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If this is a joke it isn't funny.
SC: [unintelligble mumbling]
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
SC: [more mumbling]
Me: I'm sorry, I can't seem to understand you.
SC: (in CRYSTAL CLEAR English) "I SAID" followed by more mumbling.
Me: I apologize caller, I'm unable to understand you and therefore have to disconnect. *CLICK*
I got nothing on this one. NOTHING.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Yes, it's one of those. Got a call from a guy who quickly made several things VERY clear to me:
1) He's filthy rich
2) He lives in one of THE most expensive neighborhoods in his city
3) He's apparently a local celebrity in his town
4) The cell service in his neighborhood sucks
He then has the gall to, get this, demand I IMMEDIATELY send out our BEST and MOST EXPERIENCED technicians to get his cell phone service working flawlessly post haste!
After I tell him that's not going to happen dude goes OFF. Tells me he makes so much money and is so important that he can't afford to wait for service like the "little people". If I know what's good for me I will fix this, damn it and fix it right now!
Then he talks about going after my company. One of his neighbors is an executive at our competition, one is a congressman, one is a famous athlete, he's going tell all of them how horrible <Red Checkmark> is treating him and cost us "millions of dollars" in business.
Apparently, he's mistaken me for some newbie who HASN'T heard this a thousand times before. I tell him (nicely) the process is the process and if he doesn't like he can take that up with my manager...so he did...and my manager promptly told him the same thing, I also overheard my manager say this gem: "No sir, I don't know who you are and quite frankly I don't really care."
When the calls slowed down I googled the guy and it turns out he's the evening newscaster for some TV station in the midwest. I was seriously debating emailing his station to tell them about his behavior but I didn't have time to do it before I left work.
Do you have the time to listen to me whine...
I don't really, but I kind of have to since that's what the company pays me for. Let's tally up the fail here shall we:
1) You have a phone that's not working but don't have it with you.
2) You have a problem with your home internet service but you aren't at home.
3) You have questions about an email we sent you that you can't seem to locate at the moment
4) You need some information off your sisters account but you CAN'T VERIFY your access to it.
All of this and you have the gall to get mad AT ME for wasting YOUR TIME because I can't magically fix all these issues that you are woefully unprepared to address. You call me incompetent, poorly trained and a "f***king" disgrace.
I call you a raging idiot douchenozzle unworthy of my time or concern...at least in my head.
In reality I merely keep listening to you rant at me until you finally give up and disconnect.
Listen...shut up for a second!
This lady...would just...not...stop...talking.
I listened to her go on and on for six minutes until I was able to ask how I could help her and then she kept going and going and going...this woman made the Energizer bunny seem like a lazy fatass.
After trying umpteen number of times to get a word in and failing mightily, I asked my manager what exactly he'd like me to do.
Eventually I had to tell her: "I'm sorry ma'am, since you refuse to allow me to speak there's nothing I can do for you." She started talking again. I hung up.
Nyah, Nyah, I'm smarter than you are!
This lady was trying to locate her phone. Evidently she had no locating apps so she wants me to find it for her. I say we have no way to do that (Which is true. Unless it's a direct request from law enforcment, we can't go all CSI and pinpoint your phone).
She calls me a liar because she found a website that would tell her where it is. It even showed it on a map...a blurry map. Why was it blurry? Because she'd have to PAY to access the clear version. Of course she didn't want to pay.
I spent ten minutes trying to explain to her that the website is more than likely totally bogus and would give her no useful information but she continued to believe that if findmyphonenow dot com could locate then by god we can too.
No, no, no, NO. That's NOT how this works. Then she called me "horribly uneducated" and hungup. Oh, the irony...
Why on earth would you do that???
I was working on fixing a ladys phone and then she suddenly said she had to go because the Dentist had arrived to do her filling.
Yes, she was calling me WHILE IN A DENTISTS CHAIR WAITING FOR A PROCEDURE.
This is not completely outside the norm. I've had customers call while in line at a bank, while going through a drive through to get food. I've had teachers call while they are watching a class of kids. I've had people call in the middle of concerts, football games and dinner parties.
But A DENTISTS CHAIR? That's just....I don't even know.
Maybe next week I'll get a call from someone about to go under the knife at the local ER.
SC: [unintelligble mumbling]
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
SC: [more mumbling]
Me: I'm sorry, I can't seem to understand you.
SC: (in CRYSTAL CLEAR English) "I SAID" followed by more mumbling.
Me: I apologize caller, I'm unable to understand you and therefore have to disconnect. *CLICK*
I got nothing on this one. NOTHING.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Yes, it's one of those. Got a call from a guy who quickly made several things VERY clear to me:
1) He's filthy rich
2) He lives in one of THE most expensive neighborhoods in his city
3) He's apparently a local celebrity in his town
4) The cell service in his neighborhood sucks
He then has the gall to, get this, demand I IMMEDIATELY send out our BEST and MOST EXPERIENCED technicians to get his cell phone service working flawlessly post haste!
After I tell him that's not going to happen dude goes OFF. Tells me he makes so much money and is so important that he can't afford to wait for service like the "little people". If I know what's good for me I will fix this, damn it and fix it right now!
Then he talks about going after my company. One of his neighbors is an executive at our competition, one is a congressman, one is a famous athlete, he's going tell all of them how horrible <Red Checkmark> is treating him and cost us "millions of dollars" in business.
Apparently, he's mistaken me for some newbie who HASN'T heard this a thousand times before. I tell him (nicely) the process is the process and if he doesn't like he can take that up with my manager...so he did...and my manager promptly told him the same thing, I also overheard my manager say this gem: "No sir, I don't know who you are and quite frankly I don't really care."
When the calls slowed down I googled the guy and it turns out he's the evening newscaster for some TV station in the midwest. I was seriously debating emailing his station to tell them about his behavior but I didn't have time to do it before I left work.
Do you have the time to listen to me whine...
I don't really, but I kind of have to since that's what the company pays me for. Let's tally up the fail here shall we:
1) You have a phone that's not working but don't have it with you.
2) You have a problem with your home internet service but you aren't at home.
3) You have questions about an email we sent you that you can't seem to locate at the moment
4) You need some information off your sisters account but you CAN'T VERIFY your access to it.
All of this and you have the gall to get mad AT ME for wasting YOUR TIME because I can't magically fix all these issues that you are woefully unprepared to address. You call me incompetent, poorly trained and a "f***king" disgrace.
I call you a raging idiot douchenozzle unworthy of my time or concern...at least in my head.
In reality I merely keep listening to you rant at me until you finally give up and disconnect.
Listen...shut up for a second!
This lady...would just...not...stop...talking.
I listened to her go on and on for six minutes until I was able to ask how I could help her and then she kept going and going and going...this woman made the Energizer bunny seem like a lazy fatass.
After trying umpteen number of times to get a word in and failing mightily, I asked my manager what exactly he'd like me to do.
Eventually I had to tell her: "I'm sorry ma'am, since you refuse to allow me to speak there's nothing I can do for you." She started talking again. I hung up.
Nyah, Nyah, I'm smarter than you are!
This lady was trying to locate her phone. Evidently she had no locating apps so she wants me to find it for her. I say we have no way to do that (Which is true. Unless it's a direct request from law enforcment, we can't go all CSI and pinpoint your phone).
She calls me a liar because she found a website that would tell her where it is. It even showed it on a map...a blurry map. Why was it blurry? Because she'd have to PAY to access the clear version. Of course she didn't want to pay.
I spent ten minutes trying to explain to her that the website is more than likely totally bogus and would give her no useful information but she continued to believe that if findmyphonenow dot com could locate then by god we can too.
No, no, no, NO. That's NOT how this works. Then she called me "horribly uneducated" and hungup. Oh, the irony...
Why on earth would you do that???
I was working on fixing a ladys phone and then she suddenly said she had to go because the Dentist had arrived to do her filling.
Yes, she was calling me WHILE IN A DENTISTS CHAIR WAITING FOR A PROCEDURE.
This is not completely outside the norm. I've had customers call while in line at a bank, while going through a drive through to get food. I've had teachers call while they are watching a class of kids. I've had people call in the middle of concerts, football games and dinner parties.
But A DENTISTS CHAIR? That's just....I don't even know.
Maybe next week I'll get a call from someone about to go under the knife at the local ER.
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