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I've been collecting stories for you from my small town knick-knack store retail job. Gosh this is a lot better than a gas station.
Children.
Admittedly, I don't like children. I told BossMan this and he said "Oh jeez..." because I work in a toy store. Haha.
He now asks me every so often if I'm okay and if any children had annoyed me. Usually the answer is "no" because plenty of the kids are very polite. There are just a few things that make me want to piledrive your child into oblivion.
Old People
I had an old man come up to me today.
SC: We're going to have a new twenty dollar bill.
Me: That's right.
SC: (snippy as shit) With a BLACK WOMAN ON IT.
Me: That's right, her name was Harriet Tubman.
I must have had a serious tone when I said it because he let that one drop like a sack of bricks. I think he knew I was about to rip into his racist ass real hard.
I keep encountering old people who are completely oblivious to the casual dehumanization of our fellow human beings and they just say the weirdest racist stuff to me and it's like, if you tried to explain why what they said was inappropriate they would just be like "oh you young people" and you'd be dismissed. Like the old women who still call those chocolate baby-shaped candies by their INCREDIBLY racist nickname. (As an aside, we actually don't order those anymore because of the old people who kept openly calling them by that name. I still get calls from people asking if we have them and I have to explain that no, we don't carry those anymore but I don't tell them why...) I also keep running into that horrible phrase where, after you hear it you have to steel yourself because you're about to be forced to hear some really racists crap: "Not to be racist, but..."
Food Stamps????
I've learned, sadly, that this is not all that uncommon of a question: "Do you take food stamps?"
No. Sweetheart. Darling. Honey. We do not take food stamps because this is a toy store and the only "food" you can get here is candy and novelty soda. You shouldn't even be able to buy those with food stamps but unfortunately the great state of New York lets you do it. But here? Here we do not. Go...go use your welfare on your anti-nourishment somewhere else.
"It's my friend's card."
Listen, honey. If your name isn't on the card, you aren't getting anything with it. Them's the breaks. Your friend is just going to have to come in here himself and buy his own damn chinese finger traps.
Virus 2.0: The Awakening
On my day off I mysteriously came down with something I thought was the flu. I was fatigued, feverish, had a slight cough, was short of breath, and my boyfriend took care of me the whole day and I spent it all in bed. I called off the next day and experienced chills, a 102-3 degree fever, but Tylenol really helped. The next morning I was feeling a little better but I kind of felt dizzy and my eyes felt really dry. I took some Tylenol and tried to go to work. I was there for an hour before I informed them that I had over-estimated my abilities and that I had to go home. They merrily sent me on my way (they are so good about this) and even asked if I needed a ride because I normally walk. I said no, that I drove, and I went home. I called off the next day which was Sunday and that night I noticed I was developing another symptom: A rash. Monday comes and the rash that was previously only on my stomach and chest is now on my arms, hips, throat, and all over my face. I went to the doctor and he seemed almost giddy when he said he's never, in his 41 years of practice, even overseas, seen an active case of: The Measles.
That's right, everyone. I, a person of 25 years of age who has had not only a vaccine for this disease at 12 months of age but a booster of this vaccine just eight years ago, contracted a near-extinct childhood disease which has in recent years experienced a resurgence due to extreme stupidity rampant in certain circles of new mothers. There is but two explanations:
As the probability of the first option is very low, the second option is probably more fitting--which has rather insidious implications if it is, in fact, true. The doctor, in the late stages of my viral infection, ordered me to go in for blood work and they took a sample of my blood in order to do some tests. We still await the results.
How did I contract this disease? Well, I work in a toy store. How much more do you need? Get your children vaccinated and keep them out of the toy store if they're sick. I can't be any more emphatic about this. Keep them out of a toy store if they are sick. Babies can die from these diseases.
I guess the silver lining is that now I know for sure I'm not going to get the measles again.
Children.
Admittedly, I don't like children. I told BossMan this and he said "Oh jeez..." because I work in a toy store. Haha.
He now asks me every so often if I'm okay and if any children had annoyed me. Usually the answer is "no" because plenty of the kids are very polite. There are just a few things that make me want to piledrive your child into oblivion.- When your child blows into the wooden flutes continuously.
- When your child takes noise makers out of their boxes and wander around the store with them, making the noises the whole way
- When your child insists on running in cramped aisles with old people trying to hobble through them
- When your child is horrifically rude to me and you refuse to intervene
- When your child obviously steals something and then tells you that we're following him or watching him for no reason
Old People
I had an old man come up to me today.
SC: We're going to have a new twenty dollar bill.
Me: That's right.
SC: (snippy as shit) With a BLACK WOMAN ON IT.
Me: That's right, her name was Harriet Tubman.
I must have had a serious tone when I said it because he let that one drop like a sack of bricks. I think he knew I was about to rip into his racist ass real hard.
I keep encountering old people who are completely oblivious to the casual dehumanization of our fellow human beings and they just say the weirdest racist stuff to me and it's like, if you tried to explain why what they said was inappropriate they would just be like "oh you young people" and you'd be dismissed. Like the old women who still call those chocolate baby-shaped candies by their INCREDIBLY racist nickname. (As an aside, we actually don't order those anymore because of the old people who kept openly calling them by that name. I still get calls from people asking if we have them and I have to explain that no, we don't carry those anymore but I don't tell them why...) I also keep running into that horrible phrase where, after you hear it you have to steel yourself because you're about to be forced to hear some really racists crap: "Not to be racist, but..."
Food Stamps????
I've learned, sadly, that this is not all that uncommon of a question: "Do you take food stamps?"
No. Sweetheart. Darling. Honey. We do not take food stamps because this is a toy store and the only "food" you can get here is candy and novelty soda. You shouldn't even be able to buy those with food stamps but unfortunately the great state of New York lets you do it. But here? Here we do not. Go...go use your welfare on your anti-nourishment somewhere else.
"It's my friend's card."
Listen, honey. If your name isn't on the card, you aren't getting anything with it. Them's the breaks. Your friend is just going to have to come in here himself and buy his own damn chinese finger traps.
Virus 2.0: The Awakening
On my day off I mysteriously came down with something I thought was the flu. I was fatigued, feverish, had a slight cough, was short of breath, and my boyfriend took care of me the whole day and I spent it all in bed. I called off the next day and experienced chills, a 102-3 degree fever, but Tylenol really helped. The next morning I was feeling a little better but I kind of felt dizzy and my eyes felt really dry. I took some Tylenol and tried to go to work. I was there for an hour before I informed them that I had over-estimated my abilities and that I had to go home. They merrily sent me on my way (they are so good about this) and even asked if I needed a ride because I normally walk. I said no, that I drove, and I went home. I called off the next day which was Sunday and that night I noticed I was developing another symptom: A rash. Monday comes and the rash that was previously only on my stomach and chest is now on my arms, hips, throat, and all over my face. I went to the doctor and he seemed almost giddy when he said he's never, in his 41 years of practice, even overseas, seen an active case of: The Measles.
That's right, everyone. I, a person of 25 years of age who has had not only a vaccine for this disease at 12 months of age but a booster of this vaccine just eight years ago, contracted a near-extinct childhood disease which has in recent years experienced a resurgence due to extreme stupidity rampant in certain circles of new mothers. There is but two explanations:
- I am part of the extremely small percentage of people who did not develop antibodies from the vaccine, this would have had to happen not once, but twice.
- This strain of the measles is vaccine resistant.
As the probability of the first option is very low, the second option is probably more fitting--which has rather insidious implications if it is, in fact, true. The doctor, in the late stages of my viral infection, ordered me to go in for blood work and they took a sample of my blood in order to do some tests. We still await the results.
How did I contract this disease? Well, I work in a toy store. How much more do you need? Get your children vaccinated and keep them out of the toy store if they're sick. I can't be any more emphatic about this. Keep them out of a toy store if they are sick. Babies can die from these diseases.
I guess the silver lining is that now I know for sure I'm not going to get the measles again.
One time I did that over the radio and the sucktomer heard the manager say over the radio "Are you serious?" to the complaint. Ha!
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