Legends of the Booking Office: The Finale

[Tolly]

Hopefully this will be the last time I need to relate the insanity of the booking office. Maybe getting it all out will finally let the memories of sheer stupidity fade away.

Dear Customers Suck!, enclosed are tales of woe and people who should not be allowed to breed, topped off with some further examples of coworker shittery and a special bonus 1-year-later Moron In Management.

Suck The First: Being Gross Will Not Get You A Discount

Sometimes people will say and do anything to get a discount, but this particular dude was just disgusting. While I was occasionally allowed to bend rules for people in desperate need, no way was I doing it for a creeper.

Me: Yours truly, well on her way to needing therapy.
LC: Less-than-awesome Coworker.
AC: Awesome Coworker (just don't ask me to babysit).
GD: Gross Dude.

Me: Welcome to Chain, this is Tolly.
GD: Yeah, I want three nights for one at X Property.
Me: And which dates would that be for?
GD: December 24, 25 and 26. You sound really hot.
Me: Ah, thank you? We only have one room left for X Property for those dates, so you'll need to book right away.
GD: And so helpful too! You're much nicer than LC. How much will that cost me?
Me: *thinking* While that is true, I just know this is going to get annoying. *speaking* $XXX.XX per night.
GD: But that's much higher than usual! Surely you can get me the normal rates, right?
Me: Sorry, but we're not allowed to offer any discounts over the Christmas period, the rates are set by X Property for the season.
GD: Awww, but you're so cute! Do it for me, baby!
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm really not allowed to.
GD: I'll go down on you.
Me: *hangs up* EW!
AC: Do I even want to know?
Me: *rather incoherent grossed-out babbling*
LC: Oh god, it was that guy! The one who offers to go down on you for discounts!
Me: I feel dirty.
LC: Yeah, I'm calling the Board, we need to get some kind of restraining order.
AC: We should have warned you about him.
Me: YOU THINK?!

Suck the Second: I Do Not Make The Rules I Merely Enforce Them

So there was this thing where, by booking through the office and not direct, you needed a special voucher we print off when we make your booking to actually check in. I think it was to either prevent fraud or people stealing reservations. Even when a reservation was made last minute we could generally sort something out, but some people's children...

AF: Afraid of Faxes, which seems to be the only reason to have the reaction they did...

Me: That's all booked in for you, and we'll fax your check-in voucher to the front desk of Y Property. Just give them your booking number, XXXX YYYYYY, when you check in, and they'll take care of the rest.
AF: WHAT?! You're not going to mail it to me?!
Me: Even if we posted it right this second, it won't make it to the mainland before you leave.
AF: But that's stupid!
Me: That's Australia Post, unfortunately.
AF: Mail it to me!
Me: You won't be able to check in if I do it that way.
AF: Fine, then I'll just check in without it! I have my number!
Me: They'll still need the voucher, it's Chain policy.
AF: No they don't, that's stupid!
Me: ...I'm afraid they do. It's Chain policy, no booking in without the voucher.
AF: MAIL IT TO ME!
Me: *gives up* Yes, ma'am, I'll post that right now. Enjoy your stay.

I promptly faxed it to the front desk with an attached 'do not let her see this voucher, just don't, trust me on this' note. Sheez.

Suck the Third: This Was A Stupid Idea

The other thing that Chain did with vouchers was that you could get vouchers that you could turn in at any property in the chain as long as they had a room available on the night you wanted to check in. They were fine for the cooler months, when things were quiet, but we tried very very hard to encourage people not to use them during peak periods because rooms tended to book out super fast.

SC: Truly a Sucky Customer

Me: Welcome to Chain, this is Tolly.
SC: Yes, I see on your website that you offer stay as you go vouchers?
Me: Yes ma'am, we do. When would you like to have them dated for?
SC: The 1st of January through to the 20th.
Me: We really don't recommend using those vouchers during January, that's our peak period and properties almost never have rooms available for walk in guests.
SC: I don't care! I want the vouchers!
Me: Ma'am, I can guarantee you that you will not be able to find rooms for your entire trip without pre-booking. January is right in the middle of our highest booking period, we're having enough trouble finding rooms for people and it's only May.
SC: Well I don't know where I'm going yet, do I?
Me: If you like, I can help you put together an itinerary so you can pre-book...
SC: I WANT THE VOUCHERS!
Me: Please hold for one moment ma'am, I'll just consult with my superiors...
LC: Just give her the damn stay as you go, it'll be quicker.
Me: But...
LC: Do it.
Me: Alright. I won't have to deal with her when she can't find rooms.
LC: WAIT! I'll take over!
Me: Works for me. Line 2.

Some people's children!

Suck the Fourth: The Main Reasons That Less-Then-Awesome Coworker Is On My Permanent Shit List

A little personal stuff about sexuality and some 'scientific' (my arse) bigotry coming up, so if you don't want to a. read about my orientation or b. deal with massive assholery, skip down to the Bonus Suck below.

To this day I'm not sure how this conversation started, but this is what I remember. Disclaimer: I was and am pretty naive about stuff. Still doesn't excuse this shit.

LC: And of course I went through my lesbian phase in college. I dated another girl for a couple of months, but then I met my husband and we broke up.
Me: Your what phase?
LC: You know, my lesbian phase! When I thought girls were as hot as guys?
Me: That's bisexuality.
LC: Bisexuality isn't real.
Me: Excuse me?!
LC: Bisexuality isn't scientifically possible, the chemicals in the human brain don't work that way.
Me: Ah, it's not really about chemicals, actually...
LC: Besides, who's ever actually met a bisexual? They only exist on TV so people don't get upset about seeing lesbians.
Me: I'm bisexual!
LC: ...Bullshit.
Me: ...Okay, no, I'm not doing this, I'm going to take my lunch break.
LC: But it's only 11.
Me: It's either lunch or shouting until I lose my voice and I want to keep this job.

So yeah. That was an actual thing. As was the following.

LC's husband emailed her porn links. Which she then watched in the office, sometimes with running commentary.

LC: Oh ew!
Me: *morbidly curious look* ...Oh my. That is hot.
LC: Really?
Me: Lord yes. They actually look like they're having fun.
LC: But there's three of them!
Me: Yes, and?
LC: That's disgusting!
Me: ...Fair enough, YKINMK and all.
LC: You like that stuff?
Me: Sure, when they're actually enjoying themselves.
LC: You're disgusting.
Me: You're the one watching it at work.
LC: But it's immoral!
Me: Again, you're the one watching it at work.
LC: There's something seriously wrong with you.
Me: Eh. *thinking* Just one more month, just one more month...

Yeah. Not my favourite human being. The above is just the tip of the suck iceburg.

Special Bonus Suck: It's Not My Fault You Guys Can't Use The Program

So, last year, over a year since I left Chain and refused the option to work the occasional casual shift, I found a deposit for over $700 in my account. As I was supposed to be getting a government grant at the time (which I still haven't bloody seen, up yours Tony Abbott) I naturally spent it on things like bike repairs and upgrading my internet, and I thought nothing of it until I got a phone call almost a month later.

LB: Le Boss, whose maternity leave was the reason for my working there at all.

Me: Hello, Tolly speaking?
LB: Hello, it's Le Boss from Chain.
Me: Oh. Um. Hi?
LB: We recently deposited $XXX.XX into your account by accident...
Me: Buh-wha? Hang on, let me log onto my account. *checks* The only big deposit I've gotten in the last couple of months was my Grant from the return to study program.
LB: Was it from XXXXXX YYYYYYYYYY?
Me: Yes... That was you guys?
LB: Yes. We need you to return it by Friday.
Me: WHAT?!
LB: If we don't get the money by Friday we'll take legal action.
Me: Okay, hold up, what the fuck?! It takes you almost a month to even work out where it went and you're giving me three days to pay it back?
LB: We have a new system and I only just worked out where it went. The money needs to get here on Friday.
Me: Yeah, that's not happening. I can pay it in installments, but as a lump sum? That's more than I get in a month!
LB: We will take legal action if it's not paid in full immediately.
Me: Good for you. You'll be hearing from my lawyer by the end of the day.

Funny, soon as we got to talk to the board there was no issue doing it in installments over time. One wonders a.) how she expected it to hold up when she couldn't even find the money for a month and b.) what the hell she'd done where she needed the money by that Friday...

Incidentally, she's not working there any more. Hrm.

Finally this shit is all out of my system! Bye, booking office, hope you burn in hell!

[GOInsanity]

I'm confused by the last story. If they deposited the money in your account, then you have the money. Why wouldn't you be able to make the full payment back?

[EricKei]

The former boss wanting the money back ASAP makes me suspicious, as well. I'm guessing that somebody had hid hand in the cookie jar, and that the payment to you was simply an unintentional side-effect of that. He didn't want the discrepancy showing up on the books in a way that he could not easily explain away. Sounds like he failed to do so ^_^

Insanity:

As I was supposed to be getting a government grant at the time ... I naturally spent it on things like bike repairs and upgrading my internet

She thought it was the grant finally coming through, having been given no indication of it being anything else.

[eltf177]

As for Suck the Second, evil me would have mailed the voucher. Then enjoyed the following conversation:

Me: I need to see your voucher.
Moron: You mailed it to me, but it didn't arrive before I left.
Me: Well, go home and get it. You can't check in without it.
Moron: But it didn't arrive before I left!
Me: Which is what I told you would happen. But you INSISTED I mail it. So I did.
Moron: But what do I do?
Me: Either go home and get it or get the hell out of here. Either way you need to leave now!

<Cue evil laugh>

Hey, I can fantasize!

[Josh]

My money: checks to non existant employees, unfortunately for them, they failed to notice your info was tied to direct deposit.

[TopEndDave]

Suck the Second: I Do Not Make The Rules I Merely Enforce Them

AF: WHAT?! You're not going to mail it to me?!
Me: Even if we posted it right this second, it won't make it to the mainland before you leave.
AF: But that's stupid!
Me: That's Australia Post, unfortunately.

Australia Post has overnight delivery options that also has a list of exceptions a mile long. The whole of the NT is on the exception list. You talk about the mail having to make it to mainland in time, so I am guessing that you are also in one of the exception zones.

Even airfreight companies don't guarantee overnight delivery to Darwin for an overnight package. You have to pay the extra special overnight express price for it to definitely arrive the next day. Only at extra cheap price of three times overnight delivery.

[Tolly]

Australia Post has overnight delivery options that also has a list of exceptions a mile long. The whole of the NT is on the exception list. You talk about the mail having to make it to mainland in time, so I am guessing that you are also in one of the exception zones.

Even airfreight companies don't guarantee overnight delivery to Darwin for an overnight package. You have to pay the extra special overnight express price for it to definitely arrive the next day. Only at extra cheap price of three times overnight delivery.

Lord, I know. Plus, haha, we were only allowed to use the overnight options for corporate stuff. Normal customers? Nope, not allowed to even breathe the suggestion.

[wolfie]

Lord, I know. Plus, haha, we were only allowed to use the overnight options for corporate stuff. Normal customers? Nope, not allowed to even breathe the suggestion.

I'm surprised corporate doesn't allow mentioning overnight options. If it were done in the right context, it would be good customer service. By "right context", I mean "The certificate should get to you in N days. If you need it sooner, for $X we can send it by overnight courier". In other words, let them know right off the bat that this is NOT a free service, and that pulling their chestnuts out of the fire because they failed to book in time will cost money. After all, poor planning on their part is not an emergency on your part.

[Jetfire]

Probably because it opens them up to getting angry calls transferred to them, demanding that the Overnight Mailing fee must be waived because of how good a customer they are or other EW reasons.

[LesserSouthernFroglet]

In my experience it can take a week for Aus Post to get something from Tasmania to the mainland or vice versa. Even express post.

I've learned to plan well ahead...

[Tolly]

Just after Easter it took Australia Post two and a half weeks to get a first class package to me here in Tassie from fucking Sydney.

And they're gonna get worse because Tony *insert obscenity here* Abbott is taking away their funding. Bastard.

[RootedPhoenix]

And they're gonna get worse because Tony *insert obscenity here* Abbott is taking away their funding. Bastard.

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. (Admittedly, I don't know enough about how Australia Post is funded, but stiil...) And 2 1/2 weeks to go from Sydney to Tasmania...I've had things get from Asia to California in that time. What on earth were they doing? O_o

[prjkt]

Just after Easter it took Australia Post two and a half weeks to get a first class package to me here in Tassie from fucking Sydney.

And they're gonna get worse because Tony *insert obscenity here* Abbott is taking away their funding. Bastard.

heh. It took them three days to get a parcel from Clayton to my Braeside parcel locker.
That's a distance of ~9.4km.

[Seanette]

The US Postal Service isn't all it claims to be either. I mailed a letter within the same city once, probably less than 10 miles (16km). It took ELEVEN days to arrive.

[RootedPhoenix]

Erk. That's awful too.