No, ISIS has not hacked your phone...

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Tinfoil blues

For some reason there has been a rash of calls lately from people convinced that the CIA, FBI, NSA, President Obama, the DNC and even ISIS have hacked their phones, are listening to their calls and monitoring their every move.

As I've mentioned before, I think it's hilarious that they expect that I, a lowly phone jockey, should be able to prevent these organizations from interfering with them.

The one guy was a particularly special snowflake, he was convinced that ISIS/Islamic radicals had moles everywhere and even went so far as to suggest there was one in my call center.

Someone needs to lay off the Fox News methinks.

The TARDIS is coming to get you!

The other day a customer threatened to report my company to the Attorney General, the FCC and the BBC.

I can't imagine being the poor sap bloke who answers THAT call!

I don't need no stinkin' rules!

Me: Thank you for calling Red Checkmark, how many I help you?
SC: I just got a notification on my phone that I've gone over my data and you are going to charge me. Unacceptable. I opted out of that when I got the phones.
Me: You...opted out?
SC: You got a hearing problem mister? Opted out as in, I told the guy I didn't want it and he said 'ok'.
Me: (thinking maybe I misunderstood him) Are you saying you intended to set a data limit so that you wouldn't have to pay overage charges? If so, I can certainly straighten that out for you.
SC: No...NO. Not a limit. It's like I told you. The guy at the store told me I'd be charged overage if I went over my plan limit but I don't want to pay overages so I asked him if I could opt out of it and he said yes.
Me: (sounds legit) So let me make sure I understand this, the employee you spoke to at the Red Checkmark store told you would you never have to pay overage charges ever, even if you went over you data?
SC: Exactly, now credit my account for this overage.
Me: (some of the employees at our stores are not the sharpest knives in the drawer but I'd like to think none of them are THAT stupid) I don't see how that's possible. Every single Red Checkmark employee is given thorough training on our plans and features from Day 1.
SC: I'm telling you that's what I was told, that's what I agreed to.
Me: As far as I know there's no way to "opt out" of data overages. If there were, everyone would do it and we wouldn't make any money. If you want you can return to the store and address your concerns with them, but --
SC: NO! I'm not going back to the store, this is what I was promised and this is what you will give me. Now credit my account.
Me: I'm not able to give credit on valid charges sir, but let me tell you what I can do--
SC: No, let me tell you what you WILL do, you WILL credit my account.
Me: I'm afraid that's not possible.
SC: Well you better find a way to make it possible and fast.
Me: Sir, these are valid charges. There's no way to change that. We can't offer a credit here.
SC: Put your manager on the phone you jackass.

I did, manager shot him down, he threatened to sic his lawyer on us.

Credit: Impossible

I often get calls from customers who send a phone with a smashed screen or other defect back on a warranty claim, get rejected and then get a nice fat charge on their bill to cover the cost of the phone.

As a CYA, the company uploads photos of any damaged phones to a central database, allowing me to see exactly why a warranty claim was rejected. Usually it's pretty obvious.

This guy was a bizarre case. Like usual he was disputing the charges and like usual I pulled the pictures.

As soon as they came up, this was me for about 30 seconds:

This phone was completely MELTED. I mean it looked like it had been thrown into a brick wall, run over, smashed with a sledgehammer and seared with a blowtorch. It was so epic practically everyone in my call center has seen it by now.

The guy was swearing up and down the phone was in "Perfect condition" when he sent it in.

Sure buddy, you expect to me believe that there's some twisted pyromaniac in the employ of USPS that did this?

This guy was screwed before he ever called in. This phone was damaged SO badly that even the most spineless of managers wouldn't dare credit him for it.

What exactly do you think I do here?

I had a call awhile back from someone who wanted help with the wifi on his laptop. A couple problems with that:

1. He had Xfinity internet
2. I do CELL PHONE service, not laptops.

A few months back I got a call from someone wanting to know how to create a text box in Polaris Office 5. Ok, in fairness Polaris is a mobile app but the request here has absolutely NOTHING to do with Red Checkmark.

And don't even get me started on the people who call us because they can't get those bluetooth devices in their cars to pair with their phone.

[raudf]

Ugggghhh, it's that stupid ISIS card app. Just tell them if they wait a few days, Softcard will beat the crap outta ISIS and they can go back to being paranoid that the phone jockeys are messing with their accounts. How do they know said phone jockeys are messing with their accounts? Because the jockeys told them so... telepathically.

I've got too many friends and relatives who work for one or the other carriers... >.<

[earl colby pottinger]

Hacking? What hacking!

First, most (all?) of these people are so unimportant and boring not even their neighbors and family would want to listen into their phone conversations. Basicly all these people have very inflated egos about themselves.

Second, the CIA, FBI, NSA just need a court order (and in many cases the NSA does not even bother) to have a copy of all your calls routed to their computers. There is ZERO hacking of their phones involved and NO-ONE at the phone company can do anything to stop it.

President Obama? What type of crazy ego do you have to have to think someone as busy as him to waste time listening to you.

DNC. The who?

ISIS, now what would you rather they be doing? hacking your phone or cutting off your head? Considering the missile strikes I think they are to busy moving around to hack phones of unimportant people.

.... report my company to the Attorney General, the FCC and the BBC. Okay, I have to ask what country does this customer live in? They do know that the revolution separated the USA from Great Britain? Or does the British Empire still exist?

Overcharge? He did read the contract before he signed it? It would be fun if he really called his lawyer, for some reason they always charge and I am sure he will go nowhere claiming that he owns the lawyer no extra money either.

Melted Phone, that is why you don't take your phone to work if you work around blast furnaces.

Computer work, this means you are being trained for your next job at a phone center for computer support.

[Sapphire Silk]

When I mailed an old phone back after getting an upgrade, I took pictures of it right before I dropped it off in the mail. I got a little worried when the package got stuck in the drop box at the post office (desk was closed), but later I got a letting saying the phone arrived in good condition and I was credited for the phone.

It's very simple, folks. Don't send your trashed phone to the cell phone company and expect they're going to buy a tall tale of "it was fine when I shipped it," unless you are prepared to offer proof to the contrary.

[dalesys]

DNC. The who?

They sucked in Tricky Dicky & the Plumbers.

[MoonCat]

BBC - he probably meant BBB - Better Business Bureau. Which, you could report somebody to them, but that's not going to have them trembling in their boots. Not for just one gripe, anyway.

[wolfie]

The one guy was a particularly special snowflake, he was convinced that ISIS/Islamic radicals had moles everywhere

Maybe they'd simmer down if we sent them a few dermatologists?

DNC. The who?

No, the Beatles. Cookies for reference.

[Smapti]

Ugggghhh, it's that stupid ISIS card app. Just tell them if they wait a few days, Softcard will beat the crap outta ISIS and they can go back to being paranoid that the phone jockeys are messing with their accounts. How do they know said phone jockeys are messing with their accounts? Because the jockeys told them so... telepathically.

I remember noticing that the Isis Wallet app had changed its name to something else after ISIS started getting into the news.

It had never occurred to me that someone might see the un-updated app on their phone and conclude that the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria had planted it on their phone to spy on them.

But then, I've got one of those whatchamajiggers. Brains.

[gerund]

But then, I've got one of those whatchamajiggers. Brains.

Everyone has one of those whatchamajiggers. It's only a few who choose to use it for something other than autonomous functions. You know - it keeps the heart beating and the lungs sucking air. It does not stop the drool from your mouth. You have to remember to swallow for that.

I'm glad on this board that the participants use their whatchamajiggers for the important stuff, you know how to live a good life, how to buy stuff at the store with annoying the staff and the other patrons. How to get through life without being the butt of an Argabarga story.

[paxillated]

This phone was completely MELTED.

He fell for that "charge your phone in the microwave" hoax, maybe?

[notalwaysright]

Is it possible to eavesdrop on my phone? Yes. Do I think anyone would bother? No... And if for some harebrained reason I thought someone was doing this I'd, you know, throw the phone away. I wouldn't use said phone to whine about it.

Oh, I'd LOVE to opt out of fees! Where's the form for that? *check here if you don't want to pay anything, ever* Woooo! The people you deal with have some blown fuses.

[Mriswith]

He fell for that "charge your phone in the microwave" hoax, maybe?

That was the first thing I thought of. I really wonder how many people actually tried that.

[EricKei]

The one guy was a particularly special snowflake, he was convinced that ISIS/Islamic radicals had moles everywhere and even went so far as to suggest there was one in my call center.

"Hahahaha, don't be ridiculous, Sir *taptapbeepbeepbeep* -- We would never do something like that *beepclikbeep*. I can assure you, we have nobody doing such a thing in our call center *bipWe'reInbip*. Now, is there anything I can help you with, Mister Anderson...?"

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

The DNC in question is the Democratic National Committee, I.e. he thought Evil Liberals (tm) were hacking his phone.

[Gilhelmi]

Awe man, I wish the paranoid websites had not kicked me out for pointing out obvious flaws in their logic.

That ISIS one would have been soooooo much fun.

(Disclaimer: I am paranoid, I was one of the 'crazies' that said the NSA was collecting data before it was leaked to the media. Difference is, I knew that the data was useless. Illegal and unethical, but useless. I was kicked off for using science to disprove 'theories' too often.)