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  • Things I have learned working at a hotel (sarcasm!)

    Things I Have Learned Working at a Hotel

    Things I have learned working at a hotel.

    • Curtains, alarm clocks, and HVAC units are as hard to operate as the Large Hadron Collider.
    • One hair on a bed (even if it came from your head) means the bed is filthy.
    • After a certain age (said age being approximately 20), grown adults lose the ability to dial a phone. Therefore they are unable to call cabs for themselves. Also, the front desk agents who call for them are psychic and therefore know exactly where said cabs are at all times.
    • It's bad that you have an auto-booking number for the local taxi company; booking you a cab should take at least 5 minutes of waiting on hold and then painstakingly explaining the your name, route, method of payment, dog's name, favorite color and whether your prefer boxers or briefs.
    • Check in and check out times are suggestions; feel free to show up and leave whenever you feel like it. Desk staff especially likes it when you walk in the door at 7am and expect your room to be ready (check in is 3pm).
    • Hotels don't really need to be paid for their services, saying "my friend is good for it, he should have called you" will suffice.
    • The desk staff does not need any kind of paperwork to confirm you have permission to use the card of someone who isn't here; identity theft is just something the news made up.
    • Your favorite foods should magically appear every morning at the (free) breakfast. If they don't, whining at the breakfast host and/or front desk staff will make said foods materialize out of thin air.
    • The hotel running out of free newspapers at 10am on a Sunday morning (when breakfast has been open since 6am) is an epic catastrophe that will cause the fabric of space and time to collapse and the entirety of existence to dissolve into the void.
    • Hotel front desks are free print shops; we'll be HAPPY to make 257 copies of that booklet for you, without charging a cent!
    • We're also happy to fax your crumbled-up piece of notebook paper. We'll be happy to dance around the copier for 10 minutes trying to get a good copy of your chicken-scratch so that the crumbled original doesn't jam our machine.
    • The front desk printers are the only printers that exist on planet earth. Therefore if you need a printout of your receipt, you can't possibly print the emailed PDF we sent you on your own equipment, you MUST make us do it, holding up the line and letting the phone ring while we do.
    • Make sure to ask questions when you see the agent counting the drawer; they'll be happy to miss their bus home to tell you things you could have found out in 3 seconds by using Google.
    • It's our fault if the cab we called for you smells bad. Feel free to demand compensation.
    • Leave something at the hotel? It's important but you "can't" come back for it? Of COURSE we'll arrange a courier to bring it to you. Be sure to throw a fit if we charge your card for that. After all, your kid leaving his backpack in the lobby was OUR fault.
    "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

  • #2
    Quoth WishfulSpirit View Post
    Your favorite foods should magically appear every morning at the (free) breakfast. If they don't, whining at the breakfast host and/or front desk staff will make said foods materialize out of thin air.
    And it's perfectly okay for you to dig through all the food with your bare, unwashed hands. Those tongs are just a suggestion.
    I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    My LiveJournal
    A page we can all agree with!

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    • #3
      I remember once my kid left his iPod in a hotel room. I was so happy they found it and shipped it to us. The $15 charge or whatever it was for FedEx was totally worth it. Complaining about that is just stupid.

      Comment


      • #4
        I recently had a corporate guest that left a toiletry bag halfway filled with condoms. He was offended that we were charging him to ship it. The shipping cost was a little over $5 and it was the exact cost of shipping and I had to drive to the post office to mail it out. People are very entitled these days.

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        • #5
          Quoth deadbody View Post
          I remember once my kid left his iPod in a hotel room. I was so happy they found it and shipped it to us. The $15 charge or whatever it was for FedEx was totally worth it. Complaining about that is just stupid.
          I left my iPod (Shuffle, so the size of 3 sticks of Dentyne gum side by side) in a hotel room once. I would've been happy to pay to have the hotel ship it to us. Unfortunately, it never turned up in the room or at the lost and found. Either housekeeping picked it up and kept it, or it got swept into a trash can and thrown away. I'm not sure which. I do know another guest didn't find it because we hurried back as soon as I realized it was missing (about two hours later) and the front desk let us actually check the room as the only people who'd been in there between our departure and our return were housekeeping staff.

          I didn't throw a fit, of course. It was my fault for leaving it there (though if someone in housekeeping had kept it, I hope they felt bad about it). I just sucked it up and bought a refurbished replacement when I got home.
          "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
          - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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          • #6
            If the ipod was on the bed, it probably got bundled up with the sheets and washed, only to be found after the drying cycle. Some housekeepers do steal but at least where I am, a lost item, if small, is far more likely to simply have ended up in the trash by mistake.
            "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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            • #7
              I left it tucked half behind the television in my case. I distinctly recalled leaving it there when I noticed it missing after the fact, as I had placed it there, then gotten distracted with gathering everything up and forgot to pick it up again. But like I said, there were even chances it was either kept by housekeeping or accidentally swept into a trash can, and I'm hoping the latter because then theft wasn't involved.
              "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
              - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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              • #8
                The "swept into trash" scenario is more likely than you think. Those ladies have to move FAST to get everything done.
                "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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                • #9
                  Can vouch for that. A 2-quart cooking pot is MUCH bigger than an iPod, and I've run into a case where one was swept into the trash. Of course, this was by the guest, not housekeeping, and alcohol was probably involved.
                  Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                  • #10
                    There's a reason I came away from the incident really only kicking myself. At least I was able to get a decent refurbished one for about $30. Felt like a fair fee for my failing.
                    "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
                    - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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                    • #11
                      • The front desk agents instantly know the menus of all the local restaurants, the shows at the theatres, and the boat schedules of not just this town, but also the big city 2 hours away.
                      • Everyone knows that hotel staff are incompetent, so when you need extra towels, be sure to tell the restaurant hostess, the maintenance man, the front desk, and then call me and let me know because no way did I just field calls from the three people you just spoke with asking me to dispatch housekeeping already.
                      • I'm sure the other guests are absolutely fine with you leaving your barking mutt in the room all night while you head out to dinner. Everyone loves your dog, after all.
                      Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        From today:

                        Feel free to demand any toiletry items you couldn't be arsed to pack for yourself. We will be happy to rip open 20-30 vanity sets and end up short of them just so you can have 30 q-tips (bonus points when there's a walgreens half a block away, as there is where I work).

                        Calling a manager and their phone goes to voicemail? Call the front desk over and over asking for them. We have tracking collars on our leadership and know exactly where they are at all times, but are saying "he's not in, may I take a message?" just to annoy you.

                        Need a ride to take your kids to the aquarium? Just pretend you're one of the hospital patients the shuttle is for. People who can't effing breathe will be happy to give up seats for your special little family.
                        Last edited by WishfulSpirit; 02-04-2016, 06:35 PM.
                        "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth WishfulSpirit View Post
                          ... We have tracking collars on our leadership...
                          Tracking collars? That's the problem. You need to upgrade to our LightningBolt Hairpiece Launcher collars to get their attention!
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                          • #14
                            Believe me I've wished I had a beeper for them sometimes, but they're actually pretty good about responding when we need them. The other day when we had 93 checkouts the GM was up stripping beds with the housekeepers. I love my boss.
                            "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Love this! I haven't been on here for a while because I have a new job and just busy with life but still work at the hotel 1-2 days a week, or as a fill in.

                              I love it when you are taking a reservation over the phone and the person acts surprised at the questions you are asking, like when you are arriving and departing, last name, first name, address, and especially the credit card number. The other day I took what have been a simple reservation and I swear it took like 10 minutes.

                              Also people who leave Do Not Disturb signs on their door and blame the hotel are the best.

                              Another thing, GPS sometimes sucks. If you are driving around for an hour and still can't find the hotel, just call. Don't slam us on our guest survey when you couldn't find the hotel. 99.99% of the other guests made it.
                              Last edited by hotelnpa; 02-09-2016, 07:41 PM.

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