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Not sure if this counts here as Sucky Customer or if this should go in Sightings; please move as you see fit!
I work with a guy at Big Red U.S. Wireless Company whom I will call "Beanpole" because he is very tall and very skinny. He also drinks 6 energy drinks a day and as such has a lot of energy. When he tells stories, he will throw his entire self into acting out the story as he's telling it to you. Beanpole is awesome.
Round 2005-2008 he was working as an assistant manager at our local department store that rhymes with "Cheers". These are his stories.
Piss Drunk
"So there I was on Black Friday few years ago [2007ish] at the hardware counter. Lines everywhere. Place was packed. People coming up from everywhere to ring stuff out. Security's kinda nearby just doing their thing, making sure nothing's too crazy, ya know? By the way, you know how there's like this gap between the hardware counters where the employees can exit and people can stand and wait? We had this one guy come in, he's carrying a skillet under his arm, kinda drunk, he comes stumbling up to the counter and tucks his skillet under his arm then whips it out and starts peeing all over the floor where we exit. I'm there going 'Oh yes Ma'am your total is $147....WHAT THE FUCK?!?' Dude finishes peeing and walks it outta there. Security kinda didn't know what was going on at first when dude walked up but my face kinda clued them in ya know? They tackle him. Bonus part is that they got my face on camera so for like a day I was watching myself in repeat going from very calm and collected to screaming WHAT THE FUCK. Was hilarious."
Totally Saved Someone's Christmas
"I'm knife-proof ya know? Saw someone get mugged right in front of me...god...2008 I think? Some dude tripped a little old lady and stole her purse then booked it outta there. I ran after the dude, tackled him in the parking lot, got the purse back and walked back like a total boss. I got into the newspaper too for that, was all over the news. Was kinda cool."
Tribute To The Sketchiest Guy In The World
"Right, so, was working one weekend when this lady comes up to me with this ad from [Nate'sList] on her phone and she's all disgusted. Says 'Hey, do you know someone just posted this 2 minutes ago wanting to have sex in your fitting room?' I look at the ad and it says 'Wanted: adventurous girl or guy looking for fun times in the junior's fitting room at [Cheers]. I'll be waiting. $50.' So I walk over to the fitting room and I see the sketchiest guy in the world, kinda smelly and creepy-totally knew it was him who posted the ad cuz he had that look, ya know? He's kinda glaring at the fitting rooms, never breaking eye contact, just like 'Oh I'ma stare at this room waiting for anyone to come walking up, totally gonna rearrange shit here on the rack kinda random never breaking eye contact with this fitting room.' So I walk up behind him and say 'Oh how you doing today sir? You finding everything all right?' Guy goes 'Oh I'm all set!' and books it outta there. 5 minutes later the ad's off [Nate'sList]. I win."
I work with a guy at Big Red U.S. Wireless Company whom I will call "Beanpole" because he is very tall and very skinny. He also drinks 6 energy drinks a day and as such has a lot of energy. When he tells stories, he will throw his entire self into acting out the story as he's telling it to you. Beanpole is awesome.
Round 2005-2008 he was working as an assistant manager at our local department store that rhymes with "Cheers". These are his stories.
Piss Drunk
"So there I was on Black Friday few years ago [2007ish] at the hardware counter. Lines everywhere. Place was packed. People coming up from everywhere to ring stuff out. Security's kinda nearby just doing their thing, making sure nothing's too crazy, ya know? By the way, you know how there's like this gap between the hardware counters where the employees can exit and people can stand and wait? We had this one guy come in, he's carrying a skillet under his arm, kinda drunk, he comes stumbling up to the counter and tucks his skillet under his arm then whips it out and starts peeing all over the floor where we exit. I'm there going 'Oh yes Ma'am your total is $147....WHAT THE FUCK?!?' Dude finishes peeing and walks it outta there. Security kinda didn't know what was going on at first when dude walked up but my face kinda clued them in ya know? They tackle him. Bonus part is that they got my face on camera so for like a day I was watching myself in repeat going from very calm and collected to screaming WHAT THE FUCK. Was hilarious."
Totally Saved Someone's Christmas
"I'm knife-proof ya know? Saw someone get mugged right in front of me...god...2008 I think? Some dude tripped a little old lady and stole her purse then booked it outta there. I ran after the dude, tackled him in the parking lot, got the purse back and walked back like a total boss. I got into the newspaper too for that, was all over the news. Was kinda cool."
Tribute To The Sketchiest Guy In The World
"Right, so, was working one weekend when this lady comes up to me with this ad from [Nate'sList] on her phone and she's all disgusted. Says 'Hey, do you know someone just posted this 2 minutes ago wanting to have sex in your fitting room?' I look at the ad and it says 'Wanted: adventurous girl or guy looking for fun times in the junior's fitting room at [Cheers]. I'll be waiting. $50.' So I walk over to the fitting room and I see the sketchiest guy in the world, kinda smelly and creepy-totally knew it was him who posted the ad cuz he had that look, ya know? He's kinda glaring at the fitting rooms, never breaking eye contact, just like 'Oh I'ma stare at this room waiting for anyone to come walking up, totally gonna rearrange shit here on the rack kinda random never breaking eye contact with this fitting room.' So I walk up behind him and say 'Oh how you doing today sir? You finding everything all right?' Guy goes 'Oh I'm all set!' and books it outta there. 5 minutes later the ad's off [Nate'sList]. I win."
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