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  • #1

    A friend of Al's committed suicide...

    I've never had anyone near me do this. This was an FTM trans friend of Al's, a guy he thought was pulling it together to get the operation done after a long depression. Al's stunned. He's upset.

    So my question is, how do I help him? How do you be there for someone when this has happened?
    Last edited by Tama; 04-14-2015, 05:37 PM.
    My Guide to Oblivion

    "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."
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  • #2
    The same way you support any friend who's grieving. Offer to listen if he needs someone to talk with. Offer hugs, if it seems appropriate and if Al wants them. Just be there for him.
    "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
    -Mira Furlan

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    • #3
      Be there for him. A friend of mine did this 2 years ago in the same situation and the first thing we all doubted was that *we'd* all done enough and couldn't have done more to help them through it. Make sure he knows that there was nothing he could have done to change this outcome.
      I am so SO glad I was not present for this. There would have been an unpleasant duct tape incident. - Joi

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      • #4
        Assure him that he did nothing wrong, that he did all he could and the outcome is not his fault. Depression is one of those insidious things that change thought processes, and the friend may well have been giving the outward appearance that everything was going better in order to hide what is really going on inside...the depressed mind can be a very scary place, as many of here know personally.

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        • #5
          Agree with what everyone said so far. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just admit how powerless you are, and just be there, physically and emotionally, and grieve with him.
          When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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          • #6
            Quoth Tama View Post
            I've never had anyone near me do this. This was an FTM trans friend of Al's, a guy he thought was pulling it together to get the operation done after a long depression. Al's stunned. He's upset.

            So my question is, how do I help him? How do you be there for someone when this has happened?
            See if there is a support group for suicide survivors in your area. If your area has a non profit hospice in the area, they may offer free bereavement services to anyone who has suffered a recent loss, or can refer Al to someone who can. My hospice does this, which is why I say this.

            So sorry to hear about this. The trans community suffers a lot of this kind of loss.
            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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            • #7
              Quoth Sapphire Silk View Post
              So sorry to hear about this. The trans community suffers a lot of this kind of loss.
              Yes it does. And everybody loses for this. We keep losing our bright flames, and it makes me heartbroken every time.

              I just pray that someday these losses will stop. We need all of us for a warm, bright world.

              Someday we'll get it right. People are valuable, no matter what.

              But right now, hug Al lots and lots for me (and *lots of hugs* to you and all affected). It's what I'd do if I were there.
              1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
              -----
              http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

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              • #8
                Invite him over for dinner.

                Bring him pre-cooked meals that he can heat up so he doesn't have to cook.

                Call him at random times.

                Invite him out on excursions.

                Sit and talk to him.

                The worst thing (as I know all too well) is to know that nobody cares. He's going to be a downer. He's going to talk about all kinds of depressing things. It won't be easy to be around him. He'll be up and down, moodwise. But as hard as it may be to associate with him, it's so much harder for him to be in this position.

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