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I wish I was allowed to reply this way at work.
SC gets into an argument with a fellow cashier. She's being polite and he's being a dick. The argument cumulates in the SC telling the cashier to "go f*** herself". To which one customer in lines declares "that's called masterbation and in some cities that's a crime!" In this cheerful matter of fact voice. The SC got laughed out of the store by the staff and dinner rush customers. Made my day and another customer's apparently as he offered to pay for the guys order. (It was a small pop and chips but still)