Hubby hit the wall today...

[NorthernZel]

... as in a big, BIG stress meltdown.

Just as he was to go to work, he got nauseous, had bowel movements, cried for no reason. The week before he had cold sweat and shaked all over but shrugged it off as a flu.

As he says it, the work itself doesn't stress him at all - it's more the thought of a long commute (+1h) that literally scares him to the point that he might shit his pants.

I suspect that his body is kinda telling him that he isn't fit for 12-hours night shifts anymore. His doctor just thinks he should cut down smoking a bit.

As the rules say, I'm not asking for medical advice (I've already told him he should get some professional help), but does anybody have some advice on how I could help/support him as a spouse?

Thanks in advance.

[Minflick]

Ask him point blank if he wants to change jobs? If yes, work together on making it happen? Long commutes are hard, and some people zen with them, and some are not.

[BeeMused]

Oh this sounds serious and pretty frightening for you too. This asks for professional help, if he's stereotypical male the best support/help you can give him, is to drag him there.

[NorthernZel]

Ask him point blank if he wants to change jobs? If yes, work together on making it happen? Long commutes are hard, and some people zen with them, and some are not.

He kinda admitted himself that it would be a solution to change jobs, but the thing is - he LOVES his job, and he has handled nightshift and/or long commutes for several years until now. So at the moment, he's pretty frustrated that he can't do what he uses to do.

Right now we're awaiting a call-back from one of his bosses. He's covered by some sort of private healthcare paid by the company, so we hope that some sort of therapy can be funded by that.

[XCashier]

Would it be possible to move to a house/apartment that's closer to work?

[NorthernZel]

Would it be possible to move to a house/apartment that's closer to work?

Good suggestion, but nope. His work place is in an area where the incredibly rich people (as in our version of the 1%) live, so it'd take at least one lucky lottery ticket to solve that one.

Not to mention our current mortgage we can barely pay interests on, neither Lil'Zel's spec-ed needs that requires we stay within the municipality.

[csquared]

As I live in the second worst commuter area n the US (LA has us beat), I have to ask what is so bad about the commute? Usually night shifts don't have the usual rush hour traffic to contend with.

[Ophbalance]

A suggestion - if it's ONLY the commute that's the major stressor, than perhaps he can change some things up. Background: I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to get everywhere just as fast I could. As in, "I need to beat every imaginary person in the world there!". As in, it was an endorphin kick to be at the edge of control vs the laws of physics and those set down governing speeds to be driven. I didn't tailgate, but I ignored every conceivable speed limit there was (with the exception of blasting through known school zones).

That was fine for the short commutes I had but then I moved to a different state with an hour long commute one way. I'd get home after that drive every single day with my ears throbbing from the sounds of air running over the car (eh, it was an Elantra, not much in the way of sound proofing). most of the drive was spent switching lanes, cussing out the "slow" drivers, and trying to avoid the law. In essence it was nightmare 5 days a week that drained me to point of exhaustion. I avoided human contact for the first hour of being home based on how ramped up that drive would make me.

That was then, and 10 years later, I've realized that there is no winning that imaginary race every day. I've since slowed down to using cruise on the highway (80 miles a day... only 20 miles on surface streets). And also follow the limits in the urban areas. Funny thing is NO ONE drives the actual limit. There's days where I can get almost the entire one way trip on the highway done with the cruise control set. And maybe it's just my state, but folks don't bother me at all (with maybe a few exceptions, but they'd still be an asshole without me there) and just go around. But the change in mindset of "must beat all traffic in da werld!" to "fuck em" made the commute something that I've been able to bear since 2006.

[Yfandes]

That reaction you describe is similar to my hyperthyroidism, please have him to to a Dr first. Has he changed any habits, medications or supplements lately?
If it really is the commute, could he carpool? Do at least part of the journey by public transport? Would audio books or anything like that help take his mind off of it?

[NorthernZel]

Thanks for the support.

Just answering a couple of questions:

As I live in the second worst commuter area n the US (LA has us beat), I have to ask what is so bad about the commute? Usually night shifts don't have the usual rush hour traffic to contend with.

As said, he's had the job for 2 years now, and before that he had another night job with approx. the same time in commute without any problems. The symptoms started about 1-2 months ago and have become worse over time.

The thought of commuting (or even leaving the house, for that matter - we were planning doing some shopping just half a mile away today and he had to stay back because he started feeling sick) seems to be what triggers the anxiety attacks, but there might be some underlying issue that we need a professional to look at.

That reaction you describe is similar to my hyperthyroidism, please have him to to a Dr first. Has he changed any habits, medications or supplements lately?
If it really is the commute, could he carpool? Do at least part of the journey by public transport? Would audio books or anything like that help take his mind off of it?

He got some bloodtests done last week at the doctor's (as he suspected there could be some thyroid issues) but they showed nothing.
Carpool was suggested, but as said previously, right now it's so bad he can just get to the grocery store that is right across the street, that's it. And even THAT effort may take a few attempts because he gets anxious as soon he gets his shoes on.

[MoonCat]

By any chance, has he had any minor accidents while driving? Close calls, near misses, that sort of thing? I ask because I have been extremely anxious in a car (and I'm only a passenger, I don't drive) since a very minor fender-bender we had several years ago. These things can mess with your head.

[NorthernZel]

By any chance, has he had any minor accidents while driving? Close calls, near misses, that sort of thing? I ask because I have been extremely anxious in a car (and I'm only a passenger, I don't drive) since a very minor fender-bender we had several years ago. These things can mess with your head.

Nope. He rides the train, and rides a bike from the station to the work place. No traumas/accidents as far as he knows. (The worst experience would have been when that lunatic that tried to do a Charlie Hebdo got shot near our station, but, as he says, the biggest bother he had was taking a longer route home on the bike. He didn't (and still doesn't) feel traumatised from that experience. And no, he didn't witness the shooting, he just discovered that the street was cordoned off.)

[NorthernZel]

And at the moment he has pains due to passing a bladder stone. Things just get better and better (not). :/

[NorthernZel]

Latest: Hubby got a call from work, it shows out that there is a medical clinic ON SITE that actually is meant to do regular checks on night workers when requested (and he was never told...) so he's going to do an appointment with them.

He had a plan of getting to work this week (as in a macho "I have to FIGHT this" way of thinking), but I as well as his boss managed to beat some sense into him and made him wait until he has talked with the medical staff.

[NorthernZel]

Update: Hubby's feeling a bit better and has been moved to day shifts. Let's see if that helps - just in case, he will contact the company's healthcare provider and check out what they can do (at least get a full physical).

He has plans on showing up for work next weekend, but he has already been told that there will be no consequences in case he gets ill again and has to call in.