Help, I'm trapped in phone hell!!

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

It's been awhile since I've posted but the SCs keep on coming...

You have to be joking right?

This lady had what is known as a wireless home phone. It's basically a small box you keep in your house and you use it sort of like you would a landline, but it runs off our mobile network as opposed to a wired connection.

She was upset because it hadn't worked in six months. We eventually determined it hadn't worked in six months because it hadn't been plugged in (this kind of thing happens more than you realize).

So of course then she wanted credit for the 6 months she couldn't use it.

Ummm....let me think...NO.

Somewhere a metal band has lost its lead singer...

I tend to get the weirdest, stupidest, drunkest people late on Saturday nights and this one was no exception. I had to take over this call from my rep because neither of us could figure out what the hell this guy wanted.

He was just ranting and screaming incoherently and appeared to be under the influence of some kind of drugs or something. In between the screams I could hear heavy breathing. Eventually I had to tell him straight up I was disconnecting the call because we could not understand him and he'd have to call back later.

I think we're a bit past entitled here...

I don't know if the heat has been messing with peoples heads but I have had SO many demanding people lately!

Suddenly every single phone issue is enough to warrant some kind of credit:

- I couldn't use my phone for 6 hours
- I dropped three calls today
- I am only getting three bars when I should have five
- My battery is draining too quickly
- My data speeds are too slow
- This 3rd party app I downloaded messed my phone up
- I don't like the color of this phone (Yes, REALLY!)

As if that wasn't bad enough, even when we're doing phone replacements they get entitled:

- I want free overnight shipping
- I want a free upgrade
- I want a free case
- I want a free glass screen protector

As a manager I can see the comments my reps get on the customer surveys that get sent out after calls. On recent survey one customer gave us all 1s (i.e. the WORST possible score). Why? Because despite the fact we bent the rules a little bit and sent her a brand new $300 phone WITH a case at NO COST to her whatsoever, she didn't get the glass screen protector she wanted and was upset she'd have to wait three days to get the new phone. Oh, the horror!

But I'm a preferred customer

As an extension of the above, I really don't like it when people try to cajole me into giving them stuff on the basis of being a "valued" or a "long time customer". Reality is I can see in the system exactly how long they've been with us and exactly how "valued" they are and I'm sure it comes as no shock to you that many of them aren't as tenured or as valued as they claim to be.

And then we have this lady.

She called up wanting a credit for no other reason than she claimed to be a "preferred customer". Quick sidenote: I HATE THAT TERM! Sure there are some businesses and industries that have actual preferred customers that do get special privileges but thanks to loyalty programs and rewards programs that label any customer with enough brain cells to sign up for them as "preferred" this term has to me lost all semblance of its original meaning.

I'm sure you can guess how my conversation with SC went...

Me: I can't just give you a credit for no reason.
SC: I already gave you the reason.
Me: We value our customers of course, but being a valued customer is not enough reason to give you a credit.
SC: *scoffs* Fine, my bill is too high. Now give me a credit.
Me: I'd be happy to review the bill for you and make sure the charges are correct. I am also happy to fix any errors we find. So if you'll just give me a moment to--
SC: No.
Me: No?
SC: No, I'm not waiting for you to review anything. My bill is too high. I want a credit.
Me: As I said, I'm happy to review the bill, but -
SC: I don't want you to review the bill I just want a credit.
Me: I'm afraid I can't do that.
SC: But I'm a preferred customer.
Me: <Red Checkmark> doesn't have an actual preferred customer program I'm aware of. And even if we did, I can't give you a credit for no reason.
SC: I don't think you're hearing me. I'm a PREFERRED customer. You WILL give me a credit.
Me: Not without a proper reason I won't.
SC: How dare you!
Me: How dare I what? I need a valid reason to put a credit on your account, you being a "preferred customer" is not a valid reason.
SC: I will not be treated this way. Let me speak to your manager.
Me: Of course. Please hold a moment.

Obviously she didn't get her credit. Oh and after all that, you want to know how "preferred" she was?

- Only been with <red checkmark> for 3 years
- Had two lines on our second CHEAPEST plan
- She had been consistently past due and even been cut off for non-pay about a year ago.

Obviously the kind of person we would "prefer" to never have to deal with!

It's not paranoia if they're really after you...

SC: You people keep calling me at all hours of the day!! This is illegal!! This is harrassment!! You need to stop calling me NOW!!
Me: I apologize for the frustrations Mr. SC, let me take a look at your account here...
(In doing so I realize he's past due...by a lot. The lightbulb goes off.)
Me: Mr. SC, these calls you're upset about, have they left voicemails for you?
SC: Yes! And I delete them as soon as I get them!
Me: Without listening to them at all?
SC: YES!
Me: Okay, because based on what I see here those are collection calls because you haven't paid your bill in two and a half months.
SC: WHAT?!
Me: The last payment you made was at the end of March. As soon as you bring the account current the calls will stop.
SC: Wait...you're telling me I have to PAY YOU to stop these calls??
Me:
Me: Well, yes.
SC: That's illegal!! That's extortion!! I DEMAND you stop harassing me now or I WILL call my lawer!!
Me: I assure you this is perfectly legal and it is very important you pay your bill as soon as possible, if you don't your services could be disrupted and-
SC: OH NO!! DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE CUT OFF MY SERVICES OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A DOG!!
Me: Sir I feel I should remind you these calls ARE recorded and I am obligated by company policy to report threats to the police.
SC: YOU PEOPLE SUCK!!! STOP THE CALLS OR YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY ATTORNEY! FUCK YOU! *CLICK*

I filed a report with our corporate security department on this guy. They can bring in law enforcement if needed. Man, what a nutcase.

[eltf177]

On recent survey one customer gave us all 1s (i.e. the WORST possible score). Why? Because despite the fact we bent the rules a little bit and sent her a brand new $300 phone WITH a case at NO COST to her whatsoever, she didn't get the glass screen protector she wanted and was upset she'd have to wait three days to get the new phone. Oh, the horror!

And I'm guessing this hurt you badly, even though even a glance at the situation would prove this survey really shouldn't be taken seriously...

Obviously she didn't get her credit. Oh and after all that, you want to know how "preferred" she was?

- Only been with <red checkmark> for 3 years
- Had two lines on our second CHEAPEST plan
- She had been consistently past due and even been cut off for non-pay about a year ago.

Obviously the kind of person we would "prefer" to never have to deal with!

She's been past due but considers herself "preferred"? What color is the sky where she is?

I filed a report with our corporate security department on this guy. They can bring in law enforcement if needed. Man, what a nutcase.

Sounds like a real winner here. Hope you either get your money or he tries something and gets arrested...

[workerbee222]

I will admit to being old. Back in the day, Ma Bell charged you per phone, and knew how many you had based on how much energy (voltage? amperage?) it took to make the phones ring. I remember when the folk in the neighborhood found out they could go down to the local Radio Shack and buy a phone *without a bell* and run wire to hook it up so everyone could have and extension phone without paying for it.

The fact that I can carry a phone around and cal the Auto Club or Current Consort any time is nothing short of amazing to me - even if the connection sucks and (gasp!) I have to try a second time.

smh

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I will admit to being old. Back in the day, Ma Bell charged you per phone, and knew how many you had based on how much energy (voltage? amperage?) it took to make the phones ring. I remember when the folk in the neighborhood found out they could go down to the local Radio Shack and buy a phone *without a bell* and run wire to hook it up so everyone could have and extension phone without paying for it.

smh

Was this around the 50s/60's maybe? I was born at the end of the 60's and that was around the time that party lines were done away with in my area.

I recall my mom talking about growing up on the farm back in the 50s and 60's (she was born in 1947) and they had to walk down to the road and across the street to take a phone call at Miss Peg's store (which sat across from their farm where the road forked out on Hwy 68.) After Grandpa died in 1963, my mom, grandmother and aunt (mom's middle sister - mom was youngest of 3 girls) moved to a small house a short ways up the road and that's when they had their first phone.

IIRC that phone was on a line w/a few others and you could tell by the arrangement of the ring tone who the call was for.

Back to the subject at hand though, perhaps I can get a credit for making sure my phone payments are made on time each month?

*ducks and hides under the desk to avoid flying tomatoes*

[Racket_Man]

I will admit to being old. Back in the day, Ma Bell charged you per phone, and knew how many you had based on how much energy (voltage? amperage?) it took to make the phones ring. I remember when the folk in the neighborhood found out they could go down to the local Radio Shack and buy a phone *without a bell* and run wire to hook it up so everyone could have and extension phone without paying for it.

Was this around the 50s/60's maybe? I was born at the end of the 60's and that was around the time that party lines were done away with in my area.

I recall my mom talking about growing up on the farm back in the 50s and 60's (she was born in 1947) and they had to walk down to the road and across the street to take a phone call at Miss Peg's store (which sat across from their farm where the road forked out on Hwy 68.) After Grandpa died in 1963, my mom, grandmother and aunt (mom's middle sister - mom was youngest of 3 girls) moved to a small house a short ways up the road and that's when they had their first phone.

IIRC that phone was on a line w/a few others and you could tell by the arrangement of the ring tone who the call was for.

I too admit being old enough to remember this kind of stuff.

I know they (meaning the Bell system) FINALLY got rid of party lines (OR converted all party lines to single lines or maybe my parents "upgraded" their line) back in the early 1970's.

I do remember my parents being friends with farmers out in the boonies and the fun stuff they had to deal with with phones.

[Mr Hero]

SC: OH NO!! DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE CUT OFF MY SERVICES OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A DOG!!

At least he used the expression right instead of "Hunt you down like a duck"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

At least he used the expression right instead of "Hunt you down like a duck"

WABBIT SEASON

[dalesys]

WABBIT SEASON

Oh pluck this duck!

[little_miss_springfield]

WABBIT SEASON

DUCK SEASON!

[Mr Hero]

WABBIT SEASON

Not what I was going for, but I guess that works too.

[Kanalah]

It's dog Buford. Hunt you down like a dog.

[Monterey Jack]

I DEMAND YOU SHOOT ME NOW!!!

[EricKei]

Let's try that again...

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

And I'm guessing this hurt you badly, even though even a glance at the situation would prove this survey really shouldn't be taken seriously...

You assume correctly. Every bad survey earns the rep a sitdown with a manager and a "tell me about all the ways you'll give our customers super awesome amazing service from this point on" conversation.

It's usually about a 50/50 shot the manager has actually read the survey.

[Racket_Man]

DUCK SEASON!

ELMER SEASON