meter!"? "Broke", in this case, means that with the new battery their pictures are slightly underexposed, drifting to overexposed as the battery ages?

What's happened here is that the new battery is an alkaline (1.5 volts nominal) that starts out higher than nominal and drifts down with age. The light meter was designed for a mercury battery that's rock-steady at 1.35 volts from new to almost flat. Why would a camera store sell them an alkaline, instead of the mercury battery it was designed for? Because mercury batteries contain (drumroll please) mercury, and it is illegal to make or sell them.

[prjkt]

Haven't quite had that yet, though we so tell people the metering may not be 100% accurate now.

Was mostly referring to the Li-ion cells in their ancient 3mp cameras with an extinct form of memory card,often really hard to find, sub 2gb SD, xD or Memory Stick - which leads to a whole other level of complaints; "What?! This camera is AMAZING, how dare you tell me no one makes the memory card for it so it's useless"

Usually the same sort of person who looks at our photo printing kiosks and says, "I don't know how to use it" - no one does at first, but if you can read and follow simple on screen instructions you'll be ok. Yes we can help you, but no it's a self service kiosk, we cannot do be whole order for you when we're surrounded by customers.