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This is the answer to the oft heard query of "Where are all your sandwiches?" that we hear constantly from customers once our sandwiches run out. This happens a lot during the summer, cuz people tend to want to eat outside when it's nice and warm, rather than go to cafes for lunch. While most customers will accept that it's possible for items sold in shops to run out, SCs never do. They probably suspect us of hiding sandwiches round the back for our own consumption or something. Here is a selection of SC complaints about sandwiches, along with my fantasy replies in italics.
Why don't you just order more sandwiches when you run out?
If you mean now, then contrary to your insane beliefs, we can't. If you mean that we ought to order twice the amount just in case, we can't do that, either, cuz of the risk of being left with the excess.
Over the road has some! Why don't you go and get me some?
Or, alternatively, you could get off your fat lazy arse and go get some yourself.
I know you have some round the back, you always do!
For once, you are correct. However, the sandwiches we have round the back are out of date ones waiting for collection. Feel free to eat one, but sign this disclaimer saying you won't hold us responsible for the resulting stomach ache and diarrhea you will get after eating one.
Every time I come here, you don't have any sandwiches!
Well, if you choose to roll in at nine pm every time, then it's not surprising. We sell most of our sandwiches at lunchtime, funnily enough.
You never have any egg and bacon!
That's cuz it's our most popular sandwich, duh. See above.
I don't want *offered alternative*!
Then starve. I don't care.
I'm complaining to head office!
They don't care, either.
Sandwiches: life or death to an SC. XD
Why don't you just order more sandwiches when you run out?
If you mean now, then contrary to your insane beliefs, we can't. If you mean that we ought to order twice the amount just in case, we can't do that, either, cuz of the risk of being left with the excess.
Over the road has some! Why don't you go and get me some?
Or, alternatively, you could get off your fat lazy arse and go get some yourself.
I know you have some round the back, you always do!
For once, you are correct. However, the sandwiches we have round the back are out of date ones waiting for collection. Feel free to eat one, but sign this disclaimer saying you won't hold us responsible for the resulting stomach ache and diarrhea you will get after eating one.
Every time I come here, you don't have any sandwiches!
Well, if you choose to roll in at nine pm every time, then it's not surprising. We sell most of our sandwiches at lunchtime, funnily enough.
You never have any egg and bacon!
That's cuz it's our most popular sandwich, duh. See above.
I don't want *offered alternative*!
Then starve. I don't care.
I'm complaining to head office!
They don't care, either.
Sandwiches: life or death to an SC. XD
Even better, those sandwiches don't go in the fridge. They sit out back in a crate so are very ripe by the time they're collected. We started doing this after we discovered we weren't getting the credit for left over sandwiches, cuz the people collecting them were eating them.
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