Tweet
A short time ago in a call center far, far away.
ME: Darth Cellular
SW: Princess Entitlement Whore
SM:Annoying Skywanker
Get out of my sight
SW: I need to get a new phone for my husband.
ME: Sure. He's eligible for the full discount. Is there a particular phone he's looking for?
SW: Do you have any (Competitor) phones?
You really...! I mean, are you...? What the f....? AAAARRGGH!
Psychotic Friends Network
SM: You people told me this plan would work better and now I went over! You're going to credit me for every cent of overage!
ME: I see you called in February and wanted to lower your bill. Based on your previous minute usage, we recommended this plan. But-
SM: Yeah and now you're charging me $XXX.XX!
ME: Ahem. But, we could have in no way predicted that you would use that many minutes last month.
SM: So why did you give me this plan? This is your fault!
ME: We can look at your minute usage up to a point and make a recommendation based on the trend in usage patterns we see at the time. Looking at the minutes from the previous cycles, this plan would have been my recommendation as well. But we can't see into the future to know how minutes will be used.
SM: Well you should have called me when I was going over.
ME: Let me ask you something. When you were checking your minutes last month and saw you were almost over, then going over, did you wonder about going back to the original plan?
SM: I never check my minutes! I don't go over!
You, sir, fail. You went to a lower plan, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to comprehend that if your using your phone a lot more than normal you may want to utilize one of the 5 ways we provide to check your minutes.
Hardy Har Har
SM (dealer in disguise): I want cancel my line. I move to China.
ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: Yung Pun Tang
ME: ...
I've seen a girl named Yu Suk. I've seen a guy named Fuk Yu. But I have a really hard time believing this one
Round 2: Fight!
SM: I want this bill corrected!
ME: I see you used 1858 text messages beyond your 1000 included on one line. The bill is correct, it's just that you went over.
SM: Well I don't accept it! There's no way my daughter used that many text messages.
ME: So, when you were checking your usage and notice the text messages were going over, you-
SM: I don't bother to check that!
And you also fail. And yes, your daughter used that many text messages. I've seen 18,000 text messages used by teenagers before. This girl's a novice.
...
ME: Was there a particular phone you had in mind?
SW: Yes.
ME: And which one were you looking for?
SW: Yes.
ME: ...
SW: ...
ME: ...
SW: ...
I can do this all day, lady.
You're either part of the solution or part of the problem
ME: I'm not happy with the ways these bills have been going up all the time!
Then stop going over. Or learn to check your minutes. Change your plan. Take some course of action for yourself. Don't wait for me to appear in the middle of the night like the Phone Fairy and fix it for you.
Oregon: Taking the blame for all your problems since 1859
SW: I'm not paying this ridiculous bill!
ME: $XXX.XX is definitely a high bill. I see you went over by XXX minutes last month.
SW: Yes, I was in Oregon.
ME: So, as you were checking your minutes-
SW: I don't check my minutes. I never go over.
ME: I don't go over my minutes either. But I still check my minutes a couple times a month to see where I am.
SW: You're going to credit me for these charges.
ME: I'm afraid the charges are valid.
SW: Then I'll just have to cancel and pay the termination fee.
ME: Well, we certainly don't want to lose you.
SW: Then the question is, how much are you willing to spend to keep me?
ME (don't say it, don't say it, don't say it): How much am I willing to spend to keep you? Why, I'll pay you to leave!
Not really. What I said was: I wish there was a credit I could offer you. But you did go over the minutes, so don't you think you should pay for the service you used?
SW: But I've never gone over my minutes before!
ME: But you have gone over the past 2 months in a row.
SW: I WAS IN OREGON!!!
I fail to see how this excuses anything. All it proves to me is that you can be an slobbering idiot 3000 miles from home. A cross-country moron. Add, "I was in Oregon," to "I'm a truck driver" to the list of answers to life's problems.
They're tragically malicious!
SW: I need a new phone.
ME: Is the old one no longer working?
SW: No. I dropped it in my cereal.
People like this make me wish we had elastic bands that could hold the phone to people's ears who are incapable of balancing a phone while engaged in any activity more strenuous than breathing. Oh, and it gets better:
SW: This is the second phone I've had to replace this year. I ran the last one through the washer.
While phone technology is advancing by leaps and bounds at a non-stop rate, they do not keep your whites whiter and your brights brighter.
Fo Shizzle
SM: Oh. Is that how you guys roll?
I generally walk. Or drive. Sometimes I roll around in my chair at the office.
Screeching Harpy
Customer was talking with tech support. She has a blackberry and it's freezing up. She's super mad about the shipping fee. They transfer her to the waaambulence (me).
SW: I NEED A NEW PHONE RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
ME: I can understand the importance of having your phone as soon as possible. We can ship you the replacement-
SW: I can't wait for a replacment! I want a phone now!
ME: You can get a loaner from the store-
SW: I'm not driving all the way to the store!
ME: As much as I'd like to show up at your door and hand you a phone today, that's not possible.
SW: Fine. Then ship it to me for free.
ME: The manufacturer's warranty covers the equipment. It doesn't cover shipping.
SW: Then I'll cancel and go to (Competitor). They never charged me for shipping!
ME: Ma'am, you've been with us for 4 years. The industry has changed since then and all providers now charge for shipping.
SW: But (Competitor) never charged me!
ME: They didn't 4 years ago. They do now. They started charging shipping before we did.
SW: Just cancel me now!
ME: So, you're willing to pay the termination fee and buy a new phone from (Competitor) to avoid a $15 fee in the hopes that if you have a problem with them they won't charge you shipping, which they will.
SW: I'm not getting off this phone until you resolve this!
She screamed at me for 30 minutes. In the end, we did what I was trying to do from the beginning and shipped her the stupid phone.
Entitlement B*tch Queen
SW: I want something for free. I've been with you for X years and I want something free.
ME: Well, you're already on the best plan for your needs. It's an older promotion, and the current plans for the same rate have less features. So I wouldn't want to change that.
SW: Then give me a free phone without a contract.
ME: I have free phones, but not without contracts.
SW: Then give me text messages.
ME: I don't have a free text messaging feature.
SW: How about a free month? Can I get a free month? Free minutes? Free downloads? I want something free. Can you give me something free? Give me something free. I need something free.
Sometimes you just want to roll up a newspaper and whack people on the nose. "Bad Customer!"
Ew
SM: My phone just took a sh*t on me.
Sounds messy. You might want to take a shower or something.
I wonder...
SM: How come you guys offer that phone free from amazon.com?
ME: Because we're not amazon.com. Nor do we own or operate them.
Trust me, if I could give you the same prices they do, I would. It would make my life easier.
ME: Darth Cellular
SW: Princess Entitlement Whore
SM:Annoying Skywanker
Get out of my sight
SW: I need to get a new phone for my husband.
ME: Sure. He's eligible for the full discount. Is there a particular phone he's looking for?
SW: Do you have any (Competitor) phones?
You really...! I mean, are you...? What the f....? AAAARRGGH!
Psychotic Friends Network
SM: You people told me this plan would work better and now I went over! You're going to credit me for every cent of overage!
ME: I see you called in February and wanted to lower your bill. Based on your previous minute usage, we recommended this plan. But-
SM: Yeah and now you're charging me $XXX.XX!
ME: Ahem. But, we could have in no way predicted that you would use that many minutes last month.
SM: So why did you give me this plan? This is your fault!
ME: We can look at your minute usage up to a point and make a recommendation based on the trend in usage patterns we see at the time. Looking at the minutes from the previous cycles, this plan would have been my recommendation as well. But we can't see into the future to know how minutes will be used.
SM: Well you should have called me when I was going over.
ME: Let me ask you something. When you were checking your minutes last month and saw you were almost over, then going over, did you wonder about going back to the original plan?
SM: I never check my minutes! I don't go over!
You, sir, fail. You went to a lower plan, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to comprehend that if your using your phone a lot more than normal you may want to utilize one of the 5 ways we provide to check your minutes.
Hardy Har Har
SM (dealer in disguise): I want cancel my line. I move to China.
ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: Yung Pun Tang
ME: ...
I've seen a girl named Yu Suk. I've seen a guy named Fuk Yu. But I have a really hard time believing this one
Round 2: Fight!
SM: I want this bill corrected!
ME: I see you used 1858 text messages beyond your 1000 included on one line. The bill is correct, it's just that you went over.
SM: Well I don't accept it! There's no way my daughter used that many text messages.
ME: So, when you were checking your usage and notice the text messages were going over, you-
SM: I don't bother to check that!
And you also fail. And yes, your daughter used that many text messages. I've seen 18,000 text messages used by teenagers before. This girl's a novice.
...
ME: Was there a particular phone you had in mind?
SW: Yes.
ME: And which one were you looking for?
SW: Yes.
ME: ...
SW: ...
ME: ...
SW: ...
I can do this all day, lady.
You're either part of the solution or part of the problem
ME: I'm not happy with the ways these bills have been going up all the time!
Then stop going over. Or learn to check your minutes. Change your plan. Take some course of action for yourself. Don't wait for me to appear in the middle of the night like the Phone Fairy and fix it for you.
Oregon: Taking the blame for all your problems since 1859
SW: I'm not paying this ridiculous bill!
ME: $XXX.XX is definitely a high bill. I see you went over by XXX minutes last month.
SW: Yes, I was in Oregon.
ME: So, as you were checking your minutes-
SW: I don't check my minutes. I never go over.
ME: I don't go over my minutes either. But I still check my minutes a couple times a month to see where I am.
SW: You're going to credit me for these charges.
ME: I'm afraid the charges are valid.
SW: Then I'll just have to cancel and pay the termination fee.
ME: Well, we certainly don't want to lose you.
SW: Then the question is, how much are you willing to spend to keep me?
ME (don't say it, don't say it, don't say it): How much am I willing to spend to keep you? Why, I'll pay you to leave!
Not really. What I said was: I wish there was a credit I could offer you. But you did go over the minutes, so don't you think you should pay for the service you used?
SW: But I've never gone over my minutes before!
ME: But you have gone over the past 2 months in a row.
SW: I WAS IN OREGON!!!
I fail to see how this excuses anything. All it proves to me is that you can be an slobbering idiot 3000 miles from home. A cross-country moron. Add, "I was in Oregon," to "I'm a truck driver" to the list of answers to life's problems.
They're tragically malicious!
SW: I need a new phone.
ME: Is the old one no longer working?
SW: No. I dropped it in my cereal.
People like this make me wish we had elastic bands that could hold the phone to people's ears who are incapable of balancing a phone while engaged in any activity more strenuous than breathing. Oh, and it gets better:
SW: This is the second phone I've had to replace this year. I ran the last one through the washer.
While phone technology is advancing by leaps and bounds at a non-stop rate, they do not keep your whites whiter and your brights brighter.
Fo Shizzle
SM: Oh. Is that how you guys roll?
I generally walk. Or drive. Sometimes I roll around in my chair at the office.
Screeching Harpy
Customer was talking with tech support. She has a blackberry and it's freezing up. She's super mad about the shipping fee. They transfer her to the waaambulence (me).
SW: I NEED A NEW PHONE RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
ME: I can understand the importance of having your phone as soon as possible. We can ship you the replacement-
SW: I can't wait for a replacment! I want a phone now!
ME: You can get a loaner from the store-
SW: I'm not driving all the way to the store!
ME: As much as I'd like to show up at your door and hand you a phone today, that's not possible.
SW: Fine. Then ship it to me for free.
ME: The manufacturer's warranty covers the equipment. It doesn't cover shipping.
SW: Then I'll cancel and go to (Competitor). They never charged me for shipping!
ME: Ma'am, you've been with us for 4 years. The industry has changed since then and all providers now charge for shipping.
SW: But (Competitor) never charged me!
ME: They didn't 4 years ago. They do now. They started charging shipping before we did.
SW: Just cancel me now!
ME: So, you're willing to pay the termination fee and buy a new phone from (Competitor) to avoid a $15 fee in the hopes that if you have a problem with them they won't charge you shipping, which they will.
SW: I'm not getting off this phone until you resolve this!
She screamed at me for 30 minutes. In the end, we did what I was trying to do from the beginning and shipped her the stupid phone.
Entitlement B*tch Queen
SW: I want something for free. I've been with you for X years and I want something free.
ME: Well, you're already on the best plan for your needs. It's an older promotion, and the current plans for the same rate have less features. So I wouldn't want to change that.
SW: Then give me a free phone without a contract.
ME: I have free phones, but not without contracts.
SW: Then give me text messages.
ME: I don't have a free text messaging feature.
SW: How about a free month? Can I get a free month? Free minutes? Free downloads? I want something free. Can you give me something free? Give me something free. I need something free.
Sometimes you just want to roll up a newspaper and whack people on the nose. "Bad Customer!"
Ew
SM: My phone just took a sh*t on me.
Sounds messy. You might want to take a shower or something.
I wonder...
SM: How come you guys offer that phone free from amazon.com?
ME: Because we're not amazon.com. Nor do we own or operate them.
Trust me, if I could give you the same prices they do, I would. It would make my life easier.
Comment