Tweet
As some of you may recall I am now, finally, a real-deal, full-grown, fully functioning social worker. I'm a member of the national society and everything. This, after a long journey, documented here on CS, that took me from horrible hotel work to horrible factory work, back to horrible hotel work, then horrible motel work, plus working with a disabled kid, to where I am now. I work in a small, rural county so far off the beaten path that the county and the path are not on speaking terms. Not even on nodding terms. The county and the path do not even send cards at Christmas.
The bad news in this process is that the vast majority of what I do now cannot be talked about here due to, one, the fact that most of it unutterably depressing and, two, the fact that talking about it violates privacy and could both get me fired and get some truly shitty human being's case thrown out of court altogether.
However, the good news is that I still have some things to talk about. Generalities mostly, but hopefully they will still provide you with insight on how to function in this crazy, mixed-up world we all call home. Now allow me to present...
Helpful Life Hints from Dark Corner County
1. Never become the go-to guy for drug screenings. If you do, you will spend a great deal of your time watching people pee in cups. They don't like that, you won't like that, and nobody likes the way that they're trying to hide bags of piss under their armpits and they know you know they're doing it. You will find yourself grateful to accommodating gentlemen who drop their pants, lift their balls and shake their dicks to demonstrate that they have nothing to hide.
Nothing at all.
2. Some social workers swear by decorative pillows when it comes to blocking the lunge of an angry parent attempting to stab you. For my money though, nothing beats a good stuffed moose.
3. A free strip tease in the middle of downtown sounds like a bargain, but it's really not. Especially once more than one person gets involved.
4. Long-term planning is not a strong suit of most runaways, who do not appreciate being told that a life of comfort, ease, and glamour likely does not await them. It does, they insist, because they're very special.
5. When you are mediating between the uppity folks of Urban County and Suburban County, and the client in question hurls themselves to the floor and fakes a seizure, the correct course of action is to tell the client to get up, stop making an ass of themselves, and calm the hell down because there are other things going on in this building and nobody needs to hear all that nonsense. Then, enjoy the warm glow you'll get after the representative from Suburban County bursts into tears and the representative from Urban County starts screaming. These two heavy-hitting counties like to hold themselves in very high regard -- much higher, it goes without saying, than Dark Corner County. And yet, you were the adult in the room.
Bask in that glow. Bask all you bloody well want.
No doubt I'll have more to contribute to this list later, but for now these are certainly the most pertinent life lessons I've learned thus far. I hope you can apply them to your life as well as I have applied them to my own.
Oh, and you're welcome. I'm always happy to help.
It's what I do.
The bad news in this process is that the vast majority of what I do now cannot be talked about here due to, one, the fact that most of it unutterably depressing and, two, the fact that talking about it violates privacy and could both get me fired and get some truly shitty human being's case thrown out of court altogether.
However, the good news is that I still have some things to talk about. Generalities mostly, but hopefully they will still provide you with insight on how to function in this crazy, mixed-up world we all call home. Now allow me to present...
Helpful Life Hints from Dark Corner County
1. Never become the go-to guy for drug screenings. If you do, you will spend a great deal of your time watching people pee in cups. They don't like that, you won't like that, and nobody likes the way that they're trying to hide bags of piss under their armpits and they know you know they're doing it. You will find yourself grateful to accommodating gentlemen who drop their pants, lift their balls and shake their dicks to demonstrate that they have nothing to hide.
Nothing at all.
2. Some social workers swear by decorative pillows when it comes to blocking the lunge of an angry parent attempting to stab you. For my money though, nothing beats a good stuffed moose.
3. A free strip tease in the middle of downtown sounds like a bargain, but it's really not. Especially once more than one person gets involved.
4. Long-term planning is not a strong suit of most runaways, who do not appreciate being told that a life of comfort, ease, and glamour likely does not await them. It does, they insist, because they're very special.
5. When you are mediating between the uppity folks of Urban County and Suburban County, and the client in question hurls themselves to the floor and fakes a seizure, the correct course of action is to tell the client to get up, stop making an ass of themselves, and calm the hell down because there are other things going on in this building and nobody needs to hear all that nonsense. Then, enjoy the warm glow you'll get after the representative from Suburban County bursts into tears and the representative from Urban County starts screaming. These two heavy-hitting counties like to hold themselves in very high regard -- much higher, it goes without saying, than Dark Corner County. And yet, you were the adult in the room.
Bask in that glow. Bask all you bloody well want.
No doubt I'll have more to contribute to this list later, but for now these are certainly the most pertinent life lessons I've learned thus far. I hope you can apply them to your life as well as I have applied them to my own.
Oh, and you're welcome. I'm always happy to help.
It's what I do.
Me too. I think if someone faked a seizure, I'd probably demonstrate that a swift kick to the privates can calm that "seizure" right down. Or make it real, either of which would probably be an improvement.
Great use of the themesong. Or in more Net appropriate terms, see what you did there.
Comment