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that would imply there is also a CSR Hell. Which itself implies there's somewhere far more torturous and terrible than here. *shudder*
Yeah, it's crazy. Crazy like a fox
SW: I can't pay this bill! It's crazy!
ME: I'd have a hard time paying a bill like this myself. You incurred over 800 minutes in overage. When you checked your minutes last month, did you not consider changing your plan?
SW: Oh, I don't ever check my minutes. But anyway, I'm not paying this bill. I've been a good customer for years. You guys should at least try to help me out.
ME: Actually, I see you called yesterday and we gave you a courtesy credit for $150 for the overage. I know it's not the entire amount, but it's the most we can do for you.
SW: Well, that just isn't enough! You're going to have to do better than that or I'll have to start looking for another company that knows how to take care of people!
I love these, "I don't ever check my minutes" people. I wonder how often they wind up stranded in the middle of nowhere because they didn't bother to check the gas/and or oil in the car. How many of them starve to death by not checking to see if there's any food in the fridge or pantry? How many freeze to death when they don't check the weather and go for a swim in the lake in December? The answer to these questions: obviously not enough.
sigh
SW: I got a message that my request was declined. Does that mean it's being delivered, or what?
Consult a dictionary. Google it. Ask a guru. Hire a PI. Learn to read tea leaves. Flip a coin. Go to the Obvious Store and buy a freaking clue. Don't call me and waste my time with this.
Again
ME: You had $393 in text messaging charges.
SW: Oh. Well, I don't ever check my text message use.
Yet another costly lesson in responsibility. I didn't want to grow up either. I wanted to be a kid forever and let mommy and daddy take care of my every need, and not have to worry about this beast called "real life." But I did grow up, and I understand that I can't just pass the buck on "Ida Know" and "Not Me" (I dislike Family Circus but read it because I feel like someone might as well do it, but it's a fitting reference).
PWND
SW: I never agree to 2 year contract. I sign up on website, it say 1 year contract!
ME: You activated from our website?
SW: Yes. It say 1 year contract!
ME: Let's just take a little trip down activation lane, then. So we start here, click here, and if you click on "offer details" on any phone promotion it says "offer valid with a new activation on a 2 year contract." You would have missed that one if you didn't click it. So let's move on. Now click here, go here, click "Check out," then fill in the blanks, and here's the confirmation page. There's the terms and conditions of service box, stating you are agreeing to a 24 month contract. Then you click on the "I agree" box. Oh, if you didn't bother to read the T&C before clicking, it says "Important Information" and highlights some key points. The very first one says "24 MONTH CONTRACT REQUIRED." So there are, in fact, 3 places where it says 2 year contract, and 0 places where it says 1 year contract, because online activations only offer the 2 year contract. Did you happen to notice any of that when you were signing up?
SW: *click*
Actually, that's not in my job description
SM: I'm not paying that! You have to do something!
I am. Telling you "no" is the something I have chosen.
Sure, why not?
SW: They were supposed to put a credit on my account!
ME: We did. It applied 2 bills ago.
SW: But I want it applied on this bill!
ME: I can't do that. We already applied the credit, and it reduced your bill by $XX.XX on the previous statement.
SW: I was expecting it to apply for this bill. I want the credit now!
ME: What would you like me to do? Apply the credit again?
SW: Yes! That's exactly what you should do!
ME: Why would we apply a credit that's already been applied?
SW: Because that's the way it should be!
I wish we had thugs. Or goons. Just one guy named Vinny would suffice. Someone I could dispatch to break your kneecaps.
Business Sense
SM: I can't wait for you to ship me a new phone! I need a new phone right now!
ME: Unfortunately, I don't have a way I can get you a phone right this minute. They can't exchange your device in the store, we have to ship you one.
SM: I need my Blackberry! I run my whole business on it! I need it now!
ME: You understand that when we exchange it, your new device won't have the data from the old one, right?
SM: Guh?
I would think that most people who rely on information for the purpose of business would have the good sense to back that information up somewhere. I'm not in business, I just have piddly writings and drawings that I don't want to ever lose so I have copies on paper, on my PC (home and work), on CD, and on my thumbdrive. Perhaps business isn't for you. Maybe you would be better suited for the position of village idiot. Or, when you've lost everything you own because you didn't think to back up the critical information of your entire business and hit rock bottom, town drunk.
The Man
SW: I want to take a line off my husband's account and put it in my own name.
ME: Sure, we can do that. It's short process. The request has to come from your husband, since he's the legal owner of the lines. But once we speak to him and document his authorization, we'll get you over to Activations to move the line. They'll run a quick credit check, and-
SW: NO! I don't want a credit check.
ME: We have to run one to determine if there will be a deposit required.
SW: I won't let you! I'm trying to build up my credit so I can get a loan.
ME: As long as you don't have excessive hits on your credit, a check only makes an insignificant change in your score.
SW: But they take more if you're black. I won't do it. *click!
ME: Hey, B, come here.
SUP: What?
ME: I need your, uh, perspective on this one. *relates story*
SUP: What? How can...? Does she really...? All they can see is a number! That doesn't tell them... Damn, what's wrong with people?
That is the $64,000 question, isn't it?
Yeah, it's crazy. Crazy like a fox
SW: I can't pay this bill! It's crazy!
ME: I'd have a hard time paying a bill like this myself. You incurred over 800 minutes in overage. When you checked your minutes last month, did you not consider changing your plan?
SW: Oh, I don't ever check my minutes. But anyway, I'm not paying this bill. I've been a good customer for years. You guys should at least try to help me out.
ME: Actually, I see you called yesterday and we gave you a courtesy credit for $150 for the overage. I know it's not the entire amount, but it's the most we can do for you.
SW: Well, that just isn't enough! You're going to have to do better than that or I'll have to start looking for another company that knows how to take care of people!
I love these, "I don't ever check my minutes" people. I wonder how often they wind up stranded in the middle of nowhere because they didn't bother to check the gas/and or oil in the car. How many of them starve to death by not checking to see if there's any food in the fridge or pantry? How many freeze to death when they don't check the weather and go for a swim in the lake in December? The answer to these questions: obviously not enough.
sigh
SW: I got a message that my request was declined. Does that mean it's being delivered, or what?
Consult a dictionary. Google it. Ask a guru. Hire a PI. Learn to read tea leaves. Flip a coin. Go to the Obvious Store and buy a freaking clue. Don't call me and waste my time with this.
Again
ME: You had $393 in text messaging charges.
SW: Oh. Well, I don't ever check my text message use.
Yet another costly lesson in responsibility. I didn't want to grow up either. I wanted to be a kid forever and let mommy and daddy take care of my every need, and not have to worry about this beast called "real life." But I did grow up, and I understand that I can't just pass the buck on "Ida Know" and "Not Me" (I dislike Family Circus but read it because I feel like someone might as well do it, but it's a fitting reference).
PWND
SW: I never agree to 2 year contract. I sign up on website, it say 1 year contract!
ME: You activated from our website?
SW: Yes. It say 1 year contract!
ME: Let's just take a little trip down activation lane, then. So we start here, click here, and if you click on "offer details" on any phone promotion it says "offer valid with a new activation on a 2 year contract." You would have missed that one if you didn't click it. So let's move on. Now click here, go here, click "Check out," then fill in the blanks, and here's the confirmation page. There's the terms and conditions of service box, stating you are agreeing to a 24 month contract. Then you click on the "I agree" box. Oh, if you didn't bother to read the T&C before clicking, it says "Important Information" and highlights some key points. The very first one says "24 MONTH CONTRACT REQUIRED." So there are, in fact, 3 places where it says 2 year contract, and 0 places where it says 1 year contract, because online activations only offer the 2 year contract. Did you happen to notice any of that when you were signing up?
SW: *click*
Actually, that's not in my job description
SM: I'm not paying that! You have to do something!
I am. Telling you "no" is the something I have chosen.
Sure, why not?
SW: They were supposed to put a credit on my account!
ME: We did. It applied 2 bills ago.
SW: But I want it applied on this bill!
ME: I can't do that. We already applied the credit, and it reduced your bill by $XX.XX on the previous statement.
SW: I was expecting it to apply for this bill. I want the credit now!
ME: What would you like me to do? Apply the credit again?
SW: Yes! That's exactly what you should do!
ME: Why would we apply a credit that's already been applied?
SW: Because that's the way it should be!
I wish we had thugs. Or goons. Just one guy named Vinny would suffice. Someone I could dispatch to break your kneecaps.
Business Sense
SM: I can't wait for you to ship me a new phone! I need a new phone right now!
ME: Unfortunately, I don't have a way I can get you a phone right this minute. They can't exchange your device in the store, we have to ship you one.
SM: I need my Blackberry! I run my whole business on it! I need it now!
ME: You understand that when we exchange it, your new device won't have the data from the old one, right?
SM: Guh?
I would think that most people who rely on information for the purpose of business would have the good sense to back that information up somewhere. I'm not in business, I just have piddly writings and drawings that I don't want to ever lose so I have copies on paper, on my PC (home and work), on CD, and on my thumbdrive. Perhaps business isn't for you. Maybe you would be better suited for the position of village idiot. Or, when you've lost everything you own because you didn't think to back up the critical information of your entire business and hit rock bottom, town drunk.
The Man
SW: I want to take a line off my husband's account and put it in my own name.
ME: Sure, we can do that. It's short process. The request has to come from your husband, since he's the legal owner of the lines. But once we speak to him and document his authorization, we'll get you over to Activations to move the line. They'll run a quick credit check, and-
SW: NO! I don't want a credit check.
ME: We have to run one to determine if there will be a deposit required.
SW: I won't let you! I'm trying to build up my credit so I can get a loan.
ME: As long as you don't have excessive hits on your credit, a check only makes an insignificant change in your score.
SW: But they take more if you're black. I won't do it. *click!
ME: Hey, B, come here.
SUP: What?
ME: I need your, uh, perspective on this one. *relates story*
SUP: What? How can...? Does she really...? All they can see is a number! That doesn't tell them... Damn, what's wrong with people?
That is the $64,000 question, isn't it?
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