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The Tow Files: Move Over Beethoven, Her Comes Move-In Week

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  • The Tow Files: Move Over Beethoven, Her Comes Move-In Week

    So, with the town's streets and alleyways clogged with Uhauls, it's time to buckle down, pardner, cuz' all these drifters commin' in off the range is bound to be trouble, just you wait...... and there they go! It's the attack of the exceptional individuals!!!!


    Attack of the Exceptional Individual

    Why do so many people think they've been singled out? And deserve some kind of special treatment? We're a towing INDUSTRY, we order our equipment from catalogues,or buy from dealerships, because it's mass-produced, FOR A REASON. You are not the first, nor will you be the last, person to get towed for illegal parking. There are MILLIONS of people like you who've been towed, gettin towed is not some kind of oddity that only happens to a select few like having a meteorite crush your car.

    Nope, it's always with the ironclad belief that they were just so WRONGED that they saunter up to the counter. As did this gentleman.

    "Yeah, you guys towed my car literally just 10 minutes ago"

    "Okay, what kind?"

    "You like literally JUST took it"

    "What kind?"

    "Black Toyota"

    "Okay, looks like it's this one.. that will ..."

    "YOU JUST TOOK IT, and I'M HERE NOW!!!"

    "Ooookaaaaay..... and?"

    "Well, don't I get, like, something for that?"

    "No"

    "But I was just going to get a permit!"

    Well, that car was called into us at 11 this morning, it's now, 2pm, either that was quite a line at the permit desk, or, your definition "just going" meant as soon as you saw the truck drive away down the street with your car on it.... three hours is more than enough time to go get a small piece of paper.

    "You were in someone else's spot"

    "But I'm RIGHT HERE!"

    Yes, yes you are, and I'm over HERE on the other side of the counter, and your car is back THERE behind the barb wired fence, so, now that we're all properly spatially oriented, let's pay up shall we?

    "It will be $130, cash or credit"

    "$130?! ARE YOU S*ITTING ME???!"

    Yeah, lying about law-set prices is a strategy that's SURE to benefit everyone! Especially those who are already mad at us for towing their car! No, you dummy, of course I'm NOT making stuff up. You asked the price, you were told the price, it's almost like you WANT this to get harder.


    "Price is fixed by Borough ordinance"

    "But I'm already HERE! Doesn't that mean anything?"

    "Nope, as soon as we have your car, it's $130" (Or whatever it tallies up to under the regulations depending on what you did and it only goes up from there. There's no prompt recovery discount).

    "So if I came in, in like, three days, it'd STILL be $130?! "

    "Oh good heavens no! There'd be two days of storage @ $38 a day on it by then, Sir!" (If I could do a good John Cleese impression, I'd have used it right there)

    "But I literally JUST came in! You've had my car for like, less than an hour!"

    All factually correct, Sir, and all irrelevant. As we've already explained, the price is the price, nothing you've presented modifies that down. This isn't a tax form where you can make some sneaky deductions or qualify for some kind of credit. It's fairy simple, you owe $130, why you keep trying to COMPLICATE this matter is something I'm afraid I'm not hip enough to understand.

    "The price is the price, you can pay, or you can leave"

    He paid, he left, he was still quite cross with us not cutting him a break by not giving him a non-existent discount. But it does make me wonder, on a purely economical scale, how many man-hours a year of productivity are wasted nationwide trying to impress upon people like this that the first answer they were given was not only correct, but the ONLY one they were going to get?

    There's a difference between an answer that's wrong, and one you merely don't like...

    For the love of all that is Holy, please consider that before you start asking questions folks, it'll save me a lot of wear and tear on my molars, and these are the only set I'll ever have.


    Attack of the Exceptional Individual II: Eclectic Ticket-You


    Oooooh, the telephone is ringing! This could be good news! Like, an incredibly distant relative I had no idea existed has just died and bequeathed to me their entire estate provided I spend the night in their possibly-haunted mansion.... or it could be..... YOU.

    Yes, you good madam.

    Apparently, you have received a parking ticket.

    You did not appreciate receiving this ticket

    You want us to do something about it

    Ahem, flip the ticket over, who wrote it? That information should be on the back. The Borough? No? The University? No. Okay, who? "Anytown Parking Management Inc" Ah, that's a private company contracted to patrol parking lots and hand out tickets. It's not us. You'll have to call them if you have an issue with this.

    Yes, you will actually have to CALL the person who WROTE that ticket, not someone else who DIDN'T what a concept!

    No, it doesn't matter to me that you don't think you did anything wrong, I'm not the person who wrote it. You need to contact the people who DID.

    I don't care that you intend not to pay it, it's a free country, you're free to make what sounds like a bad situation much much worse, so worse in fact, that I might actually be called upon to actually TOW you, and then you WOULD have something to be angry about me for.

    Oh, who am I kidding, at that point, you'll probably call the gas company to complain, if your "logic" is to stay internally consistent. When you're put upon by Da Man (tm) I guess that you can complain to any part of Da Man (tm) to get even... like we're some kind of omnipotent hive-mind that only exist to hassle you. WHY you even called me about this I have no idea.

    Look, I didn't wake up this morning thinking about you, when I go to bed tonight, I STILL won't be thinking about you, frankly, I don't care if you get eaten by weasels, so what made you think I care about your intent to commit civil disobedience?

    Attack of the Exceptional Individual III: A New Dope

    A guy who owns a rental house (subdivided into 3 apartments) has a problem. His lot only has enough room for the 4 or so people who live there, and since across the street is a much BIGGER apartment unit, they're overrunning his lot/lawn and wants me to go down there and tow the offenders out.

    Upon arrival, the car he specifically wanted me to nab is gone, but I see a Dodge Ram pickup trying to back into it's vacated space. Figuring you get further with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word alone, I decide to warn Mr Truck Driver of his imminent danger of owing me money

    "You can't park there without a permit, Sir, that lot belongs to this house only"

    "Well what about the grass there?"

    (seriously? Wow...) "That's his LAWN, you will DEFINITELY get towed there even WITH a permit"

    "Eh, I'll take my chances"

    "Uh, there's a 100% chance I will tow you if you do"

    "Hah, I'd like to see you try it, there's no way you could tow me"

    "Uh, that's a Ram 1500 Sir, I've towed away Ram 3500s before, you'd be easy" (And the newest tow truck we just bought with our ill-gotten gains is a Ram 4500, beat THAT)

    He moved, a bit dejected, but still, from a pragmatic point, I can't be too upset....

    And he was one of the nicer ones, two times this week I've been accosted by merely WARNING people they would be towed. One who called me a "power tripping asshole" and then said I should not be "rude". He naturally had missed he'd been the ONLY one using profanity in that conversation, and then said that unless I owned that particular spot, I should just move along....

    The other demanded my name. I told him I would not give it to him. He was rather put back by this and demanded it more forcibly. I told him I had to legal obligation to give him my name, so I wouldn't. He then very firmly explained that since I was "engaging him in public" I HAD to obey... yeah, PUBLIC, as in not IN YOUR HOME, you are free to walk away at any time, so I'm not detaining you in any way.... that's when he ordered me to leave, or rather, suggested very strongly I "be on my way" So I attacked the car NEXT to his that was also illegally parked, and he gave me the evil eye the entire time, but did move his car as I left... again, can't be too mad since they did what I wanted, but man, what attitudes.

    And people whine that I DON'T give them warnings before towing? As you can see, they irrationally hate me either way... what difference does it make? If I'm going to be accused of assholism either way, I'm going to get my money's worth from now on.


    Attack of the Exceptional Individual IV: The In-Parker Strikes Back

    Now that we're wired up, with tablets and cellphones in the trucks, we've started using that technological edge to cover our butts a bit more and take pictures of cars we tow that are doing things that the owner could conceivably try to argue with us about.

    Permitless parkers we don't mess with, you either have one in the car, or you don't, and if you don't, the car itself is proof enough. BUt, with other violators (blocking dumpsters, on the lawn, double-parking, etc) we've started documenting it by taking a quick cellphone pic while loading to ensure that our version of events lines up with reality should the whole mess devolve into a court proceeding.

    Naturally, even THIS has attracted the public's ire.

    A person who caught me demanded to know why I was taking pictures of her car.

    "Well, because we get people who deny they illegally parked so it's to document the violation, I get a lot of emails after the fact where people claim they were never in the lot we towed them from"

    Of course, she didn't hear all that, I had gotten no further than "Well, becau..." when she cut me off with

    "I'm not COMFORTABLE with you photographing my car"

    Then, after the explanation, she again told me "I'm not COMFORTABLE with that"

    "Well, it's not illegal or immoral, so I'm going to do it, sorry"

    That's what I SAID, what I SHOULD HAVE said was:

    "You should probably spend less time on tumblr, it's cleraly making you think the real world cares about your feelings"

    Yeah, I went there..... *TRIGGERED*

    Attack of the Exceptional Individual V: Attack of the, Attack of the, Attack of the

    Uh oh, the title's skipping, much like this guy was....

    -Did you tow my car?!

    -What kind was it?

    -White Infiniti, Yellow Box Apartments!!

    -Yes Sir, looks like we have it, it will be $130 to pick up as long as you're here before midnight.

    -Wait, you're telling me that you TOWED MY CAR?

    -Yes

    -You towed me FROM WHERE I LIVE?! That's what you're telling me?!

    -Looks like that car didn't have a permit up, cars without permits get towed in that lot

    -So you're telling me I NEED A PERMIT even though I LIVE HERE?!

    -Yes

    -ANd you're telling me that I have to PAY to GET IT BACK?!

    -Yes Sir, $130

    -So you're telling me I have to PAY $130?

    -If you want the car released, yes.

    -So, you're telling me if I want my car BACK I have to PAY YOU $130?!!!

    -Yes

    -What if I don't?!

    -Then you don't get the car back

    -So, you're telling me that I have to PAY $130 to GET MY OWN CAR BACK?

    -Yes

    -And you're telling me I have to PAY to get my CAR BACK for being towed from WHERE I LIVE?!

    -Yes

    -So, You're telling me......

    -No, now I'm hanging up *click*

    Darn, an argument by agreement, you can't get much more passive aggressive than that can ya? No, that was not an invitation to try. Yes, that's what I'm telling you.

    Attack of the Exceptional Individual VI.... VI.....VI....VI....

    Oh no, not ANOTHER one stuck in a loop! *sigh*

    We've recently taken over the parking lot of an abandoned laundromat that's going to be repurposed into a restaurant.

    As with most abandoned commercial properties, as soon as the original business went under, people flocked in for what they thought was free parking. We've had it a month, and the manager is getting mighty fed up with the people complaining that they got towed from there because of some flavor of "nobody else was using it" excuses, or complaints the signs are confusing (They say "LAUNDRY CUSTOMERS ONLY" if you aren't doing laundry, which you obviously can't do in a laundromat that doesn't even have WASHERS anymore since they left on the scrap truck last month, then you can't BE there! Simple!)

    This fellow was adamant that he had the perfect excuse though. He came in and argued that he was out LOOKING for the laundry..... and while he was doing that, we towed him, therefore, he was OBEYING the sign! He was a customer, he just didn't know they were closed!! (The building was boarded up with a big sign on it that says "COMING SOON: CHINESE BUFFET" and the car in question had out-of-state plates)

    Uh huh, looking for the laundry and couldn't find it.... in the span of the 30 minutes it took for you to get your 15 minute wait and for us to come and get you? Uh huh, and lemme guess, you got a bridge to sell us too?

    Naturally, the Towing Manager whom this was escalated to didn't believe it anymore than we did:

    "But I was just out looking for where the laundromat was, you can't tow me for that"

    "I don't believe you"

    "Just listen to me! I was out looking for the laundry"

    "I already said I don't believe you, it's $130, cash or credit"

    "Just LISTEN to me, please, I was out looking for...:

    "I don't believe you, it's $130"

    "So you're refusing to listen?!"

    "I am listenting, and I'm telling you it doesn't matter, $130, cash or credit"

    "Look, just, please, LISTEN to what I'm saying... I was just out

    "No, I'm not listening anymore, $130"

    "So, you won't listen to me?"

    "No"

    "You won't just listen to what I'm saying?"

    "Nope"

    "But, look, just LISTEN, I"

    "No, I'm done listening to your bulls*it, you can pay or you can leave"

    "You... you won't listen?"

    "Nope, $130"

    "Look, just, listen, that's all I ask, LISTEN to what I'm saying"

    "Done listening, are you going to pay?"

    "Maybe I'll call the cops"

    "Go ahead, I don't care"

    "You DON'T care?"

    "Nope"

    "I can't believe you don't care to hear me out"

    "I don't, you gonna pay?"

    "I... I guess we'll just have to go to court over this"

    "Fine"

    "So, you want to go to court?"

    "Sure"

    "You REALLY want to go to court instead of hearing me out?!"

    "Yes!"

    "You really want to go to court..."

    "YES! That's why I PAY TO HAVE A LAWYER, now, pay or LEAVE, NOW!"

    "I.... I.... I just can't believe you would rather go to court..."

    "Well I do, and I will, and, if you don't leave NOW, I'll be seeing you there for trespassing because the next thing I'm doing is calling the cops! You can PAY or you can LEAVE. Choose NOW. "

    He paid, and then he left, he left, he left, he left, uh oh, *smack* darn this story-tellin' machine! I really ought to have someone look at that.

    Actually, what I really need around here is a small machine to make tiny badges for people that say "EXCEPTIONAL INDIVIDUAL" on them, it's not like it'd rust up from disuse....
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    A new Tow Files! Thanks for the early birthday present! [doing the happy dance]
    "Crazy may always be open for business, but on the full moon, it has buy one get one free specials." - WishfulSpirit

    "Sometimes customers remind me of zombies, but I'm pretty sure that zombies are smarter." - MelindaJoy77

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    • #3
      I'd like to think the $130 fee IS the prompt pickup price after discount. After all, it costs more the longer it sits in the impound lot.
      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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      • #4
        Woot the tow files, thanks Arga

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        • #5
          Loving the subsection titles! Although one occurs to me that you didn't use: Attack of the Exceptional Individual VI: The Great Unwashed
          edit: I left out the Roman numerals ::

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          • #6
            I do have to ask: How many places where you live do you need permits to park? I'm just wondering.

            With the number of places it appears that permits are needed (I understand the apartment thing, though), it would seem like people couldn't see out of their windshields...because they'd be covered with permits...
            Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

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            • #7
              Arga!!! I was worried that we hadn't heard from you in a while (well, except for you posting responses). I've been dying for another Tow Files!

              And as usual, you don't disappoint.

              We should start a Kickstarter for those badges.
              Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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              • #8
                We don't need no stinkin' badges!
                To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

                Comment


                • #9
                  We don't, but the SCs do. Fair warning to workers when they walk through the door.
                  Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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                  • #10
                    I have to give number VI marks for creativity and vague plausibility, but like the gambling hymn goes... "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..." At "It doesn't take 45 minutes to decide There Is No Laundromat", he should have chuckled (or said something like "Yeah, I know that now" and paid up.

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                    • #11
                      I missed me some good ol' quality Argasnarkin'.

                      We missed you, Arga.
                      PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                      There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Argabarga View Post
                        Actually, what I really need around here is a small machine to make tiny badges for people that say "EXCEPTIONAL INDIVIDUAL" on them, it's not like it'd rust up from disuse....
                        Rivet it to the dash next to the VIN plate so your drivers can treat said vehicles (and their owners) with the respect and deference they deserve.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth sirwired View Post
                          Rivet it to the dash next to the VIN plate so your drivers can treat said vehicles (and their owners) with the respect and deference they deserve.
                          That would mean that it would log more miles on Argabarga's truck rather than under its own power.

                          I had to go to a bank in downtown Asheville, NC, with almost no parking, so I parked in the small lot behind the building. When I got into the bank, they informed me that I couldn't park there. They told me that I could park in the closed drive-thru lane. I was able to move my car out before Mr. Tow Truck did it for me. I am not paying $120 for a towing fee if I can avoid it. (Yes, I actually read the sign. That's shocking I know.) My work will pay for parking in a pay parking lot. They will not pay the tow truck fee.

                          When I left to go to my hotel for the night, a guy in a truck asked if he could park in that lot. I told him he could not.
                          This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

                          I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Argabarga View Post
                            -So, you're telling me if I want my car BACK I have to PAY YOU $130?!!!
                            Yes, Arga's telling you that, just like the last five times he told you that. Why did he have to repeat it over and over? Are you not listening, or just too stupid to grasp the concept?

                            I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                            My LiveJournal
                            A page we can all agree with!

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                            • #15
                              Quoth XCashier View Post
                              Yes, Arga's telling you that, just like the last five times he told you that. Why did he have to repeat it over and over? Are you not listening, or just too stupid to grasp the concept?
                              Probably like a lot of folks I've run into: they think if they keep repeating the same tired lines that the answer will magically change to be whatever they want.

                              It's an act . . . and not one that's Oscar worthy, that's for sure.
                              Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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